What Steps Can We Take in Protecting Our Children from Predators ?

Of those children reported missing, most of them are going to be children who wandered away for awhile and came back, or else were taken by family members.

The problem isn't more predators, the problem is 24/7 news media. When I was growing up, you'd hear if a child the next town over was abducted. Now you hear if it was several states or countries away. It's not happening more, we're just more aware of it.

I choose not to worry, since statistically I'd have to leave my child alone outside for 200 years or something before she'd be abducted.

That doesn't mean I don't teach my child what to do if someone were to try to take her. She knows that if someone she doesn't know tries to take her anywhere, or offer her candy when I'm not there or something, her job is to run away, and if that doesn't work, scream, bite, kick, hit, anything to gain attention. We've practiced. Being prepared helps. She also knows what the uniforms look like for the main places we go, like walmart or target or policemen or whatever, and if she loses us she knows who to go to.

Being prepared helps with the fear, but the fear is mostly irrational due to the media hyping it up and making it seem like it's all the time around every corner.

I suggest the book Protecting the Gift by Gavin deBecker as a good starting point and a dose of much needed perspective and reality.

"Millions of children abducted...everyday"
If this is what you think its no wonder you are so worried.

Okay, there are not millions of kids abducted, sexually assaulted and murdered every day! Accepting that is the first step to rationally protecting your children!

The steps you take is teach them how to not be a victim! You scream, you yell, you kick, you bite! Still even the most well prepared child can still be taken but it is random and not very often.

No one should lose a child like this but making it something beyond a random act of violence does no good for anyone. There has to be a balance where you are still living a life and not living in fear. In the end the only way to totally protect your child is to never leave your house, what kind of life is that?
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What I mean but not be a victim is predators take the path of least resistance, well like any other criminal. If your child is lost in their own world, alone, not very assertive they are a better target than say my totally annoying, loud, always in a group kids.
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For laughs, looking at your what happened, how many of them were abducted by non family? You can always find statistics to justify fear the hard part is figuring out when your level of fear is precluding you and your family from living.

How about taking out of our vocabulary "It would never happen to me.", "It would never happen here.", and "It's so rare that it won't happen to me."

Start acting like it can happen anywhere at anytime and be vigilant/proactive.

I agree that it is alarming, but I see it from a different perspective. Of the thousands of children reported missing every day, the majority have been abducted by a family member.

In fact, statistically speaking, our children have a MUCH higher chance of being sexually assaulted by a friend/neighbor/family member than a stranger. Much, much, much higher chance.

So what can we do to protect them:
1. Teach consent and body boundaries.
2. Teach them to respect other's body boundaries.
3. Teach them (and listen to their) intuition and agree that if they feel uncomfortable, be it at a friends or a soccer practice, they can call and get picked up.
4. Talk with them openly (and in an age appropriate way) about bodies, sex, feelings, etc.
5. Teach them the difference between a secret and a surprise, and encourage full disclosure. If/when they talk to you about something, do not react until you are totally calm (very, very hard thing to do).
6. Research, research, research what grooming can look like, and KNOW that a sociopath/predator WILL fit into society. They will NOT fit our stereotype of "bad guy". Most likely they will hold high social standing, have employment, and generally be liked. A sociopath lacks empathy, not intelligence, and he/she will fit in TO find prey. They will probably not have a criminal record.
7. Check in with your kids unannounced. Talk with parents and know parents before sending your kids to their house. Make sure that before your children are preverbal, they are only spending time in the *most* trusted and well known places.

Keep the doors to communication open and trust your gut.

Parents in my community will probably never parent the same way again, but what you have written is not helpful. There is no epidemic of pedophilia or psychosis. Here are some #s. http://www.missingkids.com/en_US/documents/Statistics.pdf

Out of 700K abductions, 115 were this kind. No matter what we see on TV, this is rare.

As for what we can do:http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServle...

and as scary as this is, I know that though I may take every step possible to protect my kids from pedophiles - and it MAY work -someone with semiautomatic weapons may have a psychotic break and decide he's the Joker.

SO - while I have a head full of terror right now, and my family is NOT going about business as usual, at some point, I will have to accept that I can't control everything - no matter WHAT--and try to find some sense of normaility in our lives.

Denver (and surrounding areas) has a very low crime rate, yet both of these things happened here. We can do our best; we can't control it all.

Living in fear is not the answer.

Millions? Predators infiltrating our streets? A little dramatic, no? The world is no less safe than it was 20 year ago.

You teach your kids how to handle themselves, be aware, and how to react if a bad situation should come about. Sheltering them too much hurts them.

