My daughter will be 3 in two months. I was a SAHM for the first 2 years, then I went back to work part time about 10 months ago. My daughter adjusted really well to me going to work. I have a fabulous sitter who watches her every day I work so she is always with the same person & my daughter loves the sitter. Out of nowhere, the last 2 weeks, my child has been crying in the morning asking me to stay home and "please don't go to work". It breaks my heart. My sitter tells me she has little episodes during the day where she cries for me (this never happened before 2 weeks ago). To my knowledge nothing bad has happened with the sitter, my daughter is still happy to see her when we get there. I don't know why this sudden seperation anxiety? I have tried to explain to her that I have to work, I can't stay home. But how do you really explain that to a 2 year old? I am also starting full time with my company (no more part time) so I am afraid this is going to get worse. I know seperation anxiety is normal, but I thought that would have happened when I first went back to work, not 10 months later. My heart breaks when she asks me to stay home. Some days I cry the whole way to work because I feel like a bad mother - I know I'm not, but 'mother's guilt' is very powerful! How do other working mom's handle this? What can I do to reassure my daughter that everything is ok? Thanks in advance.
Thank you for all the support! It's so hard to be a working mom, it's nice to know that others deal with this same issue. I know I need to let go of the guilt, and I never let my child see me upset. I really appreciate all your kind words.
My 4 y/o does the same thing.
I say "no work, no TOYS!" He then hugs/kisses me and says "see you later mom...with toys?"
I'm a single mom after my divorce so my kids certainly understood that mommy had to work.
If they had days were they said they didn't want me to go, I would simply say that truth be told, I didn't want to go either, but I had to. I had to go because I loved them and I had to make money to take care of them.
My kids were actually pretty sweet and pretty proud of how hard I worked. My son liked making me a lunch at night. I'm guessing it's because I always made him and his sister one. He packed me some very interesting things, I must say, but he drew little happy faces or hearts on the bag and I sure enough thanked him and took them with me.
Your little one will be fine. Don't cry and guilt yourself up. I personally think it did my kids good to see that they had a strong and intelligent mom who was important not just at home.
My son is now 15 and he has a very strong work ethic when it comes to his chores and his assigments in school. We all have work and jobs one way or the other. Even little kids have their places that they go and things they are supposed to do.
It's the rhythm of the world.
Make as much of your down time as possible and be as positive as you can about being away from your kid.
A 3 year old can have a hard time understanding, but with time, it will all work out.
Don't cry....you know your daughter isn't being tortured or anything.
It's okay for her to say she doesn't want you to go. That's how she feels. It doesn't mean you have to drop everything to suit her feelings.
You and your daughter will be fine.
You really will.
My boys started this right around the age of 2. I would just tell them, "I know you're sad Mommy has to leave. I'll be back later and play with you after your nap." It helps a little, but I know they still miss me.
It's likely a phase and will go away shortly. The more you respond, the more you'll see the behavior. You know she is fine with the sitter, being cared for and loved. Go to work, and love her lots when you are home.
You are being a role model for your daughter, showing her that women can accomplish much in the home and out.
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My son went through this also. I would tell him that Mommee goes to work so we can have a house, a car, and chocolate. It became a little game with us - I would say house and car and he would scream chocolate. :)
I think it's normal - they begin to have more concept of time, and have spates of missing us from now on. Be patient and understanding with her. And, most importantly, try and let go of the guilt. She will pick up on that, the feeling that you do not want to go to work and are not happy leaving her, and it will make her think something is wrong when everything is really okay.
God Bless
it's heartbreaking, but don't let yourself get sucked into lots of teariness and hand-wringing over it. it will only feed into the behavior.
warm but brisk practicality is the order of the day. 'mommy has important things to do at work today! but you are going to have a great day with miss annalee, and then i get to come back for the most important thing in my whole life! YOU! give me a kiss now, and i'll see you this afternoon.'
and go.
later on it'll be fun from time to time to say 'okay! no work today! we're going to have adventures all day long today!'
but that will be a special treat.
for now be calm and no nonsense about it.
khairete
S.
