Pregnancy After D & C

Hi A.. I'm sorry to hear that. I have two close friends that both had D&C for the same reason as you and were pregnant 6 weeks later and both had happy healthy babies and normal pregnancies. I wish you the best of luck.

I had one when i lost my baby at 2 1/2 months. I choose not to have another one due to the fact i was only 22 at the time. I am 36 and had a little girl when i 34 and she is happy and healthy. I still think of the little one i lost but she is wonderful. Good luck and try to have another one so he is not an only child.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. It really stinks. I had a D&C at 11 or 12 weeks with my first pregnancy same as you. I waited the recommended two period cycles and then started trying again. My fear is that my due date from this pregnancy would come and go and I would not get pregnant again. I was pregnant about a month before my due date and my son is almost 2. I am pregnant again with my second son due in 9-10 more weeks. The good news is you have a child so you know you CAN carry and baby to term. Also, you have been pregnant twice so you know you CAN do that too. The physical healing is pretty easy, but it is very hard emotionally. I say start trying as soon as you are ready. You WILL get pregnant again and you WILL have more kids. Good luck and take care!

Hi A. - I'm so sorry for your loss and the difficult time you are going through. I haven't had this happen to me personally, but I wanted to let you know that I know many women who have had this experience. One of my best friends in fact had the fetus stop growing at 17 weeks - she was expecting to find out the gender of the baby and instead got that horrible news. All the women I know have gone on to have more kids. My friend waited a few months to try after the D & C and got pregnant 6 months later, fairly quickly at that. Another friend of mine at work got pregnant only two months after her D & C. I suspect you are going to feel many emotions over the next few weeks, remember, your hormones have been/are going through upheaval to make matters worse, but I'm sure that since you love kids and you want another child, you will come to a place where you are ready to try again. I have two kids and remember waiting through those 12 weeks on pins and needles... but what I have learned is that's just one aspect of worrying you do when you are a mom! Even when they are born and healthy you still worry - think of it that way, you are never really in the clear when you have the job we do. If you do decide to try again, have faith and try to just let the worry go as much as possible. It is really out of our control. I'm sure you will feel which direction is right for you to head in. Good luck with whatever you do!

Hi A.-
I DO feel your pain-5 years later my heart still aches for the little one I lost at 14 weeks. I too went for an ultrasound and was going to find out the sex of the baby and they couldnt find the heartbeat. I remember the silence in the room, I know you find the heartbeat at that stage the minute you put the probe on the belly. It doesnt take 5 minutes. The tech didnt know what to do or say. That moment will never leave me as much as I want it to. You will always have that babys memory and dont try to make yourself forget it. IT WAS YOUR BABY- just something wasnt right. I truly beleive that child will come back to you, just as mine did. I got pregnant 3 months later just as i was told to do. It was so hard, especially as 2 of my best friends got pregnant right after this happend to me- so I was torn- scared to get pregnant and have this happen again but desperate to have what I have wanted my whole life- But your body and mind need that 3 months-
Ask your doctor to monitor your bloodwork when you get pregnant next time such as progesterone levels that tend to fall and can cause miscarriage. This may help reduse this happening again. And was the story of me. I had to use suppositories for the 1st trimester for my next two pregancies. Both successful!

As for grieving I still have all of my ultrasound pictures of my first baby in a little box with all of my cards that I got. Its something I will never forget nor think I should.I was never a tattoo person but I plan on getting a small dragonfly to remember him-( im convinced it was a boy)
Good luck and god bless- you will have more! :)
Angie

A., I'm not sure where you are writing from, but if it is anywhere near Bangor, ME, please consider joining the group I run at EMMC called Empty Arms. It is a group for families dealing with infant and pregnancy loss. We meet on the 4th Wednesday of each month and are available for telephone counseling between meetings. You can find more information on Eastern Maine's website www.emmc.org Feel free to call me if you want to talk about the loss you just experienced.

That said, I want you to know I'm very sorry for your loss. People are going to tell you all kinds of things about how it was meant to be or how you're young and have more...but none of it will take away from what you wanted, which was that baby. Not knowing the cause of death of the baby, and probably you won't find out, just listen to your doctor. Most say you can get pregnant again within a cycle or two (sometimes 3) of a D and C. (It may depend on how "hard" they had to scrape and such.) Once you are pregnant again, however, be prepared for anxiety. Many people get through subsequent pregnancies by saying, "This is a different pregnancy, it is a different baby, it is okay." but that didn't really work for me. I was anxious, anxious, anxious for many many weeks. Still am! It helps to have a supportive doctor who doesn't mind you calling over every little cramp.

