We just moved to a new town and subsiquently a new preschool for my daughter. She's been going to faith based schools and really LOVES school! So she's been in her new school for abt 6 wks. I haven't spoken with her morning teachers at all since she started bcus her Dad drops her off and I pick her up after lunch bunch and her actual teachers arent' there then. So I pick her up early one day and see her teacher and say hows my daughter doing? Thinking she'll give me a nice little update on how she's settling in. Completely straight faced she says she doesn't know how much or if my daughters learning bcus she doesn't look her in the eye and looks down and mumbles when she asks her questions sometimes. I said isn't she 3? My daughter is shy and does take her a while to be comfortable with new people and situations. Once she's comfortable she's great. So the teacher seems a little annoyed with my daughter and I try to brush it off. She didn't say anything else like, we like having her or she's a sweet girl, nothing. So a week or so later I run into her other morning teacher and say how's my daughter doing thinking I'll get that warm and fuzzy answer I've been looking for. No such luck... This teacher says she has been talking to the other teacher and they think my daughter should have her eyes and ears tested bcus she doesn't look them in the eye and they don't think she listens as well as they thing she should. They both then go on and on about how there could be so many things going on that I wouldn't think of. I am floored at this point. All I was looking for was a " your daughter is settling in and we're glad to have her". So anyway I wrote a letter to the director of the school and she totally agreed they were out of line and if there was a concern that was not the way to handle it, but I find myself still being just SO pissed off. Today I pick her up and they actually say something positive I guess. My daughter was dancing and they were totally impressed with her moves. It was more like they were surprised the def, blind, autistic child could move. My daughter has been in preschool, summer camp, ballet, gymnastics and a few other activities and no one has ever had boo to say about her like this. She is always well liked and seen as a little shy at first. I don't want to switch schools, she's had enough change for a while, but I'm still upset and don't know how well I'll finish out the school year here?
So I'm just wondering what some other Mama's would do here? Am I being way to sensitive?
Thanks!
I have to say, Thank You ALL so much! You've given me alot to think about and I actually feel so much better. I'm going to lighten up and just be tuned in to my daughter like so many of you said. She seems to be settling in. I know she's more comfortable with the lunch teachers they always tell me how inquisitive she is and that she likes to talk. It does make me wonder what is going on with her morning teachers whom she spends much more time with that they don't have that comfort level but, she really does enjoy it. Moving her wouldn't make sence and staying pisses off (sorry if that offends anyone) doesn't iether. I am total Mama Bear and I don't think that's a bad thing and at 3 it shouldn't be hard to say something positive about a child. I won't be offended when her high school teachers don't tell me how fabulious she is. I also agree that I am uber sensative right now with the move and so many changes and I want to make everything smooth and secure for her.
I do still think her teachers were not professional and haven't had enough time to evaluate her enough to make the assumptions they seemed to. Of course I would want to know if there was something going on but that's not what my question was about and no, I don't think I would be thankful to them if it turned out that way.
Again, Thank You!
it must be so hard to be a teacher. parents really don't want the thoughtful observations of professionals, they just want affirmations.
i can see being a little taken aback but 'floored', 'pissed off' and writing angry letters?
yeah, i think you're over-reacting.
khairete
S.
you say your daughter "loves" school - not "loved her old school", you say she "really LOVES school!" so isn't that your answer? maybe the teacher was less annoyed with your daughter, and more annoyed at a mom that is jumping into mama bear mode over nothing...
i would go by how your DAUGHTER feels about school, not how you feel about a couple conversations with women you don't know, who don't know you either. being so quick to defend your daughter who takes some time to warm up to new people, keep in mind - some adults take time to warm up, too. try not to take it personally and if your daughter is happy, for HER sake, let it go.
You're being way too sensitive.
You want so badly for your child to feel settled in that you're flipping out when they are giving you a realistic answer. These teachers have worked with many kids over the years, kids who have been in their school since 6 weeks and kids who have just moved in from a different area. They have a lot to compare your child to.
If, indeed, there is an issue you should be grateful that they are bringing it up instead of sugar-coating the truth and lying to you, saying everything is fine and dandy. Because, if you do end up taking your daughter for any sort of testing and it does appear that there are some issues won't you be glad that someone cared enough about your child to catch it early and get her help she might need?
As far as being impressed with her dancing, well heck yeah they were! If she is finally getting to the point where she is opening up then it was probably awesome for her teachers to see her break out of her shell. Or...they may have said something because you wrote a nasty note to the director so they feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you and stretch the truth as not to hurt your feelings. I highly doubt that they literally walk around calling your child "deaf, blind, autistic", those are feelings you are projecting on the teacher because of your hurt feelings. Don't let your hurt feelings get in the way of something that might actually be a problem for your daughter, if indeed she has an issue that needs checking.
At the end of the day, she is 3 years old and this is just preschool. If you think it will be detrimental to her self-esteem and growth and to your self-esteem, then it might be in your family's best interest to find something that is a better fit.
Did you ask your daughter? My DD is 3 1/2 and goes to preschool. She tells me what she does and doesn't like, who does what, etc. We are back and forth about changing her to a different PS next year due to scheduling, and her input in the matter is huge. Preschool is less about teaching numbers and letters, etc. and more about getting a child to feel comfortable in an academic setting, feeling supported by teachers and relating to peers, and uh...having fun??? If she tells you she is not happy there, I'd check out some other schools. If you're getting a bad vibe from the teachers, you probably won't be happy with her there.
