Worrying

It is not uncommon for people to think about death, but to worry about it constantly is not good. If I were you I would keep an ongoing list of things that you would like to do in this life, positive things. Then concentrate on living a full life.

Try to put your emphasize on LIVING...not on dying. Make each day and each moment of your life so full of positive things, so full of love and memories that you dont have the time to worry about dying!!! It is natural, especially now that you are Mother, to worry about things...but don't waste your time and energy worrying about something that you have no control over. Each day that we live we draw one day closer to the end of that life....death is a natural part of living.
I am a Christian...and even though I dont WANT To die...because I don't want to leave my family here on earth, I don't fear death. I know it is not "the end"...I will just take the next step towards a really glorious eternity in heaven, where I will be reunited with my loved ones who share my faith in Jesus. If you are a member of a church, share your fears with your pastor, he should be able to help you put it into perspective and give you some comfort and peace of mind.
God Bless You

My best advice (as someone who also has worried about this a lot but doesn't anymore) is to focus on the present. Think only about this moment. You are missing your life worrying about this! And don't just think, "I know, but . . ." STOP thinking about it. What good can it possibly do? You CAN control it.

Many people turn to religion when they worry about death, and that's fine, but for me it's enough to recognize that we live in a dualistic world: if there were no death, there would be no life. Our world, our reality, is not possible without opposites. We need to appreciate that instead of villianizing the "bad" ones: death, evil, sadness, etc. They make the good ones possible.

Hi K.. I have to say I was in your spot some time ago (and if it wasn't about death, it was worrying about something else). I now have stomach problems related to the hormones/chemical reactions that are associated with worry/anxiety. NOT GOOD. The thing is, once I became a Christian, I learned to trust God more and more (and still am). The more I trust in Him, the more peace I have. I have 2 small children and I don't want to spend my time with them worrying..it accomplishes nothing and we are not in control of it...HE is. Find your purpose in life, and a huge part of that right now is to be the best mom you can be. Another good tip would be to purchase life insurance, whatever you can afford right now to have peace of mind that if some catestrophic thing happened, your child(ren) will have access to funds for college or whatever they need and they will always remember your legacy.
God Bless!

Good Morning K., I am so very sorry for your loss. I also lost my Mother this year Aug 19. I lost my wonderful step Mother last yr Aug, 20. also. I think of them daily. I don't worry about dying though. I think of developing the illness that took My mom from us. Alzheimer's. Every time I forget a word or forget what I was trying to say, i get concerned. Even if it like a 5-10 sec delay in my thought process I get concerned. Then end up laughing about it.
I call is some-timers * Some-timers I remember and Some-timers I don't*

I am not afraid of dying, it is the next phase of living. Specially when I know I will be with our Lord through Eternity. I get more concerned about forgetting who my children and grand children are. The 2 eldest gr kids saw my mom and were very understanding and good with her just repeating their name for her at times.

Right now K. your still dealing with Grief of loosing your precious mom. It takes time. The people you work with in health care just want some one to listen to their stories.
They have some wonderful memory's. My Dad in Love is 87. He might tell us the same story each time we see him, having forgotten he told it before. But they are sometimes the funniest things to hear. He was one of 11 children growing up on a farm, in the early 20's, I think he was number 4. Their are 4 of them left now. He went through 2 wars. Could of had a purple heart but refused it as other were injured more seriously then he was.

It's part of the aging process to think back on younger days. The older these precious ones get the more they think of when they were younger, those gone on before them etc. It's a normal part of life.

K., get closer to the Lord, pray daily, give him your fears to carry for you. Read his word, you will find your fear will get lighter and not feel as heavy.
Our days are numbered by the Father, no one knows BUT Him when our time here will end.

Love your Little guy with all your heart. Enjoy each day to the fullest. They grow up so dang fast..lol Turn our hair grayer', they give our hearts reason to beat, and reasons to break. Find the Joy in each and every day.

