My son's friend just called and asked him to go to the movies with him (and his mom). Son asks me, while on the phone with his friend "Can I go to the movies with Jack this afternoon?" I say "Sure". Son says "He says to bring $10 to pay for the movie." I say "Sure, no problem." "He says that you will need to drop me off at the theatre and pick me up after." Now I am confused. While I might expect the kids to pay their own way, I certainly wouldn't expect them to provide their own transportation. How is this an invitation to the movies? My plans for the day didn't involve driving back and forth across town to the theatre. I told my son to call back and tell his friend that he can't go because he doesn't have a ride. What would you do or say? I considered calling back and asking the mom if my son couldn't actually catch a ride with them.
So my son called back and told his friend he couldn't make it since he didn't have a ride, and then mom offered him a ride there and back. I guess I was just taken off guard by the invite. I can see the scenario that they may have plans for before and after in that part of town, but if that is the case it seems strange to invite a friend to the movies.
The child lives a couple of blocks over from us, and it was just the three of them going to the movie. The kids are 11 and have been making plans over the phone for some time now. I've never had this happen with my older son either. Next time I will ask to hear all the details before I say yes!
I don't have a problem with driving my kids place. I spend a pretty big chunk of time driving them around. Today I couldn't drive back and forth across town because I actually had plans that would have prevented me from doing that.
My kids make pending arrangements with their friends, but I always follow up with the parent before finalizing my Okay. Until kids are old enough to have their own income and transportation, parent-parent communication is required.
In this scenario, I'd have called the other mom.
How old are the kids involved?
Kids have no idea how to work out the logistics - and they don't think everything through.
How to get there and back, how much tickets are, how much popcorn/soda/snacks cost, who'll pay for what, etc.
Teens are better at it - later teens (16 and older) have it down pretty good.
You guys worked it out alright but expect more of this sort of thing for awhile.
it's an invitation to join.
this happens a lot more than you think it does. Is this a next door neighbor? Does he live down the street or close to the theater?? To me? that information makes the difference.
When my kids invite someone to a movie, dinner, etc. we typically pay. We might ask for them to meet us. It all depends upon where they live in relation to where we want to go.
I will typically drive everyone home though.
Far as I know, when someone asks your child to go to the movies with them, it means they will pick him up and drive him home...and especially when it's a last minute thing. It would've been different if it was planned
This sounds ridiculous
If the other mom wants to drive your son she will call, after hearing your son doesn't have a ride. It is odd, but maybe they have other things they are doing on that side of town before and after the movie.
Added: you could call the mom and get more details, with the universal understanding that sometimes boys get things wrong. ;)
Kids are not great communicators. Next time ask for the phone as ask to talk to the other child's mom. Discuss the plans and get a clear picture of the plans.
They could have said "We're going to the movies, care to join us?" and then that's more clear. Maybe they have to go somewhere after and can't drive him back. Do they live near you?
This has only happened to us when we weren't on the way and it would be quite an inconvenience to come get my son. More of a "We'll be at the pool all afternoon if you guys want to join us". But same - my kid will say "Sorry, I can't get a drive" and then I leave it up to them to offer.
I only find it annoying if your kid then feels they are missing out - where before the call they were happily playing at home. But that's life, and I don't think that's the people's intention.
ETA: I agree with you though - we typically drive the kid we've invited. I can't think of a time we haven't.
That is strange, I would also have assumed such an invite included transportation. I get wanting to share transportation for things like play dates but I have never had an invitation such as this one and not had transportation just be assumed by both parties to be included in the invite.
I think sometimes there are miss communications. Sounds like the friend called and said her my mom's taking me to see "x" meet us there. Not so much an invite as a hey let's get together.
It might be because they will be out and about doing errands and can't pick your son up before and have plans to go straight to another destination before coming home? In that instance, I would say the same thing.
Most of the time it is a large group going to the movies so yeah, you have to drive. Of course we usually set up carpools so you only drove one way.
Maybe the kid wanted a friend to come but the mom didn't have time (or didn't want) to come and pick a friend up/drop off so she said if your friend can get a ride there and back he can come.
As kids get older play dates get less formal, and parents more often than not get their own kids where they need to be.
It wouldn't bother me, and I would not assume that the other parent was driving everyone. If I had the time to drop off and pick up, I would. If not, I would say, "Yes, as long as his mom can pick you up and bring you home."
Probably this was his friend's idea, and his mom didn't want to be put out any more than you did. When you threw a monkey wrench into the boy's plans to have his friend (your son) along, then he went to his mom and pleaded his case. His mom relented and your son got a ride.
No point in calling her. She didn't want to be put to the trouble of driving across town any more than you did. The invitation wasn't from her. It was from her son.
I see your dilemma. This is why kids cannot and should not make their own social arrangements until a certain age. Literally, this is "Playing Telephone" - you don't know what the other mom said, or what the other kid said. You only know what your kid told you. Just one or two details needs to change from one party to the next. So the mom could have said "meet us there" and the friend said "come with me", or he could have said it right and your son "translated" it incorrectly.
The other kid's parent should have said, "Ask Jimmy if he wants to meet you at the movie theater, and tell him it costs $10." Let the kids "practice" making a date (social skills development) and then let the parents get on the phone to verify/solidify the specifics. That's when the other parent could have said, "Can you drop off at 3:00, we'll meet him at the entrances, and I'll bring him home since I have to do XYZ first?"
Or, you could have gotten on the phone with the mom after the boys made the first attempts, just to verify. So, while I see why you assumed what you did, it's a lesson learned that we just can't always do that with our kids.
Depending on where they live, it might be out of the way.
My daughter still does this with her friends, I used to get upset but not only does it give us time to discuss things on the way, we have better discussions on the way back. Yes, it takes our time- but that is what mothering is all about. Not just that, you know he gets there safely and can see who he's hanging with! Enjoy those short lived moments.
Maybe that is the new way things are done, I don't know.
When my daughter invited anyone anywhere, we treated 100% and we provided transportation. When she was invited to things, she usually paid her way and transportation was provided.
I would have questioned that plan as well. I have no issue providing transportation but around here to go from one side of town to the other is not always easy with traffic. My daughter lives on the other side of town from me which in good traffic is about 15 minutes but it has taken me an hour to get home from her place when I didn't time it just right. That sucks.
I would have called the mom and found out what was going on. To me it's not normal for 2 kids to ride together and not invite the other kiddo to ride with them, it's more fun that way.
So my first thought would have been that it was a 2-1 situation where they were wanting to have fun together but limit your son's interaction with them. SO the mom would need to be aware of this.
Second thought was that maybe they were going to be over by the theater to begin with and your guy would need to get to them but no reason he can't ride home with them too.
Third thought was maybe they had items in their vehicle where he simply wouldn't fit and if he wanted to come he'd have to get there and back.
Since there are even more options than these three I'd want it from the mom's mouth to settle what it actually was. Doing it your way was that, not specifically talking to the mom but finding out why he wasn't invited to ride. So you handled it well.
I would have asked to talk to the parent, wondering if the parent was aware of the invite and if they would actually be there to oversee the boys. My first thought is the friend told his mother that you would be watching them.
