I've been looking for my biological father and his family for a couple of years now. I haven't seen or heard from him since I was a baby. My mother is a very abusive, controlling woman and I don't have much info to go on.
Through digging through court records and search engines, I have found that he is supposed to be under house arrest in Mississippi for a misdemeanor charge of possession of a controlled substance. This information seems to be in keeping with what I've been told, ie- that he has had drug problems in the past.
I was able to find out that he had married a woman and had children with her years ago. I checked out the county's public records and through searching online, I believe that I have found the woman and also her children on Facebook. This woman is going by another last name now, her children still have my father's last name. The location (town) is the same as I found through online court documents.
I am interested in contacting them. I'm also afraid of it.
I've always wanted to know who my father is, who my family is and where I came from. I want to see if these people look like me, if we share similarities or even if there are any medical issues descended from my father that I should know about.
I have no other family. No more mother (due to her violent behavior), no siblings, no grandparents or aunts, uncles, cousins, etc....
Should I contact this woman? Would I be wrong to contact her adult children? (I strongly feel that it is very wrong to contact her underage children without her permission)
If I did contact them, how would I go about it? "Oh hi, I think you had children by my father and I'd like to get to know ya'll..." sounds creepy to me.
Is it wrong of me to ask them questions about my father? Who he is, what he does, what he's like?
And last but not least, if all of this information does eventually lead me to getting a better idea of my father and where he is, should I ever go after the child support he never paid for me in 18 years? The only reason I'd want the money is to pay legal bills that I've incurred trying to protect myself and my kids from my own mother. Anything left after that would go to my children's college funds.
I need some good advice here. I wish that I had a mother that I could ask these questions but I never will so I'm asking you mother's out there.
I really have no idea about any of this, but my first reaction re: child support is wouldn't it go to your mom instead of you if you were able to collect?
i think you need to start with your dad - it seems that through him you would better resolve any questions.
just remember, too, that people don't always want to be found. be prepared for that - that the reunion may not be a hallmark moment.
finally - i don't think you can ask for the money - and from your description, it sounds like he really isn't in the position to give it.
Try zabasearch.com That has so much info. I found my father's address that way. Some of it may be a little behind, but it gives you a good starting place. Good luck on your search.
As an adopted person who sought out my biological family, my perspective is absolutely, reach out. The worst thing you will be told is no or you will find out they are as bad as your mother. One additional piece of counsel though is to only seek out your half siblings if your intent is to actually get to know them for them- not as a vehicle to your father. That would be unfair to them.
As another poster inferred, finding your family is not always rosey. In my case, my biological family was as messed up if not more than my adoptive family- but at least I know.
Have you tried to look for his phone number? Try zabasearch.com as mentioned, whitepages.com, dexknows.com, Google, yahoo, & bing. Also google his known address. You never know what is out there on the web.
Part II - Is it appropriate to collect? I'm not sure. It is likely if he thinks you will do this, he will not want to be found. I totally understand this is owed to you (or your mother), but if he is on house arrest and has a few extra kids, you probably aren't going to strike it rich. Honestly, I think hitting him up for this will end the relationship really quick.
That's a hard one. If I were you, I would make contact. I would not go after any sort of financial support though (I'm not even sure if it's feasible) since that gives the impression that's all your after.
I would likely contact a sister first. Find the sibling who is closest to your own age. Didn't you say that you found their facebooks? Make contact there.
I to recently found my half sisters on facebook. I have no interest what so ever of looking for my bio father because he is not a good person, but i did want to know my half sisters. All i did was send them each a message asking if their father is ??? and saying i think im your half sister. If you would like to maybe talk or get to know eachother to let me know. I got responses back from both and a friend request. So now we are facebook friends but thats about as far as it has gone. My younger half sister did not say she wanted to talk or meet or anything and that is fine. She may not be at a place in her life where she is ready for that. She just had a baby recently and im sure is adjusting to motherhood. My older half sister and i have talked about meeting up and wrote back and forth a couple times but have yet to actually meet. She has 4 kids. I have never met my neices and nefew's and that makes me kinda sad, but i know you they are and if they ever want to meet im open to it. I guess what im saying is contact them, but do it without expecting to much. You never know how people will feel. if they reach out and want to meet and get to know you that is great!! If they dont respond then dont be sad, but just let it go. I would probably contact your siblings that are adults first and if that goes well maybe they can talk to thier mom first about getting to know the younger ones. I would not go after the child support. You are over 18 and i dont even know if the courts would do much and if he hasnt paid your whole life im sure he wont pay now. I would love the money my bio father never paid but its not worth it to me anymore. He was never there and i dont want anything from him. I would just let that part go, but definatly reach out and contact your siblings. You never know, you could end up having a great relationship with them. Good luck!!
if you have this pull in your heart you should follow it. But a word of caution. It doesn't always end like a Lifetime movie of the week. I found my wayward dad as a teeneager and he was so scared that I was coming for back child support that he wanted nothing to do with me. He couldn't seperate me from my mother. I think it would be different with the siblings though. Who wouldn't want to find out they have a sister? If it were me, I would go to the kids 1st. Introduce myself and start to forge a long distance realtionship. If that goes well, maybe plan a visit to them. They will know thier dad and know the best way to approach him and be able to give you an idea of how he will react. They might tell him about you and pique his interest in meeting you.
If this isn't a heartfelt longing to know your past and your motivation is $, then get a lawyer. Go get some legal advice. For starters, the money is your mothers, not yours. You're over 18 and support was never filed. Also, if he's on house arrest, chances are he doesn't have much to garnish.
