6 Yr. Old in Kindergarten

HI Mama!

You could have been talking about my son! He was the same way in Kindergarten. He loved school so much that when he came home he would tell me everything he did. When we went to the parent/teacher conference I told her how much he loved school and she was shocked because she didn't think he enjoyed himself because he didn't talk. But he was well behaved and was learning a lot in class. This year, he's still shy but he's the model student that his teacher tells the other kids to look up to because he is quiet and well behaved. When another student acts up, the teacher tells him to stay with my son so he can behave like him. So it's not a bad thing that's he's shy. Sometimes it just takes people longer to warm up. As long as he's telling you about his day, I wouldn't worry about. It doesn't sound like he has a serious problem. Good luck!

I totally agree with T.H. We have a more introverted child at our house, too. I like to think of these kids as more intelligent than others. It may or may not be true, but I have noticed that the kids that "hang back" are not tuned out... they are actively watching and listening to everyone else. Now who do you think is most aware of what is going on.. and learning from their environment? I say the kid who is quietly taking it all in and not putting on a show for everyone else. My daughter is keenly aware of what others are doing/saying and is trying to think through what she wants to say/do and the CONSEQUENCES of doing/saying them before she acts. I say that makes them a bit more mature and a step ahead. She also is very aware of the rules of behavior in the classroom... and she won't blurt out answers for attention. She patiently waits until she is called upon. And gets annoyed with kids that don't follow those rules. Her last "progress report" said that she excelled in everything.. except she needs to raise her hand more in class. She is in gifted as well. I say.. if she needs to answer aloud more in class, then perhaps the teacher should call on her more. She doesn't refuse to answer if she is asked.
She has plenty of friends on the playground, at church, etc. And she will argue for herself when she knows she is in the right. But she doesn't go around flaunting her abilities, either... she sits back and listens, and takes in what others are saying, weighing it against what she thinks about it... probably how she got so smart... lol.

Being quiet is not a fault. He may just prefer one-on-one instead of groups. I know that I do.

For at home, ask specific questions. That is what I have to do. No "how was your day?" questions. Ask... "what did you learn about numbers today? Did you play with__ at recess? What toys did you play with on the playground? Did you like the ___ in your lunch today? What was your reading lesson about? Did you get to read out loud? Who said something funny today?" Draw him out.. but don't grill him... lol.

I just wanted to say that my son was pretty shy in nursery school & preschool. This year he's in first grade and his teacher laughed when I asked if he was shy/quiet in school.
But I can also tell you that what I heard from him regarding his school days about Kindergarten last year could fit on the head of a pin! LOL
It was like, the more we asked, the more he clammed up. What I found to work better was asking him at times when he was doing something else--like in the tub, etc., questions like "Did anything funny happen at school today?" "Who sits next to you?" etc. I seemed to get more info that way. We had to stop the "dinner time interrogation" with questions being fired from me & dad! It's a lot for these little guys to take in and I know my son was overloaded with info in Kidergarten!

All I want to say is this:
My daughter was/is the same way. EVER since she started preschool at 4 years old... each Teacher, each Year, has said the same thing about my daughter...that she is SHY. They say it as though something is 'wrong' with her... and that she/we have to make her less shy and more participatory in class etc. The same drill.

My take on it: I see NOTHING wrong with my daughter. She is in fact... very wise and smart and funny and creative and bright and more aware of social situations than most kids or adults. And, she WILL stand up for herself and can debate like an Attorney and she will also stand up for other kids who are being picked on. WE are proud of her. But she is 'shy' in groups. Fine.
- Sure, we have "tried" to make her less shy... and we talk with her about it, and she has a lot of friends and hobbies and playdates and outings...but you know what? That is her personality. So be it.

I see nothing wrong with her... .and ALL the Teachers have told us that my daughter is a PERFECT student, PERFECTLY behaved and they wish all their students were like her....BUT she is shy. Each year we get that comment. It is irritating... I see is as a 'bias' against shy kids... I don't think, that kids "have to be" gregarious and social. 'Shyness" is NOT A "wrong" thing to be.

I was similar as a child... and I grew out of it... in time ever since I was in upper grades.

Now... you have to consider the "impact" that that has on your child... how do you think THEY feel... when EVERYONE is commenting on how "shy" they are as though it is a disease??? My daughter, gets SO tired of hearing that. But WE, her parents, do NOT bother with that anymore... in fact, I TELL the Teacher nicely and directly, that I see no problem with my daughter... and her "shyness" is all subjective... BECAUSE my daughter DOES participate or engages or volunteers for things... she is just NOT "loud" like the other kids or as 'in your face' or making trouble to other kids type of kid. So... to me, "shyness" is not a big deal.
And I do not know WHY Teachers always comment about 'shy' kids like it is such a bad thing.

