More Potty Training Woes

Melissa :) I know this may sound a little strange But, My son had the same problem with his little boy. Tried everything ya know what I mean. So as a las resort he tried making it in to a game for him. He used Cherrio's, yes Cherrio's. He put a few into the toilet and had his son try to hit the Cherrio's. He may have had to stand on a child stool to be able to hit the floters but it was a hit. Another thing was he told his son that big boys can't go to school to learn and meet friends and play if he wets his pants. Put regular boys undies on him. They soon learn its not a comfortable feeling. It will take a couple of times and I know you are busy with the little one. Try the Cherrio thing . It may help. Good Luck G.

Hi Melissa B.
Have you ever tried to make it fun for him. Take some Fruit Loop cereal and put a couple in the toilet and make a game out of it. Each time he hits one give him his favorite treat and them next time put a little more and a better treat. It has worked b4

Melissa, I hear ya on the whole potty training thing. My youngest son is 4 1/2 or so he will be 5 in September and he knows that he has to go potty in the toilet and he tells me when he has to go but yet he refuses to use the toilet all of the time. When he tells me that he has to go and I tell him to go and use the potty and he goes to the potty then not even two seconds from heading there he tells me nope I don't have to go. Then I look at his pants about 15 minutes later and his pullup is soaked and leaking. It gets reather frustating especially when we are int he store and he starts leaking and then starts whinning that he is wet and wants to be changed. I have tried the whole underware thing and having him pick out his favorite thing and he still to this day has not accomplished it. the only thing he does not do is go poo in his pants, he refuses to do that in his pants that is the good thing. now if I can only get him to go potty in the potty all of the time. Well I wish you luck.

Hello, Melissa. I'm really sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time potty training your little (or at this point, not so little) guy. It might sound funny, and even a bit rediculous, but my best friend had this problem with her son and the only way he would poop in the toilet is if she let him stand on the seat and squat to do it. That way he could look into the toilet and see what was happening while he was doing it. He was afraid of something coming up and getting him and as long as he could see what was happening, he was fine. It sounds like you have tried everything else, so i hope this will bring some kind of closure to the situation and he will find a way that is even kind of fun for him to go. Good luck and best wishes,
T.

Hi - I know the frustration you are feeling! I have a 4 1/2 year old as well that was potty trained at one point. He has not had a problem with pooping in the potty, but was trained so that he could sleep at night and not wet his bed. He was doing really well until I got put on bed rest before I had his little brother. Everyone told me to expect him to regress when the baby was born. It has been over a year now, and he still has to wear a pull-up at night because he wets his bed.He also started having accidents during nap time at daycare as well. We have tried everything as well and nothing seems to be working. I have decided that he has to WANT to do it. I know that may not help anything, but you may want to try and just let it go and see what happens. My son has some dry mornings, and we make a big deal out of it when he does, but if he doesn't, we just say "oh, that's too bad, tomorrow will be better". I have a suggestion for the brand of pull-ups. We use Goodnights, they make ones that are like boxer shorts and the regular diaper looking ones too. You might try those if he is too big for diapers.
Try to relax...have you talked to the doctor about this?
Hang in there!

Quite a long time ago, I used the methods in the book "Toilet Training In Less Than a Day" by Nathan Azrin. He developed the methods to toilet train the severely mentally retarded, and then adjusted them for young children. I figured it was worth a day of my time to try it, even if it didn't work. It did work, both for my son at age two and a half, and then later for his younger sister. I believe the book is still in print. Good luck!

Have you heard of love and logic parenting? It's worked for us. Two ideas, first, let him know it's his responsibility and when he's ready he can do it - no more reminders, no more rewards, no more pressure. This may take some time for the family system to adjust. Second, start giving him responsibility to clean himself. Practice being empathetic. Sounds like you know the power struggle doesn't work and this really is something we can't do for them or make them do. Get down to his level and have a heart to heart talk with them, respecting him as a person with a choice and tell him you know he will choose to do it when he's ready. Don't be afraid to tell him your frustrated when it's not in the heat of the moment. Most of all, communicate your love and let the logical consequences do the teaching - it may take longer in the short term but will help build responsibility in the long term.

This is going to sound really weird, but this video really helped our son. It's all in Japanese and he called it "Tiger on the potty"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFVoLz88hiU

well, I was feeling that way about my son, although he hadnt had the setbacks when a friend told me it took her son 3 days of constant accidents and a week of frequent accidents in his underpants before he was halfway safe to take out. I was shocked at the length of time and realised I had not given any of the methods I had tried long enough. IF you put pants and underpants on him you have more laundry but not so much wet carpet, and I like the idea of not letting them sit on the furnature until they can stay dry, its one more incentive but also saves your couch. The being wet thing is a good incentive too so maybe dont rush to change him (in fact, let him change himself if its just pee). The poop alwasy takes longer so just be really positive about the pee and keep encouraging him. Kids can sense frustration so keep your cool and do your best to be positive or just ignore the accidents with nothing more then a "go change your clothes" still remind him to use the potty and if he does give him a reward. Good Luck, Jen

Have you talked to his doctor? At this point there might be a physical explanation.

