How to Make Sure Your Kid Doesn't End up with His Photo on the Milk Carton

Personally, I never let them out of my sight until they were in their teens and too big to be carried off by a stranger.

Phone numbers and addresses were memorized by toddlers. Also, they were taught to scream and fight if someone tried to take them.

I did put a luggage tag on the back of my toddler's pants in case he ran off. Then he did run off in the Chicago airport. DH took off after him leavIng me with a new baby on my lap.

I was so scared of that when my youngest was little. He would take off running in the stores. I finally stopped going to the store with the boys by myself. I have just started doing it again some but they are 13 and 9 now. They have learned what to do if someone trys to grab them. Just teach them not to go anywhere with someone they don't know. And to stay with you when you are out in the store and places like that.

Sigh. I feel like I repeat myself everytime someone brings up the Stranger Danger topic.

Child abduction is extremely RARE. Your child has a better chance of being struck by lightning or winning the lottery than he does of being kidnapped.

If your child wanders off, they should know which strangers they should approach for help. Because strangers aren't "bad guys," they're just people like you and I. Those people will want to help a small, lost child find his way back to his mom and dad.

There isn't always a cop or fireman around. How do you teach your child to find you if they think all "strangers" are dangerous?

My boys know that if they're lost, they should ask for help. Because the majoritiy of people are GOOD, and the statistics show that it is EXTREMELY unlikely that they will be abducted.

ETA: Miss Jackie, please read your statistics. The number you gave was not STRANGER abductions...it was people the child knew. Stereotypical STRANGER abductions were just 115. Pretty RARE when we're talking about over 40 MILLION kids in the USA.

Good question.

First, we have to remember that kids are more likely to be taken/harmed by people they know, esp. upset parents who have lost custody, etc.

Then, we teach our children 'what to do'. My son and I do review before we go out to large crowded places like the zoo: "Let's say you are looking at the lions, and when you turn around, you don't see me? What would you do?" He knows to 'be a tree' (not go anywhere), to ask a mommy or daddy (someone with young children) for a Zoo Worker (someone with a green nametag) and then to Stay at the Zoo, that the Zoo Worker won't take them away from the zoo.

He also knows to yell and scream if someone he doesn't know grabs him or tries to take him anywhere. He knows to "wiggle really hard" and run away and yell.

I think it's important not to scare kids about strangers, but that they know that good strangers will not ask kids to go away from mom or dad or come with them. The 'good strangers' know that kids should stay with their parents, and if they want to show you something, they should ask the mom or dad first.

For toddlers/preschoolers which run off: they have to stay contained in some way. My son knows that if he doesn't stay with me at the store, he HAS TO ride in the cart for the rest of the time. Or he has to hold my hand for the rest of the time. Not fun? Too bad. I think having a 'containment option' at the zoo (a stroller with buckles) or other busy places is a savvy choice for parents.

That, and we have to limit our own distractions. After years of nannying and watching other people's kids like a hawk, I've found two things to be key: consistent discipline for running off an to position myself to be able to see all of the children. Giving clear boundaries, telling them the places that they 'need to ask' to go to (esp. at some parks, where the play structures and swings are far apart) and establishing clear limits really has helped me.

The first thing to do is stop worrying about it so much, unless you also worry about being hit by lightening and other improbable things. Keep an eye on your kids at all times as best you can, of course, but don't let the fear of stranger abduction colour how you view the world. If you feel the world is a dangerous place for your kids, that will rub off on them. There is enough fear mongering in the US these days, we moms should keep well shot of it. In fact statistically getting into the car everyday to go somewhere is much more of a danger to our kids, but we can't let worry rule our lives.

The second step is to raise kids with a strong sense of self-worth. That will keep them from entering risky situations as they get older and you can no longer keep an eye on them at all times.

Stranger abduction IS rare, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't teach children how to protect themselves.

