What Do You Talk About on 'Date Night'?

The kids, which we try to limit. Mostly home improvements we would like to do but can't afford. I'm a sahm too so sometimes I feel like I have nothing to talk about either. It is important to talk and stay connected though, so just doing a "date" night is important. A lot of people don't do date nights or get anytime alone, that's tough on a couple.

Everything! (Not that we've had a date night in 3 years, but I assume it would be what we talk about at the dinner table every night!) Art, politics, books, the news, sports, music. We talk about whatever is interesting us at the moment!

when else will you talk about the kids? They are always around and you can't talk about them right in front of them ;-)

I think the fact you don't have anything to say is a red flag. You need to spend more time alone with your husband to regain what you had before marriage and kids.
Just because your a SAHM doesn't mean you have nothing to say. What about current events, people watching, gossip, politics, special interests, future plans, kids, books, movies, I could go on and on.
It seems people kind of like to act like they are too busy or too poor to spend time away from their kids as a couple but in most cases I don't buy it. I don't know anyone who cannot find a relative, neighbor or friend that will take their kids for a few hours. You don't have to spend a penny, pack a picnic and take a walk if money is tight.
I think lots of couples don't realize how time flies and if you get too wrapped up in your own world it's very hard to come back together as your kids grow up. Before you know it your oldest will be old enough to babysit and you'll have lots of time to be alone with your spouse. Don't let the fire burn out in the meantime!

My husband is my best friend and has been for 23 years...and we can talk about anything and everything...on our rare dates, we like to fantasize! Get your mind outta the gutter...we like to talk about what we'd do if we won the lottery, who we'd share w/ and where we'd live! hehe! We also talk about this on long car rides (we've driven to Colorado, Minnesota, Michigan, N. Wi and Disney.)

We seriously don't get bored w/ each other and there is always something to talk about! And who cares if it's about kids and your day...you are still spending time together WITHOUT KIDS...enjoy each others company! :)

We do talk about the kids. At first I thought that was bad. You always here on tv, "Don't talk about the kids." But they are the center of our world. We do find other things to talk about. His work, friends, plans we have for the house, something fun we can do with the kids next weekend, something we need to go to or do for one of our families. I guess I'm lucky in that we don't usually have to work too hard to have a nice conversation. Heck, sometimes we talk about the menu or something in the room or something someone at another table is doing or saying or wearing.

Usually I just relax and try to have fun with him. We don't get to have a "date night" too often, so I really try to enjoy it.

And, hey, date night actually is the perfect time to talk about the kids. Sometimes there are things that you need to be able to discuss without the kids constantly interrupting. Can you tell my kids are little?

My quick 2 cents. :) I agree that you should get out more together...and i totally understand how hard that is with little ones. :( Maybe instead of going to dinner or somewhere thta you have to talk, DO something together. take a one night cooking class...go shopping...take dance lessons or music lessons, go to a movie, etc. Doing stuff together will bring you together and give you stuff to talk about again. Also, we talk about the news a lot since I never get to watch any!!! If you do go out to dinner, invite some friends. :) Don't make the event painful or you guys won't do it...just get out and enjoy being together and without the children. My husband and I have made a point of getting a sitter one day a week for 2-3 hours...the kids get someone new to have dinner with and we get out of the house. :) One last thing...make sure you make time for yourself...reading, exercising, friends, something. This too will give you something about you to share with him. :) Good luck. :)

Our date night is on our porch or sitting by the firepit :) We cant afford to go out very often.

We do have wine and interesting conversation:) We talk about fantasies, latest gossip, family, work, where we would go on vacation, our childhood, all kinds of things.

Our kids! It never gets old!

My hubby and I have date night every Saturday. Sometimes we talk non stop about work. Other times it's about friends or family. We'll discuss events, politics, a great meal we had for dinner last week, why it's been so cold lately, the dog, etc. There have been times we really haven't talked much at all for no reason other than we had nothing to say. There's no set 'we've got to talk about this' agenda so I'd say stop being hard on yourself and just go with the flow on a date with your hubby.

