Blankie or No Blankie

I say it is time for another mothers day out program!!! We are talking about a two year old...not a five year old going to kindergarten. I worked at a day care and a preschool. We let them keep their "lovies" with them until they were so comfortable that they only needed them at naptime. It rarely took more than a couple of weeks before they felt relaxed enough to leave their "lovies"(whatever they are) in their cubbies. Every once in a while they would have a bad day (don't we all?) and would need it to get through. But why add to the trauma of adjustment. Sounds like the old "throw them into the pool...they'll either learn to swim or sink!" Start looking and good luck.

My 4 year old is in Preschool. She carries her "lovey" everyday, but she knows as soon as she gets to class it has to go in her cubby with her backpack. She gets it only at rest time. The teachers and school don't want those personal items there, but they understand that they may be needed for nap time.

My son, 18 months, also has a "lovey".

I'd make an appointment to talk to the teacher and/or director.

I have worked at 2 daycares and had a home daycare business. I know you have to respect the rules but for pete sake, it's a blankie. I don't understand why babies are expected to grow up so fast. If they need a comfort item from home, even a pacifier, then they should be allowed to have it. When I worked at a daycare I would definitely have preferred to let the babies have their comfort items than have to spend all day comforting a sad little one.

N.,
I am a teacher at a MDO program and have read several responses to your question which is very legitimate and I applaud your concern over the matter.

As a teacher I would say consistency is best especially in a shcool wide setting. The reasons why the blankie is not allowed during class time most likely are:

1. Blankies and such security items are very important for the children and when you allow one child to bring it in, then ALL the children want to bring in their "security" item. Some of these are not necessarily blankets. When trying to teach, they cause distractions.

2. Lost items. When you have a lot of children in a classroom and they want to lug their stuff, it often gets misplaced and lost. You then have another problem because then if it gets lost, you are the one out of luck at night time at home. I have 19 children in my class and can not keep up with all their belongings. I teach 4-5 year olds and sometimes they can't keep up with jackets and lunch boxes.

3. Rules - You need to respect the rules your MDO lays out. I am sure this is a director wish and not the teachers in the classroom, so therefore they are following what their boss wants. Your two year old is trying to battle you so that "he" can win. If you do not work with the teachers and pull him out, then he knows he got his way. Two year old are very smart and know what they are doing. It will then set you up for more battles down the road with your child thinking if he cries he will get his own way.

He can understand that only "nap" time is he allowed to have his blankie. You can tell him that his blankie is in his backpack all the time. Perhaps the teachers could hang his blankie somewhere so it is in sight. I like the idea of cutting a piece to put in his pocket but he would need to know that he can't pull it out.

The teachers are trying to be consistent with all their children in the classroom, so if one child brings something in, then all the kiddos would because parents would not view this as fair - and it wouldn't be.

I hope this helps somewhat from a teacher's point of view. It is also very hard for teachers to not allow children to bring in their things when they are crying but we know it is best in the long run if we don't give in.

M..

I taught preschool for 2 years and had 15-18 month olds. I can tell you from a teacher's perspective why it's a problem. The kid with the blankie ends up putting it down, another child picks it up, the kid gets mad b/c someone has "his" blankie. It makes it difficult for the teachers. It also is hard to do crafts/music time/chapel time/lunch, etc. when someone has their blankie. We don't want your child to be sad. But if we let 1, we have to let all have their "special thing" and it's really difficult. Probably the best thing would be for him to only have it at nap time at both home and school. However, another compromise might be that you don't give him the blankie in the car on the way to school. It goes in his bag for nap time. Reassure him that he can have it at nap time. I don't know how long this has been going on, but if it's consistant, he should learn that he has it at nap at school and that's it. My kids both took pacifiers and the school they went to didn't allow pacifiers once they were out of the nursery - even for nap time! I just knew the teachers would hate me on the days they stayed for nap b/c they would be terrible! Well, to my dismay, they took a nap at school and didn't have fits or anything because they knew they couldn't have their pacificiers at school.

If this is a deal breaker, then maybe you should remove him from the school, but if at all possible, I'd suggest helping the school out by being more consistant and making sure he doesn't have his blankie in his hand when he gets to school. Just pack it in his bag like everything else and he'll see it at nap time.

Being a working mom whos son, now 5, was in daycare...you need to put consistancy in your sons life. The blankie thing may be small, but this is going to go on from potty trainig to not using a sippy cup. If he has the structure at school, and not at home then you are doing your son a great injustice. And I am pretty sure the lasdies in th3e MDO program are following the rules put in place to be equal to all kids and are not personally attackign your son with the balnkie issue. By letting him have he blankie whenever he wants it...you are setting that mind set up for him...that he can get whatever he wants when ever he wants and those other peoples rules dont matter. You are not causing any long term damage to him but taking it away from him....but you might be by not helping him mature out of it.

