Oh my darling..I know just how you feel as I go through the same thing with my older sister. It was bad enough that she was always at the bar, but then she started working there. She has two daughters at home, one is 10 going on 20 something and the other just turned 9. Even though my sister is family, it's just as hard to talk to her about her "bad habits" and leaving the kids here and there while she "sows her oats" so to speak. Talking to her is like walking on egg shells, especially when it comes to putting a mirror in her face about the way she treats her kids. But thats just what you have to do in situations like these. I always try to keep the confrontations gentle by starting out with a simple "get together" for lunch or something like that. Set the mood so to speak. Your friends sound like they just need a reminder about who is important in their lives and who comes first or SHOULD come first (speaking of the kids). What they do with thier children or in some cases, DON'T do with their children will have an effect on those kids for the rest of their lives one way or another. It is a proven fact that 90% of your adulthood is spent over-coming your childhood, because NOBODY has an all candy coated childhood. We all have obsticles of some sort to overcome. If you can find some way to gently bring their kids' welfare to their attention, that could be the wake up call that they need. But all in all, while you are doing this, they must know that IT IS NOT up to you to "help them change". They have to change themselves. All you can do is support them, but that doesn't mean you have to make up for what they are or aren't doing with their kids if that makes any sense. They have to do that, find a happy medium between adult time and spending time with their kids. It's not fair to you for them to put their responsibilities or irresponsibilities on you. And it's not fair to their kids either. I hope what I am saying doesn't sound to harsh I don't mean it to be, but sometimes that's just the way it has to be. No amount of alcohol or a piece of booty is worth the welfare of a person's children when they can't see their priorities clearly. I hope this helps you or atleast gives you some kind of piece of mind to share with your friends. Trust your instincts. No, you should not neccesarily "cut them off", but sometimes when you can't catch them when they fall you have to just let them fall. In that case, you can try to do something to distract the kids by taking them on play dates with your own kids, but this only contradicts everything i just said. Eventually the parents will have to grow up and take responsibility for their own actions and the effects their actions had or are having on their kids. Again, I hope this helps. Let me know how things work out. My thoughts are with ya'll and most importantly, with the kids.
T. B