Date Night? What's that?

I feel the same way and am excited to read the responses!

I don't get date nights (2 special needs kids, no family willing to help-- so, yes, there are people who can't go out!) and our last one was over 4 yrs ago. HOWEVER, we spend an hour or two each night after the girls are in bed folding laundry and watching shows/movies together or just talking. We often ask the other to read a book we are reading so that we can discuss it together, or email each other news articles, etc and talk about that.

I'm also a SAHM. We do a LOT of talking about kids, but we also talk about things that we find mutually interesting, as well as plans for our home/garden, travel plans for the summer, etc.

I'm too a SAHM and this weekend we get to go on our first date in a long time. My husband and I talk about everything including the kids and our days. We also wind up reminiscing and we're incredibly playful with each other, like teenagers. We tend to talk about even current events we are really odd in that we don't try to force romanticism, or a "perfect date" on ourselves. We just go with the flow and find nothing not worthy of talking about so long as it means we're enjoying ourselves.

Hope you enjoy your date and don't stress over what to talk about, you're married it'll come naturally.

I would tell my husband how much I love him and being with him. As far as conversation, ask him questions about what he likes to do, and read the news for current topics. Maybe talk about things you'd like to do in the future and ask him his opinion too. I have a hard time with conversation too, so I can relate. I wish you the very best!

Watch a movie and then there's something to talk about afterwards! Or any fun activity first and then talk about it over meal next. Sometimes we talk about our future - so daydreaming about a move, a vacation, etc.

OMG, we have nothing to talk about either, IT's pathetic and I hate it, but I think back to when we were dating and don't think we had all that much to talk about either, His stories i've all heard at this point and I don't really want to hear any of the currant drama he feels sucked into. So we chew and that's about it. frustrating.

what is a date night?

Ok, that was purely sarcasm.... I have not been able to have a date night with my hubby in a while due to finances and work schedules (I recently took on a second job).

the last time we were out alone, all we talked about were the kids. :(

We talk about anything really. Seems like we never run out of things to talk about. I am random at times and just tell him whatever I am thinking about, no matter how crazy it is or may seem and he thinks its funny and we make jokes about it.

Talking about our son and his antics isnt boring for us, its one of the biggest things we have in common.

We talk about goals that we want to achieve, and our plans to find a house, things we want or need, books we've recently read, movies we want to see, people we know, our families and how crazy they are. Tv shows, work. etc, etc, etc.

Hell even talk about that great lovin ;) There are plenty of things to talk about! Just gotta get imaginative! :)

I would find some things we like other than the kids to talk about. How about a plan for a trip to somewhere or a trip to a local museum or something.

Make it about the two of you and not the kids. This is the time for the two of you as adults to reconnect as to why you are married to each other. Maybe go to a movie or something. Thiis hard when all you do is stay home but you have to cultivate it like a garden. I know I went on a date with my hubby a long time back and we had nothing to talk about and it was one of the longest and boring nights in my life. Things have changed much since then.

Try not to lose yourselves as mommy and daddy. That is the first thing and all else should fall into place.

The other S.

my husband and I have never had this problem we have so much to talk about all the time. We talk about politics, the kids a little bit but not just what they did today or this week but more of what our dreams and plans are in the future for/with them, vacations we want to take, gossip about what neighborhood things are going on, about people he works with and what he finds frustrating, about TV shows or movies we have seen, about our future, remembering our past, books we both are reading or podcasts we listen to.

What did you talk about BEFORE kids? Make sure you are putting your kids to bed early enough that you and hubby have at least an hour each night to be just the two of you. My kids are 9 and 12 and they are sound asleep no later then 8 pm (and that is a late night). This gives us at least 2 hours as a couple every single night.

You plan your dream vacation. Even if you can't afford it now it woud be nice to be able to talk about what you want to do, and attractions you want to visit, and where you would stay.

