This is very difficult, even the next day. Our 5 year old and I were laying down for the night last night, as we always do, he started asking me what Heaven is like. It is most commen for us to read his Bible Stories before bed, he also went to a Christian pre-school and Kindergarten ( until we pulled him out this year, he just wasnt ready). Well, a little background. We lost his sister when she was 75 days old, to SIDS. He was very close to 3 years of age. So he is very familiar with death. He still talks to, "sees", and is very close to his sister. A year ago, Daddy got very sick, had two open-heart surgeries, the 2nd one I really considered what it might mean if we lost him.But since then, Daddy is continually improving, even back to work. The last week, however, I have been concerned, he is sleeping all the time, and not eating, again. This is what happened with the 2nd episode. I made mention of it to my Mom, but I know my son did not hear me, as he was in a different part of the house. I must also mention my husband is 100% Native American, making our son 50%, he is VERY intuitive. I believe that is why he sees his sister. He sees her as a toddler, not the infant she was when she died. He tells me what she looks like, what she wears, what they play. Back to last night, Our son started asking all these questions, we talked for about 20 minutes, I explained Heaven as I believe it to be, he just all the sudden got this look on his face, the crocodile tears started, the sobs where he couldnt even catch his breath, after a good 20 minutes, he was finally able to tell me he is afraid Daddy is going to Heaven. Even though Heaven is where I cant wait to be, my son knows most people dont go there till they old, ect. I have had 2 years of extensive counceling, I do not believe I am leading him. He just knows it permanent. Does anyone have words of advise? I want to alleviate my sons fears, my husband talked to him today about it ( he works 2nd shift) and our son just said he got scared. Daddy reassured him he is fine, and our son seems fine today. Daddy and son are closer than any 2 people I have ever seen. Sorry this is so long, the background is important. I dont think this is the end of it. Any advice, Please??? Thank You, God Bless, A.
Thank You All for your responses, for the prayers and great advice. Yes it happened a few more nights, after much talking, hugging, comforting, ect, we figured out if Daddy calls to talk to just our son, not me , he remains calm and comforted. Daddy was home for well over 9 months, we think our son had a hard time adjusting to Daddy working again. He still asks alot of questions about Heaven and God, but that is a 5 year old!:-) Thank You again! A.
My 5 year old has a sudden curiousity about death that hasn't yet become a fear. His latest question "What does it feel like when you're dead?"
I think it's a common theme to explore at this stage of development. Kids often develop a healthier view to mortality than adults- so I would avoid leading him as you gently soothe his fears. Follow your religious beliefs and seek out stories that help him understand.
In your situation I would say the best thing to do is pray... Jesus I pray Lord for her 5 year old son Lord that you would protect him. I pray that you would give him words of wisdom. I release your healing anointing power upon his daddy s body. I say pain and sickness leave. The bible says that by Jesus stripes you are healed. Jesus was bruised and beaten for your healing. I command his daddys heart to line up with the word of GOd. Heart be restored in Jesus name. I release your healing anointing power over him and say body line up with the word of GOd. I claim that he is healed by the stripes of Jesus. And we know that all things work for good to those who love GOd and are called according to his purpose. The things that are impossible with men are possible with GOd. I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. The joy of the Lord is my strength. Jesus I pray that you would comfort A., I pray that you would surround your love upon her. I pray that you would build her up in your word. I pray that you would give her strenght. I pray that when she feels like she wants to give up that she will come to you in prayer and find help in time of need. For you are our helper in time of need and you help us. I pray Lord for her husband that he will be able to get back into work. I plead the blood of Jesus over their family and house hold. I pray Lord that you would help her son after saying good bye to his sister for a little while. Because we all know life is a vapor you are not gurranteed your next heart beat. Jesus I thank you that your healing anointing power is working. I thank you that the prayer is answered. In Jesus name I pray amen...
My son just turned four and on his birthday few days ago when he was surrounded with all the people that love him he asked us out of the blue ...What will happened to him and his sister if mommy and daddy died...It was a shocking question for me but to my surprise my husband got a fast response.He said to him : If something happened to us that he got all this wonderful people to take care of him ( and my husband started naming all our family members that were at the birthday party and my son loves) and than he told him that even when mommy and daddy are physically gone that we will always be with him ...every time when he feels his heart beating in his chest that will be us saying great job, and every time he thinks of us that will be us saying hello...We will always love him and his sister and no matther what we will be watching over them...They just have to remember us and be happy...
There is no right or wrong answer to this question so good faith and good luck to you and your family...
Wow...you certainly have your hands full! I have heard of lots of kids your son's age who are afraid of one parent or another dying, even when they are perfectly healthy. I think it's great that you and your husband are talking with him. I think that when we sorta gloss over it we don't help them out at all. I never want to say to my son that "mommy/daddy will be around for a long time" when he is afraid because none of us can guarantee anything. My advice is that when he is afraid of daddy dying, to lead him in a prayer that Daddy is healthy for a long time AND for son to feel peaceful about things. You could also check out the library for books about heaven. I think Maria Shriver wrote a popular one. Another good book about fear is Go Away Dark Night by Liz Curtis Higgs.
Bless you. You are doing the right thing! Take his fears seriously. Be as honest as possible. Assure him that as long as you can be and daddy can be, you will be there for him.
I cannot lie to my children (not even little white ones..nope no Santa, tooth fairy..they know it's me once they've asked). So when my oldest son (who's 8 now) asks, which he does every so often, what will happen when I die...I try to explain that he will be taken care of by people who love him and he will always have me in his heart. I think sometimes their worries are more practical than we think they are. They sometimes just want to be assured that someone will watch out for them. Other times, they truly worry about what life will be like w/o us. I know that children are more able to connect with God (they just don't have all those barriers up yet!) and maybe he is feeling a twinge in his spirit about the future. All in all, you know that your son will be well on his way to dealing w/whatever the future holds...once you've envisioned a future w/o the ones you love, you know that you can cope b/c you've imagined yourself coping.
Continue to teach him your beliefs, that is your right, your privilege and your responsibility as his mother. Don't apologize for your belief system. I always remind my boys to pray whenever they are scared about anything b/c God can deal with any fear, big or small. That seems to help them b/c they know someone bigger is worrying about it.
God keep you!
A.
Dearest A.:
Rest assured this is not at all uncomon for children to be afraid of a parent/s dying. What compounds your situation is that your son knows his daddy has been sick. You are doing all the right things. Now is the best time to teach him about trusting God. We encourage our children ( 9 year old twins) pray for me daily. (I have Chrone's Disease, Hepatitus C and Cirrohsis of the Liver) We pray as a family continually for all those on our prayer list. Our children know that if I go to be with God that he will help Dad take care of them and they will see me again someday. Death is not permanent or forever !!! We pray for God's will but they are not shy about telling God they would rather he heal me.
You must continue to pray for peace and calm for your son as well as the words to say to him as he has questions.
All will be well for you and your family, I have no doubt. We will be praying for you and your family as well.
May God Bless You,
D.
I think you're doing the right thing by not sugar coating or covering up what you believe.
Last night my grandpa (pastor for 30ish years) and I were talking about a little boy who was dead for 2 hours at 15 months and now he will stop and point to the sky randomly. The thing that got to me is that my grandpa said in the end times we're gonna hear see things like that. I am Native American as well and I don't believe any of the stories but I believe 100% in the bible. I don't think it's the Native American in him but God in him.
I sometimes get upset thinking about family members dying so I think it is a very normal human reaction for him to get upset.