Just my thoughts,
All the best,
Susan

Hi there!

Kids are different and many behave differently at home than school or other places. Your little one is just in Kindergarten, and he may be shy or just he is adapting to the environment, people, teachers, classmates, and different routine. Nothing is wrong with it.
My suggestion is keep talking to your kid, but in a very casual way and with specific questions like "what was your favorite thing to do at school today?", "what did you learn today?" "what's your favorite friend in the class?", "what is the subject or thing you don't like to do at school?" things like that, but not all at once. Just ask your child a couple of questions while having a normal conversation, and at bedtime..it is the best time to talk with your children!!! they are calm, tucked in and feeling cozy to speak with mom.
He will talk eventually, but don't push him too much because you will get the opposite reaction. In my pinion, your kid is doing great!
Take care

Alejandra

I have found that the short answers about school are pretty typical for my kids - 5 & 7. I know other parents I have talked with share similiar experiences. One of my children is shy. The other outspoken. Both give similar answers. I generally ask them who they played with at recess and what types of games they played during this time. I get the best responses from these questions. At Kindergarten the social aspect was the main thing I was concerned about. I was getting feedback on performance from the teacher. I also get better answers if we are doing something like cooking dinner together and it is a side conversation. Some kids and people talk more when they are doing rather than just sitting down and conversing. If I want to find out something about school, I know I will have to ask the teacher. I think the big concern is making sure that the teacher is taking care to integrate him sociailly into the classroom. My daughter is shy and went from a preschool class of 6 to a kindergarten class of 26. I was afraid she would get left out. The teacher is good about making sure she is included.

My son is also Mr. Shy Guy... It's nothing to really worry about, it's just the personality.

What I do with my little man, I ask him every day how is day was (as does his daddy.). I ask about the names of the kids in class (I know of a handful from field trips). His problem is, he doesn't recall them, so he feels bad for forgetting their names.

We also 'role play'. It's just a simple "Good morning, how are you"
"I'm fine"
"Do you want to play today"

or something to this effect. I have done this for the bully issue as well as there is a boy that is picking on my son.

My son is also highly sensitive. I am reading on EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). It is a series of tapping and positive affirmations. I am planning to teach this to him over the weekend to help him as he does take things personal when kids do him wrong.

My oldest daughter is VERY shy. She tends to socialize with adults that with kids. She is involved in Girl Scouts and will talk with the girls there (she has a small troop), but the same girls are in her class at school and she really doesn't socialize with them at school. She does well in school, but when she was in 4th grade her teacher thought she would benifit from going to a small group meeting with the student councilor each week. She was always writing notes to the teacher... just simple "hi" kind of notes. She looks forward to these meetings. It helps with peer pressure, socializing, problem solving, everyday stuff. They just have a nice POW WOW!! The kids are free to speak their minds in a privite small setting. She has come a long way, but nothing will cure her shyness! It's good she comes out of her bubble when she sees the counclor. She has built a strong, trusting relationship there. I would talk to your son's teacher and see about having him see the school counclor. May help. My daughter didn't start seeing the counclor until 4th grade. I wish I knew about the small group sooner. Otherwise, I really wouldn't worry too much. As long as he participates (even a little) and is paying attention, doing well... He is just plain shy and nothing really is going to change that. My daughter STILL will do without something vs. asking... (mainly if she has to ask a stranger like a waiter... and sometimes even at home) Good Luck to You!

My 4yr old son is also shy and not quite sociable - I also can't get him to say much about what happened at pre-school, etc. I used to worry about it, but I don't push him much anymore, I just call and ask the teacher. I know he talks up a storm around familiar people so I am not worried as I used to be.

I wouldn't worry about him telling you about his day so much as answering questions at school. My son is almost 7 and still won't talk about his day. He likes to not think about it once he gets home--when we do homework I get a little bit more but not a lot. His first grade teacher said this is completely normal. I'm up to about 3 times a week he will tell me about one event or recess at school. For the most part, I just keep really open communication with the teacher and find out whats going on from her. That helps us start a conversation at home.
I would love to get something besides "I don't remember" when I ask how his day was/what happened during the day.
Answering questions on the other hand is far more important at school because that is how they see where he is in understanding. Trusting the person he is talking to and not feeling pressure is the key. Maturity is really the only thing that helped us. My child is totally different this year than last. He does answer questions at school and enjoys doing so.