When a Spouse Yells...

Yes, I throw things. Hate to admit it. Not at my husband. He throws things too. Same reasons you noted: Work, family, family stress. It's not easy and we get frustrated and have had some heated arguments.

We didn't want to actually attack the other, so we grab what's closest and lob it. Been about a year though. But yes, it happens. Don't feel bad.

Must have missed the twice in 13 years part when I posted before. Strange though, most people wouldn't ask this question if it was only twice in 13 years.

Actually, I'M the thrower of things. Sigh. I'm not proud of it. But I have hurled pork chops across the kitchen, slammed the garage door with enough force so all the pictures fell off the wall.

And the shining jewel of All Bad Moments, I threw my cell phone at the wall and my laptop at the man, simultaneously. A very expensive Bad Moment.

It doesn't happen a lot. Mostly I just cry. Geez, I used to be such a NICE person.

Ahem, anyway, why do you ask?

:(

I have thrown a dishtowel..
And I threw a pan out the back door, when I burned a dinner.

My husband has thrown stuff.

I have a friend that would throw things, her husband would punch holes in the walls.

It has been probably over 20 years since we have done this..

Yep. Both of us have. Sometimes we know how to push the right buttons..

Sure!
I have done that.
So has my Husband.
Not often, but it has happened.

Yep, my husband threw something at a clock of mine a few years ago. It broke the glass. We used to have some very loud and heated arguments.

i wish. my husband will shut down while he is dealing with whatever stress. i then try to get him out of his shell and help him figure out a solution. no yellers here :(

Oh please. I've yelled (and broken things) more than that in 13 years of marriage. At one point we were under so much stress we bought a bunch of mismatched china from a garage sale and took it out back and took turns breaking it against the foundation.

Anger is a normal response to being hurt or threatened. If it is not aimed at each other or the children people need to be allowed to safely and appropriately express that anger and have the other person accept their emotions and love them through it.

Sure. Everyone yells out of frustration,hurt, anger, etc. I, like my husband take a very long time before I get that heated, though. It has to be something extreme for me to lash out. However, it has happened a couple times in the last 15 years we have been together.

I don't think anyone can last their whole married life without a significant blow up. For me, I have always thought it is important to say what is on your mind when you are upset, if you don't-it becomes a volcanic eruption.

Yes, my husband and I have both thrown things (not at each other) when we've been angry or stressed. It doesn't happen often. My husband goes through times when he's on a shorter fuse than usual. It's always work related. If things are stressful at work, he's a bear at home. Unfortunately, right now is one of those times. He's stressed at work, and we've been having a tough time getting back into the swing of school and busy schedules again after a lazy summer. He's been very cranky while trying to help our daughter with math in the evenings.

I asked a similar question awhile back....here it is:

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/18119333711370584065

I had forgotten about the incident until you asked. So, clearly hasn't happened again.

Hmmm I threw a pillow once in anger when my ex lied after I found out he cheated for 10 years.

Yelling on the other hand=( Sad to say I've done it. Not in front of my daughter (except for the week that my ex and I were splitting up, I yelled and cursed while she was in the other room--not proud of that)
but in the heat of an argument when she isnt home, sure. Not proud of it, and havent done it in months, but my yelling isnt cursing more J. stating my point loudly.

I had verbal diareaha in my house growing up like Dad on purpose!
not yelling in the normal sense but yelling at ungodly levels while saying the meanest things

I grew up with a family that yelled, hit. spit, and did everything else in between. My parents would compete in between the episodes of hitting with yelling and telling us horrid things about eachother.
Example from when I was 13

My dad hits my mom
my mom curses out my dad, while throwing something
my dad proceeds to yell and tell us my mom killed our baby brother or sister/ because apparetly she had an abortion between my brother and I. Something she was deeply ashamed of and something he should not have told us in anger
The only good thing that came of this is I took down my anti abortion posters so she wasnt reminded daily

Anyway I'm against yelling in front of my daughter because of this. Aside from the week I split with my ex (when she was 3 and in the other room) I have been able to never have her witness immature fights with yelling throwing things and or hitting and so on. She does witness bickering or M. and my boyfriend upset and arguing and then working it out but not fighting or yelling.

Ihave. I once through a phone on the floor, wanted to throw it at his head. He had started drinking and getting totally blasted. We had a huge argument and he blamed me for it.
There was another time I threw a phone book on the floor. I had just come home, the kids were all gimme gimme, I still needed to cook, do some laundry and he was complaining about the book and something else on the table.
I don;t think a time here or there where there is no intention to hurt the other should damage a relationship. I now have a reflex punching bag in the basement that I do put to good use when i am getting stressed out. Of course,lately i am too exhausted.

ETA: Of couirse, it one is hurt,then there is something else going on. I just mean that throwing a book on the floor is better then throwing it at someone. And yes we have had yelling matches, mainly because a lot of strewss going on. Mostly those happened when he hung out with "friends" that would get him to drink and get drunk. That was long ago though and he doesn't drink at all now.

I used to do it all the time. There were holes in our walls from me throwing things at the walls. I broke an entire bottle of wine in the kitchen one time. I would throw candles, plates, glasses, cell phones, even furniture.

I'm not proud of it, and I grew out of it, but when you're young, immature, and were never taught how to deal with emotions properly (my Dad had an explosive anger too), it doesn't seem possible to deal with anger in a healthy way. I learned better coping skills once I realized that kind of anger is hurtful to everyone involved.

Anyway... my husband has done it a few times, like yours. Maybe like five times, and we've been together 15 years. So no, he's not abusive, and yes, it's workable. Everyone loses their cool sometimes. We are all entitled to throw fits on occasion.

We've never thrown things, but I've slammed a door. Kinda. My husband raised his voice once or thrice, but it didn't quite get to "yelling". I didn't like it, though. I try to avoid that, but not because I'm afraid. I just like to keep level heads.

I'm the kind of person who shuts down when yelling starts. I don't retreat; I just refuse to try to talk with a person who is yelling at me. Even before it gets to a yelling point, if I can feel my husband amping up (and know that yelling might be the next step) because the topic of discussion is unpleasant, I tell him that I am finished talking with him until he can talk to me like he's got good sense. Then, we talk later.

I think that your marriage sounds fine in that regard.