My husband and I were just talking about this last night. Think of the two common denominators is almost all stranger abductions. A child being alone, and a sicko. (I realize some do happen while the child is in their home...think Elizabeth Smart...but that is the most rare.) Why don't most kid's get abducted? 1. There aren't as many sickos looking to abduct our kids as it feels like. 2. Most young children are with adults, in groups, and supervised. I think the MOST simple way to protect my child, is to make sure he is not alone. Yes, I think I can foster independence in him in many ways...ways that don't involve allowing him to walk to school at 6. If he gets lost, we instruct him to walk into a store, look for a police officer, look for a family with children, a group of people, etc. Not to EVER walk up to a person who is by themselves. Know his phone number and address, but don't share it with anyone, unless he is with the police. We do not want to instill a fear of all strangers, but cautious of who he speaks with. We tell him if he EVER feels uncomfortable by a person's presence make a scene. If someone asks him to go somewhere run like hell, scream, and cause the biggest scene you can. If someone grabs him, fight dirty. Kim him in the junk, poke his eye ball, elbow him in the face, bite, scratch, scream...etc.

The first thing I here parents of missing children say is "I let my guard down just for a moment". I say never let your guard down and teach children that not all strangers are bad and not all are good. It is so important to teach our children to always be aware of their surroundings so they can notice if something isn't right.

For family abduction that would be different because you would most likely tell your child to stay away from so and so, at least I would hope it was that way.

As for stranger abductions being rare that is not true. Please check out the stats on that.

The U.S. Department of Justice reports

797,500 children (younger than 18) were reported missing in a one-year period of time studied resulting in an average of 2,185 children being reported missing each day.

**203,900 children were the victims of family abductions. **

58,200 children were the victims of non-family abductions.
115 children were the victims of “stereotypical” kidnapping. (These crimes involve someone the child does not know or someone of slight acquaintance, who holds the child overnight, transports the child 50 miles or more, kills the child, demands ransom, or intends to keep the child permanently.)

http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServle...

I pray that family gets some peace and answers after so much time. How horrible.

Hey...Aunt Me-Me...what is the purpose of the password...and how do you use it? Thanks! My sister and I...at about 10 and 11 years old...used to catch the city bus all alone and go to the amusement park and stay all day long....never a problem...but that was in the early 60s'. That would never happen with my 10yo grandson....heck...he is not even allowed to go to the mens bathroom alone yet...we use the family restroom or he goes in with a family member to either bathroom. That's how we like it!

http://www.aacounty.org/Police/preventChildAbductions.cfm

They now have a safekids abduction prevention training class
http://www.safekids.org/ that you can enroll your kids in.

My little ones know their phone number, address, and are being taught what to do if they ever get lost (they are 2 &3). When we are in public the older one must be on my "pocket" at all times or I stop dead in my tracks and say "pocket" she comes right back. I have the 2 y/o's hand or the Leash backpack, Now as they get older I will incorporate other strategies but they just need to be aware

First - one can simply stop worrying about it. Stranger abduction is EXTREMELY rare. It makes more sense to focus on more common and preventable tragedies - using the car seat correctly and every time. Wearing bicycle helmets. Not enrolling your child in tackle football. Never leaving them alone by a swimming pool. Not feeding them highly processed and fast foods (that alone would save many more years of life than completely preventing every single stranger abduction).

My son (6) knows our phone numbers and knows to look for a mommy (woman with children) or grandma (woman with gray hair, sorry) if he is ever lost. He knows NEVER to go with anyone other than DH, myself or his grandparents PERIOD. He is comfortable approaching and talking to strangers so I feel he will be able to get help (yes, from those very strangers) should he ever be lost.

We did NOT teach him to approach a policeman if he is lost. Apparently many children cannot distinguish a real police uniform from any other uniform (janitor, bus driver, gardener, etc).

Pray to whatever higher power you have.

The child you are speaking of, was also the very first child who's photo was placed on a milk carton.

Rules.
Grocery store.. they are always in the basket. As they get older, they can walk, but 1 hand always has to be on the basket, or the child is placed in the basket.