All we want is the best for our kids...it can be so hard!
I can see both sides, as I am both a teacher and a mommy. :) Yes, I think you might be a little sensitive, and there might be something in what the teachers say that is worth listening to. Not that she has any of the problems they might have mentioned, but that if she is not acting like the child you know her to be, then something might be going on. Perhaps she is not adjusting as well as hoped. Usually, if we are hesitant to tell parents that their child is doing well, it is because something is not quite there in terms of their comfort level in the classroom, for whatever reasons this is the case.
That being said, it sounds like the teachers did not handle this very professionally. You don't just go up to a parent and play a diagnosis game. Yes, it is okay to recommend some professional opinions if there are problems that seem more than the teacher can handle in the classroom, but it is not okay to instill fear in a parent's heart and give no sense of caring and love for the child. As a professional educator, you know to give positive reassurance to a child and the family transitioning into a new school environment, and if there are ever any problems, there is a way to say things in a constructive manner, and not where it would make you as a parent feel uncomfortable. I hope you understand what I mean. i think your daughters' teachers learned from this experience that to build good relationships with the parents, you need to observe the positive in the child, no matter what else is going on.
If I were you, i would ask your daughter about her day, and get to know other parents and their feelings about your daughter's teachers. Be in tune with your daughter's moods when she gets home from school, and see if this is really the best fit for her socially, emotionally, and academically. Best wishes!! xo.
Change schools.
Oh sorry, you said you don't want to change schools.
It's only preschool. Change schools if you don't like the teachers.
Im gonna disagree with most. The Momma bear would come out in me with this too. Because, my daughter has an awesome teacher. She would never talk about a child like that. I mean, being a teacher, wouldnt you be used to and know how to handle a child being shy?? Maybe they should get "checked out".
And everything Amy D said.
lol
I think if the teachers had issues with your daughter, they could have said "She is still trying to get comfortable in her new surroundings and I have some other observations can we schedule a time to talk?" with that, this is pre-school....and moving is a very stressful time for kids and adults, it is actually rated the # 1 stress in adults in America, finances being #2. I would also have been annoyed that both teachers drop this kind of "bomb"on you in a not professional manner or setting. 4 months and she is out. When she starts Kinder and teachers make observations I would take note, but you know your daughter. If you are a shy child do you make eye contact? No. Do you mumble your answers? Yes. My son the social activities coordinator of his 2nd grade was super shy in pre-school, now I can't get him to shut up!! (lol)
I think I would pay more attention to how my daughter was enjoying (or not) the preschool class, than anything else. To a large degree... who cares what those teachers say (or don't) to make you feel all warm and fuzzy? If your daughter likes the class and her classmates... then I probably would let it go. Chalk it up to a style difference or something and see what they say after your daughter has been there a little longer and has warmed up a little.
Maybe your daughter IS really really reserved. More than any other students they may have had in class. And maybe, your daughter is behaving even more reserved than she usually has in the past because of the recent move/changes in her life. As a teacher, I would think that they would be concerned about whether that is her typical personality or if it is from adjusting to the move, or some other reason that a parent may not think of. I'm sure they were only trying to be helpful, not sound like they were looking for fault with your daughter.
Try to give them the benefit of the doubt, and watch for the vibes your daughter sends you. If she is happy, then let it go.
You've only got a little more than four months left...as long as your daughter is still having fun, I say let it go.
~I hear and understand what you are saying. I had a similar situation with my middle child. I knew he was shy and it would take him some time to warm up...but hubby and I were both floored when our 'W' was moved to a table all by himself and when we inquired as to why, and were told that he was having a hard time finishing his work and that they weren't sure he was in the correct class, it was a shock and it did piss me off a bit too (I actually posted a ? here after it happened too) but I let it go, gave it some time and now 'W' is excelling, sitting with the rest of the kids and proving himself very capable of doing all the work and came out of his shell!
My long, rambling point is that you are not alone, some of us have dealt with being talked to by teachers in a less than tactful way, don't let it get under your skin *too much* and take your cues from your child!
Big hugs!
You are expecting too much too soon. The teachers don't know your daughter as well as you do, so from their first impression, they told you what they saw and knew. You were being sensitive.
I know you think she's had enough of change, but if your normally shy but positive child is not settling in after 6 weeks, there is something wrong. Since you've never gotten feedback like this from instructors who interact with her before you got to this particular school, I suspect that the problem is with the institution rather than your child. If they suspected that your child has "issues," why did they not initiate a conversation about their concerns? Email? Letter? Phone call? I strongly recommend paying attention to what is going on and switching her now. Why leave her in a situation that neither of you are happy with?
I think they probably were just comparing your daughter to the other students who have been there longer. We just moved to a very rural area and my daughter caught every little germ that came along at the beginning of the school year since she had not been exposed to the same germs as the other kids. Needless to say I had several teachers and staff members asking me if she had allergies. I explained that she has been a pretty healthy kid and now since Nov she has not had even one cold. It's all just a first impression since they are comparing her to what they see as normal. You just have to know what has been normal for her in the past and take what they say into consideration. If my daughter had continued with the symptoms, I would have probably taken the teacher's opinion more seriously and sought treatment.
After reading your answer I can tell my advice would just make you angry, let me just say I would have given anything if one of my son's preshcool teachers had mentioned he was having problems. I could have got him help sooner and perhaps helped him before he got to school