God Bless you K.. If you want to chat more write me anytime.
K. Nana of 5
____@____.com

Hi K.,
Again, so sorry for your loss.
I have the utmost peace about dying. Of course, I don't want to prematurely, I'd love to be old & grey with everyone I love having the same hope for eternity.
The truth is, death is good! I will finally get to meet God face to face. My life is about trying to live as Christ would & help others. All others that trust in Jesus alone for salvation, I will see again.
The part that scares me is people who don't know this truth & will meet God but be sent to hell. Forget about the "torment" - it's really about being separated from God forever. Our eyes will be open when we die, to see everything as it really is, but it will be too late to change what we did on earth.
So, my plan for not worrying... Accept that you cannot live your life to the fullest w/o having a personal relationship with God. You only get to know God personally through Jesus & accepting his death on the cross as what you deserved from your life of sin (even "white" lies!). He took your place, how cool is that? When my life seems "terrible" I always feel better knowing that some day it will all work out & that I will meet my savior & spend way more than 80 years with my "saved" family & friends.
J.

Hi K.,

I am so sorry about your mother, and all that she (and you) went through before her passing.

I went through a similar thing (though it wasn't cancer, it was a very long period of incredible suffering) with my Mom 3 years ago, and some days I still feel the helplessness and loss as if it were just yesterday.

It does get easier to handle with time, though.

Of course you are thinking about death a lot, you seem to be surrounded by it. This is going to have an impact on you. That's totally understandable.

One key to not being obsessed by it is to be sure of what will happen to you at the point of death.
Do you have a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ ?
To have the assurance of eternal life is the best antidote I know for this. It leaves you with a wonderful peace in your mind and heart. To not have that assurance will leave a person feeling anxious and frightful, and understandably so. There is no peace without God.
God is perfect and holy, and nothing that is not perfect and holy can co-exist with Him. God couldn't stand that thought, because He created us for his companionship, and to be His children. He loves us so much that He can't stand the thought that even one of us should be separated from Him for ever, so He created a way "out" of our lost condition. That one way is Jesus, and to accept Him and His sacrifice for ourselves is completely free. There is nothing we can do to earn it, we simply say "Yes" to Him.

Just know that God loves you, and does not want for you to feel this way. He loves you so much that He allowed His only son to leave the glories of Heaven to come and live as a man on this earth so he could better understand our human condition, and so we could know that He understands what it is like to live as a human on this earth.

God then allowed His precious, perfect Son to take all of our sins upon Himself, and carry them to the cross where He was crucified, and 3 days later rose from the dead, so that we, by believing on Him and accepting Him as Lord of our lives can be saved from eternal separation from God (the correct definition of death) and can now live forever righteous and blameless in the presence of God.

Even as He hung on that cross, He already knew your name and mine. He could have gotten down from there and said "no", but he stayed and took it all. He did it in great love for US.

Now at the judgement day, when God looks at those of us who have said "Yes" to Jesus, He will not see our sins and faults, but instead will see only the righteousness of His Son, and will judge us blameless.

Paul (in the Bible) said that for those of us who are in Christ, that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. In other words, the instant that last breath has beeen breathed out, we are immediately with God. No suffering, no darkness, just forever in the presence of perfect love.

For those of you who are offended by this message, it is easy to just disregard what you don't want to read. So there is no need for nasty letters. Simply disregard this. You have a delete button, and you are just as capable of deciding for yourself what is good for you as the rest of us are, none of us are blind sheep here.

I am simply offering the truth as I know it to be, and offering a lifeline of salvation, eternal life, and perfect peace of mind.

You are free to choose it or not, just as I am free to choose your way or not.

I hope you will choose to consider it though, as it has been written in love .... the same love that sent a beloved Son to die and rise again for you, too.

Merry Christmas to all.