I saw the end of Super Nanny last night and it was about potty training (the boy was 3+ and the parents had trouble too). See if you can find a repeat of it this weekend or check online to see if you can view it there.

Good luck!

I feel for you! Here's what worked for me. My son wants to go to school. So, I used that as a tool to get him to go in the potty. I told him that he can start preschool when he is 4 but that only big kids who can go in the potty are allowed to go to school. And that they have to have been going in the potty for a long time before the school would let them in. I didn't press the issue just asked him periodically if he had to go and reminded him that if he didn't use the potty he wouldn't be able to go to school because that's the schools rules. That way he felt it was out of my hands, it was the school who said it. Worked like a charm. He's 3 1/2 and has been using the potty completely for about 4 months now. He still wets the bed at least once a week. Prior to this I too had tried everything he just plain ol' wouldn't do it. He would even tell me he just "didn't want to".
Which ever method you choose consistency is the key. I know that's easier said than done but, it is about the only thing that really works so what ever method you choose stick with it. Not just for 5 or 6 days, for as long as it takes. I learned that the hard way :) Good luck to you!
PS When it comes time for nights with out pull ups. Invest in rubber sheets or the urine pads at the pharmacy for disabled persons. It will save you the headache of the yucky mattress. I learned this the hard way too :)
PPS Don't try dumping water on your child as a punishment for not using thew potty. They should never be punished for a natural thing. This can lead to holding it and getting sick as well as learning to hide their mess out of fear of punishment.

sounds like he needs to go to pre-school. the best place for your kids to see what kids their own age are doing, and see how nice it is to actually do it them selves. if your son is anything like mine, sometimes hearing they need to "do it" from someone else is all it takes(which is probably why his grandfather was making progress wiht him). my son around that age refused to wipe his own butt and made such a big deal about doing it by himself and even told me that i was going to have to wipe his butt until he was 10 (such a funny guy). then one day i showed up at day care and they said he was in the potty, i went to check on him and there he was wipping his butt!!! he looked so busted that all i could do was laugh. i asked the teacher if he had just started doing that on his own and she said that he has been wiping his butt for months. it is so funny how are kids know how to get us to do what they want ;o) my son at that age was only going to day care 2x's a wk
basically what i'm saying is it doesn't matter how we work with our children ie, bribes, perks, and even gold stars sometimes others are the best teachers for our children. we can teach a thousand people how to do soemthing that is so difficult but never beable to successfully teach our own kids how to go to the bathroom;o)
my son is now 12 and i truly get it and offer what i can that is a win win for the both of us and then out source what i know we knock heads about. we get along have fewer meltdowns since realising that.

Hi, Melissa. I was beginning to think my 4 and 1/2 year old boy was just never going to do it and would be unprepared for Kindergarten. We waited a long time for him to express an interest on his own and he would have none of it. Tried Pullups, tried rewards, tried just putting him in the underwear hoping he wouldn't like how accidents felt. We finally had to get as stubborn as him: We made him responsible for cleaning up the accidents until he got so sick of doing so that he finally (and it did take a while) got with the program. There were two keys: First, no Pullups (except for the few hours a week he was in preschool) as they were too comfortable even when wet; second, no matter what he was doing or where we were, if he had an accident he had to clean himself up IMMEDIATELY, meaning that he had to go home if we were out somewhere. I refused to touch the dirty clothes, and once I showed him the cleanup routine I refused to help him in any way, other than checking on him to prod him along. I would give him a bag to put his dirty clothes in, and he would then have to get into the bathtub and wash, then dry and redress himself. He walked his dirty clothes to the laundry room, and since poopy underwear was disposable as far as I was concerned, he'd walk soiled undies to the trash himself. This will be as hard and inconvenient on you as it is on him, but if you stick to your guns, he'll get tired of having his activities interrupted. Give him as little attention as possible while he's cleaning up (I would take our son into the master bath and hang out nearby in the bedroom) and don't, don't, DON'T get sucked into doing it for him. I even got his daycare provider involved and she had him do the same routine when he was with her. I'd love to know if this works for you ~ best of luck!