Shopping in a mall? Stroller. Strapped in, Too old for stroller, must hold your hand the entire time. No running off ever.. If they do not follow these directions, you pick them and leave and go home.

They can play alone in the back yard if it is fenced and you can see the child.. We also had locks on our fence.

When outside in front yard, 1 adult needs to be out there.. We did this till our daughter was 6. She was not allowed to leave the yard unless she came and asked our permission.

We also took our daughter to a safety class. It was amazing. We then came home and practiced.. Really good information and not scary for the kids to learn.

Stranger abductions are so rare, statistically, but it still scares me half to death thinking of it. My daughters are 6 and 9, and I have taught them that their best defense is being REALLY loud if someone grabs them - they have been taught to yell "You're not my dad!" or "You're not my mom!" over and over if someone grabs them. When we are in a crowded place, I remind them that the minute they look around and can't see us, to SIT DOWN right where they are. A child sitting down in the middle of a crowded sidewalk is hard to miss, and people walking by will notice - and also will have to walk around the child, so if you're frantically looking for your child, you can actually see where foot traffic has parted. We also tell them that once they're sitting, even if a police officer or someone else in uniform comes up and asks where mom and dad are, the response is, "She is coming RIGHT BACK for me." Because, of course, we will be! Bottom line, I have told my kids that they are not to budge - not with a police officer, not with anybody. It would be too easy for a security guard (who may not be background-checked) to be mistaken for a police officer, and I don't want my kids wandering off where I can't find them. Also, both kids have iPods. When we go places, I put the iPod in their backpack or jacket/sweater, turned on. We have the "find my iPhone" feature enabled, so we can actually track the child/iPod via GPS.

All of that said, last year we had some relatives in town and they were staying at a big hotel on Union Square (the busiest shopping district in San Francisco). It was right before Christmas, so there were TONS of people EVERYWHERE. An absolute madhouse. Well, my youngest ran ahead to the elevator with her older cousins. I didn't think a thing of it until I got off the next elevator and my daughter wasn't with her cousins! I almost had a heart attack. Huge hotel, thousands of people everywhere, and my kid missing. Long story short, she panicked when the elevator door closed before she could get out. She got out on the next floor, which happened to be the lobby, and got lost. She forgot to sit down, and my husband caught her just as she was heading for the lobby doors. I don't even want to think of what could have happened if she had wandered out to Union Square at night, as crazy as things were out there. So now we practice it - the sitting down, the being grabbed and yelling - all of it. If you don't practice, just telling kids isn't enough. They will forget.

We've identified good strangers vs bad strangers.

If we are the grocery store a good stranger is a police officer, fireman, a mom/dad with kids or someone who has one a name badge at works at the counter.

We have a password...I was sort of worried about having one since my daughter can't keep a secret. But she proved worthy when my mom asked her what the password was (randomly and on purpose)...she said "Grandma only my mom or dad can tell you the password!" We even let her pick it...and it's actually not just a single word. Like passwords for our computer it makes no sense to anyone but the four of us.

We talk about it every few weeks and do random "quizes". Just to keep it fresh in their minds. Knowledge is power. The knowledge they have the more power they have.

My 8 year old knows all the important information such as phone numbers, address, names of parents etc. My nonverbal autistic 5 year old has a few different ID tags on him for a just in case scenario if he ever wanders off or manages to circumvent us as parents in a crowded public space such as an amusement park. I don't fear child abduction so much as I fear my children making children's mistakes and therefor they know or have all needed information for law enforcement or other adults to help if it is ever needed.

I always told my son to act like he was okay with it and gain their trust THEN run like hell if he were ever in public.

I always had this fear because I moved away from my family when he was about 6 to a new state where I had no support. He is now a senior in college. Whew! We made it!

It is such a sad story, I think it's news everywhere. I really hope that the excavation they are doing in that basement reveals his remains and gives some closure for the family.

I hate to say it but they shouldn't have let their 6 year old walk to the bus by himself. That is so dangerous. He was too young. No matter how short a distance.