My daughter's never been happy about me going to work, she always wants me to stay home and says she'll miss me when I'm not home - but she says the same thing if I have to run to the store for 2 minutes and leave her home with Dad. She's been getting better in that I can leave for work and she'll get a little pouty instead of having a full-blown meltdown like she would last year - I think she's getting used to it and realizing that it's going to happen, no matter what. Maybe your daughter is at point where she understands more, or is beginning to assert herself more as far as making it more clear what she wants.
I think eventually it will just get better - they will grow up more and they will accept Mom working as a normal thing. Sometimes my DD asks me why I have to go to work and I tell her that people need to work because we need to earn money, so we can live in this nice house and have food to eat and to be able to do fun things. She's only 3.5 so I don't know how much she understands, but I sometimes I just remind her of how much fun it was to go to Disney World a few months ago and it's Mom working that makes it possible. I let her know I miss her too when I am at work and I wish I could stay home but I'll be home again soon - I try to call her at least once too while I am at work just to tell her "I love you! See you soon!"
Aw, my dd still occasionally asks me not to go to work and she is nearly 8!! lol The hard time for her is when she is not at school and I still have to work. :-( I do take all my vacation time when she is not in school and I have to say we totally make the most of our time together then. She is getting to understand that if we want to have a nice home and car and perhaps a nice holiday somewhere, mom has to work. :-) That being said my evenings and weekends are all about her!! lol
Awww...I still get this every now and again from my 5 year old, who is old enough to come up with schemes to get me out of work. He'll say things like "tell your boss that I'm sick and you have to stay home with me" or "do all your work in the morning before I get up and then you can tell your boss that it's all done and then we can play" and so on. His latest was "take your laptop to the playground I'm sure you can find a wi-fi connection and work there while we play" or "does the kids museum have free wi-fi?" How sad is it that my 5 year old knows what wi-fi is? I respond that it's wrong to lie to get out of work, and his job is to go have fun and learn at daycare/pre-school and my job is to help people answer questions and make money and at the end of the day, we'll have play time and dinner time with just the family. And then I make sure to stick to it. I also teach and tutor part-time so those times can be tough because I will often be gone in the evening and on weekends, but I remind him (and my other kids) that it's only for a few weeks at a time, that I'm helping kids learn and that the money I earn pays for things like skating lessons, hockey, drums, and vacations.
Anyway, don't let the guilt get to you - if you have any flexibility in your schedule, see if you can be extra-efficient and get out of work a little early every now and again to surprise her, and just keep a positive, upbeat tone.
I think if I were you, the sudden onset would be a little alarming. I think I would probably show up unannounced at the sitter's just to put my mind at ease that something wasn't going on that I should be alarmed about. It's probably just a phase, but I have a vivid imagination and would be worried about something different happening at daycare.
My 5 y/o has been begging me not to go to work. We co-sleep and go to bed around 8pm, with the knowledge I wake up at 10pm to work overnight. She hates knowing that I leave her, eventho Daddy is always there too. She begs me not to go and I have to tell her Mommy has to make money and have to go even if I don't want to. It doesn't make her feel any better - but at least she knows the reason why I have to work.
I think she's just getting old enough now that she's more aware of things. I'm at home with my boy but we went through a phase where he would sob when my husband had to go to work in the morning. I really think it just finally occurred to him that Daddy didn't just disappear but was going somewhere else and why couldn't he stay with us or why can't we go with Daddy? It helped us to talk about what Daddy's job was and why he needed to go, what Mommy's job was, and what my little one's job was - learning, playing, helping clean up around the house. It also helped him for me to tell him, "first we'll have lunch and then a nap and then play, and then Daddy will be home at dinner time." Maybe your sitter can help give her a routine so she knows that you will be back after blank, blank and blank happens. Good luck, mama! I'm sure your heart is breaking! She might also be picking up on your feelings.
Something's up...put a little pendant on her that contains a camera-and you'll know exactly what it is. But one online-they are very inexpensive.
