What Is the Biggest Adjustment to Having a 2Nd Child

Mine was trying to take special timeout, mommy time, for my oldest. Other than that when my second was a newborn it was actually pretty smooth sailing.
Now that they are a little older we are constantly praising M for all the new things she does (walking, new words, new games). My son J said to me a couple of months ago "Where's my 'Good Job, Mommy?'". It broke my heart into a million pieces, so we have been trying to praise both of them every day, even if it is just little things.
Enjoy every moment!

It's been many years, but I remember the big adjustment being time management and not enough hands. It would seem like both children would always need something different at the same time, I be changing a poopy diaper and the other would be crying wanting to be fed. Even now 15 years later there are still times when I feel I don't give each one enough individual attention.

Not being able to give your older child 100% attention.

The biggest adjustment for me was pretty much EVERYTHING!! Lol. I waited 16 years to have another child so it was like learning everything all over again. I didn't think that my daughter would be jealous but she was at first. I really had to make sure that I divided my self almost in half. Me and my oldest are very close and when my son was born, although she is a teenager, she felt that all of the attention was on the baby. Honestly, for a while, it was. I had to explain to her that the baby has to depend on me for everything. Being a single mother really is a task, but I managed to make it work. Now she is 17 and he is 15 months and they love eachother to pieces. He can't wait for her to come home from school, so he can spend time with her in her room. They love eachother. :)

Things actually seemed to go pretty smoothly for us when we had #2. Our daughter really didn't care what the baby did because the baby really didn't move. Now that #2 is 1 though there is some jealousy and that is because she doesnt just lay there any more she is mobile and is now competition in her eyes. Just make sure to give them equal attention. I think the hardest thing for us as parents was remembering that the oldest is still little as well. I think we started putting more pressure on her to not do certain things because "she should know better". You might find your eldest acting out a little more at times because they are wanting attention. It isn't as bad as your mind will make it out to be. Once you have 2 you will just know what to do your motherly instincts will kick in. Congrats on baby #2.

The biggest adjustment for me (mine are just 6 and turning 1 tomorrow!) was missing the "alone" time with my older daughter.

She is a HUGE help...and now, instead of me doing everything for her, she does a lot for me, like fetching things, helping pick up, entertaining her sister while I shower, etc etc etc...and I still feel guilty, because she is so good about it (what a blessing)...

so I've started letting her stay up late on Fridays so we can have time together. We look forward to it every week, and always plan ahead for what we're going to do with our solid two hours alone. Also, I try to find ways to balance it through the day...but I'll just say now, so much of my time and attention has gone into baby #2 that I really do still miss the time with number #1.

Actually, BEFORE I had the new baby, my worry was going to be that I wouldn't love her as much or like I loved my first daughter, who I was so attached to. I found out very quickly that you have SO much love in your heart! :)

It will be busier.

When I was pregnant with my 2nd child, I did this: INCORPORATE my Daughter into 'my' pregnancy. I made it a "we" thing, instead of a "me" thing. Meaning, I spent a ton of time, acclimating her to it, to her baby brother in my tummy etc. I even took her to my prenatal visits, which my Doc, encouraged. He even taught her how to use the Doppler heart monitor on my tummy. She loved it. I, each month, explained to her the pregnant "phases" Mommy will go through: ie: my tummy gets bigger as her baby brother grows, I will get tired, I will not be able to carry her or do running around sometimes, I will need to nap etc. And we would nap, together.
And she understood like a Champ. AND, this also helped her in BONDING with her baby brother already, even if he was just in my tummy. SO that, once he came home from the hospital, she was not all shocked about it and really loved her brother already.
We took pictures of HER each month, with my growing belly, she sang to her baby brother in my tummy, she rubbed my tummy and would just talk to her, baby brother.

Then, once baby brother was born... I explained to her, EACH month, how he is growing and changing. The "phases" of a baby. I also explained BEFORE baby came home, what a baby 'does.' ie: it wakes a lot, it cries, I nurse him... just like she did and I did for her.
I explained a baby cannot do what she does etc.

I ALSO explained to her, that I respect HER things. I DO NOT EVER, just 'expect' her to share EVERYTHING with her brother, and that I know her things are special to her. A little child needs to know that.
I also explained, that just because she will be an 'older' sibling, that does not mean, SHE has to be all grown up. I know she is a little child herself. And that she can tell me anything, her feelings, worries, upsets etc., and I am there for her.
That she is STILL.... "my first baby."

All of this, made a good transition for her. She LOVED her baby brother even while still in my tummy, and she had no jealousy.
I never expected her to be any 'different' just because she was an older sibling. I also told her that, she will NOT be used as an 'example' for her little brother. She is herself.

I told her also, I will never expect her to be 'perfect.' She has her developmental phases too. Its okay.

My daughter, was also 3-3.5 years old, when I was pregnant with my 2nd child.

all the best,
Susan

For me, it was not having as much time. When I had a rough night w/ my 1st infant, I could nap during the day when he did. But, with my 2nd (and 3rd & 4th), when baby was napping, I was spending time with the older
one(s). Sometimes it was hard to keep my eyes open and sometimes I was kinda crabby. That phase doesn't really last that long though (although sometimes it feels that way) and things do get easier. The plusses far outweigh the minuses IMO. Watching your children playing together and seeing how much they love eachother is the best feeling in the world. They do get mad at eachother sometimes, but not too often. It makes me so happy to know they have eachother's backs.
Congratulations! :)

Whoa, Erin....I live in Jackson, I have a 3.5 year old boy, and I just gave birth to my 2nd a month ago! Funny and weird that we have all three tihings in common (except the pregnancy part).