And just so you know, I've been there. After two completely uncomplicated pregnancies and two healthy baby girls, I was thrown for a loop. My third daughter was stillborn in January of 07, this was followed by months of trying, a miscarriage in Dec of 07 (at 10 weeks) and then another miscarriage at 6 weeks in May of 08. I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with what seems to be a healthy baby--and I'm clinging to that hope! I'm not telling you this for sympathy, I'm sharing it with you so that you will know that it can and does happen, even after disaster, and it will happen for you to.

Good luck and be at peace.
A.

A., I also found out at 10 weeks that there was no heartbeat. It was just devastating. I did not have a D&C - I took misoprostol - but I don't think that makes a big difference (except that I bled for weeks after). I got pregnant again 2 cycles later and now my sweet baby is 4 months old. I also have a friend who had 2 miscarriages early on who just had her baby boy. It happens all the time!

What got me through the early weeks with the second pregnancy was trying to stay absolutely in the present. If I thought about the future, I would panic. So I tried to only think about this moment, this hour, this day. It helped immensely when I could actually do it.

Lots of hugs to you.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, A.. All of the feelings that you are feeling are totally normal. I lost a pregnancy at nearly six months. I went in and had an ultra sound because I felt that something was not right and there was no heartbeat. It was horrible. I didn't have a D&C because after 20 weeks they have to induce you unless it is an emergency. So I had a thirteen hour labor. Horrible. That was my first and I felt awful for quite a while, but as time went on, it did get easier, and I did want to have kids (badly). That was in 2004 and I now have a three year old daughter and a 17 month son. I wouldn't change what I have for anything. Time does heal. If you are really having a tough time getting through it, you should maybe go talk with a therapist. Just talking to someone once or twice, or even many times if you prefer, can really help.

Good luck.

Hi A.! I am so sorry for your loss and I have tears in my eyes right now. Yes I have been through the same thing with my first pregnancy. At my 10 week ultra sound it showed my uterus was about 11 weeks but I lost the baby at 6 weeks (which I actually kind of knew but was in denial). There was no fetal pole or heart beat but because I did not bleed that much both my doctor & I felt for emotional reasons that a D&C would be best rather than waiting for me to fully bleed on my own. It can also be very painful.
I had the D&C 2 days later & for those 2 days waiting I just cried 24/7 and wanted to be left alone. Then the day of the D&C I felt so empty, numb, sad, angry (why me). I felt like a zombie, almost like I was dead inside. I wanted again to be left alone & because my mom went through the same thing with her 3rd pregnancy before me & is still 28 years later emotional over it she was the only one I could talk & relate to. I also could stand the stupid comments of "oh, well you can have another one", "the baby is in heaven with God", "oh it wasn't even a human yet anyway". It that is only some of what I heard! People are so insensitive & should just say I am so sorry & I am here for you. But they don't they open their mouths. Anyway, I got over it but still get emotional every once in a while (like right now).
I stayed off the pill knowing my husband & I would want to try again very soon & you need to be off the pill 1-3 months before getting pregnant. So we just had sex when ever not trying to get pregnant but if it happened great if not we would try again real soon (really try). 6 months later I got pregnant! Happy to say I have a healthy, beautiful, handsome, sweet, wonderful 22 month old son & another son who will be born in 4 days by c-section.
So take your time getting back on your feet both physically and emotionally. You will know what the time is right, or if you just get pregnant like I did I bet you will feel like I did. Happy, excited, a little scared, and I felt at peace too with my loss at that point. Good luck & again I am so sorry!

Hi A.,

I had a miscarriage right around the same time at 10 weeks 2 years ago. It was a really hard time for my husband and I because I was able to see that I had a boy. I had a spontaneous miscarriage before the D & C, so I was able to see my son. We buried him in our garden and had a small cemetery for him.

We were really sad and talked to each other about it, it brought us closer. We waited the prescribed 3 months and then tried again and we got lucky by becoming pregnant again. I found out on Thanksgiving. I now have a healthy happy 14 month old baby boy.

When you and your husband are ready, everything will work itself out.

So sorry for your loss, it is a hard thing to bear and a scary thing to hope...

