When to Tell Others I Am Expecting?

Even after two losses, I still told friends and family immediately because I needed support. With my last two pregnancies, i was very detached and had NOTHING out until I began having early labor pains. I bonded with my babies immediately though. You are VERY normal ((hugs)).

What you are feeling is 100% normal. You lost a child that you got attached to and that was hard so your natural reaction is to not get attached and excited that way if the same thing happens you won't be so hurt. Why wouldn't you feel that way. Trust me it is ok. I had three miscarriages so when I got pregnant with my son I didn't tell anyone and then 3 months in to the pregnancy I started having problems and lost my sons twin. Thank god my son servived but I didn't get attached till about 6 or 7 months because I didn't believe that he would servive, but god willing he did and he is my miricale baby. When I got pregnant with my daughter I felt the same way that I would lose her and didn't want to hurt again so I did the same thing. It is natural to feel the way you do and there is nothing wrong with you not wanting people to know yet. Nothing hurts more then someone that didn't know you lost the baby asking when it is due or how it is doing. I know I have been there. I hope everything is good for you and god luck. keep us posted on how its going.

I lost a baby between my second and third child(we now have four)but it took me a long time to get excited about the pregnancy I had after the miscarriage simply because I was afraid I did not even tell my other children for a long time in fact someone at our church noticed me looking pregnant and said something and my oldest daughter looked confused like what are they talking about. It wasn't that I was not excited to be having the baby it was the fear of experiencing that loss again because when I had the miscarriage I had told everyone right away I was pregnant because I had had two babies previously it never occurred to me that anything could go wrong and then I had to deal all the time with the people not knowing I had lost the baby asking me when are you due again and that sort of thing and yes when I did get pregnant again after the miscarriage it came as a complete shock and I did lie to a couple of people who asked me if I was pregnant which I felt awful about but I just wasn't ready to tell. With my last pregnancy we did not even tell our kids until we had the twenty week ultrasound and then I had the tech but the picture showing the sex of the baby in an envelope and we all opened it together and the kids found out we were having another baby and it was a boy! I hope some of my ramblings helped, good luck.

i agree that your feelings are totally normal. i went through the same thing. word gets out pretty quickly whether you want it to or not! my last pregnancy was ectopic, but before we found out it wasn't viable, EVERYONE knew we were expecting. that meant that when the news went bad, we felt obligated to tell EVERYONE the same sad story over and over. nobody wants to do that, especially more than once. plus, when you do finally tell them, they remember that it didn't work out last time so they are afraid to be too excited or they ask stupid questions.(my favorite was "are the doctors going to do regular ultrasounds to make sure this one doesn't turn ectopic?" like the baby's just going to decide one day to shoot back up the fallopian tube!) my advice is to keep it between yourself and those who already know for now, and maybe in the next couple weeks you can start telling people. or, just let your proud daughter continue to spread the news to the family. they probably will have better responses when they hear it from your little cutie! congratulations and good luck!

You ARE totally normal. Don't worry about it. Remember, this is YOUR pregnancy - not everyone else's. In the end, they will all have to respect your decision regarding the timing of making it public. I also had a miscarriage last fall & am now expecting again. They thought I had lost this one too, but we had an ultrasound and saw the heartbeat. Unfortunately I didn't have the option of not telling people because my family lives in Texas and I had to cancel a trip to go see them because of the possible miscarriage. My husband & I decided to tell friends & other family after we saw the heartbeat - which we did. Once the heartbeat is confirmed they say the baby has a 90% survival rate. Those are pretty good odds to me. However, I think that you should wait until you & your husband should wait until you BOTh feel comfortable sharing the news. Good luck!

