What Do You Wish You Knew in the Beginning?

That little things really are not that big of deal!

If they miss a nap or get cake for dinner or the dog licks them in the face. . . It really isn't the end of the world.

Not to stress out so much about every little thing. Small bumps and bruises happen, cheerios aren't toxic after 10 seconds on floor,dirt builds immune system, if they aren't eating enough they will let you know they are hungry, the laundry will wait another 30 minutes, and so goes the list......Enjoy!!!

That they really don't need THAT many different sets of clothes! Most of the time we are home they wear creepers or blanket PJs anyways, so no need for more than 6 sets of play clothes per season and 2 sets of dress clothes.

Wish I had read this sooner--it really inspires me:

Just For Today
by Sally Meyer

Just for this morning,
I am going to smile when I see your face...
and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning,
I will let you wake up softly in your flannel p.j.'s...
and hold you until you are ready to stir.

Just for this morning,
I will let you choose what you want to wear...
and I will say how beautiful you are.

Just for this morning,
I will step over the laundry to pick you up...
and take you to the park to play

Just for this morning,
I will leave the dishes in the sink...
and let you teach me how to put your puzzle together.

Just for this afternoon,
I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off...
and sit with you in the garden
blowing bubbles.

Just for this afternoon,
I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you
scream and whine for the ice cream truck...
and I will buy you O., if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon,
I won't worry about what you are going to be
when you grow up...
I will simply love you for the joy you bring me

Just for this afternoon,
I will let you help me make cookies...
and I wont stand over you . . . trying to 'fix things.'

Just for this afternoon,
I will take you to McDonald's and buy us both a 'Happy Meal'...
so you can have two toys.

Just for this evening,
I will hold you in my arms and tell you the story of how you
were born...
and how much we love you.

Just for this evening,
I will let you splash in the bathtub...
and I won't get angry when you pour water over your sister's
head.

Just for this evening,
I will let you stay up late...
while we sit on the porch swing
and count all the stars.

Just for this evening,
I will bring you glasses of water...
and snuggle beside you for hours...
and miss my favorite t.v. show.

And tonight when you are sleeping safe and warm in your bed,
I will think of the mothers and fathers
who mourn for the children they have lost.

I will remember the parents who sit by hospital beds,
watching over the little ones they love.

I will weep for those parents whose children are cold,
hungry and suffering,

and .... this evening,
when I kneel down to pray,
I will simply be grateful for all that I have

and not ask for anything...

except just O. more day.

© copyright 1999 Sally Meyer

That when I cough or sneeze I was going to pee my pants for the rest of my life :) Sheesh, nobody ever mentions that stuff!

Oh yeah, I wish someone would have told me my kids were really going to grow up and be adults themselves. I know people "told" me, but . . . it really happens and I am still surprised daily by it.

-The dishes, laundry, etc can wait. Sometimes mommy needs a nap too.
-You don't always have to follow the American Academy of Pediatrics, etc guidelines. Sometimes you have to follow your "mommy instincts".
-Don't buy too many clothes at first. Most likely your child won't wear half of them.
-If you think something is wrong with the baby, just call the pediatrician and talk to the nurse. It never hurts to ask.

Stand back for once...just let your child be a child and watch instead of trying soooo hard to prevent EVERY fall....always make sure they are safe, but let them be without you for brief moments....

I was a SAHM from the get go. Only 1 child by choice. I had some other moms "advise" me on how important it was to stay a SAHM even through school. Many moms get children to school age and then go corporate. I was corporate and I went SAHM full time when planning our pregnancy.

I've learned.......SAHM and getting children to school is vital. Don't stop being involved once your children go to school. My daughter is now approaching 10th grade. Now, more than ever, I need to be a part of the school, volunteering, participating. SO much goes on, especially in our area with competitions for sports, orchestra, band, you name it....along with the children keeping grades up in Honors courses plus. I am active in booster clubs, volunteer work and it is vital to our children.

As a SAHM, I have spent more time at middle and high school being an advocate for my child. I am getting a lot of experience as a board member of cheer boosters, volunteer at the school and routinely being active at the school.