E. P.

Hi. I had a miscarriage last year...I had skipped my cycle before getting pregnant so I really don't know how far along I was...my first blood count came back only at 47 so I am assuming I wasn't that far along but it was still hard...considering it happened a few days before my birthday. We waited the two months before trying again and than tried for about 9 months and didn't get pregnant...it was a total of 11 months of trying with the miscarriage in between and my doctor wanted me start some fertility so we decided to take a few months off. We just started trying again and I'll find out next week if it worked (wish me luck). I guess what I'm trying to say is you'll know when it is time to start trying again and god will decide when he's ready to give you another child...that's the only reason I can think of of why I couldn't get pregnant again. Oh, and I don't know if your doctor told you but your cycles might be really messed up. It took me 9 weeks to get a period after the miscarriage and than my cycles were about every 6-8 weeks. Just recently (almost a year after the miscarriage) have my cycles become regular again. Good luck with everything and allow yourself time to heal. I found that a lot of people just didn't understand why I was upset and ended up just keeping some of my feelings to myself...plus a girl at my work had a baby around my due date so that made it really hard for me to be happy for her.

My first pregnancy was a "false pregnancy" or a blighted ovum. It sounds almost the same as your experience... I was about 13 weeks and no heart beat...baby had not developed past 6 weeks. I was devasted especially because I was out of that first trimester and I was still experiencing morning sickness and symptoms of pregnancy. After speaking with a cousin who has several failed pregnancies and decided to have the D and C. Our doctor told us that we could try again after two menstrual cycles. We got pregnant almost right away and my daughter was born exactly one year to the day that I miscarried. She is a healthy and happy three year old. Take your time to grieve, let others give you suppport. I had to stay in pajamas for a few days and just cry it out and every day got easier. It was painful to pass my original due date (be sure to not underestimate that day it takes you by suprise) but I was already pregnant again by that time. I was lucky to have a problem that was considered a fluke and should not be likely to happen again. If this was the same that happened with you I want to reassure you that so many women have been through this same thing and talking with those women really helped me. There is lots of online support as well. When you get pregnant again ask for an early ultrusound for piece of mind...My husband and I discussed alternative ways to have children in case we were unable to get pregnant but I am expecting again so we are doing fine and able to have babies. In the "waiting time" before we could start trying to get pregnant again my husband and I went on a vacation with friends to Sandals in Jamaica (a couples only resort) we did things that we wanted to do and never got the chance to do before. We also got our foster parent license (is was a back up plan if we had fertility challenges) and even though we are able to have healthy babies we did adopt two little boys when our daughter was 9 months old. So a very tragic and devasting event had given us just a little extra time to accomplish goals that we might not have had the time or energy to do otherwise. Spend some extra time loving on your son and do some things that may be more difficlut once you are pregnant again or when you have a second child (theme park maybe or mini vacation). I still miss and think about the baby that might have been but I am also greatful for what we have. I hope that helps..I was in your shoes... scared confused etc... the deal I made with my husband that if I had back to back miscarriages we would take a break and give me time to grieve and look into other options (we were young so time was not an issue). That did not happen so it all worked really well. Communicate with your significant other and decide what is best for you , your spirt, your grief, your body and really decide if you want to go ahead and try again right away...it worked for us but it is not for everybody. I was concerned I would not have the children I wanted and now we are getting ready to welcome our 4th child this spring. My doctor was very up front about everything and assured us that miscarriage can be the natural way of eliminating the weaker eggs/fetuses that would have been likey to have other issues if carried to term...stillborn, birth defects etc...that helped us cope a bit as well. My thoughts are with you and your family at this time.

I have also had two miscarriages. One at 7 weeks, and one at 13. After my second one, i got pregnant with my son within a month. He is happy and healthy now, born 3 weeks early, though not sure if it was because i didn't wait. Now this may sound wrong, but i love my son more than anything. I think i should have waited. It was to the point where i couldn't hear a baby cry in the store without losing it, and that made me want "it" more than "him". I think you should grieve first. I am a young mother, and wished i would have let my mind settle first.

hi A.. my name is J.. i am 19 years old and found out last oct(2009) that i was pregnant. i also had a "missed abortion" where my body would or could not complete the miscarrige process. i did not ven know that i was pregnant until i was btwn 8-12 wks along and the baby had died somewhere in that time. my dr also told me there was no heartbeat. its devastaing. but my dr was stupid and did not do my D&C until nov112009. so the baby was dead in there for a while. the way i look at it is there could have been something wrong with the baby that only god knows about and he may think that u deserve one that is completely healthy. i know that i still cry often. but i also think that i will get to be a mother someday. pls dont let this run u down trust me its not worth everyting that u could lose. i almost lost my husband over it. pls just stay strong. now i have a question for u.... do u think it is normal to bleed with heavy clotting for 4 months after a D&C? maybe if there is someone u know that u could ask i would greatly appreciate it. i hope i helped at least a lil bit. here is my email to contact me for follow ups..... ____@____.com.