My friend had similar struggles with her 4 yr.old twin boys until she read them a book showing pictures of a fireman, a policeman, a doctor, etc. all sitting on the pot. I don't know the name of the book, but I think it's something like, "Everyone goes Potty." After that, the boys wanted to be like the fireman! When our little ones would have momentary relapses, we trained them to "listen to their body" (which meant paying attention to the sensation of needing to go potty)." If they chose not to "listen" they got a consequence
because they knew what to do (proven by their past successes) but made a choice not to respond.
Another mom I know had her older child clean up his own mess if he soiled his underwear. This involved rinsing the underwear in the toilet, cleaning himself off, changing his clothes and putting his clothes in the washing machine.
That seems like a good use of natural consequences!
Oh! One more thing. You could take your child to a play area that requires children to be potty trained in order to play. (IKEA had such a place). Get him excited about going and then read the rules aloud to him. Then say, "Oh, I'm so sorry. You can't play here because you aren't potty trained. we will come back when you don't need diapers and pull ups anymore and they will let you in. This was HIGHLY effective with one of my kids! (I didn't do this on purpose. I had planned to leave them while I shopped until I read the rules. It proved to be a great teaching moment--again, a good use of natural consequences. Good luck!

Hi, Melissa,

As a naturopath, I suggest trying a homeopathic remedy. You can try doing it yourself or see a homeopath or naturopath. Sometimes this can really help a child through life transitions. I second the idea of checking with your doc about physical causes.

Best,
E. Mendenhall, ND

What finally worked for my then 4 year old was taking him to the store and letting him pick out a toy that he wanted. He choose a Tonka Truck that was about $40.00. We took the truck home and placed it on top of the fridge. I showed him a calendar and told him when he went 10 days in a row, ( I showed him how many that was on the calendar) he then could have the toy. For each day he went "accident" free, I placed a sticker on the calendar. He wanted that special truck and never had another accident. I had also explained that if he went potty in his pants that the 10 days would have to start over again. Of course each day I would ask him if he had to go and I would encourage him and tell him it was time to sit on the potty. After a couple of days of looking up on top of the fridge I didn't even have to tell him it was time to sit on the potty, he wanted that toy. It was a great incentive and it worked for us.
Good luck, I know it can be a challenge.

Do you have a regular schedule? Wake up at same time, eat at same time, nap at same time etc. I would start by building potty times around transitions. We wake up we go potty, we have breakfast we go potty we have snack we go potty we go outside and when we come back in we go potty etc. These are already natural transition times and would be great times to use the restroom. This way he will not be engaged in an activity he will be finishing one. just a suggestion. Hope that it helps

This may just sound cruel, but I actually know a mom who tried this and it worked! Do you ever let him sit in his poop? like just don't change him, and let him know that he can have a new pull-up/underwear, once he decides to use the toilet. I don't know how long you could withstand this....I am not sure I could, but I know that when you get desperate, you are willing to try anything!!

Hi Melissa

I hear and can relate to your frustration. My son was almost 5 before he was out of diapers. I tried everything from bribery to having him clean up his own messes, to no avail. I finally did give up. I told him that using the potty was his responsibility. I gave him a star chart w/ the truck he wanted
at the end of 25 stars. The only time he could put a star on his chart was if he used the potty, if he had an accident or forgot to go - no star. It took him a long time to get a star, but he finally did all by himself. One morning he got up and said I'm not going to where diapers anymore, your going to have to buy me that truck soon. And he did.
Getting him to wipe his own bottom was the next challenge. Hope this helps, good luck.

maybe Supernanny has a website you could go on and ask her. There should be one somewhere. Maybe go thru the ABC network her show is on. Just a thought.

Sometimes with potty training there is more to it than just the act. Often there are deeper emotions involved. It sounds like he has had some changes over the last few years. Have you tried talking to his doctor? Anytime I feel like I have ran out of ideas our doctor always has one. They are around thousands of children, mothers and the potty stories. Best of luck to you.

It sounded strange to me but it worked within weeks for a friend of mine. He was a stay at home dad, 4 year old, 2 year old and 6 month old...similar issue, eldest was just about potty trained and then digressed. I think more out of frustration, he had the eldest one just wear BIG GIRL undies around the house, if she wet herself or soiled herself, he guided her to clean herself up, along with her undies, put into wash etc.
He also used a training toilet and would place it in different locations, such as the living room or hallway. Through this he realized, she didn't like to be confined in the bathroom. Within 10 days, SHE WAS A BIG GIRL and has had no relapses or accidents.
Rewarding her with new "princess" undies that she got to pick out at the store. She was so proud of herself that she wanted everyone to know that she was a "potty princess" and nothing could stop her now!
GOOD LUCK!