We can make sure that our kids know our addresses and phone numbers by heart or have it on them so that if they do get separated from us they know how to get home, or the phone numbers to call us. They should have it written in their back packs, and I have even seen kids have bracelets with information on them. And if they are old enough, then some change for a phone.

They should know that police men and women are their friends and are a source for help.
Not to trust strangers, and to NEVER go with them, especially in their cars. That is scary.

We just need to make sure that we always keep an eye on them, and that we use common sense. Most of us do, but there are always ones who dont.

May 25 is National Child Awareness Day!

At 3 my son was learning his full name, my full name, address and phone number and what to do if he got lost. At 6 he has all this down and I need to start with my daughter who is 3 (but so far to shy to talk to strangers anyway). I gave a lot of time outs for wandering or running away until it sunk in. Many times I brought a leash or stroller to crowded events. I used it as a consequence if the kid was having trouble following the rules to stay with me. I also put a name tag that included my cell number on my kids in some situations like a crowded event. I haven't really focused a lot on stranger danger. The family rule is about never leaving a place without a parent with you (or knowing where you are). I also taught my older one to go to a store employee or customer service desk if he gets lost in a store (so they can page me or call my cell phone).

Besides some of the other suggestions, I've tried to encourage my kids to not be easily manipulated, if that makes sense. They've learned to be careful with people who try to "guilt" them into something, or lure them into something that might be questionable - i.e., "can you help me find my puppy?"

I agree that you have to teach them how to be discerning, too. And we don't automatically trust police either, or people in "uniforms."

Wish it was that simple . . .

My 10 year old is not allowed to go accross the street to her best friends house without me watching. At 10 I was walking home by myself. Its all well in good to say they are walking home with other kids or friends but not really. I remember a few years back I had to go to the schools offie with my daughter. There was a 5th grader in there for something. Nothing bad anyway after a while she says my friends have all left and I can't get my mom on the phone. Office staff says well you will not be able to hang around here but you can try your parents again in a few minutes Well bout half hour later I'm on my way home and thre is the girl walking by herself down a semi busy road. A 5th Grader???? That is the prime age that kids are taken 9 through 12. You cannot assume that kids will walk with kids or that the school will have common sense. I had my daughter watch Amber's story we talk about what happen. One time I found her out front of her dad's house I pulled over and tanned her hide. Needless to say she now understands and is careful. Also I make sure she is looked after. You cannot be to careful

There is a video called "The Safe Side" for young kids. It teaches them "stranger danger" but in a very sensible way -- there are green light, yellow light and red light adults. Green are ones you know are always OK to go with -- and that can be mom and dad but also your very good friend's mom whom you know would be OK to go with if she told you, "Your mom asked me to pick you up." And so on, through to red light situations where it's a classic stranger with candy, basically. I and other parents I know found these videos pretty good for younger kids.

As you put it, apart from "never let them out of your sight," no amount of training can provide any guarantees. Kids can say they understand all you tell them to do but then behave differently when faced with a very convincing stranger.

What worries me much more than stranger abduction of very young children is stranger abduction of children in their preteen and early teen years. Our paper (Washington Post) did an excellent and very revealing article about this maybe two years ago. Studies find that sexual predators find children who are school-age, especially girls around 9-13 or so, the most sexually interesting, so the bigger danger is for kids that age, not two and three and four-year-olds at the playground. (But the article noted that parents fear toddlers being kidnapped yet are not as worried about things happening to their older kids --when the older kids actually may be more attractive to snatchers.) By the time kids are in the early teens they know more about the world and can get away better, but kids in the tween age are both sexually appealing to predators and still inexperienced enough that they may not run away immediately in a bad situation. Just something for moms with kids this age to keep in mind. My daugher is 11 and hates to hear any mention of "let's talk about safety" because it scares her, but I do it anyway because she is in a tricky age range.

Hi,

You can also purchase the DVD "Stranger Danger" promoted from the show america's most wanted. It talks to kids of all ages and parents. In a non threating way.

http://www.mypreciouskid.com/stranger-danger.html

Good Luck...I think it's a great investment!