To Pay or Not to Pay???

I actually think it's rude to assume someone else is paying. Unless it's a birthday party, I would always assume they are inviting them to join along, not inviting them for a free afternoon.

Unless, you have this paying arrangement set up with friends...I don't think you should assume with people you've never really done things with before. (I mean you in the general sense...not actually you personally.) I would probably pay for someone I invite a long, but that's because I want to...not because, it should be expected. I would always send money with my son no matter what.

It usually has to do with the family's finances, to be honest. OR the feeling that if they always pay the kid's way, the parents will always expect it.

Some people never offer to pay for their kids. Some people always send money along. Some people dump their kids on the neighbors, most don't, which is good.

So I think that there are a lot of reasons why people do what they do. I always paid for other kids, but gracefully accepted when moms gave me some money, mostly because I didn't want to make them embarrassed for me paying their kids' way.

Dawn

I dont invite kids normally to go anywhere with us, becuase i can barely aford to anthing anyways.
We did over spring break invite my daughters 9 yr old friend to go to the zoo with us, but i have a membership so she got in free with us. I brought a picnic lunch for all of us including the little girl. SO she didnt need any money, but her mom did send money with her incase she needed something or needed to pay her way in.
If my daughter was invited somewhere (hasnt been) i would send money with her is i could afford it. If i couldnt i wouldnt let her go. I wouldnt expect aanother childs parents to pay for my kid, because i know money is tight in a lot of families right now.

We always pay for our sons' friends whenever we take them anywhere, and they pay for our sons whenever they invite them anywhere. I don't know if that's the norm, but it's what we do in our circle of friends.

ETA: I always ask how much to send with my boys, but the parents always say not to worry about it (probably because we always pay for their kids when they are with us). I don't just assume it's a free day.

Oh how tacky.....

I would NEVER, EVER ask any guest I invited somewhere to spend a penny.

We have taken friends with us on vacation and never considered the friend paying anything... this includes airfare, hotel, all Disney tickets, any tickets for any entertainment venues, food, etc.

I have always sent $ with my daughter when she has been invited somewhere just in case she is asked to ante up (which she has and she has paid her way).

In my opinion, you don't invite someone to go somewhere if you do not intend to treat them as your guest... all expenses paid.

I wouldn't make a big deal of it if it's a small amount and you are asking occassionally. For example, if your daughter invites a friend once or twice per month for a movie, or the park plus lunch, etc. Just pay for her. Either her parents have bad manners or can't afford it. When your daughter is invited, still send money with her. Teach your daughter to have good manners, and also to have grace when others don't.

If something is more expensive, say something like "my daughter really wold love for your daughter to go, but we just don't have the spare money to cover everything. Would you mind contributing $X"?

Maybe I'm in the lower-income bracket, but in my group of friends we don't expect others to pay for our child's expenses even if they're invited. We also don't give party favors! Crazy! I know :P

Yet, it depends on the expense. If the cost would be over $10 then I'd for sure want the parent to send money. If it's stopping at McD's for an ice cream cone, then no biggie.

I guess my thought is, one should never assume another family's financial situation. Nor should our society keep acting like throwing money around (when you really can't afford it) is acceptable. I'm also the child that still cringes when my parents pay for my meal or want to give me something.

If I were to invite my kids friends to something like that I would pay for them. I think it would be expected. If my kids were ever invited to something, then like you, I would ask how much they need to bring

Well...I've learned that you never know someone else's financial state. My oldest son has several friends who appear to be doing quite well - nice houses and cars, regular vacations, their kids always have nice clothes and electronics, etc. and only years later did I learn that, for example, the grandparents were paying for all the extras because finances were so tight or they were living off of credit, etc. So for some families, a few dollars here or there can really make a difference some weeks.

So...I don't assume either way. Like you, I always ask how much to send/offer to pay. A few families my kids are friends with will tell me how much and others will say "oh tha'ts OK I've got it." I'm fine with either way. With the families who prefer that each child pay his or her own way, I'll let them know how much something costs if they ask so that things are consistent and they don't feel like they "owe" me. With the other families, I just try to keep a general tally to make sure that they're not spending way more on my child than I am on theirs. My SD does have a friend who is rather wealthy and that friend's mom won't accept any money for things and takes them out all the time (eyebrow waxing, nail appointments, dinner, movies etc.). That feels weird for us but she insists that things be her treat and that she really enjoys having my daughter around, that she's the sister her own daughter never had, etc. So we do go out of our way to include her daughter in family outings and treat her when she's with us. But that's the only friendship that's really out of balance.

The norm when they were younger was for the inviting family to pay for everyone but as the kids get older and the outings get more expensive (movies are a fortune, as is feeding teenage boys!) the expectation has shifted to each child having money with them to pay for themselves.

