My Son Is Very Shy

He's 4? In Kindergarten? I never heard of that, I thought kids had to be 5 before school started to be in Kindergarten. That may be why. He's really young and that may be just too much for him until he's a bit older.

I don't know why being "shy" is equated with "timid." It is 2 entirely different things.

I also don't know why being "shy" is always seen as a 'bad' thing. It is not.
It does not indicate ANY 'inadequacies" what so ever.

My Daughter, who is now 8 years old... was also "shy." And every Teacher she had since Preschool, echoed that. BUT here is the thing about her and the "shy" factor in a child:
1) She is VERY cognizant, socially, and more mature than other kids...
2) She is an "observer"...and very accurate in her observations, for a child.. and she CHOOSES her friends & wisely... not being a sheep who just follows along.
3) She KNOWS herself... and is always herself... and trusts herself... and she is very wise... more so than other kids her age. I see THIS aspect of her... to be VERY good.
4) She is NOT ever... a 'victim' or anything and she is very aware and conscious of everything and in gauging situations and scenarios...
5) Although she has now outgrown it in many ways... being shy, she is STILL very self-assured and knows herself and will not... at all.... be a 'meek' child... because... being "shy" is NOT THE SAME at being "meek." IN fact, my daughter, though 'shy' is a very strong person, internally... and in navigating herself among other kids and adults and various situations.
So, I am very proud of her.

I have NEVER seen being "shy" as a bad thing nor a negative thing. I have told all her Teachers...that although she may be "shy"... she is ALSO... very well liked, confident, sure of herself, has lots of friends and the Teachers have always said, she is the most WELL behaved child in class and that she can be trusted and is a good role-model for other kids.

So... being 'shy'... is really no big deal. It is NOT equated with being "timid" or having lack of confidence.

"Shy" kids... often get drowned out, by more extroverted kids. Being an "extrovert" also does not make, one kid better than the other. At all.

ALSO I have never... made my daughter feel, that being "shy" was something 'wrong" with her... I ALWAYS tell her, to BE herself. THAT Is invaluable. Not having to just be like other kids... to always... be herself.

all the best,
Susan

First of all, don't ever say or let anyone say in front of your son that he is shy. Your son will become who he hears that he is. When my oldest was little, an older woman in line near me at the store we were in said hi to my son, who then hid behind my leg and wouldn't say hi. I said to her, "Oh, he's shy." as a way of apology. She exhorted me gently that I should never say that. And, she was right! I am so thankful for that, still to this day (at least 16 years later). Your son will mature and grow. Some children do not like to be the center of attention. That is okay. Some thrive at being the center of attention. Personally, I think you have more issues with those children as they may have a tendancy to pride. Your son is still so young still. I advise you to let him be little and don't push him into things that he isn't comfortable with yet. It's okay to not want to be on stage performing in front of a bunch of strangers. Perhaps they can give him a different job. I think you should be very positive with him about it, and tell him it is perfectly fine if he doesn't want to participate in that particular way. Ask the teacher if there is something else he can do instead. Don't force him. It could damage him far worse than being the prop guy.

I was a shy child and I did not like it. I feel I missed out on too much because of my shyness as a child but now as an adult people would describe me as outgoing. Fast forward many years... My girls were more quite in nature and I thought they probably had my shy gene. I was determined they would not be shy or timid and they are described as very social and outgoing. The first thing I did was always made them speak for themselves. If we were at a party and they wanted a drink they had to ask the host. I also had them introduce themselves at the doctor/dentist office. They have been ordering for themselves in restraunts since they could speak at age 2. If we are looking for something in a store, I always have them ask the sales clerk for assistance or have them ask for directions to the lady's room. We also role played... How to answer the phone, what to say when an adult says "hello, how are you?" etc. I also showed them what a stereotypical shy child might look like ie. Putting their head down, little eye contact, not speaking up (mumbling). This always made for a few chuckles but they knew they did not want to act like that and they got the hint. I also still remind my 2nd grader to say " hello Mrs. X" as she gets on the bus. Then when she gets off I ask her if she said " thank you" or " have a nice day" to her bus driver.
One of the other things that I feel really helped shape their personality was getting them involved in a drama class. Near us we have a program called "Drama Kids". What a fabulous program that helps kids find their voice through games.
Good for you for helping your child get over this. I personally think that shyness can be overcome and that you have a lot more fun in life if you are not shy. I think what you are really doing is making the child feel comfortable in their own skin so others can know him the way his family knows him.

Do nothing. Not everyone wants all eyes on them. He should not even be in the show if it causes him anxiety. Why would you put him through that?

I would encourage social interactions with peers (likely small group or playgroup) so that he learns to interact in a setting where he is comfortable.

But I also question the post - It says you live in Miami & children must be 5 by Sept 1st to enter kindergarten (& it is the end of Dec) so is he in pre school or is he 5???

Well some people are shy their entire life. Maybe help him practice make an audience at home with his stuffed animals you and Dad or other siblings that might make him feel a little more comfortable. Talk to him about it for sure to get his take on it.

I was also shy and I did become the best in my class at practically everything, but I must warn you: being the best at practically everything will make the other children jealous of your child's high grades because they only have low grades. So be careful, don't try to talk him out of being shy (I've learned a lot being shy and got the best grades in my class since kindergarten), but teach him how to stand up for himself, NOT using insults but by rather saying,"Hey! That's not true!" or, "Where did you hear that?" and then telling the person who started it that it's not true or even just walking away and forgetting about it. But no matter what you do, DO NOT tell your child to handle ANYTHING with insults.

my daughter isn't shy, but she doesn't like to do plays or anything like that. i wouldn't force him to get in front of everyone on stage because it might make things worse for him and create things that aren't even there. i just keep my daughter out of school those days. however, i do ask her if she wants to be in the play, i always leave it up to her.

One thing is for sure-you do not talk to him about it. Do not make a big deal about it. Don't even mention it at all. Doing this will make it MUCH worse, I promise. You need to just ride this out. It could be a phase...or it could be how he is built. No way to know this young. But there is NOTHING that can be done to help it and any effort made will only make it worse.

Plenty of people have this kind of stage fright. I know that I do.