Teaching About Stranger Danger

I started at about 3 years. My son was the same way. We started with the Safe Side John Walsh video. It is a fantastic video that my kids actually understand. I still feel like I need to have regular conversations, but that video is a great way to start.

I think age 3 is an appropriate age to talk about stranger danger. If you need any help with this topic, there is a book called "The Berenstein Bears and Stranger Danger". Sister Bear is very outgoing and says "hi" to everyone. I have talked to my children who are ages 6 and 3 1/2 and 21 months about the dangers of talking with strangers and what they should/should not do.

We loved the Safe Side DVD:

http://www.amazon.com/Stranger-Safety-Angela-Shelton/dp/B...

It covers stranger safety in a fun, non-scary manner and our kids loved it.

True story: Our daughter watched these at 5 and when she was 6 she was at a camp outing that went to the local zoo (she is 9 now). She was watching the peacocks and did not realize when the rest of the group had moved on -- she ended up lost at the zoo and started crying but then remembered one of the tips from the DVD in case you are really, really lost: find a woman with young kids and go ask her for help. She did exactly that, and the mom instantly sprung into action and reunited her with the camp group in about 3 minutes flat.

Bottom line, best $11 we have ever spent in our lives. :-)

N.,

I think it's important to remember first that about 100 children are abducted by strangers every year in the US. Sometimes we assume it's one million per year and we teach our children with that mindset. (800,000 children do go missing every year, but 200,000 are abducted by family members, 60,000 by people they know and the rest are run aways.) We tell our children that people they don't know are out to get them and they should be afraid. The chances of them being abducted by a stranger are so incredibly slim, but the chances of them becoming paranoid, insecure or unduly stressed out are very high.

I think the other big mistake we make is that we send mixed and confusing messages to children. "Don't talk to strangers" but we expect them to be polite and talk to the new Pediatric nurse or day care provider they have never met. "Don't ever take candy from strangers" but you can have a sample cookie from the baker or a sucker from the bank teller. That's very confusing. I had a friend who taught her almost 3 year old daughter who was still in diapers never to show her private parts to anyone. Then she sent her to my house for the whole day and her daughter wouldn't let me change her diaper. She had to sit in a dirty diaper until I could reach her mom and she was available to get her. We really need to think these things through as parents.

I tell my children that if they are offered food, they ask mom before taking it. If they want to pet a dog that belongs to someone at the park, they ask me to accompany them. They are welcome to talk to people the they don't know, but I need to be right there with them. This has worked very well with even our smallest children. The bottom line is they need to be watched closely.

To be honest, even if we do scare the heck out of our children and tell them to be afraid of everyone, to fight back if taken, etc. most children are going to freeze in that kind of a situation. We have this fantasy that our children will listen to our counsel and act with amazing courage and strength in a situation where most adults would panic.

I saw a Dr. Phil episode where children were tested to see if they would follow counsel about stranger danger. All the kids in the test group knew the right answers in a classroom setting, but when one of the show producers showed up at the park and asked them to get in the car to see his puppies, they all ran right into the empty car. Until children are older, they just need to be supervised because they lack the judgement to protect themselves.

With my school aged children, we talk more about never leaving with anyone regardless of the story they give you. We also talk about internet safety and have rules about what you can put on the internet, what websites you can go to, etc. We talk about appropriate touch, how it's okay if the doctor asks you to pull down your pants, but not other people. But we don't obsess over that kind of thing, talk about it frequently or be dramatic or agitated when we discuss it. In my daughter's Kindergarten class, the counselor told the kids not to play near windows because predators may be watching them. It's been 3 years and my daughter still has a hard time going to sleep in her room because she fears being abducted in the night.

Good luck,
S.

Now would be a good time to start talking about it. I have four boys and the oldest two were like that. I let him do it as long as I was around, but I made sure to tell him that if mommy or daddy weren't close by he shouldn't talk to people he didn't know. It's to bad we have to do that because I don't want my kids growing up afraid, but they do need to know that there are bad people out there.

It is very important to teach your child how to keep herself safe at a young age, but you have to go about it the right way. I have an excellent book and CD set called Safety Kids. It teaches kids personal safety in a fun, non-threatening way through music. I grew up with it and now my kids listen to it. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions. You can get 10% off with code ###-###-####. http://www.britemusic.com/discount/safety-kids-vol-1-cd-a...

this is a good question....great responses....gives me a lot to think about with my soon to be three year old daughter....

