What to Do!! Omg!!!!

Boy this is a tough one. I think I would want to proceed very slowly and establish a relationship with the mother of the other child first. I don't let my kids go hang out with anyone that I don't know very well and that includes family. I would want to know that the standards I have for my children would be respected. I'm pretty protective of my kids. I would have to be able to trust anyone that would be interring my children's lives. I agree that you should start with a public meeting. Maybe just have a play date with the girls at a public park. I would also move slow on the information I gave to my child and slowly work into the relationship details.

I would schedule a play date with the understanding that she would not announce the relationship. If my granddaughter was given this opportunity I would jump on it. She craves that familial connection. She has an old spirit in her body.

I would tell her but she knows she has at least one half sister that is younger and at least 2 more siblings but I don't know what they are, they are older than her.

meet the mom just you and her at a eating place and then you can get to know her alone without the kids involved. Next meeting could be at a McDonald's playland with the kids. In other words - public, first time no kids.

I wouldn't give a single detail about my daughter, my life, our business. Trust your gut. You already know somethings not right. WHy the sudden change in attitude? What is this womans motive? If she asked more questions than explaining herself, than you know she was just fishing for imformation. If he is paying you child support, it's coming out of her household budget. She doesn't sound like the type of woman to let that ride. Maybe she wants to see your daughter too see if she favors her husband to start some nonsense contesting the child support.

Do you have contact with his parents? Does your child know her grandparents. If so, you could call them and ask what's the deal with this lady. IF you felt comfortable with the girls getting together but not the dad, you could take your daughter to grammas while the other daugter is there.

First you must meet with the half sisters mom. No kids just the two of you. Email and phone conversations are just not going to cut it.

Second if all goes well during your one on one with her then let the girls meet in with the two of you in a public place. have them do something fun together, zoo, mall maybe make a build a bear for each other...

Third...whether you like it or not at some point in her life she is going to want to speak/talk/hear about her father. You are not going to be able to stop it. This sister is going to bring it up, she's going to talk to father and say hey I met my sister.

You have to leave the ball in his court...if you don't then your daughter will ( I promise, I've seen it first hand) place blame on you. Especially if she finds out you did not let her meet/know her sister because you didn't want her father to be involved. It will come back and bite you. I know this sounds harsh and I do intend it to, but it is reality and you don't want that. If you leave speaking/seeing his daughter in his court you will never be accused of keeping her from him. (in her eyes)

You need to call the father and deal with the father directly. Your guard is up because it should be.

My feeling is to take it slow and make sure all the adults are on the same page and communicating clearly. Maybe meet the your daughter's father and his wife someplace neutral to talk (get coffee or something). I'd be hesitant to start this if your daughter's father didn't know what was going on. If he knows but doesn't want to be involved that could work out but keeping secrets in a family rarely works out well. If you get to a point where all the adults are communicating then setting up a visit between the kids is the next step. Meeting someplace public but kid friendly is a good place to start.

Don't do it! If she wants to go behind her husband's back, that is on her. Don't let her drag you into their mess. You'll probably end up getting blamed for it. Your daughter will be crushed when (when not if) she finds out her father not only has no part in, but is against this introduction. It is pointless when what she craves is love and attention from her father and STILL won't have it after this meeting. I agree with the other moms who have stated your daughter will be hurt even more knowing her father is taking care of another little girl. He needs to be the one to reach out or at the very least be on board. Your Spidey Sense is tingling for a reason. Protect YOUR child! God Bless

I am sorry to say this but I would not bring your daughter into this situation. :( I can only imagine how she feels to begin with...and then to have her daddy's wife call to set up a playdate with her "sister"??? I think she needs to have attention from her father first. If she chooses at some point to want to get to know her "sister" then I think she should be the one initiating it. I would also makes sure that it is on her terms. Don't set her up for the hurt she is bound to feel. (or add salt to an already bad wound.) I am sorry for you and your daughter to go through this...but you need to protect her from this dysfunction. Best wishes. :)