I say let him keep the blankie! He's 2 not 20. Nowdays, for some reason people want kids to grow up way too quickly. Let him stay a baby while he's still a baby. You are right..it shouldn't be this stressful a thing. The MDO I use allows the kids to bring things like that, stuffed animals, blankies, etc. I can't see how it's that big a deal or distracting (aren't they there to play anyway?) It's not like he's in college distracting the class. And for the 'germ problem'. Kids are germy, it's not that big a deal either. Save your stress for something else, there will be plenty later in life to get worked up over...at 2? not so much! I think you are right on, you're the mom after all and know what your little one needs for now. Good Luck and God Bless you and your sweet boy.

I dealt with this issue as well. My daughter is almost 25 now. She loved her blankie and found such comfort in it. She took it to day care and she was usually so busy she didn't have a problem and they always gave it to her if she needed it. What is wrong with a child receiving comfort my day care did not have an issue with it and most of the time she just needed it for a few minutes after I left. When it came time for school she and I decided that we would cut a small piece off and she took it in her back pack. I am talking about a 2" square off the corner. To this day that blankie is in her treasure box folded ever so gently. She is a healthy and well adjusted young woman and why should it be different because you have a boy. Good luck, try not to saddle your expectations on your son there is a reason he is looking for comfort and better a blankie than other ways we adults seek comfort ie; food, alcohol's, drugs and other addictive behavior. Blessings, L.

Wish I had advice... my daughter (18 mo) has her blankie and the thought of leaving her somewhere and not letting her have that comfort hurts me!

Are you saying that they will NOT let him have it a nap time? If so, time to switch MDO's.

The Mothers Day Out programs are supposed to give Mom some time away from kids while providing a "Loving, Safe environment" for their children to learn and grow in God.

Start asking him about what he does at school when you pick him up. Don't rely on the notes from the teacher. He may not make complete sense but listen. Ask other parents if they are having and trouble with their children and school. It sounds to me like there is SOMETHING that is making him feel "not safe" if he wants his blankie all the time at school.

D.
SAHM of three: 19, 18, and 5
Home Baker and Crafter. Married to the same wonderful man for almost 12 years.

I would talk to the director of MDO and see why they have this policy in force or if it is just the lady(ies) working that are making that rule. I, personally, would be livid if someone had done this with my son (a blankie boy as well). It's not their job to decide what he needs and doesn't need in ways of comfort.

On the other hand, they may have a legit reason for not allowing it except at nap time.

Definitely communicate with the director though and see if there can be some kind of compromise. MDO shouldn't be stressful for him or you!

Before becoming a SAHM, I worked on daycare for many years. We also had a no blankie policy, as well as no toys from home. It becomes very distracting to not only the child with the blankie, but to everyone else. If he's allowed to have it all the time, then everyone else should be allowed a comfort item, and then they fight over them, or they get damaged, or even lost. When this happens, it's a very devastating thing for the child. If a child brought a toy or something from home, I would ask the child to give it to the parent so the item wouldn't get damaged or lost. The parent agreed to watch it very carefully until they came to pick up their child at the end of the day. It took some time, but eventually the kids understood that while at school, they don't get their personal items at school. If it persists, then maybe trim a vey small piece of the blanket to keep in his pocket, but tell him it has to stay in his pocket, or it will get taken away. Then he knows he has it, but it's not taking away from his school time.

Be consistent. If you want to "transition" him out of the blankie and use it only for nap time, then do the same at home. My son who goes to daycare used to take his puppy in with him when I would drop him off. He only used it for nap time. But I would let him carry it in in the morning when I dropped him off. Eventually after a couple of weeks he quit wanting it in the morning. He would only have it at nap time, and now I don't think he even has any of his puppies up there. Just talk to the teachers about transitioning him out of it. They should be able to work with you. Kids don't like change, at least mine don't...so you can't just rip things away from them, gradually change things and I think your son will adjust fine.

:)

I would absolutely be consistent. Inconsistency is the most painful thing for a child to go through. That said, what exactly does he do with the blankie? Are we talking linus style, dragging it a round so it touches the ground, or is he cold wearing it like a shawl - what?

If it's Linus, maybe a small square of blankie for his pocket (so he can reach in and rub as needed) would work. If he's cold, I might make it into a poncho.

S.