Of course you are feeling this way, you are mourning and having to start over--physically and emotionally. Give yourself time. I had a miscarriage, I couldn't imagine trying again. I now have a 1 year old baby girl and I'm due with #2 in Feb, so obviously our hearts change. My best friend tried for years to have kids with 3 miscarriages, 1 D&C and now has two beautiful children. Is it tough? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes. Give yourself time A.. You'll know when it's time.

Hi A.,

I also had a miscarriage and a D & C after my first child. He was a little over two. It was very difficult emotionally and what you are going through is completely normal!!! My OB told us we should wait for atleast two normal periods before we could start trying again so your hormones can go back to normal. We waited a few months and started trying again. I had no problems getting pregnant again and I had another healthy little boy. I hope this helps a little and I'm sorry what you're going through but it does get better:)

K. S.

A., first of all, I want to send you my thoughts and prayers... I know what you have gone through is very emotional. I myself had an 8 week ultrasound which told us almost the same, I was told the heartbeat was slow and they expected me to miscarry. I miscarried 1 week later. That week in which I was still pregnant was very emotional. I was carrying a baby (which took me 2 years of fertility treatments to get) and i was going to loose it. -- devastating. I did not need a D&C and was told I could try again in about 3 months. I did try again with the same fertility drugs and I concieved my now 3 year old daughter. I got through the miscariage with the thought that nature has a way and there was something wrong with that baby and the lord spared him/her a life with endless posibilities of disabilities. I teach a classroom of severely developmentally delayed students, I think the lord knew that I had enough special children in my life. When my daughter was 17 months old her baby brother was born who I concieved without any fertility drugs -- it's kinda funny how things just happen. I wish you the best of luck in whatever your decision. I probably havent given you much advice, but wanted to share my sympathy and story with you. Love and cherish the family you have been blessed with. L. C.

Hi A.,
you poor thing!!! I am so sorry for your loss - of course you are devastated and of course it sucks. Of course you don't know if you can go through this again. You thought you were going to have a beautiful baby, and now you are not going to have one. That counts as a loss, and I encourage you to grieve it as such. (Been there - almost the same - went for my first ultrasound at 10 weeks, and no heartbeat...was still having TERRIBLE symptoms of preg - took a while to go away. I was in shock and couldn't get over it - took me a long time to not feel sad and devastated.

Unfortunatley for me, it subsequently took me a VERY long time to get pregnant again - but my story is unusual, and we eventually figured out some things that were going wrong for us and went to a good Dr. to get them fixed. So, we eventually had our daughter ( and were monitored closely, but again, that was due to other circumstances). We had our beautiful daughter who is 2 now, and she is the light of my life! When I wanted to try for baby #2, we just went back to our Dr. and got help again. But - I still try not to get too attached, as I know the first 12 weeks are risky.

Allow yourself to mourn and grieve this baby that you lost. when you are ready, you will know. And, if you never feel ready again, you will know that too. My guess is that this loss is too fresh to make any decision like that right now. Allow your soul and your body to heal, and when the Dr.'s say you can try again, you can check in with yourself and see how you feel. YOu will know which way feels right for you. My guess is that when the time comes, if you still want another baby, you will be ready to try again. You may feel more gun-shy about it, you may not attach so quickly, you will see what coping mechanisms you come up with to protect yourself. I am sure that all will be fine for you. My Doc's told me that one miscarriage is NORMAL - happens to one out of three of us. If you have two or three in a row, then you have a problem that needs help. But - most women have one miscarriage, and then go on to easily become pregnant again and have a healthy baby. But - don't just trust me, ask your Dr's as many Q as you need to to feel safe.

Good Luck, and I do feel for you - it's a very sad a difficult situation to be in. If you want to chat more, feel free to e-mail me anytime!

Warmly,
E.

Hi A.,
I am also so sorry for your loss. Of course your feelings are normal; you lost your baby so recently. I had a blighted ovum with my first pregnancy (stopped forming at about 5 weeks; did not find it until 9 weeks). I had a D & E rather than a D & C, but the procedures are not that different. I took a week off of work to grieve and work out my emotions, which was a very good thing for me.

I went back on the pill after that since my doctor suggested that I wait three months before trying again, and I thought that it would be easier to know when my period was coming instead of wondering and hoping. I got pregnant the first month off the pill again, and have an 8 month old daughter now.

