2.5 Yr Old Is Physical and Domineering

Hi K.,
Don't want to alarm you but this is a good time for intervention. My older son was very much the same...only child (at the time) and we (unconsciously) spoiled, coddled, etc. When I was pregnant with my 2nd we thought we should get him in some social settings in preparation for pre-school. Results: 1) Gymboree, same as you - not interested, ran around on his own, and knocked kids down, 2) Mothers Morning Out at church - kicked out, too rough for other kids, 3) Sibling Class at the hospital - kicked out, hit another child. After he started pre-school (Early Childhood 3yr olds), we heard from the teacher - daily. What an extremely stressful time in my life that was. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel. We had my son evaluated by his normal pediatrician, a licensed school psychologist, and a child psychiatrist. He was shown to have a higher than average IQ, and a moderate level of ADHD, with an emphasis on the "H"! Now before everyone starts shooting me down for what people still think is some...y2k, over diagnosed term for a bratty child, who should just be switched to whole foods...I say "walk a mile in my shoes". For us, finding the right medication along with counseling/therapy (for us!), was a pure gift from God. My son is now in 4th grade at the same private, Catholic school as he was in EC3 and has done wonderfully, he has all A & B's, excellent behavior, and a cub scout.
I used to think back then, “there is no way he is ever going to make it here in a Catholic, mainstream environment.” It is a miracle that he is doing so well. And yes he still has to take medication, however he requires a lesser dose as he is getting older.
Of course, this may not be anywhere close to what you are experiencing but I felt compelled to write, just in case I could be of some help. By the way, back when he was in EC3 and I broached the subject of Montessori school as well, one thing that everyone (from teachers to my doctor) told me was he does not need less structure, he needs more. He needs to learn what acceptable behavior is in mainstream society, not a more relaxed environment. Food for thought. Good luck.

When applying to preschools, explain the situation and ask how they might deal with it. If you like the answer and they're willing to try, you probably have a good match.

I'm going to suggest two things, see which works for you.

1. Replacement. Give your son a script for playdates. Stick close and give him something to do the whole time (play catch like this, give so and so a toy this way). If he's doing what you told him to do, he won't be trying to come up with his own social overtures.

2. Catch him being good. If he goes for even a few minutes (seconds? whatever seems likely) of playing appropriately, tell him what you see, what you like about it, and praise him. It can be quick. 'Thank you for handing him the teddy bear the way I showed you.'

Before playdates and outings, let him burn off some energy. Keep playdates short so that he is more likely to get them right and recieve praise. Keep on him during these occasions and if possible, physically and gently remove him before the other child is knocked to the ground.

E.

K.,
Sounds just like my son! I really have to laugh sometimes because I wish I had half the energy my son does!
Obviously it is not a laughing matter when my son plays too rough and hurts another child, what has worked fairly well for us is communicating with him every time an incident happens. I pull him aside from the situation and in a very firm voice explain to him that it is not ok to play like that. And that he has to think of other people around him, but don't indicate any frustration when talking to him. Realize this isn't something that will go away over night, it's continual reminding and discplining/correcting (the fun of parenting!) BE CONSISTENT! Since he's your only one you can keep a close eye on him, so you can catch this behavior when it happens.
I have to agree with the post below about diet changes. Also monitoring what type of cartoons he is watching could help-with that, I know its cliche and over used, but boys are boys, some are rougher/more energetic than others. The important thing is that you're son is not doing this maliciously, it sounds like he just needs some direction in controlling his excessive energy!
hope this helps!

Hi K.,

I can't offer a lot of help but I can sypathise, our son is now 3.5 and is the only child and he has always been very rough. Sounds a lot like your son, he doesn't intend to hurt anyone, he isn't been mean he just plays rough. Its fine when he is with friends of a similar disposition but when he's around more gentle children it can create problems. However I have always felt we were responsible as my husband has always played very rough with him, they are always wrestling on the floor etc. so I always felt we created the problem. But I have to say he is getting better and better. He has attended a Montesorri school since just before he was two and truthfully we've never had a problem, when he's at school he's like a different child. Some how the teacher just have a different way of getting through it seems.

I think your dealing with it great and I'm sure once he starts school you won't have a problem at all. Whenever I have expressed concern to friends of family, they have just laughed and said "he just been a boy".

I am currently considering signing him up for some kind of sporting activity, I think sometimes he just has too much energy and needs an outlet for that. This summer has been great as he loves the pool and would live in there is he could. He is already swimming and this seems to burn off a lot of his energy.

I'm looking forward to the advise you get, but I'm sure you are doing your fine and your boy is just like a lot of other litte boys out there.

Good Luck.

J.

I am not an expert on this subject other than I have an energy ball that just turned 3 1/4! I think your son is normal!!! The more exposure he gets to social situations the more experience he will get in handling other kids and their need for space or toys etc. I enrolled my son in a pre-school at 2 1/2 for socialization. But he got soooo much more!! You would think he was the perfect angel in their as they are so structured. They still get to play in the playground or put their fingers into paint but they do it with boundaries and expectations and other kids! I would start your son immediately. he will be a happier kid and you will be happier parents. Mine only went 2 mornings a week but he looked forward to them:)

I think that dietary changes could help. It doesn't sound like an emotional issue, where he wants to hurt others. Rather, it sounds like an impulse-control issue. I would limit sugar before he's going to be around other kids. Also, I would restrict or avoid products that use food dyes. Alot of recent research has shown that they can make some children aggressive, impulsive, etc. One article said, "Important new research has shown that commonly used food dyes, such as Yellow 5, Red 40, and six others, are linked to hyperactivity, impulsivity, learning difficulties, and Attention Deficity Hyperactivity Disorder in many children."

Here are some articles/information sheets on it:

http://www.food.gov.uk/safereating/chemsafe/additivesbran...

http://www.cspinet.org/new/200808211.html

http://www.cspinet.org/fooddyes/

Hello K.,

I found time outs worked best for us. We had to be very consistent with them, for them to work. You equate the age to the number of minutes in time out. After you have given him a warning and the behavior continues we would put our daughter in time out, in your case for 2 minutes. We did this where ever we were at the time (mall, resturants, etc) I did not use the stroller as a time out location because I wanted to keep consistent, we'd have her sit on a bench and if a bench was not available we'd sit her on the floor next to a wall. We would tell her why she was going into time our and ingnore any talking that she would try to do with us until her time was up. We would then get at her level and ask her to apologize for what she did. At 2 yrs old they may only say I'm sorry then you will need to add a simple "for what.." Then she'd get a hug and we'd tell her we loved her. After the first few times just the mention of time out would stop the behavior and when we did have to follow through it was a great calming tool for all of us.

Good Luck! T.