What Do You Wish You Knew Before You Had Kids?

I wish I'd just relaxed a bit. That it's all gonna be ok and that 6 months really isn't that long! (I remember everyone telling me once they are 6 months old, it's gets so much easier) That they are so much easier the younger they are. Never wish them to grow up any faster than they have to. Just try to enjoy every moment and we ALL have bad days and feel like the worst mother in the world at some point. Good luck to her. It's so funny looking back and realizing how ignorant I was when I thought I knew everything (before I had kids!).

Tell to not get worked up over a messy house. I was constantly trying to keep a clean house while spending time with my son. It's not worth it. Time with him was more important.

I wish I could have been prepared for how it would change every aspect of my life from not being able to go to the bathroom alone to my relationship with my husband. My advice would be: Don't compare your child to other children, they all learn things at their own pace; distraction is the best form of discipline for little ones; be consistent; always be behind your child, you are their number 1 advocate; phases don't last forever-good or bad; when you are furious with your 3 year old for acting like a 3 year old does sometimes, remember how much love you felt the first time you held that precious child in your arms. I hope this helps!

After they came, I could never remember how we entertained ourselves at home, it’s hard to remember the past.

Be careful what you wish for… new parents can’t wait to see them crawl, then they are into everything. Can’t wait to see them walk, then they are into everything a little higher and you can’t catch them. Can’t wait to hear them talk, then they are NEVER quiet! And the list goes on :-)

Don’t cater to individual kid meals. Our kids eat dinner with us and if they don’t like what we are having then the choice is theirs to not eat but that means no desert. My toddlers love Salmon, Pork Tenderloin, Steak, Chicken and all veggies. Eating at home, friend’s houses, or out is never an issue. Start this early :-) or they become very picky.

There is a book I highly recommend that you could give her, that I wished I'd read before having kids. It's called "What No One Tells the Mom" by Marg Stark.

My best advice is that you probably won't enjoy every moment, but it's okay not to. Don't be hard on yourself and look for the little things and accomplishments to be thankful for. Oh, and to ask for help when you need it.

Every hard stage seems like it will last forever, but it's really so brief! Try to enjoy even the trying times.

I also wish I had ready "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and memorized the techniques therein before our baby was born instead of two weeks later.

Here's something practical I learned from watching friends with their children before I had my first - - - Do not give baby that one special blankie they can't function without incase it gets left somewhere on accident or lost. I bought a package of thin cloth diapers so we had little blankies in the car, by the swing, at grandparents house...it was easy to replace them because he had a dozen. Both my kids liked the feel of it on their cheek so I would just drape it over my shoulder and it would double as a burp cloth. And they get softer as you wash them more.

One other thing I figured out after spending probably hundreds on Mylicon bottles...Walmart's Equate brand works just as well and is 1/2 the cost.

My neighbor who is in her 70's told me "When they say you have ruined my lafe, you've embarrassed me, and I hate you-YOU MOM have done your job" At some point you will stand your ground and it will be the hardest thing to hear those words, but it's for your child's own good.

When they are little they have little problems and as they grow so do the problems... Enjoy them, don't spend your day yelling at them, like the other mother said, pick your battles, and ENJOY them... And don't try to be their friend more than their parent, especially in teen years with girls...
And write down more things and take LOTS of pictures, especially of the second born, third born etc... (get the baby book in advance of how many kids you want and fill most of it out before you have them, because after number one is born it's really hard to put as much in the others...

Your child will at one point hit, bite, or kick you before they are 1 year old. Don't take this personally. They are learning to vent their frustrations and honestly it shows they trust you wholly with their feelings and that you will love them even when they are angry. This is why moms have this happen to them more often than anyone else in their little worlds... love hurts! :)

Don't take stages too literally...We all do things in our own time and they do have their OWN time. Keep things in perspective with phrases like "How many adults do you know that still need a binky?"

No one has ever cried themselves to death. There are times you will have to let them cry, or you will drive yourself insane and you are not doing them any favors.

Your child will not starve. Try to feed them healthy alternatives, but if they decide they don't want to eat it, they aren't going to and just move on.

Take naps with your babies. There will come a time when they no longer want to cuddle and you will miss it.

If your child prefers Daddy, don't get jealous. Take the time to do things for yourself. Preferences change - sometimes by the hour.

Give her our best and congrats on the new addition!