Hi! This really sounds like a bad idea for so many reasons. Why has the man never mentioned your daughter? And if he hasn't how did she find out enough to contact you? How will your daughter feel when she finds out daddy loves another little girl? I'm sure she knows daddy doesn't love her. You even wrote, " I have explained to my daughter that her father is not ready to be a father right now" in an old post. I'd hate to see you get caught up in someone else's drama. Do you really need that? I'm not sure that the possibility of a relationship with a half sister is worth all the potential pitfalls. What if she's horrid? What if there are other things going on? What kind of questions did she have for you? Be careful about answering ANY monetary questions. Actually, be careful about answering any questions. Once you start backing out isn't so simple. You don't know what their agenda is. Oh, I hate to sound so negative but I see so many pitfalls here... I'm sorry...

Would you want your daughter to meet and get to know anyone whom you didn't know? I would not do this personally without meeting her without your daughter first. You don't know if these are nice people, and it's too weird that it's behind her father's back. Sounds like something could backfire painfully.

I skimmed over your responses and I'm floored that nobody really hit on the fact that your daughter doesn't have a relationship with her father as yet. What's his part in all of this? No way would I be communicating with his new wife (nice as she may be). My answer would be: my priority is to protect my daughter. She doesn't know her father and he's never had a relationship with her. If he's interested in having a LONG-TERM relationship with his daughter, then that's something we'd (as in YOU and HIM) have to discuss and work on. After that relationship is established, THEN MAYBE you'll get the two half siblings together. It makes no sense to me to start up a relationship between the two children without first getting the relationship between your daughter's father and her rolling. Just my 2 cents & good luck.

My friend is in a similar situation, except she is the grown child, with half siblings she has met and developed relationships with but yet, is still rejected by their father. he acknowledges her siblings but not her. The worst part about this is the feeling of rejection and wondering why he chose to provide for and be there for only 2 of his children. I would say that if he's not on board to be a part of her life, then everyone should leave things as is. its hard to overcome rejection, especially when its from ur own parent. Your daughter will immediately wonder why her dad is there for her sister but not her, and it will hurt. I wish you the best!

I would need to talk to her first and get it all hashed out. And, unfortunately, you're going to have to talk to her father, too. Eventually, you're going to have to deal with this, so no time is better than the present. I wouldn't do anything unless he's 100% aware of everything.

I dunno, something seems a little off to me about this. The wife leaving her husband, your daughter's father, out of the equation, him have zero contact, her telling you go away, etc. If you do decide to go ahead with this, go in with your eyes wide open. But if it were me, I would be very skeptical.

EDIT: Can you talk to her face to face? I think her body language and demeanor would weigh in on my decision. People can pretend when they're on the phone, but when you see them in person, and if they're acting shifty and flaky, it gives you a little more to go on.

I think you are right to be cautious. This is very out of the blue and unexpected. I wonder if you could call her on the phone and try to get a feel that way for why she has suddenly decided to pursue a relationship between the two girls - just come right out and ask her, in a non-confrontational way. Who knows, maybe she and your ex have been in counseling and this just came up, or whatever. Do you necessarily have to tell your daughter right away that this other girl is her half-sister? Meet up in some public place and let the girls get to know each other and play, talk to the mom and see what you think. If you get a weird feeling, you never have to meet up with them again, right? I don't know. This is tough. I think I would start with a phone call and go from there.

i think its really risky to do without hearing from the father.. he may have no idea any of this is going on and be totally against it .. id try to contact him and ask him whats going on.. i duno if i were u id just be really suspicious

I would think of your daughter first. You are not saying whether she is asking you questions about her father (and why he is not with you) and if she misses him (as kids do even if they don't know a parent). This may open a lot of new dilemmas.