The stats were on TV this am. Out of all abductions over the course of a year only 100 are stranger abductions. So in reality, the %s are quite small.
Other than all the things we know to teach our children and using common
sense, there is nothing else to do. We cannot live in constant fear. I would
think statistically speaking, getting into a car is a whole lot more dangerous.

We just hear the bad things all over the press. I know you're upset over recent events, but you're going overboard in your assessment.

Instead of kids walking themselves to school and back alone, parents can work together to have each others' backs and make sure that the kids aren't alone. Being close to our kids helps protect them. Having good dialogue with them does too.

I know you are shaken, but just the fact that you are thinking about it means that your children will be safe...

Dawn

One thing that we need to do and I don't think many people do is to make sure that our children know that they are NEVER to go with an adult-not even a trusted neighbor or friend.

Make sure they know that an adult should NEVER need directions from a child so they should run immediately away.

Make sure they know to put up a huge fight. I showed my boys the video from Walmart of the little girl who put up a fight when the man tried to carry her off and he let her go and ran. It was disturbing to watch but they need to realize this is the only thing to do.

Make sure they know that anyone who tells them they will hurt us if they don't do something is 100% lying and is only using that as a threat. NEVER believe it.

Well, sticking to your question, not focusing on the statistics, it DOES happen. And O. is too many.
I adhere to safety in numbers --kids walking together, sticking together, etc.
and TALK to your kids--they can be empowered through knowledge!
Good Q!

www.familywatchdog.us is a website which shows you registered sex offenders in your neighborhood. I don't know if anyone else has posted this, but it's a good way to know who's in your area... And of course, educate your children and have a "safe word" for them. So, if someone comes up and says, "Your mom is in the hospital and asked me to take you to see her,,,," the person would need to know the "Safe Word" (i,e, "banana milkshake", etc... ) Also, don't make them paranoid of strangers instead, teach them to listen to their inner voices and you need to listen to their vocal and body languages as well.

There are certain nightmare scenarios, I think, that *every* parent and grandparent has - scenarios that keep them up nights. A missing child is one of them.

While most children do walk, learn, and play safely, it's fearful when even one does not. My heart goes out to the family, friends, and classmates, whom I don't know but who are just a couple of hours away from us.

Even when I was a child (which was *quite* a while ago!) these things happened, and I remember being warned of the same things mamas are warning their children about today:

Don't talk to strangers, however "nice" they may seem.

Don't accept candy or anything else from strangers.

Don't go with strangers when they say, "Want to see something exciting? Come here!"

Don't go with (or to) strangers when they say, "Can you help me?" or "Your mother sent me to pick you up," or "It's okay - I know your brother."

Do not get into strangers' cars.

"Stranger" means any person *you* do not recognize or aren't sure of, whether the person says he/she knows your family or not. If it turns out to be your dad's boss or your best friend's grandma, you've still done the right thing.

Stick with your parents when you're in a store.

Buddy up when you walk to school and play at the park.

Learn to be a noticing person, and take note of anyone you think isn't part of your neighborhood or is doing something strange, so you can tell your parents or teachers about it; the person may be okay, but it's worth mentioning.

Learn to be assertive, even to big people. Assertive means standing up for yourself and your friends. If it's hard for you, ask your parents to let you learn somewhere. It's not always rude to say no to a grownup.

Even if you know who the person is, it's all right to say no, and even to run away (to your home or your school)!

Know your neighbors - both grownups and kids - and be on speaking terms with them. (A corollary to this might be, for parents: if your neighbor works nights and feels she can't take her child to school, no matter what you think of it, step up and be the one to say, "She'll walk with us. We'll come for her.")

All those lessons are wise ones and have been taught for generations.

I don't remember being taught to scream if somebody grabbed me or if I saw someone else being grabbed, but I sure think it's a fine thing to learn. It ought to be great for kids to know that, for all they're told not to make so much noise, there's at least one *wonderful* opportunity to yell your head off.

Villainy comes in many forms and is very clever. Parents can't protect their children from everything that might happen, but they can try their best.

I also have 3 little girls, I so understand you. I'm frightened too. I stopped reading the news a long time ago but now with the election coming I've been reading cnn online and I read about this case. I feel such pain every time I see her sweet face on the tv or the computer.
I don't know what to do, sometimes these killers have a clean record and is someone who snaps all of the sudden; how can I protect my children from something like that? I don't let my children walk alone anywhere and all playdates are in my house. The parents of my kid's friends know they are safe here, they know I don't leave them out of my sight LOL so my house has become a sort of hang out place :o)

I did post a question similar to yours a few months ago, I suffer from anxiety attacks since sept/11.

anyways God bless your little girls, I'm sure they are safe with you, if you look at the statistics, abductions are really rare(this is what I say to myself so I don't freak out).