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. My heart breaks just thinking of losing my mother.
I tend to be a "deep" thinker...too deep according to my wise mom! LOL Sometimes though, this can be a good thing.
Rather than "worrying" about dying, use that awareness to live consciously...live knowing that your days are not unlimited...and you will find that your days are richer by far. Since my daughter has been born, I tend to worry more about something happening to myself, my husband, or to her...and it can almost make me sick, especially thinking that anything bad could happen to her. I try to use those thoughts, which apparently aren't that uncommon in new parents, to cherish the days we DO have together. Hopefully there will be many many many of them. I don't want to have any regrets.
Finally, faith. I am somewhat new to believing my faith and trying to live it...but that alone has giving me so much comfort in the ideas of death. My grandmother, when she was dying, was so full of faith and peace that she knew where she was going and that she would be with her loved ones again...it was actually beautiful. She is my inspiration. She had no regrets in life, was always honest and loving and I am striving to be like her...but seeing her so peaceful as she neared her death was one of the main things that won me over to faith.
Best wishes to you!

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. My dad passed away a few months after my 1st child was born, and it was on my mind a lot too. I was more worried about what would happen to my family after I was gone. The one thing that helped me get over it was making up our will.
It does cost a couple hundred bucks, but it's worth it for the peace of mind. Sit down with a lawyer and have it all written out. Decide who you want to take care of your son if anything happens. Also, get life insurance, it's Murphey's Law, if you have it you won't need it ;-)
I know it's easier said than done, but try to enjoy your son, tell him stories about your mom and just love him everyday. You will get over the thoughts and fears, I did.

I have been reading all of these responses and they are very reassuring that you are not alone in dealing with this issue. I have been dealing with this issue alot since I had my two kids. I lost my dad from diabetes when I was 21 so I've had to go through getting married and having two kids without him! It's the hardest thing to go through. I agree in getting a will done I'm in the process of doing one myself from help of the internet of course. Make sure that if anything does happen to you that your kids will be takin care of and then try to just live life to it's fullest I always say take it one day at a time. Even with the holidays coming up I've decided to just stay home and spend it with my hubby and kids to treasure just being together and having that time playing and having many laughs. Hopefully they will remember it when they have kids. Sorry I'm just rambling but wanted you to know that you are not alone in this!!

I am really sorry for your loss. When I read your post, your thoughts were almost like something I had written myself. I think about death all the time, and I know the reason is because my husband was diagnosed with cancer 5 weeks before our wedding. There were about two weeks where we knew he had cancer, but we didn't know what kind or how bad it was. So, I had a lot of time to think about what things would be like without him and it was horrible. He is healthy now, but because I have had a very real vision of what I would go though if he died, I now have a constant fear of death on my mind. Sometimes it gets to the point to where I know it's not normal, but after reading other peoples' situations, I now understand that it's ok and not that unusual.

It effects me more on some days than others, like sometimes I worry to the point that I think about how the decisions I make might effect the outcome. For example, my husband travels and drives a lot for work, so sometimes I think that maybe I can prevent him from getting in a wreck if I go with him. Other days I don't think about it as much.

I saw a Christian counselor at a church I sometimes go to because I thought that if I just trust God a little more, things would be better. It helped a little, but I still do worry. I just want someone to tell me with 100% certainty that we will grow old together and that nothing tragic will happen. But, I know that is impossible, so I just try to cherish the moments we do have together and make our time together a priority. I still turn to God for help, and I think I need to be better at that.

I feel sorry that you are going through this, but I want you to know that your testimony has helped others.
Best wishes!

Hi K.!
I am a firm believer in the thought that when it's our time to go, we will go, period. If that is the case, we should focus on living every day. My husband and I travel together once a year without our kids. I've always loved flying, but now every time we get on that plane I just can't help but think about the "what if". I just try to tell myself that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, short of becoming a hermit! I also must mention that I am a Christian, so I know that one day I will be reunited with my loved ones. Not sure what your beliefs are, but even if you're not sure, I would encourage you to attend church. When I attend regularly, I notice a huge difference in my attitude-life just generally seems better because I'm surrounded by positive people. Just a thought...Have a wonderful Christmas!

