Would You Have Done the Same in This Situation?

You did absolutely nothing wrong. This sounds JUST like my boss (who has power/control issues). If I ask a criminal law expert something about criminal law, she is mad because I didn't ask her (one who knows nothing of the subject). I must run EVERYTHING by her. Don't sweat it!

I would have done exactly what you did - or, I would have called the school. Either way, both are great choices. Except, in calling the organizer, you skip an unnecessary middle man. Good job on efficiency, mom.

I would have called and inquired about it as well. Or emailed. But I wouldn't have contacted the fundraising company, I'd have contacted the teacher who was the sponsor. Every school fundraiser has a teacher sponsor. If there isn't one, then it is their homeroom teacher. That is where you went wrong. Other than that? I am right there with you on all points.

You did nothing wrong. Principal is a power hog and didn't like the fact that you went to the source, instead of thru him. Fark him and the high horse he rode in on.

I would call the principal and say that you would appreciate if they would stop gossiping immediately and if they have anything further to say about the subject, speak now! The lack of communication caused the mix-up, not you.
Explain that they put them self in this situation because, if it were clear on who you should have contacted, you would have done so from the start.
If anyone says anything to you about the subject, say that there was a communication error and that you would like to take the high road and not gossip about it.

Ugh. I am like you, I hate pushy salesmen and would never sell anything in my life, fo pleasure or work. So, when your daughter went above and beyond, I sure would have found out from somebody, what went wrong.

The vice principal must have a personal problem to call you like that.
It was unprofessional and petty, IMHO.

Try not to waste time worrying over what people say or think. The people who care about you know what happened and the ones that don't, who cares what they think?

You did nothing wrong. I'm way surprised that the AP would call you for calling the company. Dang, you didn't call the school district!

Let it go. If you keep it going your daughter will suffer the wrath.

In a month some other mama will be the talk of the school.

I would have called.

Well what's done is done, so try not to worry about it too much. We've all been in situations where we question ourselves later and worry about what "other people" think. Just remember, other people are usually NOT spending too much time thinking about you, and if they are, it blows over quickly. Hold your head high, know that you did your best and move on. It's all water under the bridge now!

I'm sorry your good intentions, focused just on getting an explanation for your kid, turned into a gossipy mess. It WILL blow over.

Meanwhile, you say you called the "organizer" but later say you called the "company." So... did you talk with a parent who organized this for your school, or did you call the business that organizes this? If it's the latter, you can't help that they called the school though I don't know why an assistant principal would get his or her knickers in a twist over this whole issue.

I would tell the assistant principal (and/or the parent coordinator for this fundraiser if there is one):

"Just to follow up on the fundraiser: I called to ask about that prize issue not because I was after a prize for Sally but simply because she was upset and I was just seeking a way to explain things to her. I figured getting more information would help me talk with her. But now I'm hearing from other parents that my call, which wasn't even TO the school, is being talked about around school. That's really disappointing to me that this is now common knowledge because it was a question intended just to get information, not to put on pressure to give my child something. I hope that if you hear parents around school discussing it, you will let them know the subject's closed as far as the school is concerned -- because the subject is certainly closed for our family."

That doesn't directly accuse the assistant principal or parent-organizer of being the one to start gossiping (though it seems to me that this person is the one who DID start that ball rolling) but it does put her or him on notice that you know you are the topic of gossip and you expect it to get quashed. Might not work if the person or people is/are jerky, or just super-sensitive, but it's worth a try.

In most schools there would be a PTA committee or PTA parent heading up these things and that would have been my first stop in a case like this, not the company that provides the goods and prizes. In your school, maybe the fundraisers are the special baby of this assistant principal....? That is a good clue to stay clear of fundraisers. Our new school's PTA does NO fundraising; they are very up front about saying that they operate on donations alone bccause they know that no one likes fundraising.

I totally agree with what K-Bell said. You were not wrong to find out what happened. You needed further clarification. The people who are gossiping are so petty. If you notice who they are, avoid them.

I would have done the same thing if it were my kid. Don't worry about it too much. :)

I would have found out one way or another too. School administration should have more important things to do then make an issue out of it and waste time calling you.

Must be a slow gossip week in your town. Don't worry eventually some kid will get expelled and this little incident will be yesterday's news.

Why does the whole school know about this, when it was a conversation between you and the principal? That is what I would have a problem with. You have every right to call whoever you want, to find out whatever you want. You weren't getting into the schools business. I would go in and ask the principal how everyone knows about this, and tell him thanks because now everyone is talking about you. And besides, I think it is good that you cleared things up for your daughter. She needs to understand why she didn't get the prize, and it was a good lesson for her to learn that sometimes people make mistakes and you just have to go on with life, and deal with it. I think you did good.

This all sounds super lame (of the school) and I totally think you did the right thing... I would have wanted to get to the bottom of it too!

I AM the organizer of the fundraiser at the school I work at (the on-site organizer, I have a guy who doesn't work for the school but works for the fundraising company who is the mastermind and gets the kids pumped at the assembly and stuff). I am so grateful for any kid who wants to bust their hump to sell that much stuff for their school. Shame on them for making you feel bad about trying to straighten up the reward business. I take that stuff seriously, and if you had "gone over my head" and called my main guy directly, I would not have cared a bit! I would have understood that you were just trying to get it straightened out.

Sorry, but your principal is super lame for chewing you out!

I'll just add that, next time they have a fundraiser, decline to participate! The kids should not be forced into sales jobs that pit them against each other. The top seller prize always goes to the kid with the biggest family, the most generous grandparents, or whose parent has the biggest office (and the child of the boss does best because all the employees refuse to say "no" to their boss).

So the whole system is rigged to begin with. I know schools depend on this money which is another entire issue to face, but it sounds like your school doesn't know how to manage the situation. And the AP is a jerk too? Back away. These people are supposed to be instilling values in your kid about merit and character and teamwork (on top of learning multiplication tables and vocabulary), and it's turned into a gossip machine. Step back from it and tell them you will not be a part of it, no matter how many pep rallies they have in classroom about the biggest sellers getting an ice cream party or whatever they do, and you aren't forcing your child to do this.

If a school has an anti-bullying policy (which they all do) and then engages in gossip which is adult bullying, there's something really wrong.

Also find out how much of a percentage the school got, and whether this one parent's company is the best one or whether it got chosen to help her out because she's on the committee and pushed for it. If her commission went to the school, that's one thing. If the school only got a piece of it and she made a bundle, you need to look at it.

And no, you weren't rude. They should not have told your daughter anything unless and until all the totals were in. The rewards should have been a surprise. Period. If they did them at all.

The biggest problem I see is that the school talked about you and your daughter with other people. That's against the school rules. They aren't supposed to do that. You need to go in and talk to the principal about this. No doubt it's the assistant principal who did it. You need to complain to the school board about this man. And this has nothing to do with the fundraiser.

You should not have your daughter participate in anymore of these sales. ANYONE who calls you greedy over this is being as much of a jerk as the assistant principal.

You did the right thing by calling the company. You do NOT work for the assistant principal and you do NOT have to observe a "chain of command" with him. I would have said flat out to him that there is no going over anyone's head whom I do not work for, and I would have asked him if he somehow thought that the parents work for him. I would have let the man have it, mom. And then the school board would have gotten a letter from me regardless of the principal trying to smooth things over.

Do the school a favor and complain to the school board about this guy. He needs either a new job or to learn his place.