Sometimes, not all the time, Barney or Elmo make great babysitters while you get the dishes done.

Don't put too much stock into what everyone says is best. Trust yourself to know what is best for your little one.

I wish I knew how important it was to take care of myself. You can't take care of anyone else if you don't take care of yourself. I'm sure I knew that on some level, but for a long time I felt guilty any time I took any time for myself. Now I finally realize how important it is.

My best advice would be that when you've been up all night with a screaming 1 month old and you just can't take it anymore, it's ok to go calmy and gently lay them in their crib, swing, bassinet, whatever...and go in another room and take 5 minutes to get yourself together. No baby or kid for that matter ever died or got sick from crying. Just when you think you've got the hang of it they will throw you a curve ball, and just handle it the best way you know how. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS trust your gut when it comes to your kids. Mommy knows when something isn't right, so if you feel you need to go to the emergency room at 4 in the morning because something isn't right, chances are YOU'RE RIGHT.
Just enjoy them while they are babies, even if they are "terrible babies". Because before you know it they'll be walking and talking and you can't ever get those little moments back.

I learned very quickly to PICK YOUR BATTLES and do not for any reason pick them all. It will only make it harder on yourself. I have a very strong willed little girl and if I always had to have my way all I would do all day is argue.

Oh, and you cannot reason with a 2 year old!

My advice is first of all, trust yourself!! If you think something is right for your child, then it is, and in turn, if you think something is wrong, then it should be taken seriously!! Also, take time to just be with your children..just to play cars with them, or whatever they want..everyday! And, dont compare your child with others...even your best friend who swears her child was walking by 10 months, when yours is 13 months and has no desire to...they are different! And, I sooooo agree with the multiple blankie idea..learned that the hard way, but now have 2 other children that will take any of 3 blankets we have for them. Above all...let them be little for as long as you can, even when the world tries to tell you otherwise. Girls esp. tend to be growing up way too fast, and it is our job to protect them from that. Good luck ~A.~

Wow, I love everyone's advice so far. I would also add to join some kind of Moms Group/Playgroup, even starting from just a few months of age. My son wasn't even quite a month old when I joined my first moms group. To me, it has been such a blessing to have other moms around to share in everything. Mamasource and other online communities are great, but it is nothing compared to having someone to talk to in person. You don't have to make best friends with new people, or replace old friends, but having someone going through the same things as you as the same time is invaluable emotionally! And when the kids get to playing age, it is wonderful for them too. Along those same lines too is to be sure to have something for just mom! Whether it is a hobby or just time to hide away and read, it is so important to retain some alone time. If you feel guilty taking time away for you - then try volunteering. It is still time away from the kids to decompress, but you can't feel guilty if you are helping others!!!!

My advice would be to cherish your children. They grow up and leave home and it seems it happens so quickly. Then you sometimes have the thoughts that you should have been more patient, spent more time with them, etc...The regrets. Perhaps everyone has some regrets but if you cherish them the best way you can maybe you won't have any regrets. Good luck everyone on loving and raising your kids!!
C.

I agree with most of the things posted by others. Please do get the photo album out and take pictures of your child(ren) regularly in clean and dirty clothes in odd spots and good spots. I have a special picture of my 2 week old daughter in the laundry basket in the bathroom next to the washer. She wouldn't let me out of her sight while I did my hair and so I "stuffed" her in the basket and she was happy. Just think the germs in basket are the ones that she will be in contact with daily anyway and she never was sick.

There is no manual on how to raise a child it is on the job training for each one. Do pick your battles, but do remember that meal time is not a restaurant - we eat what is put in front of us or don't eat that night. Crying, well yes it is going to happen - how else will the lungs grow? Start a routine when baby comes home with the crib or bassinet and keep to it. This way you won't have to fight with getting baby out of the bed later when mom and dad want privacy.

Set boundaries for everything but be flexible to change. Start with manners when they begin to speak - Thank yous and may I's and build upon that. Anything special or pretty that you really like put it up until they are 3 and then teach them to not touch so that they can remain out on the table. Make a special spot in the kitchen away from the stove - cupboard shelf or something they can get into while you cook and stock it with plastic bowls and spoons and measuring cups. If you use canned goods get a magic marker out and write what is in the can in case the label is torn off (no applesauce for corn). Let them help when you do laundry drag it to the washer and thank them. Have more than one blankie and binkie or paci in the crib for sleeping. Do not prop a bottle in the mouth for feeding always hold your child when feeding this avoids Toddler Rot of the teeth.