All parents worry, and think about how to keep out kids safe.
Yes, it is frightening.

I see kids everyday, by themselves, of all ages, just walking by themselves to somewhere. My kids will tell me "Mommy, they don't have a parent with them... that is not safe..." My kids are 6 and 9.
We talk to them about safety etc.
That does not guarantee anything. But still. We do what we can or as neighborhoods/communities and schools.

I friend of ours, has a 16 year old daughter. And I swear, the things they let her do, is just absurd. Their rationale is "well, if we don't let her she tantrums. And she is so stubborn. And if we don't let her do it, she will do it anyway... " The parents have this logic. Good grief. At 14, she took a Taxi by herself, to go across town. Her Dad was too busy to drive her. Then it turned out that their girl went somewhere else than where she was supposed to go, and she lied about it. They said that you have to trust your child. Sure. Trust your child. But there are other factors involved. You can trust your child 110%, but that does not mean you just willy nilly let them do whatever. I mean, that 10 year old girl that was just found killed, she was just walking 3 blocks to go meet her friend.
Anyway, so our friend's daughter, at 16, has a 24 year old Boyfriend, and they LET her... go to his house and sleep over there etc. And the parents, believe anything, and that they sleep in separate rooms. Yah, right. What 24 year old MAN... would be with a 16 year old girl???
Anyway, that is another story. But is still a part of the "protecting our children".... schema.
I mean, even that Natalee Holloway woman... disappeared and was killed or who knows what and her body was never found. College kids on spring break etc. can end up disappearing too.
There is no age... limit to abductions/sexual assaults/murders.

Different times, different dangers, different media reporting of it, different degrees of what is normalcy or not and the perverse types of crimes that occur to children, now. And the access to it online, is also very wide open.

Then there is bullying and sexual assaults by kids upon other kids, too.
On and on.

We do what we feel we need to do and teach our kids.
There is statistics, but by no means, should it put us into a frenzy or into ignorance, either.

We as parents have to resume being a parent first and reserve being friends to once they are adults...meaning we have to tell them no sometimes, not allow some things, supervise and set boundaries. Of course, they aren't going to like it but there will come a time that they will understand and respect it...maybe even be thankful.

We also have to help them stay children until they aren't rather than helping them grow up to fast. Young kids do not NEED cell phones, unlimited or unsupervised internet/social media access. These are sources of bullying as well as how predators gain access to unsuspecting kids without the parents knowing. Kids will want these things because "everyone else has them" but it's ok to still say no. If more parents did not "everyone" would have them and more kids would be safe.

We also have to teach our kids about personal boundaries and staying safe (such as safety in numbers).

We could each work to be part of the solution in our neighborhoods, our friends, our extended families, our houses of worship, our community gatherings (sports, arts, scouts, etc.). My emphasis is on the adults creating a safer world, not on children being ultimately responsible for their own safety.

One way of doing that is to take a course to become aware of situations that lend themselves to predators. such as letting children be alone with one adult in a setting that cannot be observed, allowing grooming situations, leaving empty rooms unlocked, etc. I teach a course like this at my church and we welcome anyone from the community who wishes to attend.

We also need to responsibility as adults to speak up when we are uncomfortable about something in our communities. Not gossip or share stories, but rather speak to the person (I notice that you get left at ball practice with children whose parents are late, so I'm going to stay with you until all children have been picked up.) or to a person in authority (I noticed that the teen group is being transported by one adult and I think we need to update this practice to protect the children and the adult's reputation.)

Wishing you the best day you can have. Peace.

I told my kids to never get into a car with anyone who didn't know the password. We used popcorn. If Mommy, Daddy, Grandparents, Aunts or Uncles were not the person picking them up ---DON'T GET IN THE CAR UNLESS THE PERSON OR PEOPLE IN THE CAR KNOW THE PASSWORD.

If someone is following you in a car and you are walking --- move to the furtherest side of the sidewalk and run in the opposite direction or cross the street or go into the closest business and ask for help. If you seem to always see the same person hanging around tell someone like a teacher, police officer, other parent ect. If you are driving in a car and someone seems to be following you DO NOT GO HOME. Make a turn and go to a convenience store, mall, office or other area with a lot of people. If you can not park close to the door stay in the car, lock your doors, and call police.