You will get through this. It's very fresh and very new right now. I went back and forth so many times about wanting a baby, and yet I was afraid of losing another one. Talking about it can help. Let yourself grieve. It's all natural and normal in this circumstance

A.,

First off I want to express how sorry I am that you had to go through a miscarriage! I had a blighted ovum after my second was born. I had no problems with my first two pregnancies so this really surprised me. Although logically I kept telling myself that I had had two healthy normal pregnancies (and two healthy boys) that it felt like I was pushing my luck. But we really wanted a third. So this planned pregnancy was a HUGE sadness when it ended. I did start trying again when we got the go ahead (I believe it was 2 "normal" cycles) and thank goodness we got pregnant right away. I have to be honest that those first 3 months were very stressful. For a week there I thought we had lost the pregnancy again, only to find out everything was fine. It is stressful! But I am sooo very happy that I continued with it and that we now have the most wonderful, and of course cutest baby boy EVER!!!

I wish you luck...hang in there. Try not to let this overtake you. Try and relax the next few months before trying again.

My thoughts are with you and your family at this time.

H. Z. (SAHM 5, almost 4 and 15 month old boys)

I am so sorry for the loss you feel. I went through the same thing and I mourned for a few months. It was not until the due date passed that I was able to put it behind me. It took me a full year to get pregnant again-same due date with twins! We needed IVF however. I have many friends who conceived only a short while later.
Do not rush your feelings. It is normal to grieve. I think that women feel it more then men as we are the ones who carried the life inside of us. Prayers are with you.

Hi A.,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I had two miscarriages and they were the most devastating events of my life so I know how you feel (I think). I felt alone, isolated, sad, and depressed. A lot of people said stupid or insensitive things and this didn't help. One thing I did to try and feel better was to read as much as I could on the subject. I also read a book called when Bad Things Happen to Good People because I went through so much questioning of "why me," especially because my husband and I really wanted a baby, we knew we would be good parents and I was/am in great health. Although I never got true answers to my questions, with time I was able to cope better.

Getting ultrasounds to this day is the worst experience in the world for me as I found out both times around 8 weeks that that fetus had died and the pregnancy wasn't viable. I never had any miscarriage symptoms so finding out in a doctor's office was horrible. I had a D&C for the first miscarriage. Then tried again 2 or 3 months later only to have another miscarriage. This time I took misoprostle (sp?) which was horrible! This is when I went soul searching, read a lot, tried to get into shape and better myself before trying again.

My third pregnancy I was terrified, I must admit. I was nervous and anxious since my symptoms varied from day to day and with the other pregnancies I never had bleeding or other typical miscarriage symptoms, so not knowing was difficult. I went to a fertility specialist and all of the results were inconclusive. After a hysteroscopy my doctor told me to try again. He advised me to take progesterone suppositories a couple of days after I started ovulating and the pregnancy stayed! I have a beautiful 8 week old daughter who is my little angel. I never knew that I could love some one so much...and although I still cry over my other two babies, I feel so much joy and happiness with my little one. So, it will happen for you eventually. Just take it easy, one day at a time. People would tell me not to worry but that's easier said than done after a miscarriage or two. My adviced to you is to wait until you feel emotionally and physically ready and reach out to others who have had miscarriages. I found out that it is much more common than I had known (even though this doesn't make anything better).

I'm sending my best thoughts your way. Time won't heal all wounds but with time you will be ready to try again. Good luck and take care.

P.

Hi - I am so sorry for your loss. I am grateful to be a success story so I'll share it with you. I have had 4 miscarriages where the babies just stopped...2 were at the stage of having had heartbeats. One I lost naturally and the other 3 I had D&C's with. My fifth pregnancy lasted and I now have a wonderful little boy! I took 3mg of Folic acid with my last pregnancy, my doctors thought I had a problem processing that normally, which leads to a hindrence in normal fetal growth. I hope that you have success with your next one, but don't worry about the D&C.
Good Luck!!!

Hi A.- I had a D & C at about 10 weeks (had an ultrasound at 9 with no heartbeat and then hormone drops followed) with my first pregnancy. it was very hard, especially as it was my first pregnancy. Come to find out, such miscarriages are much more common than I had ever known- I couldn't believe how many women told me about their own miscarriages after my experience. I've heard that is is more than 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. That said, statistiscs don't make things any easier to cope with...you need to mourn your loss in whatever way feels right to you. I got my period 6 weeks later and we got pregnant the following month- so like 2.5-3 months post miscarriage. A friend of mine also had a miscarrige with her no. 2 pregnancy- both of us now have happy little girls!

Hi,

I am a mother of a 21 month old daughter. I have been through exactly what you are explaining. I had a D&C in March of this year at 12 weeks. Both my husband and I had discussed having more children however I mentally did not know if I could go through it again. My Dr had pretty much told me we could start as soon as the next month however I just wasn't ready. After a few months I did decide to try and only in one month we found out we were expecting. I just had an ultrasound and I'm almost 12 weeks and everything looks great. The only advice I can give you is that you are not alone in what you are feeling and what you have gone through and only you can decide when you are ready to try again. Good Luck with everything your heart and mind will tell you when its time!