It might be time to make the transition to blankie is nap time only. My sons pacifire was his thing and then slowly I said it was for nap time only and then it was gone. I was scared of taking it from him, but it worked out, Iwas scared to have a 3 year old talking through a paci. Good luck

Let him keep the blankie! He will not carry it with him for the rest of his life! My 6 yr old still carries her blankie and puppy with her around the house and if she goes somewhere. When she is at school she is a big girl but at night or going over to someones house she carries it with her. I think he is too young to pick that battle with and maybe you should find another mother's day out program that doesn't feel it is an issue. That is his piece of home while he is there.
Good Luck

I know I'm the minority here but I say let him have the blankie.....he only just turned 2! Boys mature slower and it's not like he'll be carrying it the rest of his life. I don't see it harming him in any way. My daughter had a special puppy she took everywhere (even to Kinder) and was able to carry it in every day but would then put him in her cubby. She was old enough at the time to understand why she couldn't hold him the entire time and it still bothered her. Your son does not understand why the teachers are taking it away and IMO it's going to cause him more anxiety about going to school. You are paying the school for him and they should respect your wishes if you choose for him to hold on to blankie and who knows maybe as the school year progresses, he'll start putting it down more w/out even realizing it.
I say let him have it while he's still young and LOVES his blankie.....one day he will understand more and it won't be a struggle!!
Take care! : )

Hi Niclole,

Don't sell your feelings short. This is a stressful thing. Children certainly do attach to things for comfort and feelings of security. It's actually a smart thing they do. Shhhh, we do it as adults too :)

I understand the school's need for him not to have it. As Amber and B. B discussed, it is an important policy for schools (for health and safety, and organizational, and social-development reasons.) I won't get further into that.

I have some thoughts for you.

As Jeanne mentioned, have you considered gradually cutting down the blanket? I've seen this be really successful. As the child grows the blanket gets smaller, and the dependence also reduces. If you decide to try this, DO have a talk with him about it and let him know what you are doing.

Another suggestion. You might do better NOT to take the blanket to school at all. It will be far less confusing. If he already is used to not taking it out for some other events, then he might do well not taking it to school (even though there is a nap). You can say things like "you're getting to be a really big boy now and you get to go to school. At school they don't use blankies." Something like that. You might even get him a little snuggle toy to sleep with. That can stay with his things at school, or in his bag for school, and doesn't come out any other time. It will be a comfort of home, and be really special without introducing the blankie into the school situation.

Regarding consistency between home and school, as long as what you do at home is consistent, and what you do at school is consistent, he will learn the difference. There will probably be some tears at school about it, but he will adjust.

God luck with this.

I don't know if this would work or not, but my son loves his blanket too. So much, that we have two the same I wash/rotate. I was thinking about cutting one into four smaller "on the go" lovies (and finishing the edges). This way it won't drag on the floor and it could fit in a back pack for MDO. Maybe they would let him carry it if it was small or fit him like a bib he could wear???

Hi N., I don't understand them not letting your son have his blankie at mothers day out. He's only 2! My suggestion is to buy another blankie just like his and cut off a small piece or possibly cut a small piece off of the one he carries (you can sew around where you cut so it won't unravel). I would put the small piece in his pocket or even pin it onto his shirt when he goes to mothers day out so that he can touch it or love it whenever he wants. Maybe just knowing its in his pocket will be enough to comfort him but still allow his hands to be free for playing.

We had a blankie issue with MDO too. The teachers never told us we couldn't bring it, but the handbook did say it was just for naptime. I really didn't want to send it at all because I didn't want to lose it. I started telling her on the way to school that she shouldn't take her bear (that's what she calls the blanket) because the other kids would get it. So maybe that's not the best way to teach sharing, but it's different with the bear. Anyway, she leaves it in her car seat and says, "Bye, Bear" when she goes to school. I think since she thinks it's her decision, she's okay with it.

A.
www.greenbabydiaperservice.com

Find another MDO! My DD is 26 months and quite fond her blankie and uses it mostly at nap/bed time but also just likes to hold it. I drop her off at MDO with her binkie and blankie since I know it makes it easier for her. What they do is when she sets it down they pick it up and set it aside but they do give it to her at nap time or if she gets upset. NEVER TAKE IT FROM HER or hold it for ransom.

Since i am trying to get rid of the binki I dont mind it they take it from her. But for me she can have her blankie as long as she wants it! And if a place told me anything different I would find some place else to take her to!

Sadly she left her blankie behind at her neurologist office yesterday and it is no where to be found. It had a lot of meaning to me since she took her new born hospital pic on it. It was made by a family member not purchased. It was her fav. one but luckly she had multiple blankies so she hasnt realized her fav. is missing and as long as she is not over stressed she should be fine.