These kids need adults watching out for them while they are watching the kids bloom,grow and go away to college to beome good adults.

Oh so many answers....

Don't sweat the small stuff. Some things just aren't worth the effort. Pick your battles carefully!

Don't let the nurses in the hospital scare you off of breastfeeding! I learned they panic and worry too much. They tried to do it to me with both of my kids. I had a successful 3 1/2 year nursing relationship with my daughter and I'm almost 3 months in with my son now.

Breastfeeding shouldn't hurt! If it does get help (and not from your doctor). Contact the La Leche League or find a good lactation consultant to help. Try lanolin for the pain too. Sometimes it's just all about not being used to having something sucking on your breasts that much that causes the pain.

Formula feeding rules do NOT apply to breastfeeding. Ignore them. Don't worry about how much milk you get when you pump. That is absolutely not an indicator of what baby can do at the breast.

Enjoy your baby! You can't break them and there is no such thing as spoiling a newborn!

Follow your instincts! Opinions are just that, opinions. Do what feels right to you!

Find a pediatrician that supports your parenting methods. There is nothing worse than trying to breastfeed as your pediatrician pushes a can of formula on you or vice versa. A supportive pediatrician will help immensely to reassure you that you're doing everything right.

Best of all, remember that there are lots of forums like these with lots of women out there who would love to help!

Good luck!

Be flexible! Rigidity will push you over the edge.

I wish I would have known that the pregnancy part was actually the EASY part and that the truly HARD work would begin once the baby got home.

Something someone told me was to go out for a long, lingering breakfast with my husband prior to the arrival of the baby. Cherish the ability to spend as much time as you want, enjoying each other's company over a meal, taking your time, going whenever you want, not having to pack up a small country in order to entertain and manage a child.

Once you are comfortable being a new mom, get out the first few months. Go to dinner and your baby will sleep through it (or most will anyway). When they are 9 months or a year, it is much harder to do. You get schedules (naps are more regular and sacred) and bedtimes are more set.

Now that we have 3 kids, I miss that flexibility of just having one and the ability to get out and do stuff when they are tiny.

J.

The most important thing I wish I knew was : pump from day 1. I thought breastfeeding was such a natural and easy thing and I did not even bother to read those chapters in the "what to expect while expecting" or any other pregnancy books. I am facing supply issues as in I am on the lower end of the average as far as supply goes.
The other thing I wish is that the hospital staff did not give a nipple shield to start out with. I did not know that using a shield decreases the supply. It took me several weeks to wean my child off it but I guess by then my body had adjusted to a certain supply level and wouldn't go up on milk that easily.

When I think about it, from where I come(India), there is no concept of "pumping after nursing", the best person who could have atleast "mentioned it on a serious note" it to me would have been my OBGYN or the instructor in the pregnancy/delivery classes that I took.

:(

I really agree with Kate's answer, about you don't need all those cloths.

Something I discovered very quickly, was spending time with my child was important than a clean house.

Some good advice that was given to me, especially if your breast feeding, sleep when the baby sleeps.

~That its OK for them to get dirty. Play clothes are needed too.
~That I would really enjoy home videos to watch later.
~That I would really regret not taking enough videos/pictures.
~That it all goes by as fast as it does.
~That I should not shriek when they hurt themselves, my reaction makes it that much scarier for them.

To truly sleep when they sleep... not worry about the housework as much. To keep up with the baby books :( To ask for more help when i needed it.

That you will turn around and that tiny baby will be five. No matter how many people told me, "it goes by so fast," I never really grasped it. Take pictures and video EVERY single day, the good stuff and the bad. Video them throwing fits, and laugh, though not in front of them, about it. That even when they arew screaming and you are ready to pull your hair out, and haven't had a shower, and maybe haven't even brushed your teeth, look at them and realize their perfect innocence and unconditional love for you.

Enjoy every single day, even the long, hard ones. And at the end of the day, be thankful for what you have, because it is always more than someone elses, even if it less than others. See the beauty when they pick you a flower or put their arms around you, even when you are busy, and let them know you love them and are thankful for them.