Hi A.,

I know what you are going through and I'm so sorry. I have a wonderful daughter who's about to be three. When she was 16 months old I was thrilled to get pregnant again. I found out at my first ultrasound at 10 weeks that the heartbeat was weak, they had me come back a week later and there was no heartbeat at all. I ended up having a D&C also. We waited the recommended 2 cycles then started trying again. My doctor prescribed Clomid because it had taken me 7 months to conceive the lost pregancy and my 40th birthday was coming up so we didn't feel like we had a lot of time to waste. I got pregnant the first month of trying on the Clomid and now have a beautiful 6 month old baby girl! It can happen!!!

As far as coping goes, my older daughter saved me. We hadn't told her I was pregnant yet, which was a blessing. She was just so sweet and loving and like you said, just reminded me of how much I wanted more kids. Also, my D&C was on May 2, 2007 and on Mother's Day we planted a cherry tree in our front yard in memory of the baby we lost. It was really nice this Spring when the tree flowered and bloomed.

Best of luck to you and your family!!

Sorry to hear of your loss :(. During my first pregnancy, I went for the routine 12-week ultrasound and was told my baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. Since I hadn't miscarried on my own, I was scheduled for a D&C two days later. It was a heartbreaking time for my husband & I and two days before my 29th birthday. It is OK to be nervous about getting pregnant again. I think anyone who has lost a baby can sympathize with you. It does not make it any easier that you lost the baby in the first trimester. You still feel that mother-child connection from the moment you find out you are pregnant. After we waited the recommended time to begin trying again, it took 3 months to get pregnant (that was the same amount as the first pregnancy.) I was a nervous wreck until the first ultrasound and was relieved when everything was fine. We now have two healthy daughters! Just take it one day at a time and let yourself grieve for your baby.

Hi,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. whatever grief, anger, disappointment and loss you feel are totally normal and ok.

I had a D&C after my first pregnancy at about 9 weeks. We had been trying for a year and I was devastated. I got pregnant again when we were able to try (I think 2 cycles after I got my period) and that wasn't viable either. I think my problem is that I was 37 and my eggs just weren't as fresh as they would have been ten years ago, so my embryos had chromosomal anomolies. After one more false start (implanted but never started developing, but my placenta did) I went to IVF and had genetic testing done on the embryo. That was what was the right thing for me because of the three lost pregancies. The good news - I now have the most beautiful daughter in the world and she is perfect. Those two years of trying and loss are now just a memory and I know that if I hadn't been through that I wouldn't have my Josie now.

Don't try to diminish your loss by saying my baby was only ten weeks old, or it was early. It was your child and all of the hopes and dreams that go along with it. It is really sad. Some people feel better if they have a good bye ceremony.

I will say that the waiting for your period is extremely frustrating. I know that I wanted to start trying again right away and you don't even know when that will be because it could be I think up to two months before you get your period. My advice is to think of some things that you couldn't do if you were pregnant and try to enjoy them. Eat as much sushi, imported non-pastuerized cheese, go lots of fun places with your son etc as you can. It isn't much, but it's something.

Good luck

Hi A..
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I don't know what to tell you about coping, I haven't been so graceful about it myself.
I had the same experience as you in April 2007. My baby was due October 23rd.
I was pregnant again in September 2007 - 4 months after the D & C - and am now enjoying the company of my little boy, Martin, born June 8, 2008.
I have a 4.5 year old daughter, too.
My kids rock my world, I love being a Mom.
And I still miss the one I never met everyday.
I think it makes me appreciate the ones I have even more.
Getting pregnant again was scary. I wasn't confident until about 7 months into it.
There are no right answers.
Hang in there.
L.

Hi A., It is so normal to be nervous and not want the heartache of another loss but frankly, you have to just jump back into the saddle so to speak.

My doctor told me to wait until I had recovered from the d&c and then try after I got my normal period. It took two months following the recovery of my D&C. Try to be positive and hopeful. It is a devastating loss but it happens for a reason and something just wasn't right. It probably was better to happen earlier on rather than later.

Take care of yourself and things will get better.

Good luck and try to have fun while you are trying!!

Hi, I completely understand what you are going through. I needed to have a d&c due to a failed pregnancy. Unfortunately, due to te circumstances rare form of pregancy called a molar pregnancy I was unable to get pregant for a year. The d&c was not the problem. However, when it was time to get pregant no issues and it was actually a much easier pregnance than my first one.