This is a great post! I was wondering the same thing! My hubby and I get a date night once possibly twice a month. We have a rule that we can't discuss kids, his work, or money on our date night. When we first made this rule it was such a loooonnnggg night! But, we've started connecting again discussing other things. When we were dating, we talked about alot of random things, so that's what we do now. I'm a SAHM too, but I do take some time every night to read a book, or catch up on current events for new conversation with my hubby. As one other post said, if you don't stay connected now, what will happen when the kids are busy with their own lives and you have LOTS of time together? :-)

When my husband and I manage to get away from the responsibility of being parents for a night. We spend most of it sighing in contented silence, pleased that it hasn't already been broken by a kid's nonstop, incessant chatter. Not having to say, "Shhh! Mommy needs a minute." is a pretty amazing gift.

When the silence is broken we usually talk about the future and what it holds. What we're feeling about where we are now, and possibly Guild Wars 2, because its release date is quickly approaching and the two of us are looking forward to playing it together after our daughter is asleep in bed.

/EDIT - I just read your question to my husband and he said, "What? Your HUSBAND wants to hear about that! I love hearing about your day! I go to work all day and miss all this stuff. If you don't tell me about all the great stuff our kid is doing, who else am I going to hear it from?"

We talk about movies, music, tv, family, friends, his work, our kids, books, where we're going to take vacations, what we'd do with $1,000,000, what we're going to do when the kids move out, etc.

I work. We do talk about work. We also talk about books we've read, local politics and news, the kids, he usually goes on all the scout events with our son and I go on all the college visits with our daughter so we talk about those things, we talk about dinners or lunches we've had with friends who the other one knows, etc. We go out very infrequently but we rarely have time to just chat for any long period of time at home so we don't often run out of things to talk about when we do go out together. Perhaps you need to find more things that you do on your own. Stay at home moms do go to adult ed classes, presentations at the library, read books and non-ladies magazines, join softball teams or bowling leagues, volunteer in the communities, etc. Broadening your world gives you more to talk about.

Good question - haven't read your answers yet. I think the art of conversation is something that is learned over time. If you're not used to having at least some one-on-one time fairly often with your husband, the two of you won't know how/what to talk about when you're out alone either. My husband and I started having one-on-one time for maybe 15 or 20 minutes after dinner almost every night. We've been doing that for the last 10 years or so. Sometimes we have lots to talk about. He might have a funny story about something that happened at work. I might talk about a particularly funny post from Mamapedia (this forum is a great conversation starter).

When we have "date night", we sometimes just order take-out and watch a movie. Sometimes we go out to dinner. Sometimes we do something fun we've never done before. Looking forward to the next couple of weekends - we actually are having "alone time" both weekends. Hee, hee.

Books, TV Shows, movies, work stuff, kid stuff, current events, gossip (work or otherwise), future plans. We talk all the time anyways even not on dates.

This happens to us sometimes too! I find that usually, it means we need more date nights. The more time you spend working on communication, the easier it gets. I like the suggestions of some people here about 15 min a night making sure you talk. Just remember, when the kids move out, its the two of you, so its important to keep the relationship working the whole time. Good luck and have fun!

politics, food, money, ethics... boring but it beats kids

If I'm not careful it's purely about the kids. Not because I have nothing to say but that is the thing we have most in common. I try to make a "no talking about the kids" rule. Usually starts with catching up about whats been going on with our familes, hows work going, how ar those new shoes I bought you working out, etc. He watches alot of news shows and I read a lot of news websites while at work, so we will share interesting stories we saw. After we've had a few drinks, he will usually reminisce about our 1st date and try to get a little romantic. Sometimes we talk about trips we'd like to take or places we'd like to retire.

This may sound corny, but this spurs the greatest conversations. Before we leave, or in the car, we write questions on individual pieces of paper. They are usually hypothetical or dream-big kind of questions. Then, over dinner we pick questions at random and discuss.

Questions include: What are your goals this week/year? Where would you like to be in 10/20/30 years? What 3 words describe yourself? What 3 words would you like to describe yourself?