It does all go by so quickly, so enjoy.

I wish I knew that:
-spanking at a young age could make a child more aggressive as they grow up.
-breastfeeding longer would be more beneficial to my child's health, to include less ear infections, colds, allergies, even I.Q.
-time passes so fast. We shouldn't worry about making money and letting someone else raise our kids. They get to experience lots of our baby's FIRSTS. For what?

First off I just have to say that I love your question and all the answers you recieved. I agree to it all. My son will be 3 in August and I can't believe how fast it went. Remember to take lots of video, pics and write down all the great moments and even some of the more stressful one because all of them will make you treasure your child even more as he/she grows.

I knew that I would love my son from the moment I held him in my arms but I didn't realize it was possible to love him even more everyday that I look at him.

dishes, laundry, and cleaning will still be there when you come home from a great day in the park.

The words "love you mommy" will melt your heart everytime!

oh i wish i had known about not to trust doctors, rather than go with my gut feeling. i wish ii had known i should switch if something is amiss and my worries are not being tended to.

that you will heal from the pain and bruises of childbirth..( yes I had bruises all over my bottom....)

that whatever horrible phase the child is going through is likely to change in a week or a month.. it will not last ..

that they grow up so incredibly fast..

that 2 kids are 5 times as much work as 1 kid.. and it is hard to find one on one minutes with each child whenyou hae 2.

I wish I had been more educated about the risks of standard obstectrical procedures and vaccines. I wish I had known more about natural health and alternative medicine. I also wish I had known how quickly it would pass.

Sadly I have to ditto the not trusting doctors comment. Your gut feeling is way stronger than you think. I used to have so much faith in doctors but have now been burned so many times I just can't.

Also, there are so many things to stress on that seem like SUCH a huge deal with your first child and in 5 years all of those things will not matter at all. I can not even believe the "know it all" parent I was BEFORE I had babies and how many things I "was" or "was not" going to do. Boy did my world come crashing down when, after nursing my 1 week old for 12 hours STRAIGHT on a daily basis I still did not have enough milk, and the child absolutely would NOT sleep without a pacifier. Two things I was SOO against were pacifiers and formula. That was just the tip of the iceberg as more and more things didn't go "my way." It is so easy to say what you are or are not going to do with your baby or toddler solely based on the observation of others but life doesn't always turn out that way. :) As I look at my little man almost 6 years later I can't believe how many things I stressed on. I remember crying when something fell on the carpet for the first time when he was a toddler and he picked it up and ate it. I totally freaked out. Nowdays I am like, you'd better pick that up and eat it! LOL I am just glad that now I can laugh at myself for things like that.

I wish I had known the dangers of vaccines! If you have a facebook account, I would strongly visit Dr. Tenpenny's page. You'll learn so much about vaccines and how dangerous they are. The risks far outweigh the benefits!

That everything and all phases are temporary!

You think your hormones are crazy while your pregnant they just get worse after the baby is born. Not to become upset or worried.Iif you have any concerns no matter what to call the pediatician, even if you have to call every day of the week that is what they are there for.

I honestly wish I had known how much frustration and friction would be between me and my husband in the beginning. We were so tired and we can't take our frustrations out on a newborn, so we did on each other. We made a deal with each other to say "I love you" when we wanted to say something not so nice. As your baby gets older, things get easier with your baby and your marriage.

Another is think practically. We wanted all of the gizmos and gadgets, but advice given to us was they are a waste of money. So true! Think simple and don't get more than you need. You don't always have to buy things brand new (definitely buy a carseat brand new). And, before you purchase something ask yourself how long will it last and is it worth the cost?

Finally, I wish I knew that 24/7/365 I would be thinking of every possible way I would protect my child in any given situation. I use to be laid back whatever happens happens, but now I almost feel paranoid lol The love you have for your child is a new type of love that goes beyond unconditional love. Having a child changed our lives and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Good Luck and Congratulations!

I wish I had taken a breastfeeding class and that my lactation consultant hadnt been worthless. (she's just tired and will do it on her own eventually was terrible advice and I gave up too quickly....although it was making me depressed, so maybe I gave up at the right time....)