I understand that the future has been wiped away, but you will get through this...I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby.

Good luck, don't rush it, it will happen healthy and well the next time.

K

Dear A.,

My prayers are with you during this difficult time. Although I, personally, have not experienced what you are going through, I can tell you of two people that I know who did. One of my best friends had this same situation a few years ago. Her way to handle all of the emotional and physical distress was to pray. God is good. He has a plan. We do not know what it is, but anything that happens he uses to further that plan--even when man tries to intervene (obviously, not the case here). It literally was through prayer and her faith in God above which helped her to cope and continue to raise her two older children. I can tell you that she did wait a while before trying again (her D & C was in January of 2006), but now has an 8 month old son in addition to the two older sons she had before.

The other person I know is my mother. A few years after I was born, she was pregnant again. I believe that she was farther along than you were when she was told that she needed a D & C. My parents had just begun to tell people--I had even given my baby blanket to this new baby. They decided to look to the future. My parents knew that they wanted another child so they started to try again as soon as she was medically cleared--she became pregnant that first month. My brother is now 29 years old.

May God bless you and protect you as you take this journey.

i'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I too had a misscarriage at 12 weeks with my fourth pregancy it was very difficult. you need to mourn the loss. my first three pregancies i had no problems so it took me by surprise. we concieved a year later for our third girl....god bless you and your feelings are normal K. mother of 13 11 8 and 18mths

Dear A.,

Oh, sweetie. I just went through this in August. I was 16 weeks and already in love with my baby. I have been through quite a mourning process and the latest trigger came two nights ago when my brother called to say that his wife is expecting. I am so sad that the cousins won't be close in age and I have to admit, jealous. But I'm also overjoyed for them because they have been trying for 8 months and it will be their first child (I also have a two year old son).

After 3 weeks, I noticed that my thoughts started shifting from how sad about losing THAT particular baby I was to more planning types of thoughts about the future. I think it's a natural progression and it is healthy for you to think about it. Just don't feel like you have to make a decision NOW. You will know when you are ready to try again, physically and emotionally.

Please pamper yourself. Give yourself the foods you crave and get a massage. I have to admit I sort of punished my body by not working out, eating lots of junk and drinking wine (which I normally don't do). It was like a mini-indulgence but then after a couple of weeks of that I was able to get back to my "normal" routines.

My husband and I went out on a date a week or two after I miscarried and we connected in a new, deeper way. We decided how we would talk about this to friends, other children and others. We decided how to memorialize this baby (a garden statue), which was a very special conversation. Since then, we made decisions about our next step in having children. I've decided to go back to work full-time for a couple of years and then make another baby.

I wish you all the luck and I hope you believe, as I do, that the baby's spirit visited you albeit briefly, for a reason. I have come to understand mothering in a whole new way after my miscarriage. I feel more connected to my friends who have also experienced the devastation and I view their pregnancies and children as all the more precious.

I have tears right now for you and what you're going through, A.. Please know, that just as there were women who birthed babies when you birthed your eldest, supporting you, in solidarity with you--there are now women everywhere who are experiencing your same sadness and hoping that you will come to see the sweetness that follows.

Much Love,
S.

A.,

I am so sorry for your loss. I too had the exact same experience but with my first conception and it was devastating. I was able to conceive 3 months after and I now have two boys 5 and 3 years of age.It was hard to go through the loss but when I see my boys playing together and how close they have become I know it was all worth it!I have faith you will be able to conceive again your body just needs a little break before its ready again. My thoughts are with you!

Tori

Hi A., I went through the same thing eight years ago. My husband and I tried for 4 years to get pregnant. Nothing was working. Finally, we had a beautiful healthy baby boy. At his 1st birhtday, I found out I was expecting again. But then, found out at my 3rd month check up that there was no heartbeat. After my D&C, I thought I was meant to have just one child and at that point was preparing myself for just that. Then a few months later, I discovered I was expecting again. Now, I have 5 beautiful children. I also have talked with other mothers who have gone through this and my doctor and have discovered that after having a miscarriage, women often get pregnant fairly quickly. Good luck S. G

Hi A.,

I am sure you are getting flooded with responses since you are definitely not alone in this situation. I had a miscarriage and D&C in 2005. It was a surprise pregnancy and I had mixed feelings about it. At the time I had a 3 year old daughter and had no problems getting pregnant. I clearly remember driving home from the OB appointment after learning the baby had no heartbeat and saying to my friend (who just happened to come to the appointment with me) that Anna was going to be my only child since I was never going to go through this again. Well, I am happy to say my daughter, Laura, is now 2 years old. I miscarried in 3/05 and got pregnant again in 11/05. I was definitely nervous getting pregnant again but it was so worth it. I still think about the baby I lost but am so grateful that I have my two beautiful healthy girls. Give yourself time to grieve and heal and try again when you feel ready. Best of luck to you.