Dear Melissa,

My son almost 4 is finally trained, we still have accidents but for the most part he is running in there and doing a dance until he gets on the potty. For some time though, he was acting like he could care less as well, everytime I tried to get him to wear underpants, he would beg for a pull up, he had to poop, no doubt and that is why he wouldn't put the underpants on, he would rather poop in the pull up, maybe the toilet scared him (I don't know) I had tried all of the cool mommy tricks as well and at times I was so frustrated that I didn't know what to do and was just getting upset everytime (trying not to let him know it bugged me). So here is what helped, instead of getting upset or dissapointed when he had an accident, I said ohhh we had an accident, "it's okay", lets clean it up. I actually had him help me with the mess and showed him how yucky the pull ups were and kept saying "next time, lets try to go in the potty". Sometimes I really think that they pickup on our frustration, the more frustrated I got about it, the more he resisted. Your son is probably doing the same thing and noticing that it upsets you. So from now on, everytime he is standing in the corner or suddenly being quiet "looking like what am I doing over here", look at him and say "do you have to go potty?" and rush over to him and run him into the potty and say "lets get on the potty so we don't have an accident" This suddenly got my son in the routine. When he starts to get the routine, you can tell him "get in there and go potty in the toilet" say it like you mean it and there are no other choices. Sometimes it seems like he was in the bathroom for a half hour or so just doddeling and playing with toilet paper and I was always bugging him "are you going potty" "make sure you get on the toilet if you have to go" because he was standing at the sink. Now he waits until the last minute, runs into the bathroom and dances in place until he hops up on the toilet (funniest thing I have ever heard, cracks us up). Potty time with Elmo was a great video too, I know there are a few more but he really liked that one and sometimes when he played in the bathroom too long, I would take a portable DVD player in the bathroom and turn it on (he only got upset about it a few times). Weekends and trips away from home are the hardest and the times when you want to have him in a pull up, just in case. We finally started making trips to the store without them, the minute you get somewhere, ask if he has to pee, half way through the shopping trip, ask again. Boy was I surprised one day when he said "yes" and now he tells me when he has to go. Make sure and take extra clothes in case of an accident. Just stay consistent about what you do, every time there is an accident. With poppy pull ups, I would say ewwwww, Connor, you can just poop this in the toilet yucky, now that you are a big boy, lets try to make it to the toilet next time. Since your son is 4.5 years old, I'm sure he is a really good talker and will understand you, I thought my son was ignoring me but he hears me and your son will do. I got rid of the sippy cups the same way, found a really yucky one and said ewww, these are so gross, you don't want to drink out of that, showed him the contents and said let's throw these away, looked under the bed found another, grabbed them out of the cupboards and mixed them in with the yucky ones, took them to the garbage and we both tossed them. He didn't even cry for one when he went to bed that night, All of this was all about my convienence and not wanting him to spill drinks in the house or car or pee his pants when we went somewhere, so now he is finally drinking out of a big boy cup and peeing in the potty. p.s. boys take much longer then girls for some reason. Good luck and hang in there, your this close to no more pull ups.

Have you found any help yet? or tips? im having trouble with my 3 year old and i feel i might be heading in your direction with her not accepting potty training...thanks

Hi Melissa,
I understand your frustration. My daughter at age 3 was peeing on the potty, but not pooping. We had tried all the charts, treats (she told me too much candy would make her tummy sick!), promises of a special toy (she told me, "No thank you, I have enough toys"!). I was desperate! We also had another child at that time, and I think it set her back too. The one thing that finally worked was a suggestion I heard on Dr. Phil. It involved having her adored and beloved uncle call her on the phone, and encourage her to go on the potty (maybe your dad could be the special person....it's got to be someone other than mom or dad that they adore...could even be someone pretending to be a TV character or superhero, anyone they would like to impress). Really lay on the encouragement, "I'll be so proud of you", "We'll do something really special the next time I see you if you can do it" etc., and have your child call him for any successes. I found his encouragement seemed to hold more weight than mine.....sniff! Along with that, she had found a very sparkly pair of red shoes at the store that she just LOVED...I let her try them on, oohed and aahed at how pretty and wonderful they were, then had her put them back and told her I would buy them for her if she would go poop on the potty. Suddenly, she had a goal that SHE wanted. We also had a ceremonial bye-bye to the "baby" pull ups (she gave them to her younger "baby" cousin), and she picked out her own new "big girl" panties to buy. I think it is important for them to realize there are no other options for them anymore other than going on the potty. If they are still available, then the message they get is that pull-ups are still an option. When they have a few accidents, as they inevitably will, don't make it a big deal at all, just pick out some clean underwear and say "I know you'll do it next time...keep trying!" Between all the above, my daughter was successful in 3 days! My poor brother (who was 21 at the time) will never live down having to ooh and aah about how proud he was of her pooping! HA HA
Hope this helps....good luck!

About me: Married almost 15 years, mother of a 9 yr old daughter and 6 year old son.

How frustrating for you! Have you tried making him change himself and clean up his own messes? It might take supervision and direction on your part, but he may take more responsibility for putting the stuff in the toilet if he doesn't like cleaning it up constantly. Also, is he excited about going to kindergarten? Maybe if he knows he can't go to school unil he uses the toilet he'll be inspired. Hope that helps.

Hi Melissa,
I know you must be frustrated. have you ever heard or read the book "Toilet Train Your Child in Less Than a Day"? Spokane County Library has it and it worked great for us. Just a thought.