At 3 our son picked out a book for himself & it turned out to be "The Bernstain Bears Learn About Strangers". It talks about Sister Bear saying hi to everybody, which is exactly what my son does. It is a good book & helped us to start talking about strangers with him & being overly friendly. We of course do not want to change his personality but it helped us to have him tone down his freindliness some as he was a bit over the top. It is a good way to open up the conversation.

i would definetly start talking to her about it asap. 3 is not too young of an age. you hear stories all the time about young girls getting abducted and horrible thngs happening to them. i have 2 girls age 6 and 2 1/2 and i saw an add on tv one time for a movie-it's called stranger safety. it was created by john walsh (host of america's most wanted) and julie clark (founder of the baby einstein company). it's a kids movie that teaches kids about strangers in a non scary way. my kids love to watch it and i have them watch it again every so often. actually, i think i'll have them watch it today :) they have a website-www.thesafeside.com. i just checked it out and they also have a video about internet safety. obviously for older kids, but i would highly recommend the stranger safety video. i didn't know how to bring it up and not scare my daughters, so i'm thankful i found this video!!

ONE MORE THING... i just read sue w.'s response and she shared a link. i just read it and i think that is great advise! check it out!

Hi N.

Good job on thinking about this so you can start helping her feel safe. I read through the responses and they are great.

My Dad was a police officer. So we learned a lot about Stranger Danger. Here are a couple of things I taught my children when they were old enough to sing. Our home phone number, find a song that will call out the numbers. We used the tune "Who's Afraid Of the Big Bad Wolf? to sing. Just replace your phone number for the words.

We also had a secret word. If you are ever unavailable to pick them up, just give the person you trust the secret word. Each child had a different secret name for them. It was the word I used to say goodnight to them. Your pet name for them. i.e. Johnny is "Pumpkin" I would say "I love you "...." sweet dreams. We only used that word in our house among ourselves. Use it in a loving way and they will feel safe when they hear it.

Good luck. The web sites are great. When I grew up there was no such thing. Keeping our children safe is a great responsibility. You are doing a wonderful job.

Smiles, J.

I agree with the mothers that recomended the safe side video. I got it when my son was 2 and my daughter was 6 and they both absorbed a lot from it. My son is now 6 and he still quotes from the movie from time to time and he hasn't watched it in at least a year. I bought it from the local christian family book store if you don't want to order online. Well worth the money!

One IMPORTANT thing to remember is that 92% of the time, if a child is sexually abused it was NOT a stranger!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE be sure to teach good touch/bad touch, because most of the time the danger is someone you know and TRUST!!!!

Now is the perfect time to start talking with her. Just make sure to make it age appropriate. You might even consider buying a book that talks about strangers and reading it to her.

You can also check out this site that has good, age-appropriate discussions:
http://www.netsmartz.org/resources/activitycards.htm .

Please read this from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children: http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/NewsEventS...

Children are in much more danger from people that they know then from "strangers".

I'm going to take a little different position... and btw, my girls are 3.5 and almost 5 and we haven't gone the route of "stranger danger". Also, I belong to a mom's group at my work where we've talked about this a number of times, so here goes...

Yes, we have to teach our kids to be cautious, and not do what someone they don't know says, or go with someone they done know. However, MOST abductions of children are by someone they DO know (not a stranger).

Some other things to consider. Children have a hard time defining who is a stranger. If someone tells them their name, then they aren't a stranger, right? If my mommy knows them, but I don't, are they a stranger? Ultimately if kids get into trouble, and their parents are not around, they are going to need to approach a stranger to ask for help. All of these things, I believe, warrant not strictly teaching "Don't talk to strangers."

Instead, teach your kids they should look for a mom that has kids with her to ask for help if they need it.

I think it depends a little on your child; I waited a little longer to tell my son, because not only was he super-friendly and I didn't want to discourage that, but he's also very fearful because he can envision so much so well. But, the best advice I heard was make sure they know it before they're in school. If you think it won't terrify your daughter, by all means, start talking to her about it! I only waited another 6 months or so beyond that to talk to my son about it--but it was hard. :(