I can understand your not wanting people to know because it would be alot harder to explain it to them if god forbid something happened. I had a miscarriage in 1999, and became pregnant in 2000 and waited until I was showing which was like 5 months to tell people, I think it is almost a coping mechanism. I also understand you having mixed feelings about being pregnant again. I went thru a severe depression and wondered why one baby didn't have the right to live and another did....I guess it's just god's way...Anyways I wish you luck with your new pregnancy and I hope all goes better for you

When my husband and i decided to have kids we got pregnant pretty easy. I ended up having two misscarriages, one right after the other. I ended up getting pregnant about a month after my sencond misscarriage. All i could think of was what would the other babys been like. I also cryed alot! It was hard telling people for the third time i was prego again. Thankfully as the weeks pasted and everything was going well i started to feel good, happy and excited.

I went threw a very similiar case I understand what you are saying and it's only natural. I to had to do the shots and also had a misscaraige and then pregnant within a year, it's hard and very scarey. You will start to feel better about everything as the pregnancy goes on. I would suggest doing the treatment however b/c if you don't and have another misscarriage you will always wonder if that was why. I know the shots are a lot but trust me when I say it is SOOOO worth it, I have a BEAUTIFUL (and quite healthy)4 year old that I am thankful for every day. I would do it all over again, the outcome has made my life complete. I hope this helps some and I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy. I'll keep you in my prayers.

ok... you are normal. It will be okay. Just tell people the truth. That you are scared and don't really want a lot of people to know until you are further along and a little more comfortable. And trust me... when you see that little person you will start to be excited. best wishes

We just had a miscarriage last year. We were so excited about the new baby and told everyone since we hadn't had miscarriage issues with our previous two pregnancies. It was hard enough after the miscarriage to think about the baby that was going to be, let alone telling people we'd had one (I actually sent out an email and asked people to please not mention it for awhile). If we get pregnant again we plan on waiting quite awhile this time to tell anyone. You don't sound unexcited at all, just cautious and I don't blame you one bit. If your neighbors are persistent or act upset when they find you are pregnant you can just explain that you wanted to make sure there were no complications this time. Of course you can always politely tell them to mind their own business too! It's up to you and your husband as to when you tell people.

Best wishes and God Bless for a healthy pregnancy and new baby!

J.,
First, I too had a miscarriage in July last year and am now 21 weeks along. I still haven't told everyone, for various reasons, and since I am a bigger person I can get away with it. Emotions run there course due to your hormones, so try not to think about it and let things happen as they should. You are not bad for having the feelings you are having.

As for your clotting disorder, not to scare you, but my son had a stroke in utero and he now has Cerebral Palsy, mild left hemi-plegia. He is cognitively very bright and walking, but has a fine motor delay on his left side. We spend 3 hours a week in therapy and constantly working with him. Him and I have both been tested for blood clotting disorders etc. to try and insure my current pregnancy will be ok. Since you know you have a disorder, why not take the meds to prevent potential problems? Not questioning your decision, just want to let you know of the hazars associated with just letting things happen. We don't know why my son had a stroke, so there is nothing I can do but pray it does not happen again. Just my 2 cents!

-L.

I haven't had a miscarriage, so if you'd like to stop reading now you can...but I thought that I was having one for about a week during my pregnancy and I know that heart sinking feeling. I told people right away about my pregnancy...I figured that if I did have a miscarriage and people knew that I was pregnant, I would have some sort of support system. I don't know if I would include neighbors in that...maybe just close friends and family.

As mothers we go through so many different emotions and the expectations that are put on us by others...and ourselves are so high...we almost expect ourselves not to be human...but we are. Whenever something happens that's not planned, we have to adjust and because of what you've been through before, you're not really able to let yourself go enough to adjust to this pregnancy. You don't want to be happy about it because you don't want to hurt so much if something happens; meanwhile, you feel bad that you're not happy. It's completely acceptable and OK -- just take everyday one step at a time and know that if all goes well, you'll be elated when your child is born and you'll love and care for it the same way that you have with your other children. That's what matters!! Don't be so hard on yourself!

I also have to be on Lovenox. Why are you declining treatment? You will most likely get a DVT or PE and quite possible lose the baby you are carrying now. I got my DVT and PE at 10 weeks.