I noticed when my kids started associating/playing w/ kids their own age (that were potty trained) on a regular basis (eg:playgroup & preschool)they wanted to go on the toliet also. My daughter did this at 2yrs. old and my son 4 1/2 yrs. old.
Disclaimer: this has just been my experience. :)

The keys here are persistence, routine, patience and consistency. STICK TO YOUR GUNS! It's going to take time. As for pull-ups? Just stop putting them on him. He's probably going because he's got the pull-ups on. To me? It's like condoning the "potty in undies". Another reason why your son could be going in his pull ups is he might be reverting back to baby stage just to compete with his new baby sister for your loving affection.
I went through SEVERAL setbacks with my son. I started my son potty training when he was 2. At about 2 1/2 I thought I got it down (daytime potty) and what did he do? Fall back. It started right when I was taking him to his new daycare. Then we had another set back when we moved. He was 3. All this time, I had him in pull ups as well. I never realized that they were so much like diapers. He was thinking of them like diapers. When we moved to where we are now, he set back again. ALL the way back.
When we moved here, I decided to take a different approach. I stayed consistent and was bound and determined to have my son potty trained before he turned 5. He's going to be 5 in May and I now have him fully potty trained. Took me almost 2 1/2 yrs of determination, dirty undies, messy floors, tantrums, hugs, and tears to get where we are now.
I simply started with doing research with how long it takes for a child to go to the bathroom after a meal. I found out it takes about 15 to 30 min for a child to digest their meal/fluids after they've consumed. So, I timed my son for starters. I would watch his cues as well. It became routine. He'd go when he got up in the AM, go before we left the house, had a meal...etc. It was a tedious thing, but we managed. Then we made sure he didn't drink anything 1/2 hr before bed.
I would get him out of those pull ups and help him go buy some undies. Let him pick out a set. Always makes the transition a bit easy. As for messes, they are going to happen. This may seem a bit cruel, but when my son went to the potty accidentally on the floor or himself, I HELPED him clean it up. But, if he did it on purpose (you'll know that he knows he was avoiding the toilet) make HIM clean it up. Vinegar and a rag works wonders. Sounds mean, but boy, my son stopped going to the bathroom in his pants. Praise him when he does go. I had tried rewarding, my son just didn't go for any of it.
Wait til you get to night training. It was like getting up with a 5 mo old. After we knew we conquered day potty, we went to night training. NO PULL UPS. I bought a plastic fitted sheet for his bed. That thing is my best friend, even now. ;) I would make sure he didn't drink water 1/2 hr before bed. I had him go potty before he went to bed, then again before I went to bed, and then I would get up once or twice (depending on how bad he's gotta go) in the middle of the night. Before I knew it, he was getting up on his own in the middle of the night...and now? He pretty much sleeps through the night. It took persistence and time. TIME IS of the essence.
I'm a single mother and have been since I was pregnant with my son. If I can accomplish this milestone, I have faith in my heart you will too. Just be persistent and PATIENT. Never an easy thing. I don't know what it's like to have two children, but I do know what it's like to be pressed for time. With love, patience, praise, and a little bit of hope, he'll be potty trained before you know it. Good luck! ;) ~B.

What does your pediatrician say? Might he have medical bowel issues?

I am sure he wants to go to school next year. I would let him know that he will not be allowed to attend unless he is potty trained and that you will hold him back. I would take away all privlages such as tv, videos, play dates ect until he is trained also. Allow this sounds mean and it will be tough to not "give in" because he might cry the end result is the reward of getting his privlages back when he uses the potty.It sounds mean but he should probably have been potty trained when he was around 2 or 3 at the latest. I have 2 myself and they both trained themselves at around 2 years old.

Since it sounds as though "traditional" potty training methods aren't working for your son, I would suggest that you check out www.diaperfreebaby.org

The methods that Diaper Free Baby uses work best on infants up to six months of age, but you can easily adapt the methods to use for older babies, toddlers, and preschoolers. I started both my girls at birth, but I have friends who started their children much later using the Diaper Free Baby techniques.

Please e-mail the mentor for your area and she should have ideas and resources that can help you. There's usually a support group (like La Leche League) that meets locally as well (depending on where you are - Seattle and Portland definitely have groups). Also, many parents who've had trouble with their older child potty-training have had success by starting the younger sibling on the potty because then the older one sees the baby doing it which is usually quite motivating! Eleven months is a pretty good age to start also :)

Best wishes!
~B.