J.

A.,
I'm sorry for your loss. I also had a loss at that point in pregnancy and a D&C, with my first pregnancy. You need to give yourself time to get over it physically and to grieve the loss. Your hormones are crazy, your body will take a while to get back to normal.

What you are feeling now is totally normal. Give yourself time. If you find it helpful, there are a couple books you can find on Amazon that deal with pregnancy loss. There also may be a support group at your local hospital. And you definitely can find support online, as you know.

If you don't have friends who have gone through it, you may find people will try to avoid talking about it, but if you need to talk about it, you need to tell your friends that. People just really don't know how to deal with it and they are afraid to upset you.

I didn't get preg right away after my loss but I had other stuff going on. Many women get pregnant right away. I think it is important to wait until you are ready as you want to be able to enjoy your next pregnancy, not be worried the whole time.

It's different for each of us. When I did conceive again, I had a great pregnancy and I really didn't worry for those first 11 weeks at all. I knew it would be fine that time and it was. I had a lot of time to come to terms with my loss and it can make a big difference.

Hugs,
P.

My most sincere condolences, A.. I lost a baby early in pregnancy and it was devastating. There were several times after that too where I was SURE I was pregnant (it was just too early to tell on a test) and they weren't successful either. After that, I tried for five more years to conceive and we used clomid and IUI's, nothing worked. I did acupuncture and bam, pregnant. It was a successful pregnancy and my baby, Lily, is 16 months old. Some people take a very long time and some people get pregnant really quickly. Even if you're body's ready, your heart might not be & I believe you can mentally/emotionally hinder the process until you've healed and or reconcilled your feelings over the loss. Your feelings are very normal. And, you're probably pretty hormonal too, so your feelings are going to vacillate quite a bit. Grieve now and don't make any decisions to get pregnant or not. Take things day by day and when you're ready, you'll just know. You have a lot of healing to do physically and emotionally. Remember that a large majority of women have miscarriages. It's way more common that we think. Another big hurdle I was faced with this last pregnancy was finding the joy in it and not being terrified of loss the entire time. I'm sad to say that it stripped a lot out of the experience for me. I wish I could have been less fearful and just experienced what should have been a joyous time. Another poster said to take it day by day and be in the moment. I had a VERY hard time doing that & that's great advice for you to remember. I recommend getting as physically healthy as possible, having your hormones checked and working on your "whole package" from the inside out. The rest will work itself out. I also highly recommend counseling for the loss and acupuncture for the future success in pregnancy. They did wonders for me.

R.

Hi A.,

I know what you are going through. The same thing happened to me at the 11-12th week dr. appt. I had to go in for a D&C as well. It was tough b/c we didn't have any kids yet and even though it is common, felt like we weren't sure if we'd be able to get pregnant again. We waited til I had my period again for a full cycle and then tried again. It was hard but we were lucky to get pregnant very fast. We now have a wonderful 2 yr old. I still remember the date I went in and the due date of the 1st failed pregnancy but now that I have my son--he is all that matters. Take your time, different people do different things, talk to your husband and just see how you both feel. Best wishes to you and your family!

I am so sorry for what you have gone through. It's perfectly normal to have a huge range of emotions, from grief to worry about getting pregnant again, to wondering whether you want to put yourself through it again. You have hormonal things going on, and you also need time to mourn.
Listen to your body, and listen to your emotions, and give yourself some time and space. There's nothing wrong with you if you decide to give it some time!

My stepdaughter went through this a few years ago, and she started trying again after the 12 weeks. It didn't take her too long to get pregnant after she started trying - just a month or two. If it does take you a while, though, it doesn't have anything to do with the D&C - sometimes pregnancy takes a while under perfectly normal circumstances.

DO NOT let anyone tell you that you shouldn't have these feelings - there is no rule, and any comments about why you should get over it sooner or forget about it are thoughtless and not helpful. There is also a group called Resolve which deals a lot with infertility, but many women have gotten pregnant but had miscarriages - they can be supportive for you. Remember that many many women have gone through what you have, but you don't always know because it's "hidden" - many lost their pregnancies before anyone even knew about it. So they also wind up suffering in silence, thinking they are alone. Don't be afraid to get some short term counseling. As your gyn or primary care doctor for a referral if you don't have another source for a counselor, and if you think it would be helpful.

Good luck, and be good to yourself.