I never ask the parent to send money but I appreciate if the parent asks and then sends money. We just don't have much extra money right now so it really helps. My son is an only child and loves to be able to bring a friend along but if I always had to pay for the friend, our outings would be much more limited. I always expect to pay for my son if he is going with someone else.

If I invite I expect to pay for the child. However if my child is invited I always send money.

If WE invite, WE pay. Now if the invited person wants to buy a souvenir or something like, it depends...

If I invite someone to come with us, we *always* pay. If my child gets invited somewhere, I expect not to have to pay. I was only once asked to send money with my child when she was invited to go somewhere with her friend. I admit, I was turned off. I wouldn't even THINK to ask someone to pay when I'M the one that did the inviting.

Yea, thats weird. If I "invite" somebody to come, I will pay, now I do assume that the parents will send extra "fun money", but as far as food and admission, I will pay. Now, say they are walking out the door and its a last minute thing, or they say she cant come because they cant afford for her to come, but if she wants to come and I know upfront, ill pay. But I would assume if my child was invited to go somewhere, they are going to pay. But like I said, Ill send fun money.

i was always raised if you invite someone to go with you you pay, when my family every took trips to theme parks we could normally invite a friend each and we always paid for them (food and admission) and they paid for extras. ill be doing the same with my daughter if she wants to invite someone with us somewhere we will pay that is the right thing to do

If WE invite, we pay. I have parents that offer money, and parents that don't.

She didn't mention money when she invited, which I would take to mean she intended to pay for everything; however, you did initiate the idea of "How much money I should send with her." So you opened up the idea of your paying at least something. And she gave you an amount. While I would always do all the paying if I do the inviting, if my child were the person invited and I asked "can I send some money" etc. I would ask it with the full realization that I would then send that money and expect it to get spent. Possibly you were asking really just to be polite and didn't expect her to take you up on sending money -- and maybe it would have been nice if she'd demurred and said, "Oh, no, it's on us, we're the hosts" -- but she did take you up on it. Next time I'd be crystal clear: "Thanks for inviting Sally. Is this Dutch treat?" If she's paying, that's her time to say so, or to tell you, "Yes, it would help if you could send X" or "Yes, we already have the event tickets -- could you send X for Sally's dinner?" or whatever.

We get extra tickets to things like children's theatre or ballet or whatever so my daughter can invite friends, and we always are really clear in saying, "We've already got the tickets and this is on us." I've had moms send their kids with a few bucks but I usually only let the girls spend it maybe at the snack stand or if there's a gift shop-- food or entertainment are on the person doing the inviting. But if a mom said, "I really want to help pay," I would say yes, because for some folks that is important to them. But I'd hold the amount down.

Wow. When I send my kids with people, I ask if they need spending money or if they are going anywhere that costs money, I give $10 directly to the mom. I'd never look at a little kid when it came time to pay.
When I invite kids to go with us or I'm babysitting, i just pay. If I couldn't or didn't want to, I wouldn't make plans! We would stay home and play in the yard.

There are so many factors that go into it. Generally for outings each kid pays for their tickets and meals. Then again most of the time I would have several kids with me.

I also offer to pay and always send money for my kids expenses. I also ask when they come back if there was some expense they had to cover so I can pay them back.

Perhaps this is regional, perhaps it was because only a few of us drove so it would suck if we were always paying for everyone because there were a few that never drove.

I always pay. I have never made another child pay. I figure it all evens out in the end. However, if we are going shopping for things, I'll tell the parents that and let them pay for the goodies.

For example, last year I took my kids and a friend to see Lion King at a theater about 90 minutes away...it's in a mall and I told my friend I was going to let my kids each pick one thing to take home, so she sent her daughter with some $ to get something. Her choice went a few dollars over so I gladly paid it...but I would not accept money for the movies or dinner after.

I pay and let them shop with their money, if it is a place they can shop and feel like a big kid.

Everyone is different. Most often when some offers an invitation, it is often their treat.

No big deal and no reason to be offended. Hope your daughter had a good time.

We always expect to pay if we invite our daughter's friends to go somewhere with us.

When we invite kids to go with us it is our treat.

When my son goes with someone I always put $ in his pocket and/or offer it to the other parents. I have never had anyone accept it.

My kids are younger. I am guessing as they get older kids will have their own $ to pay for things. At least my son will always have $ with him.

I pay for sure. I had a mother send money with her child but I didn't use it. Sent him home with it. I agree with you. If you invite then you should pay.

It depends on the activity. If we are going to get ice cream, then I'll just spring for it. If we're taking the kids to a movie, I might buy the ticket but say that candy is on their own. If the child can only go if the parents provide the funds, then I make that clear upfront. We have also had parents just give us money for things we didn't ask for but it was always appreciated. The other mom may have figured since you were talking money, you were going to pay for the ticket.