There's a book called Toilet Training in Less Than a Day. I used it a few months ago on my two-year-old, and it worked. The authors are researchers and they say in the book that it works 100% of the time (they had people bring in their children and they used the method on them) as long as all the steps are followed and both parents are on board. It's on www.amazon.com, used or new. It's kind of a long scientific read, but if you do it you'll want to follow all the steps or it may not work. There's a "story" toward the end that describes in detail a mom using the method, so if you were short on time you could just carefully read that (take notes) and do everything she does. I think it is basically the same method Dr Phil teaches. While you're waiting to get the book, you could get/borrow a doll that pees (nothing fancy, just one that you can put water in, and then have it come out the "bottom") and his favorite snacks, drinks, treats. Have someone to take care of the baby (like have your husband take her out for a few hours) and it should work. They developed the program first to teach retarded people to toilet themselves, then started using it on toddlers. Instead of a potty seat, you might get one of those padded seats that fit in a regular seat (with elmo or whatever on it) if that would be more comfortable for him. I was so glad to have found the book - at a used bookstore. People are amazed that my little two-year-old gets up and goes all on his own (wipes and everything). Good luck!

Melissa I just wanted to respond by saying that I am having the same problem with my four year old daughter. I am tried everything read ever book she just will not stop what she is doing to go potty. I think this has been the hardest part of being a parent so far!!!! But I was thinking maybe we could give eachother support and ideas that have worked. I always feel uncomfortable telling anyone that she is still not quite pottytrained because it seems like everyone else's kids were done at 2 and it only took a week! So it is nice to know I am not the only one in the work who is deal with this :) So think that I have noticed are that when I get upset when she has an accident she won't try as hard and it makes things worse. I try to switch up the rewards one week sticker chart next pennies in a penny jar. I also try to stay away from pull ups as much as I can which is hard when I am going to someone else's house. I use the plastic underwear over the think underwear I think it is gerber brand. That way if they do have an accident it won't get all over and they feel like they are in underwear. I have noticed that she does much better when things are familiar around her. So we try to stay home more than we would normally. I hope this helps and good luck :)

If you haven't already tried consulting your pediatrician maybe you could do that. He/she may have some advice or may be able to direct you to someone who does.
Good luck with this.

This brings to mind how challenging it was for me to get my eldest daughter (now 18) potty trained because we had a craft business at the time and spent much of our time on the road--she learned all kinds of wonderful things, including eating all manner of foods and being able to travel very easily, but when a little kid's gotta go potty and it's 10 miles to the nearest exit...well, you know.

Here's what finally worked! We decided she needed to be with other kids part of the week, and got her enrolled part time in a friend's home daycare. All the other kids went potty, so she learned.

I noticed the same dynamic with my third daughter, who started daycare part time at about 3--within a month, she was fully potty trained because it was what all the other kids were doing.

If you don't feel you want to do that, maybe even setting up some play dates with a potty trained child will help.

Even if nothing works, rest assured, he will NOT be using his pull ups when he is in grade school! I promise.

Fiora

I had a similar experience with my son and I bought a little gumball machine at the store and every time he went potty he got a penny for a gumball. At the end of the day we counted the pennies in the bottom of the gumball machine and if he had 5 then he got to trade those for a mini candy bar. He also enjoyed watching other family members and friends exit our bathroom chewing gum and would say "I potty too!" Just remember to hang in there because like all milestones this one takes time.

Sorry for your troubles! I can imagine the frustration your going through. When I trained my son, I did the potty training in three days (I read about it in a book, Toddler Wise - there's all kinds of "wise" books which you can get at any book store). Basic technique is to dedicate three days to nothing but your son and potty training. No going out of the house for any reason, no answering the phone etc... and no one else in the house IF possible (this one may be hard since you have your 11 month old). The main reason I chose this type of training was because it focused on staying DRY! Something I would have never thought of on my own. You can work it anyway that's good for you and your son. But for mine, rewarding with doing DK sticker books was great. We would do one page of stickers for each hour he was dry. When he went to tinkel, one sticker was placed on a chart, when he pooped, he got two stickers. When he had "X" number of stickers (I think it was 7) he would get something special like the new superman undies he picked out before we started training. We talked about the training a week before we started and marked the start date on the calendar. Another important part about this technique is, as the parent training, you have to commit and do not go back. The Doctor's in the book say something like 99% of potty training failure is because of the parents. Once you allow the child to flip-flop between diapers and potty, they will think that it's not a big deal. I was very lucky with the timing of our potty training! My husband was away on business for two weeks and I was pregnant with our now 19 month old so, it was just me and my son. It worked for us. I will say that it was WORK but, well worth the effort if it works for you! Also, when I did this, my son was 2 1/2 so I still put a pull-up on him at night until his bladder had fully developed - he also sleeps like a rock. Although we have had our set backs, I just stood my ground and washed extra clothes/sheets when need be. Also, even now I am constantly reminding him to go potty. I'll try this technique with my little girl too and hope for the same results. It may not be as easy the second time around because we will be traveling and moving around her potty training age. Good luck to you and your son. Is he excited to start school? That could be another positive route to take - if you haven't tried that yet. Let me know how it goes. Princess P.P.