I wish I had known about swaddling. They showed us how to do it in the hospital but never explained why, so after I read the baby whisperer and the happiest baby on the block. I tried swaddling her a week after she was born, and it was like a miracle and she slept more than 15 minutes at a time.

I wish I would have known how stressful and heartbreaking working FT out of the home would REALLY be. I would have not agreed for hubby to go back to school and myself being the main breadwinner...

I would never again have a baby if I couldn't be a SAHM for at least 2 years - the stress and missing most of your baby's day just isn't worth it.

That all those weird quirks that happen in the 2s and 3s go away! So many kids are so "weird" in this stage. They are all "me" and "now" meaning they can be selfish, unreasonable, demanding, impatient..... But as they grow, it fades away. You are setting good examples and have rules, but they have to grow into being able to be more cooperative.

One thing that I was really glad I did was make a promise to myself that I would laugh with my child at least once a day. It may sound terrible, but some days it was a total effort to take the time to find something to enjoy together, but it was always a good thing. I got so involved in being a good mom and being sure to grow up 'right' that I forgot to just enjoy it. Enjoy the journey!

Wow what a question. I know everyone says it but sleep deprivation was my biggest thing. After a few weeks of waking up so many times a night I felt like I was losing my mind. Literally putting things in the wrong place forgetting things etc. It took almost a year after my son was born to feel normal again. On the flip side it is impossible to tell you how much you will love your child. It makes it all worthwhile.

I agree with the mom who said she wished she knew family would eventually fade away, for me it was around 4 weeks. People just stopped coming over and stopped being interested in my girl. It makes me want to shout-HELLO I had to let you in my home anytime you wanted while I was trying to recover from having a baby and then about the time I heal up no one wants to visit anymore?

If I had known I would have put a stop to it in the very beginning.

That the worst part of the nighttime wakings is not knowing when they will end. Once you know that it _will_ end at some point, the exhaustion is much more manageable.

That everyone becomes very attached to their own parenting styles, and thinks that their way is the only right way (see some of the comments below). The most important thing is that you find a parenting style that you are comfortable with, and your kid will be happy because s/he'll have a happy mom.

You will love your child every single second with the whole of your being, but you might not like him all the time, and that's okay.

I wish I had known that for about 6 months I would be really angry at my husband, and that feeling so angry was probably a sign of PPD that I didn't pick up.

Oh! You should always have another diaper ready before you take off the first one, unless you like to do a lot of laundry!

Good luck.

That all they really need is love, not all the fancy items that baby magazines and commercials try to sell you. I felt guilty when I couldn't give her "everything" and when I couldn't get some items that many consider staples because we didn't have room in our apartment (swing, bassinet, etc.) Baby is 2 1/2 now and thriving, so guess that stuff doesn't really matter in the end.

Also wish someone would have told me that I wouldn't be perfect. Being a perfectionist it was hard to finally let this area go. I can't be perfect, all I can do is my best.

Last one, know that it's okay to have your child/children drive you absolutely crazy and want some peace and quiet sometimes. It's okay to want and to take a break.

These may sound silly, but first I wish I knew with my son to not pull him back from the corner of the crib when he scooted over there. He liked putting his head against the padding, I think it reminded him of being in the womb. He would be so peaceful and I would put him back in the middle and he would cry. Why did I do that? lol Also, I did not find out about simethicone (Mylicon is one brand of this) until I had my daughter, so I wish I had known about it and used it with my son for trapped gas/colic. I also wish I knew about the dangers of vaccines back then that I know now. It may have helped my son not to develop autistic characteristics.

That breastfeeding would be so painful and so difficult. Thank goodness I had unlimited access to an excellent lactation nurse. She was my savior! Just a comment on the advice below about peeing your pants when you cough and sneeze. That does not have to be for the rest of your life. If you do Kegel's before and after delivery it will great help to reduce and eventually resolve that problem for most women. If you need guidance on the exercises see a physical therapist, preferably one that specializes in Women's Health (www.apta.org to find a good one)