Hey K.. My mom died in 2000. I still cry a lot about that. I had a brother die in 2004 of diabitis(?) and another brother die of lung cancer last year. OH YEAH< I think about death. I read the obits every time I see a paper and if someone dies thats around my age I need to know why they died and if it could happen to me. But I go in spurts. Im ok some days and then the next. eek. I usually do it at night when Im tryin to go to sleep. I do know that when you work out it releases feel good hormones. and when I eat right and take care of my body it helps. Yaknow, I just feel a little better there are other people out there that think like me. so I hope this helps. Just for a laugh, my sister is married to a doctor so Im always calling her to tell Scott my ailments and he laughs at me. That always helps me. Laugh a lot that helps.

I don't know how to tell you what to do, but I will tell you what I think and how I handle the subject of death. I used to be in the same boat as you and especially when I was a single mom of 3 kids, what would happen to them if something would happen to me? Would I be able to go on if I lost one of them? Those sorts of questions were in my head all the time. So I finally had to do some serious thinking, it is still hard for me but here is what I came up with. We are all going to die someday, and we never know when. Make the most of what you have now, don't put things off that you don't have to becuase u really do never know if tomorrow will come. Love your little guy every day, take time to play with him and cuddle with him, he will grow up too fast as well! The dishes, the laundry and all that stuff will still be there tomorrow and the next day. My house is not a pig sty, but it is not the cleanest, it is organized and picked up BUT my sink is full of dishes and we are running out of silverware to use, but last night I played a game with my kids. Life will end for all of us at some point and there is nothing we can do about that, so it does us no good to sit around and worry and think about it, that is a waste of our time!!

Good Luck!
S.

Hi K.,

You sure helped me out by posting this! I am in almost the same boat. My Mom died from complications from Multiple Sclerosis and emphysema exactly 2 months to the day before her granddaughter was born (August and October 24 of this year.) My husband says I'm being morbid, but I just can't help but think about death a lot. My biggest worry is that I will die while my kids are still young, and they won't remember/know me. So, I have started keeping journals for each of them. Sometimes I write and tell them about the day they were born. Sometimes I tell them a funny story about a family member or their "auntie" (my BF). Sometimes it's family history. I'm going to include family recipes too, because now there are some meals I can't cook b/c I can't call my Mom and ask her how! So far, this helps me focus on the good times with my Mom, and it makes me feel a little more secure in the knowledge that my kids will still have some of me if I do die young.

Thanks again for posting this.
B.

Hi K.,
I felt led by God when I read your email. I am so sorry to hear of your mother's recent passing. My mother also passed away 7 years ago when our first child was 8mo. I believe that to find joy in the moment, we have to trust God with the plan for our lives. We will steal joy away from the day, hour & minute (and as you know go so quickly watching a little one grow and change) if we try to take away what is really God's job. You are blessed to have a beautiful son, give him the greatest gift a mom can give, trust in the Lord and trust for His plan for your life!!! May the grace of the Lord bring you and yours peace this holiday season. Remember, one minute at a time!!!
They will be gone too fast. Live, love, laugh and TRUST the Lord!!! "Worry looks around, fear looks behind, but faith looks ahead". One of the greatest motivators for me!
Blessings,
R. H

Hi K., i can totally understand where your coming from on this!! Your situation sounds alot like mine (except for the mom part...very sorry to hear about that). I am such a WORRY WART!!! This year has been really bad for everyone that i know. We've lost many people this year and as i get older, i hear of more and more people being gone and i'm only 31! I worry too more because i'm a mom too. My husband lost his little brother (he was 17) in June to a wrong place/wrong time shooting. So ever since then i know that we have worried about things like that. My husband even carries a hand gun with him ( I don't like it but he's a grown man) just in case. Now my husband have been diagnosed with a Aortic valve leakage and has to have open heart surgery in January. So of course i am now totally freaking out!! I'm not letting him know that of course, when he's around i stay very open and positive. But at the same time i'm trying to get my "ducks in a row" just in case soemthing would happen. I work at a local hospital in the Trauma Dept so I'm surround by death and near death issue's. Sometimes i can be very hard, but i just try to stay positive as much as i can. Back in April i decided to try to get some help with all this. I was feeling very over whelmed and finally decided (after about 6 month or more) to see my doc and get on some type of medication for alittle bit to help me past this. I think it has helped me, I'm not totally "cured" but it has helped. Also i try to remember that there is nothing that i can do about alot of things in life. Rather i like it or not, it's goign to happen. I try to just go with the flow and lead me in that direction. I pray alot and i have the Serenity Prayer taped to my desk! If you don't know that one it goes like this......