The fact is that it's the wife pursuing contact and not him and it looks fishy (there might be problems in the family). I would try to talk to him. Because after all your daughter probably would love to see her dad and maybe later on-- a step sibling who lives with her dad. YKWIM?

I'll tell you something my parents were divorced when I was 2 and my father was non existent one (he married and had a daughter, then he divorced them too). Anyway after all the years him not being interested in any contact with me, for some reason he contacted us and we even had a dinner together.
Although I was an adult I was still excited about having dinner and having two of my parents eating with me together for the first time LOL
Of course his interest was short lived as expected! But I have nice memories of a dinner :) It's just some people are never ready to have family.

I would say if you do deside to get them together that I would get with her first. That way you can get a vibe on her and see if you feel comfortable with her getting with your daughter. If you get a good feeling from her there is no reason to keep them apart.

Good luck and God Bless!

IMO, it might/probably will hurt your daughter to meet her half sister knowing that her dad lives with her and has a relationship with her and not with your daughter. Seems to me it might make your daughter wonder why he doesn't like her.

My daughter's father was out of the picture when she turned 3. He never tried to have a relationship with her, even though I tried to push one. She always talked about her dad and never understood why he didn't like her. And it made it worse when they started to develop a relationship and she learned that he was playing dad to his gf's son, but would not act like a dad for her.

When he passed away, he left his life insurance proceeds to her and the boy to split equally - even from the grave he rubbed it in her nose.

I think I would tell the wife that you need to leave this alone until her father decides he wants a relationship with her.

I agree with Tracy K. Everything she said, I just want to repeat what she said. Please go back and read her response again. Be careful and protect your daughter.

Hate to get on the band-wagon, but don't do it esp if your ex isn't aware of the situation. I'd also wonder how she got your email and why she's doing this on the sly. There are way too many reprecussions if something goes wrong and you are opening a whole new can of worms since your ex doesn't even see your daughter.

There are a couple of things here. First, hereineverafter father will be called Mr. Creepo. Mr. Creepo must have let out this information in a not so kindly fashion recently and first baby mother must be feeling a bit vengeful against Mr. Creepo. The fact that he didn't earlier proves why he is worthy of his name. Second, your daughter should not know any of this until after Mr. Creepo is contacted and if you have verified all is well.Short of stalking him I would find out where he works or a reasonable place to speak with him and explain what is up because I too worry that this is some sort of lie or set up all maybe just for the possibility of revenge against him in some way. Yes, I think you should let him know what Mrs. Creepo is up to not because you care anything about him, but because she is clearly stirring up some excitement. Sadly there are some people who enjoy life with problems and sounds like she could be one of them. Yes, you keep loving your child and don't build up false hopes. Only until you are able to prove this is in her best interest will you feel satisfied. You see there are a lot of mothers here who have also been little girls at one time. And we all remember how painful it is to be totally completely devastated with disappointment.

All I see is that your daughter has the right to know her sister and all the adults have to put their feelings aside. I would be pissed if my parents hid the fact I had another sibling.

Do they live close? If so, a public meeting with mom and the half sister at a Chicfil-a or so something along those lines are the only thing I would do at this point. I would take it very slowly.

schedule a get together at a public place like mcdonalds or somewhere you can sit at a table (stressing table here and not booth so no one feels crammed and hemmed in) introduce the girls and let it go at that. you can make it as short or as long as you want it to be. tell the wife that your not going to go into any long drawn out anything in public just a get together for them to meet. does your daughter know she has a sister? you will want to tell her that "daddy" was married before you knew him and that there is a sister.

So is this the mother of the woman he had a child with before you? Do you think this is genuine or a woman scorned thing? How old is the sister?

My spidey sense would be up. The ball is in your court. Do not feel rushed. Don't meet her at her home or anywhere you don't have witnesses because you don't really know her agenda. If and only IF you are comfortable with what she is saying (like why she wants this and if it's really in your daughter's best interest at this point), then arrange another short, public, supervised meeting with the kids.