I was lucky to find the discontinued fabric on ebay and bought all the yards she had (3) so I can make 3 replacement blankies for her. It wont be the same for me but she wont notice the difference.

My advice...it is your child not theirs and only you have the right to say if you want him to have the blankie or not.

Stand strong!

I LOVE my MDO if you want to check them out.
Life Church (Non demoninational) in North Richland Hills.
I also love that they keep a scrap book of your childs year...too sweet!

I have a child with PDD/NOS and they are very understanding to her needs and differences and are very flexable for us. Even with potty training since she is delayed she may not be trained by 3 and they said because of her special needs that they will be more flex about that. They made us feel welcomed and accepted and their veiw is that they are here to help the mom out and not there to parent!

LOVE THAT!!!!!

Dig a little deeper. Fi his blankie has always been his 'happy place' tehn why all of the sudden does he need it more at school/daycare. Is there a kids picking on him, new teachers a change in his schedule. Find the root of the problem first. Second, find him something 'special' for day time hours (buy 3 or 4 of course in case they get lost). Some kids like a watch or key chain they clip on. My daughter kept a small picture of us in her pocket all the time. I would double check with the school first to see if certain items are off limits before you try to sway him to a new security object. They may not allow a clip on key chain for example. But have your son help you. Have a special day where maybe you pick out a new blankie for naps at school and a new security...small.... Object that is 'just his'. And start a new rule that the blankie can only go as far as the car or maybe even the house. Good luck!

If he's that attached to the blankie that it's causing him to be upset not having it then he needs to have it.
My 2 yr old is not in a MDO but he loves to have a special stuffed animal to carry around with him daily. It usually changes weekly as to who it's gonna be but he always has some animal in his hands and I wouldn't bare taking it away at his young age. He's still to young to understand why he can't have it. You have some great advice and one poster said that if your child is allowed the blankie then every child will want to bring theirs....I don't think that's true because not every child is "attached" to items like others are. My daughter NEVER had to carry around a blankie or animal but my 2 year old does. I think the school can accomadate your sons needs and if not, get a new MDO.
Best Wishes!

My twins are 2 and their mother's day out encourages them to bring their lovie to school, so I would say let him keep it! My girls started out with it most of the day, but now they let it "ride" in their backpack in a special outside pocket and take it out only at nap and right afterwards. They are slowly not needing it. He is still a baby and if that is what makes him feel comfortable at school I'd try to talk to the teachers to see if he can have it -- I'm sure once he feels really comfortable at school he will get so busy he won't want it. If they are not flexible at all then I might look for someplace that is!

As for home, we started not offering it outside of the bed but if they really ask for it they can have it. usually after a minute of security they drop it and play like normal and I put it back in the bed.

Just my two cents! Do what your gut tells you - all kiddos are different. :)

Well, like Brenda, as the daycare provider, I see the reasons, but as a mother of a 2 year old blankie lover, I see your problem. If you find MDO important at this stage in his life, then you have to take the good with the bad. I personally dont want someone else dictating what my child does or does not need, therefor, I keep him home. So, the short answer is yes, you need to build consistency, and therefor no blankie at home unless it is bed time either. I like the blankie in the pocket idea for a little while, but I would also ask if there can be a transition time at MDO. Like he can have it for 2 min after you are gone. Usually, they are so occupied that it is easier to take away after you leave. It is just hard to bend rules for some, and then not have to do it for everyone:( Unfortunately that is what you will run into pretty much anywhere you take him where there are 15 other 2 year olds in the room. Good luck, it will get easier! ~A.~

Hi,
As a pre-k teacher (and a mother of a two year old), I say wean him from it as soon as you can. Nap time is fine for a while, but I would "give it to a baby who needs it" as soon as you can.

I started the year out with several thumb/finger suckers and one who thought she had (or could) to carry her "blankie" around with her thumb in her mouth.

Let's just say that NONE of them suck their fingers or thumb anymore and that girl decided to stop bringing blankie. Unfortunately, mom and dad just can't quite come to terms with the fact that a 4 year old is not an infant :( so they give it to her at home.

I would honestly make the blanket something he only uses at home, at night. I wouldn't even do the taking it to mothers day out thing. He'll be fine, I promise!

As a mother of a 15 year old girl, and two younger teen girls, and a 2 year old, my best advice is to be firm and realize that it isn't confusing to him; it is a rule, and that is how it is! Don't feel guilty or let him wear you down. Remember, as they get older, it only gets harder!

Good luck!