I'm potty training my 2 yr. old son right now and I know boys are a lot more difficult than girls. I'm the oldest of six and my youngest brother was very hard to potty train. Have you tried letting him outside naked. That worked the best for my baby brother, he loved to "water the lawn." My son really enjoys aiming for cheerios in the toilet. He also loves sticker books or any activity books so I set up a tray at the potty so when he sits there he is entertained. I have potty trained 3 children now and the reward system has failed every time. Boys especially don't like to give up any play time to go potty, so if potty can be a game they seem much more responsive. I hope you find something helpful out of this.

You may not agree, but I think it is time to punish your son if he won't go in the potty. He is old enough to know what he is doing (especially since he did it twice before). He is refusing to go just because he doesn't want to.

One strategy is to take away ALL his toys and everything in his room but his bed (including fun bedding). Don't let him play with his sister's toys either. Tell him that if he wants them back, he is going to have to obey and go potty in the toilet. For every time he goes, he can have one thing back. After being clean and dry for a week, he can everything back. If he is still not giving it a good try to go all the time in the potty, then you may need to punish him as well with whatever method your family uses. It will be a power struggle, but one that you must win. By giving in every other time, you have reenforced to him that he can win this power struggle.

You could also stop changing him and leave him messy or wet until he gets very uncomfortable, or gets a diaper rash and he decides that going in his pants isn't worth it.

Does he go to preschool or have a lot of opportunities to play with friends outside of the home? My daughter did the same thing. She was potty trained. Then we moved. Then we had another baby..etc. It became a power struggle for us. We tried everything. We had certain toys she could only paly with while she was using the toilet. Nothing worked.It seemed like a power struggle. It also seemd like she did it because it was a way to control her environment. If she didn't want to do something she'd have an accident so she didn't have to. It finally took sending her to a preschool. we couldn't really afford it so we let her visit a preshool a couple days a week. Now she's enrolled in a preschool twice a week and she is potty trained

You could try asking him if he could teach his favorite action figure, stuffed animal, or even his baby sister how to use the toilet. By having him be the teacher it puts him in control.
Also, it sounds like he regresses when there is a major change in his life. Many children go through this. He will most likely choose to use the toilet again when his younger sibling starts to use it. I reccommend using Goodnites diapers L-XL(60-125lbs).

Remember that he will use the toilet when he is ready. You have done all the right things. He knows where it is and when he needs to do it. Now he just needs to feel secure and comfortable. It is the only thing HE has absolute control over.

I hope that this helps,
K. Kuehl:)

I feel ya! My daughter is the same way (she is slightly ADD and won't change focus easily). My friend gave me the idea that finally got her attention. Just beware some people might think this brash but it works and it is just cause and affect... I still would take her to the toilet every hour-2hrs if she wet her pants she would take off her wet clothes, put them in the laundry, clean up her urine (super-supervised with super hand washing), then off to a very luke warm shower (that is very cold to a child)! We did this for 1 week. Each time I would say you need to let me know when you have to go to the potty so I can help you get there fast. And I would support her cleaning up HER mess. No Pull ups but plastic underwear covers were okay. She just needed to feel that sensation running down her leg... It is a lot of laundry but it is just a short time! Good luck and if this doesn't work you do have my vote that you have tried everything and maybe it's time to see a pediatric urologist?

Hi Melissa,
How about making him hand wash everything that he gets potty on? Have you put a Cheerio in the toilet to use as a target?
Tell him that he will be starting school soon and everyone uses the toilet, and they will make fun of him if he goes potty in his pants. One more thing is to take him to the doctor to make sure it isn't a physical problem.
Good luck.

4 1/2 is way to old to be in diapers as you well know. I have three kids, 15,12, & 11. My middle son was very hard to potty train as so, he was trained along with my daughter the youngest. at 3 1/2 what I finally did was just plain take the diapers away. I told him he was a big boy and they (diapers/pull-ups) were no longer available. That was that! I put him in underpants and when he went in his pants he had to sit in them or change them himself. It was mighty umcomfortable for him. It was VERY hard to not change him, and make him sit in it. But it wasn't but a couple of days and he decided it was better to use the toilet. The first time he went in his pants, I just said," you know how to put clean clothes on" and left it at that. I did not make a big deal, I didn't cajole him, just kinda ignored him. I just went about my business. After my older son and some neighbor kids told him he was gross and that he couldn't play with them, he went in and changed. After a couple of days of this, he didn't go in his pants anymore. This worked at 3 1/2, at 4 1/2 I would think it would work also. I wonder, is he not in preschool? If he saw that other kids this age didn't potty in their pants, it may happen sooner.
M.

When we were having trouble getting our son over the final hump of pooping on the potty, he kept pooping in his pants. What finally worked was making him clean it up. We'd throw him in the bathtub, have him clean out the underwear and then have him clean the entire tub. The first couple times he thought it was fun but the novelty soon wore off and he was trained after about 4 or 5 "accidents". It takes a lot of energy for you, but also for him and he will soon realize that it's not worth it. Good luck.

I would recommend that you keep your son seated on the toilet seat until he goes and doesn't leave the toilet until he does go.