Well, I must say that, going through the experience right now, having a 2nd is an adjustment for sure. I focused on how my son will receive the new one but never realized the bigger adjustment for me was actually ME. I have to find a way to accomodate my son and the new LO and it can be at times overwhelming to handle the two alone. I am learning that I have to be creative...for example, while with my first I could actually nap when the baby naps like they say, I cannot nap with a son around. So I've learned to pop in his favorite DVD and I snooze in the background while it plays and baby is on my chest.

I have also learned that I have to be more aggressive in asking for help. With my first I got so much help from family, I guess because the whole thing was new (it was the first grandchild on both sides). But this time around I was surprised how little help was offered to me...I think because the assumption was that I knew what I was doing, I was an experienced M.. The truth is you actually need MORE help with the 2nd than the first since you do lose all that time for yourself when baby naps, you are consumed with the first. I needed to actually sit my husband and mother down and let them understand how my days were going when I was alone...they finally came around and understood but it is still a struggle some days. Don;t be afraid to ask for help early and often!

It's like having the first one... you can't imagine it until you're actually in it, and once you're in it, you're actually use to it! At first our biggest adjustment was the always "being on." Although now that our daughters are 1.5 and 4.5 we can put them down for bed and have time to ourselves again.

I know you asked about adjustment, but I thought I'd throw in something my dad had really stressed to us (I'm the youngest of 3) when we had our second. With the newborn, alway say hi to the older one FIRST when you go somewhere and then come back. Simply because they will notice but a newborn will not. I think this really helped with our older daughter and I don't feel like we've ever really had jealousy issues. Just my two cents.

I'm sure your son will be a great brother. My daughter had just turned 4 when her brother was born. There were no meltdowns, jealousy, rivalry, attention getting behaviors, regressions, etc. Easiest sibling adjustment I ever saw. I hope you'll have the same experience.
The hardest thing for me was the after work time. Being a working M. of one was easy, two was hard. My husband had started a new job, further away and did not get home til a good 2 hours after me, so it was hard to have an infant and preschooler, deal with dinners, dishwasher, preschool homework and spend time with her, pump for next day/wash pump and bottles, bathe the kids, etc. I felt like I was always doing chores and such, and not actually spending time with them even though some of the chores were things I did with/for them.

It's a lot of juggling as they have very different needs, especially the first year. That's just something you'll get used to. The only thing I regret is that as soon as my second was born, my first seemed so much older and I think I expected too much from her. I eased up after a while, but I still wish I could go back and change it. But to leave on a positive not - she doesn't seem scarred by it, and it melts my heart to see them playing together.

I would have to say different schedules and learning how to split your time so neither child feels left out.

Getting them both out the door! But it got better :)

relax.....& make sure that older child is involved in the entire process. From seeing the ultrasound....to picking out the clothes....& please!!!...make sure he has his own bag for the hospital! & never, ever make him responsible for your younger child's happiness.....having to give up something to keep the baby from crying is a surefire way to hurt the older one! (+ it makes the younger one a monster to boot!)

Getting ready to go places was a big adjustment for me. With one, We could be ready and out the door in 10-15 minutes. With two, it can take up to 20-30 minutes. Somethings that have helped were to make sure the diaper bag is ready the night before or at least well before we are ready to go and two, I would get my toddler ready, then let him play in the attached garage (with the doors closed) for about 5 minutes while I get my shoes on and the baby in the carrier. Otherwise, It would take much longer because he would be running around the house crazy and making all kinds of messes :) or, i know it sounds bad, I would let him watch a few minutes of TV while getting things together, shoes and coats on, etc.

Another big adjustment was wondering- what to do with the toddler while i was nursing. Luckily, my baby was born in the spring so we were able to spend alot of time outside and I would nurse the baby outside while watching my toddler play. If we were inside, he would sometimes play nicely by himself, or we would read stories, I would give him a snack at the same time, etc.

Hope that helps

Maybe that it will be easier than you think. My son was 3 1/2 when our baby boy was born. There hasn't been a minute of jealousy and the big one is border-line obsessive about his brother. It has been much easier and more fun than the first time around. I would say the hardest thing might be the psychological difficulty of knowing you can't always take care of both of their needs at the same time--but compared to how scared I was about it it hasn't been that bad.

Timing was the biggest issue b/c they were on two totally different schedules. I was nervous and anxious too only to find out it all falls into place and ends up very easy - at least in my experience. The most important thing we did, I feel, is that no one was allowed in the delivery room for the first hour after the baby was born. This allowed us, as a family, to welcome our little one. My oldest felt apart of the entire experience and knew he was just as important as the new arrival.

My son will be 2 years in May and I aready have a 6 1/2 month old girl. And the adjustment is hard just for me with finding time to clean, cook etc...if i can even get to it. But my little boy became a big bro at 17 months and he loves it and adjusts great.. Really not so hard that part. Just hard work for mommy to balance it all. i hope you can have a little help like a sitter to play with older child....do preschool and i hope have a very helpful DH....cause you will need time for you!!!!