I can relate---But...I try to think about all the things I used to chat with him about when we were dating etc. Talk about everything but the kids and finances etc. If you both treat it like you are "dating" again, it spices things up and makes a really fun time. Cuddle, talk about sex, the new movies you want to see with him, etc. Get to know your husband all over again and let loose. GL

M

We'll play a game while people-watching. You have to pick someone out - decide what their name is, why they're here right now, what they're talking about/reading/waiting for. Or - give each other a conundrum "If you had to start a business with someone in this room - who would it be and why? What kind of business would you start?" - - "If you had to dance with someone in this room...take a long road trip...let one of them cut your hair..." and on and on.

Pretty soon you'll have some creative hilarity on your hands! Enjoy!

Politics, news stories, interesting things from Mamapedia, weird random thoughts that I had at equally random moments throughout the day, how my writing is (not) coming along, quirky friends and family members (we have plenty to go around), our respective volunteer work (he works with boy scouts, I work with cub scouts), frequently about our favorite times together (date nights just lend themselves to being sentimental for us), and a little about his work and the kids. But talking has never been a problem for us from day one (more the opposite: we never shut up...)

I started paying more attention to the news. Makes me feel like me and hubby can have intellectual conversations. We like to talk about our future too. That is a regular dialog. And make sure that you make time to have a real conversation with each other on a daily basis, even if it is just a few minutes before bed. It's important to stay connected.

I rarely get to as well. We discuss our future and our children a lot.

I totally agree! I need to read your responses :)

We have a standing rule when we have our date nights we don't talk about the house, work or children. We talk about our plans for our future, travelling, how we are feeling on the inside, etc.

We talk often so we really don't need to talk about the kids and other household and family stuff.

I know you're a SAHM but get a hobby, learn something new, meet some new people or go to some new places and then you will have more to talk about than the kids. The kids are only small for a very short time even though it may feel like forever. You want to develop your friendship with your husband so you don't find yourself married to a stranger when the kids are moving out all grown up and independent.

We go out pretty much every Friday (my M. is awesome and gets us credit for the drop in childcare place in town) and we talk about whatever happens to be the topic of the night. Sometimes it's work - good and bad - sometimes it's the kiddos - sometimes it's about how we're going to have so much fun when we get back home (wink wink) but overall we just hang out and enjoy being with each other without the kiddos hovering and requiring constant trips to the bathroom and whatnot.

Just enjoy each other - the conversation will come!

Just got home from a really fun date with my hubby and I was thinking on this very thing. I used to feel we didn't have much to talk about when we actually set aside specific time to talk and it frustrated me bc often times we have spontaneous really great convos. So I realized for me that taking off the expectations of date night make it so much more fun. Date night is a great time to just get out of course but making rules about what can and can't be talked about is just pressure. I find that it takes us a few minutes to transition into just focusing on each other. The job, our kids, the house, the money, etc etc etc fill our lives and thoughts so much that it is hard not to talk about them. I find that if I listen as my hubby talks about work and I tell him the funny thing our 4 year old did or talk about something that happened at the grocery store we start to flow into just talking and then it can naturally branch off into other topics. But if it doesn't that's ok, we are just us and we don't have anything to prove on date night :D Tonight we saw a horrible movie and didn't get to actually eat until well after 9. Our 'date' was such a comedy of errors that we had a lot of fun laughing at all that went wrong and ended up having a great time together. So that is what works for me, remove the expectations and pressure, don't think of it is a time we 'have' to talk and connect and just let if flow as naturally as the rest of life and then it's fun. Good luck!

We are big believers in weekly date night and have rarely missed one in over 20 yrs. We just budgeted $60-$80 a week cash for a babysitter.

As for what we talk about...
we talk about our company, business forecasting, financials, etc,
we talk about our daughter, now 17, and shopping colleges, how proud we are of her
we love to people watch and that alone can bring up some lively conversations!
we talk about sports because we are avid Duke basketball fans
nothing is off limits to talk about when we are on date night.