I know it may seem like tough love by having to put up with your childs whining, crying, and screaming to get off the toilet seat, but once your son does potty he will begin to understand. And learn to congratulate them when they do succeed.

Keep the lesson going until it becomes second nature. Good Luck!

I don't know what the answet is for potty training. I went throught the same thing with my son. He is now 7 1/2, but he didn't potty train until he was 4 3/4 years old. I thought he would never stop going in his pants. I know exactly how you feel. We went crazy. Everyday cleaning pee and poop from his underwear and my house. One day his gradma invited him to come stay with her for a week. Just on a whim I told him if he wanted to go he had to use the toilet, no accidents, not even one. He never had an accident the whole week and basically was trained when he came back. If that trip hadn't have come up I don't know when he would have potty trained. But just so you know his little brother potty trained on his own at 2 1/2 with probably only 3 accidents in his whole life. I guess I am not much help because it just seems so random to me, but just know that other people are in the same situation.

Have you tried the one where the child potty trains his favorite doll (or action figure, or little sister, or whatever)? Also, maybe ask things like "I wonder where you want to put your potty so it's easy for you to use?" etc, things that give him comfort and control and assume that he is going to use the potty. Sorry, I know this is a tough one, I've heard so many stories and boys are always tougher than girls it seems.

I feel your pain. I'm not sure if you've seen my post, but I also have a 4 year old that is not potty trained. I think I found something that might be working. I completely ditched the diapers and put him in underwear(that I let him pick out). He only wears nightime pull ups for naps and bed (and sometimes when we go out of the house for a long trip). I take him to the potty every hour and ask him in between if he has to go. If he answers me "no" then I take him at his word and let him be until the hour is up. If he has an accident, he doesn't like the feel of the wet underwear and pants. I take him to the potty and make him take off his wet pants and underwear. If, at that hour, he has dry underwear he gets rewarded (I'll explain in a minute). We've been doing this for a week now and off and on he will tell us when he has to go potty. It's not much though. I still take him every hour, but I've noticed some improvement. If your son gives you a power struggle you, unfortunately, have to give him one back. We deal with the same thing sometimes. This is what we do every hour:
I take him in and make him pull down his pants and underwear. Then he sits on the potty (we have the kind that sits on the top of the regular toilet). I only make him sit there for 10 minutes with a book or toy. If he goes potty, he gets to get up sooner than 10 minutes. If the ten minutes are up and he still didn't go potty, I remind him that he will lose a letter (I'll explain) if he wets himself. We have a Leap Frog Fridge Phonics system with the letters of the alphabet. We spell the word "movie" on the fridge up a little higher. My son loves to watch movies and that might be why this works so well. Every time he has dry underwear at his 1 hour, he gets to move a letter down. We also clap and get excited for him. When he brings down all the letters and spells the word "movie" he gets to pick out a sticker and a movie to watch! This way, he is not getting a big reward every time he has dry underwear or goes potty. He has something that he is working towards. He gets to move a letter down even if he didn't go potty, but has dry underwear. I know that this is a lot to take in. I hope it can help you. Feel free to contact me with any questions. Maybe we can kind of go through this together. Good Luck, keep in touch.

Have you tried speaking with your pediatrician? You didn't mention it so I wasn't sure. If you haven't, that's where I would start. My daughter was doing really well with potty training then suddenly for no reason started having a lot of accidents. Our Dr said just tell her we're putting away the big girl panties until you are ready again and she thought it would just be a few months and she would be back on track and she was. Even though she wasn't as old as your son, our Dr had the best advice. I had also asked other moms and tried all of their advise and nothing worked. Good luck and hope things go well fast!

do you change him right away? i know this sounds mean but it worked for my son let him sit in it for a few. not to long but long enough to show him that it is bad to go in the pull-ups. if you do it right he should not get a rash and if he dose get some dripper rash cream. it only took my son three to four days and he said he was tierd of this and started to use the potty. if that dose not work you may need to take him to the docter to make sure there is nothing going on with his kiddnys my sister had a hard time with potty traning because of her kiddnys.

I am by no means an expert as I have the same problem with my 3 yr old son. I just wanted to let you know what we are trying right now. I keep him in regular underwear and I make him clean it up himself if he has an accident. This seems to have helped a little, he is still not going poopoo in the potty but he will ask for a pull up when he has to go. Then I was wondering if you ever have him around other little boys who use the potty, I think that it is important to have them see other kids doing the same things. Thats all i've got, I hope it helps.

Maybe if you buy a bed wetting (underpants) alarm and have him wear it during the day you'll know when he's about to go and can get him to the bathroom. My sister's son had a bedwetting problem and tried everything, but just a couple nights of that alarm and everything's fine.
The alarm is made to slip just inside the underpants and when even a drop of water get's on it...it goes off. I know you can get them at onestepahead.com and they're called Night Train'R.
Good luck!