3Yr Old Behavior

It's normal. My three year old does it too. They still haven't quite got the sharing thing down pact even if it's a friend that they really like. DOn;t worry they grow out of it.

In general you want to praise good behavior, and discourage bad behavior. Yes, this is normal for 3 year olds, but they need to learn good behavior now. Acting up sometimes is a way to have some additional attention ("soggy potato chip" syndrome - when we don't have any crisp potato chips, we would like even soggy ones i.e. screaming mother is better than mother who does not pay any attention)). I would firmly tell him that this is not appropriate behavior, and if he wouldn't stop - then remove him from the playground. Keep in mind that it is not a good idea to do something good for him right after he was acting up - don't buy him what he wants, or give him snaks. You don't want him to think that every time he acts up he gets what he wants. Never threaten him with what you will not do anyway ("I will throw your toys away, you will never watch that show again" - that is not realistic). And be consistent. Yes, sometimes it is inconvenient for us, parents, but we have to be consistent. Otherwise, what we have to say to our children has no value.

You might ask HIM why he plays well with other kids and not this one. Maybe they really don't like eachother. It's not mandatory to like everyone he is playing with and a 3 year old doesn't know how to handle it. When my daughter was little, I attended Le Leche League group meetings. She was always wary of a littl guy (who was much bigger than her) and there would always be a squabble of some sort. He would just pick on her. No amount of time outs would stop his aggression towards her. It turned out he was biting her. I finally told her to bite him back. She did and he quit. This isn't really the same thing and I know it sounds crazy, but these days I think moms think that their kids have to get along and be nice etc...all the time to everyone. Sometimes that just can't happen, just like with adults, only we as adults can choose who we hang out with. Sometimes kids are put into situations they don't know how to handle. Just because they can't get along doesn't mean they have to try. I would observe him in a mix without this particular boy and see. It could be that the two of them just don't gel. Good luck!

Hi A. - don't worry about it - if he's playing pretty well with other kids I guess he just doesn't like this other boy! If I were you, I'd keep them apart for a few months if possible and see if they get along better next time. ALso, listening is over-rated in three-year-olds - remember it's going to take years and years for him to become a good listener, he's extremely small, so have patience and give him lots of positive reinforcement when he does do the right thing - good luck - Alison (mom of three boys)

Hi, My oldest is three next month, and she is the same way. I do get really frustrated with her, But we also do the time out thing and when she whines or cries for no reason she has to go in her room until she is done, and all I have to do is say "do you want to go in your room?" and she will say "no im done". no matter where we are. It really seems to work for me. I do believe it is the age though, because she was a sweetie and angel before also..hopefully it will get better for you....

As much as society doesn't want to believe it, boys are different than girls. They play differently too. It's normal for them to be rough and tumble. We may not like it, and definately have to teach them when it is ok, but it's not going to change. The kid he does this with is probably his best friend! :) Good luck.

S.

I'd be interested in knowing more about this other boy and how his parents are handling the situation. It sounds pretty normal but you're right in dealing with it. It may mean that he can't play with this boy for awhile. Can he tell you why this happens with this boy? Sounds like there need to be firm boundaries when they are together. 3 yr old boys can be pretty headstrong and are very much into pretend play about superheroes etc. Great imaginations!

My advice to you is to try and figure out what is causing him to act this way when around this other boy, like try watching them play cause if the other boy is doing things to your boy first your could just be responding back in the same manner. Or another thing is maybe when your son is playing with others they do what he wants them to do and maybe this boy doesn't so he acts out and the other boys does the same things back I have seen this happen with children. Try observing him in both situations. I didn't have the same problem with my son, but my son had a problem with trying to be in control of others while playing cause of having older siblings doing it to him, so he would yell and be bossy with others his age or younger. In the first grade the social worker called me and asked if it was alright by me for my son to be in this group she started of kids that were having the same issue, and she would purposely have only a certain amount of stuff for them to play with in this group and had to work on using nice words and working as a team, and sharing. She would have these students meet each day for an hour, and it worked great. If your son is having this issue see if in your area has any play groups that work on these issues. Also another thought would be you might want to try talking to him and get him to tell you what is going on when this happens. There are so many possible reasons and I hope your able to find out why and how to correct it. Best of Luck,
M.

Hi A.,
Sometimes kids just don't get along and as long as you are taking care of it at the time (time-outs, ect) that's all you can do. Just be consistant. I don't know who this little boy is but maybe you could not play with him as much. Is it just your son or both of them? My son is 5 and a half so its a little different because he is more vocal opposed to hitting. There is one little boy that my son does not like to play with because he has that only child syndrome and wants to do what he wants to do and doesn't like it if my son doesn't want to. Well if we are somewhere that this little boy is I just tell my son that he doesn't have to play with him and to just play with someone else. And tell him no thank you i don't want to play that. Then if he doesn't stop he is to come tell me. Good luck.
Chris

My 3yr old son is going through the very same thing. It's perfectly normal at this age. My son constantly fights with his girl cousins. They fight over toys each and every time they play together. They push him, he bites them. I have learned to seperate them until they can stop this behavior.

This is pretty typical little boy behavior, however, that doesn't mean you have to let it go. My son, almost 7, has certain little friends that he plays more rough with than others. I don't think it means that boy is bad, they just bring out that side in each other. I do not allow rough play in my house. I try to plan an organized activity for when this little boy comes over, so they have some direction in their play and not just running wild. I also have to supervise them closer. If they are about the same age and size, then they really can't hurt each other too bad. Now, that my son is older, I tell him that it's not safe to play like that, fight etc. Then if they still choose to and get hurt, I say " If you choose to play rough, then you choose to get hurt, too bad", and that's it. I've learned that little boys (and some little girls) like to play rough and unless your going to hover over every second of playtime, they will have to figure out on their own if it's worth the risk of getting hurt.

If he's starting to do it all the time, with every little boy he plays with, it's probably just a phase.. but if it's -just- with this one little boy, they might not -really- get along. My son has an issue listening (We like to call him strong willed..or you know, a brat), and not hitting US, but he always plays really well with other children except this one little girl. They just have a personality clash, I think.