My 8 Yr Old Daughter.

Updated on November 24, 2017
K.B. asks from Lawrenceville, GA
9 answers

My 8 yr old daughter videoed herself in a sexual manner. She didn’t masturbate in the video (makes me sick just having to reference this to my baby) but she showed all of her privates. I get that masturbating is normal at her age but WHERE would she get the idea to video it.
Now I’m not so naive to not know social media and internet and all of that BUT Let me explain....we don’t have internet at home or live in an area where she could get ahold of WiFi, we don’t have Netflix or anything like that. We live in a very rural area and I won’t spend the money on such things that we truly wouldn’t get a could connection. Yes she recently was given an iPod for her birthday but it’s not hooked up to the internet. I am at a loss and my heart just hurts!!! Please if anyone has anything goodto say!!!

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Take away her devices - she obviously can't handle using any.
Ask her where she got the idea that she should do this.
Talk to her about why what she did was wrong and why it's against the law.
Tell her she has a lot to learn about respecting herself.
After a grounding is over - she can use devices only in public areas of the house and only when she's not alone - so you know exactly what she is up to.
Let her know that you will be checking on her as long as you are paying for any devices she is using - and then follow through with doing it.

I'd do a search of the sex offenders in your area and see how close any of them live near you and I'd really keep track of who she is spending time with.

Our sons preschool had a presentation by Yello Dyno about protecting kids from predators.
Look at their info and see if it's something you should watch with your child.

http://www.yellodyno.com/html/ydvids.html

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M.G.

answers from Portland on

Have you asked her why she did this? I can't comment until there's more information. To me it's irrelevant if you have Wifi or not. I'd be more concerned why she videotaped herself. What was her intent?

Added: I don't mean to sound like it's irrelevant about access to internet (obviously good thing she isn't posting this on internet).
There's just more info in your post about the internet than actually talking to your daughter. I'd start by talking to your daughter. Glad to see that's your next step.

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D.B.

answers from Boston on

Try to start with a quiet conversation, as tempted as you are to kind of panic (which will probably lead you to yell and demand to know instantly who taught her this stuff). It's also hard to stay up to date on all the technology, but she is certainly capable of getting on the internet when she's at someone's house or walking along next to you in the supermarket.

So, start with how devices are a privilege and how parents keep tabs on kids in all kinds of ways (use a few examples, like finding the food they put in the trash thinking you won't know they didn't eat it, or the dirty undies you found under the bed). Let her know that you have always checked on her and will as long as she is under your roof. Let her know that electronics are not private.

Then show her the video, and ask her how she thought to do it. Ask her what she planned to do with it, whom she has shown it to. It's important to learn what she has seen on other kids' devices or when watching movies at their homes. Maybe someone showed her something on the bus, maybe she was at a sleepover and some parent didn't police the remote. This is not to get her to tattle on someone, but to get some insight into what she's learning in general from other kids.

I probably would take the iPod away, but of greater concern is what she's learning off other kids' devices. You want to set the stage for her continuing to come to you rather than her retreating because she's afraid you'll stop her from seeing this friend or that friend. If there are other videos of other kids out there, you might want to alert their parents if you can do it without placing blame on "who started it" or who led the other kids astray.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I agree that you should take her devices away from her. She is obviously not ready for the responsibility yet. As for where she got the idea, the news is full of stories about kids video taping and posting all kinds of videos, i.e., drunk driving accidents, fights, etc. As for not getting wi-fi, all she has to do is be outside of someone's home that does have an unsecured wi-fi connection and she's on. Please do not depend on the fact that you don't have wi-fi and YOU don't know where to connect to it. Kids know a lot more than we give them credit for!

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W.W.

answers from Washington DC on

Welcome to mamapedia.

If you don't have internet at home, how or where did you get on the internet to post this request?

What did she use to video/record herself?
How did you find that she did this?

Did you ask HER why she did it?
Did you ask HER where she learned to do something like this?

I wouldn't freak out. I know you want to, but don't. Remain calm and TALK WITH HER - not TO HER. Huge difference. Keep it simple. Ask open ended questions. Do not be mad or upset. She needs to know you will be there for her.

Then when you figure it all out. Let her know you are truly disappointed and that the consequences of doing this are "X" - if that means she loses access to her iPod for a week or whatever.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Why don't you ask her?

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K.B.

answers from Atlanta on

I am going to ask her once she is home from school. I am at work and she’s is in school, I didn’t find the video until later this morning.

Updated

Yes I am planning on talking to her and asking her all of this, I was just trying to get a little feedback on how and where to start. This is my oldest child so I am very new at what’s normal (especially sexually speaking) when it comes to said behaviors. My entire comments about the internet was to let people know up front that she doesn’t have the means to see such videos and interact with others doing this same type of behavior, such as Instagram, Snapchat, other forums that you hear about all of the time.
Thank you for your comments and yes I just kinda freaked when I saw it earlier and obviously needed to calm down a little.

N.G.

answers from Boston on

I am not buying this as a real question/situation. Sorry if it is.

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S.M.

answers from Cincinnati on

I think it's kind of odd for an 8 year old to make a video. However, it is 2017. These kids are more advance. I had a problem with other kids giving my 11 year old their old I-pods and she was making accounts on snap chat, facebook, etc...and I had no clue she even had the devices. I would take the device and look up on the device to see Wi-Fi connections just because you don't have it access. The school does, peers, and numerous of stores and other locations you attend daily have free Wi-Fi. If she doesn't talk with you. I would get her some counseling b/c at 8 I think that is a little young to be making videos. That normally doesn't happen until kids are teenagers. Prayers for you and your daughter.

Updated

I think it's kind of odd for an 8 year old to make a video. However, it is 2017. These kids are more advance. I had a problem with other kids giving my 11 year old their old I-pods and she was making accounts on snap chat, facebook, etc...and I had no clue she even had the devices. I would take the device and look up on the device to see Wi-Fi connections just because you don't have it access. The school does, peers, and numerous of stores and other locations you attend daily have free Wi-Fi. If she doesn't talk with you. I would get her some counseling b/c at 8 I think that is a little young to be making videos. That normally doesn't happen until kids are teenagers. Prayers for you and your daughter.

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