As far as stranger danger first you need to be able to get a child to understand what a *STRANGER* is. Just because you have seen a person repeatedly and talked to them -- you do not know them and they are a stranger. This list includes but is not limited to people who work at your local grocery store, the man who sits in the park feeding the birds, the mailman, the neighbor's friend, or brother or sister. Unfortunately the list is endless. And while we want all children to be safe we don't want to scare the bejeebers out of them. If we are shoppling and the cashier says 'hi cutie' we don't want our kids to hide. We want them to feel safe if they are lost to go to someone for help, such as store personel, a park ranger ect.

I think one of the scariest stories I heard of was a 10-12 yr old boy who got lost on a Boy Scout outing and search parties scoured the woods where he was lost for over a week. This child had been taught stranger danger and hid when the searchers were near. He finally stood up from behind a bush when he reconized his uncle in the search party.

Unfortunately, we can only be cautious. In my opinion it's to bad we cannot brand or tatoo a mark on the foreheads of child predators or sexual predators. Or ship them off to an uninhabited island somewhere in the middle of the ocean, drop them off and let them fend for themselves. But they have rights.

I saw a program years ago about "stranger danger" where the trainer took the family to the park, sat on a bench with the child and asked the child about different people in the park. who did she seem to be scared of and WHY!! what he was doing was teaching the child to listen to her intuition about each person. It was profound for the parent to see what her child knew instinctually about strangers. and that a general "stranger danger" was not going to keep her child safe, but teaching her to trust her intuition would help much more!!

I think many parents do themselves a disservice by holding to the image of the child molester as a raggedy old man luring our children with candy as they wait as the bus stop. While it's certainly something to be aware of (let's be frank: we're all more cognizant of leaving our children run around unsupervised as we did a generation ago), the more insidious predator is one who has insulated themselves into our trust. If I were a child molester, I don't think I'd be successful for long if my m.o. was abduction. The Sandusky case is an example. He was part of a community where he founded and utilized a child-welfare charity to groom victims. What first exposed him? An inquisitive parent, simply asking a question about why her son's hair was wet. Psychologist say that "groomers" like this slowly screen and cull children from a larger group. Imprisoned pedophiles interviewed by (some psychologist whom I can't recall right now!) stated that parents merely asking questions about when their children will be home, where they're going, etc. was enough to send them off the radar as potential victims. My main point is that it's worthwhile to consider that while the grabber is the acute problem we're naturally tuned to, the groomer is the chronic problem we have to consider.

The facts/statistics show that over 50% of abusers/predators are related to the child so teaching the stranger danger is not a very good idea. Good common sense is wonderful but teaching them that only a stranger is dangerous in a big way.

They need to understand what parts of their body are for touching and not touching. Like shaking hands, that's normally okay but not a full body hug by the preacher or the crossing guard. Helping a child to go to the bathroom is okay for a child care teacher but not for Uncle Bob or Aunt Alice. There are differences.

Children need to know these specific boundaries then they can make better use of how to manage if someone tries to cross the line.

Also, if a child is not old enough to manage this they should not have opportunities to be alone with other people without mom or dad with them. That's just the way it is. The kids do not walk to school, they do not go to the mall by themselves or movies, they go with adults/parents to chaparone them at all times. We may sit in the back so we can see every move they make but they are never alone in anyway where a stranger could get to them.

If you're not watching your kids at the park then you need to make sure your kids know the only people they can go to or go with.

I have even told my grand kids they may not go anywhere with my best friend. That I would tell them she was going to pick them up and if they went with her, also anyone else without me telling them face to face, that they would be in serious trouble.

Teaching them about their bodies and that no one is allowed to touch or that they may not go with anyone I have not given permission to specifically is important.

Preditors have patterns and signs to watch for. Our colleged aged neighbor mows our yard. We suspect he is gay but has never out right said it. He has a ninteen yr old friend who looks sixteen. Several days after mowing he gave our son a toy tractor. Out of the blue no reason to just stop by. It was odd. One of those things we would just tend to think how nice...but in the back of my mind I thought odd. Knowing there is a conditioning preditors do. I said to my husband this is the perfect situation for something to happen. He is some one we know, who our son likes. He knows our family well. He gave our son a toy. I reafirmed we should never let him alone with him. Not that I truly think this boy would harm him. Just to be safe. Look up signs of a preditor. There are same signs in abusive relationships. Sometimes you can be very wrong though. An ex boss was having some major issues. It was so extream I looked up the signs of a drug user. While she met all of them aside from asking to borrow money. She never ever would imagine asking us for anything! I was convinced she was doing drugs. Not the case at all. Her thyroid was so off balance it effected her weight, bones, health was shot! She is doing much better but it was her husband who had the money troubles. Sometimes we think were so right and have it all figured out only to find it wasnt what we thought at all. Better safe than sorry .