If I invite a child to go with us, I would expect to pay for said child. If my child went somewhere, I would make sure that he/she had cash with him just in case.

Might need a little more digging lol. Did she invite your daughter or did her daughter ask if "X" could come. And the mom said well if "X" has her own money. could be her children all had passes to go. there are any number of reasons. If I asked a kid to go I would pay. However having said that I have in fact told my kids no so and so couldn't go cause I didn't have the money so if they wanted to go they had to pay their own.

I would pay if I invited. That was down right rude to have your child pay!you do the inviting, you do the paying in my own little world I live in!

I always treat if my daughter has a friend along with her...even vacations. If the parents asked I would respond that it was my treat,. For $15, I wouldn't stress that much.

When we invite kids then we pay. If my kids are invited somewhere, I always ask if they need to take money and if so, how much. I don't think we've ever had other parents actually tell us my kids need money, they always paid. I think you just have to clarify each time.

It depends on where we're going, how much it costs and whether I did the inviting as opposed to the kids asking if the friend can go.

If I do the inviting, I assume I will be paying.

If it's the kids asking if someone else can go, if it is costly, I would probably say okay if they bring their own money.

If my child is invited, I always give my child money.
My daughter is old enough to have her own purse that she carries and her wallet and she is responsible.

For my son who is only 5, if he goes out say with Aunty, i give him some money and then give it to Aunty to hold for him.

I never assume, that the other parent will pay everything for them.

If I, invite my children's friends to go out with us, their Mom ALWAYS gives their child money to bring along.
They never, "expect" me to pay for everything, unless I say I will.

Just because you invite a child out with you, it does not mean YOU have to pay.
But it should be decided upon between parents. Beforehand.

At times, I do go ahead and pay for some things for my kids' friends when they are with us. But that is MY choice. And my wanting to do so.
My kids' friends, NEVER EVER, ask me to get them anything nor pay for them. They have manners.

I would always offer to send my DS with money when he is invited out...and would always offer to pay for a friend if we invited them.

Depends I guess.

If I invite I tend to pay but most parents offer money anyhow. Same for me - if my son is invited I always send money just in case they need it but most of the time it ends up back with the kiddo at the end of the day.

Also depends on event - if we're going to WaterWorld for the day and the admission is $50 a person and little Suzy wants to bring a friend - well I'd probably agree to pay since we invited BUT wouldn't be surprised if the parents offered to help cause that is a lot of money.

IF we're all running to McDs for lunch - then no - I'm not going to take money from my friends and their kids for a $3 happy meal.

I think rule of thumb is if your kid is going somewhere with another family it's only polite to ask if they need money adn send it along. If you are inviting another child to join you I would pay OR make it very clear at the invite that they will be responsible for the child's costs.

I would pay for the other child. IF it were my child being asked, I would send money even if I was told not to.

If I'm inviting another child to come along with us on a play date, I expect to pay for the child's admission and meals.

Now, if the other family found out we were going somewhere and then asked if their child could ride along with us (such as to the kids' soccer tournament out of town, or something like that where it's just a carpool situation), then I would expect the other family to send some money along.

I would pay for the child's lunch and ticket. But, not everybody is in the same financial situation. You asked and she told you how much. The important thing is if your daughter had a good time!

it all depends on how the invite was approached....If its a straight hey we would like so and so to come said event we pay....but if its something like Hey there is an event coming up its XYZ $$$ if your interested let me know we are going at 11am. Then that lets them know I am not paying for everyone and its up to you if you would like your child to attend.

I wouldn't be offended at all. You asked and if you don't know her that well, you don't know all that goes on. Do they have multiple kids so would constantly be paying for other kids? Does she think this might be the only time your kids get together so you won't get a chance to reciprocate or you're the type not to bc she doesn't know you? I gave my daughter money to go ice skating with a friend and the mother took it. I was glad! She'd given me a gift in a way by being so nice and taking my daughter for a treat and off my hands for awhile. I don't want it to cost her money too. Another parent refused the money my daughter offered again for ice skating. I just thought I'll treat his daughter to something some time. With the first mom, we'll likely keep it even by paying for our own kids vs reciprocating. I tend to take our neighbors' daughter with us to a lot of things so sometimes sure I take money. It'd add up otherwise and keeps me from getting resentful that I seem to be doing the taking places more. Them taking your 6 year old probably was nice for them bc she made their daughter happy yet you also got a couple of hours of either free time or time to devote to your other kids. So they may feel like that was kind of a favor in and of itself. I've certainly treated for plenty of things for my kids' friends and often will turn down offered money. Just depends on how well I know the parents, how much it'll be, maybe my mood etc. I'm not offended either way if a parent offers or not so you shouldn't be offended that she took you up on your offer. I would have said forget it if I were her bc she didn't even know how much lunch would be etc and the whole thing was likely under $20 but maybe they're always getting hit with these little expenses...