God please grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

When i think about situations in that light, it does make it easier! And talking helps alot too. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful BFF who is such a great listener/advise giver. I don't know what i would do without her some days!! She is so positive and uplifting!!

Try to think about the blessings that you do have in your life and not dwell on the negative ones. That includes people too. If your friends/family are negative people then that will have it's effects on you also.

I'm not sure if i helped you much with this info, but i wanted you to know that your not alone out there. Feel free to contact me if you would like to talk (I promise i'm not a weirdo or anything!!! LOL LOL!!!) I just know where your coming from. Good luck and i'll say an extra prayer for you. Also one last thing. Someone told me this once and it really made me think about thigns in a different way.

Worrying about something does not change the facts of it. It is what it is. If you can't change it then there is no need to worry about it.

Good Luck and Merry Christmas!!!

L.

I really dont have any advice for you because I think about it ALOT also. In just 5 years I have had 10 people in my life pass away. Recently just since July there have been 5 people ! I had a brother die when I was 4 yrs and he was 2 months, so the "thinking" about death started very young for me. Plus having a mother who told me on a daily basis that I should have been the one who died instead of my brother didnt help.
Sorry I couldnt have any advice for you !

I had a great fear of dying that began sometime after my first baby. It took a while for me to recognize that this was one symptom of postpartum depression. I didn't have insurance so instead of seeing a MD I tried some Bach Flower Essences. You can get them at a health food store. They are designated for various emotional states. They are really amazing and within about 2 weeks of taking them I looked back and wondered how I could have gotten so far over the edge before I knew it.

Here's a link that describes the emotional states the essences are indicated for. http://www.bachflower.com/38_Essences.htm
Maybe mimulus for you?

I don't think it's weird to be thinking about it so much, considering your situation. You're not obsessing because you realize what you're doing. It's probably a phase you're going through, but when you notice you're worrying, just start thinking about your wonderful little boy and the joy he brings.

If you have a Bible, read Luke 12:22-34 and Phillipians 4:4-8. My favorite is Proverbs 3:5-6. Also there is a great little book by Chuck Swindoll called "Perfect Trust." Worry is the absence of trust. I know...I've been there! And, worrying effects your physical health negatively. Best wishes!

Well death is part of life and yes we will all die someday, but to worry about that now is crazy, dont worry about the what ifs. I say the only time to worry about death is when you get some kind of illness/sickness, then you would have to worry about what to do to take care of loved ones you leave behind. Just live in the now and take care of yourself be active with your son and enjoy every moment you have with him and your extended family.

Dear Mom, Please don't worry and waste the precious time that you are here with your little guy. Anytime that we have lost someone, it is our nature to start thinking about our own future. I like to look at it this way, We are not humans here on earth having a spiritual experience, we are spirits having a human experience. Heaven is home to all of us. Your mom is home and I am sure watching over you. Your little guy is with you now and it is your time to embrace your life experience and live it to the fullest. Enjoy the experience your given and don't worry anymore its a waste of time. Live in the present each minute is a gift. I hope I haven't preached too much but if you try to realize the truth of this that we are here for a reason, enjoy life and your little one and be awed at what gifts might come your way.
I have two grown sons and always remembered when they were little and toys and such were all over, I tried to enjoy the moments with them, soccer, baseball, football, school. etc. I know that life here on earth is to short and even shorter for others. We have to live in the moment and keep a positive attitude. Remember your son is watching an learning from you. When someone passes they are going home and to our father in heaven. So be thankful for the time you had with them and what positive ideals you learned. God Bless you.

you have to stop worrying or you're gonna go crazy! i'm worried about not being here for everything too, but you need to cherish every moment of living. if you feel this may be a type of depression doing this PLEASE talk to your doctor.