Above all else carve out private time everyday for yourself (30 to 40 minutes) and just hide take a relaxing bath while dad plays with the kids. Don't feel guilty about what you do as you are still a woman, a wife, and a mother in that order.

You won't get a Good Housekeepr's award for a few more years to come I think about junior high school. Do play with them outside and get just as dirty and remember your own childhood when playing so you can relate to the joy they are experiencing. Become a friend to them after they are 16 by then all of your life lessons should be a solid foundation. Be fair amd honest with discipline.

Create a date night for you and dad this is very important as you will be a couple again one day sooner than you think. Before you know it you will reflect back and wonder where did the time go? Cherish and love them as we only have them in our homes for a short time (18 years). They were newborns just yesterday and now they are getting married or moving out on their own in a blink of an eye. The other S. Getting ready for son's wedding in June

Oh...and you had to ask this on a day when I'm hormonal...

When they cry it's not a vendetta. They don't know how to tell you what their needs are. And it's not personal.

You will be exhausted before it's all over with. And you will look back on those days and wish you had them to do all over again.

You're children will do things that disappoint you at times. It's how they grow. Love them anyway.

You will not have all the answers. Admit that. To THEM. They will trust you more knowing that you too are human.

Your job is NOT to be their friend. It's to be the best parent you know how to be. They will have plenty of friends come and go in their life. They have only ONE mom or dad.

When you are sitting in your car with the monitor on and the radio up full blast crying hysterically because you don't know how to "fix" what ever is wrong with your cholicy baby and her crying makes you want to scream because you are sincerely trying your best...it WILL pass. THIS IS NOT FOREVER. Take that moment. Cry as much as you need. Then get back to it. They need you more than you ever thought possible.

And all they ever really want to know about you is that you love them. And that you tell them every day. And that when they fall you will be there to pick them up.

And when you least expect it...and you're at your wits end...and you think you're world has tilted off it's axis and you can't take it another minute...a tiny hand will touch you...and say...I love you mommy...and wrap their arms around you...

And you will find the strength to go further than you ever thought humanly possible.

So...I'm gonna go cry for a while now. My bosses think I've lost my mind.

Smiles to you hun...

That everyone has an opinion and everyone will tell you what it is, that you should listen to all advice but decide what is best for you and your family and then let the criticism roll off your back. Not warm and fuzzy but I think that's been covered.

Don't let your marriage fall to the back of the line. Happy mommies and daddies make better parents and your husband is your best ally. You may not always agree, and that is ok.
Some of the best advice I read before my kids was to let daddy do things his way even if you think he isn't doing it up to par - ie changing diapers, feeding, dressing. That way he'll feel more in control and be more involved - and you can get some golden "me" time.

Okay, here I go, as I cry:
Enjoy the bad times, the sleeplessness, the trying to feed a baby while cooking diner, getting peed on while grocery shopping becuase in a minute, they will be gone.
Laugh as often as possible.
Hold that little hand and remeber how small it was once as you feel grow in your hand.
Remeber that while you are trying to learn to be a mother, the baby is trying to learn to be a person.
No matter how prepared you are, how much you loves kids, how long you have wanted this day to come, you can never be ready.
Doctors and books do not have all the answers and while they are a good place to start, sometimes, a lot of the time, you have to make things up as you go and learn what is right for your family.
You will realize you have never known love before.

Someone already said this but I agree, Pick your Battles!

Learn how to redirect, once you can master the skill of redirection your life will be so much easier! This skill works on many a variety of ages and stages.

Finally, cherish every moment that you get to spend with your child(ren). Even if that means the dishes sit in the sink a little longer than usual, or the floor doesn't get vacuumed for one more day. You can not do it all, so don't stress about it and enjoy your time with your babies. They will be teenagers before you know it.

You will get frustrated and that is okay. Take a deep breath and call someone just to tell them you are having a rough day. It helps.

Try not to do it all, the dishes can wait while you play cars on the floor.

Your life has a whole other meaning now, suddenly things that were important before just aren't anymore. You are more affraid because you have more to loose.

My favorite thing is getting to see your children experience things for the first time.

My Mom always says pick your battles. I didn't understand that fully until my oldest was about 2 and a half. :]