I Feel like a Boring Sahm-nothing to Talk About!

Well, you sound like an interesting and ambitious person to me! Your question makes me laugh because when my husband travels, he always calls to 'catch up', and it's like really? You've been gone a day, what do you think happened? Anyway, maybe you can talk to your husband and tell him that you love the connection to him, but being expected to have an in depth or exciting conversation is unrealistic every day. Also, maybe you two can have something to do together that could spur a conversation - read the same book, watch the same show, etc, so the talk isn't about household routines. Maybe you can plan a vacation so you can talk about that. For us, at dinner time, we frequently ask the kids about their day, and inevitably that leads into a conversation for the whole family. Maybe that's something that could work for you too.

I know this is really really REALLY bad advice but, when I'm in a slump like this, I gossip with my husband about people we know. My husband and I aren't gossips but sometimes its nice to dish (esp over drinks) about certains situations about our friends and how they handled it. Plus, I'd like to think it shows my husband my opinion on certain social issues and matters.

Family is never immune either. That always gives us plenty to talk about!

Hope it gets better for you.

It sounds like your day and life are way more interesting than your husband's and he's calling to check in on you and the kids. You are juggling a lot with what you list and those family times go by fast. He probably just wants to hear the mundane things about what you made for breakfast and how the dentist appointment went. He's thinking about you while at work and his family is important to him

I think you are being way too judgemental of yourself. My husband calls me during the day and I usually have to tell him I don't have time to talk because I'm always doing something. And he just wants to wish me a great day and to enjoy the weather if it's nice outside, or glad that I'm getting so much done, etc.

I think what you are experiencing is normal. It sounds like you do a lot of different things, though, so I don't know why you feel so boring. What does HE do for a living? Is he really all that fascinating?

Go easy on yourself. You will get more interesting as your kids get older. :)

I could have written this post. I used to be a professional and dedicated athlete...and now my days of runny noses and groceries just don't generate the same level of conversation. I totally understand where you are coming from. I did a part-time master's degree while at home with my first baby...and while I felt interesting, engaged and inspired...I was exhausted and my free time and "play time" was all spent studying...not so fun.

Now I take free online courses - one at a time and not in a structured degree program. Just for the sake of learning something new and feeling like I have something to add to the conversation. I started with investing classes (free on most banking websites) because I figured that if I weren't earning salary, I could at least help manage our money through investments. Now I watch 'TED' lectures on my phone ("ideas worth sharing" - interesting lectures on a wide range of topics) and I am working myself up to taking free university courses - I will look for the link for you, if you're interested.
PS- my husband travels a lot for work, too - new adventures, excitement, ideas...I hear you! When he travels, I try to get the jolt you're describing from a quick TED lecture when the kids are in bed. It gives me more to talk about when he calls.

I'm interested to see what other do - great question!

I think its completely hormonal. You will get your sexy back soon! Dont you worry!!
Your baby is only 2 months old! Give yourself some time.
Seriously, I could probably go back and find the same post when my baby was that age.
Stupid hormones.

When I quit work I decided to read 90 percent nonfiction books so my brain would not turn to mush. Sometimes I think it didn't work! With today's tech, TED talks are terrific, as someone mentioned. I don't know how you have time for much more. It is just a phase is your life. In this phase you know more about the bowel habits of all your children than the machinery of the world. Big deal. Remember, you have 3 "products" right now. If you hang in there through all of life's phases then you have 3 good kids that can change the world. No mater what your husband does or produces it is extremely rare to have one product that effects the world. He is a cog in a machine, you are the CEO of your family. If its not broke don't fix it. Make little changes in the day to day or just wait it out, either way

You is smart
You is kind
You is important

You're NORMAL! It's ok not to have something exciting to talk about every day. For SAHM's, we're home most all day, and honestly, there's really not much going on that's different day to day. If your day is anything like mine, it's get up, get kids up, dress, feed breakfast, send to school, come home, make beds, laundry...Blah, blah, blah. Who wants to talk about or hear about that? No one. Not even myself!

Try taking some personal time out to watch a new show or go online and research something like a city or hobby that you'd be interested in. Then bring it up to your husband. Get going on that holiday shopping list and talk to him about that and the budget. Plan your menus for the holidays or start planning your travel. Discuss those with him as well. If your husband is anything like mine, he would never bring those things up, but they're on your list to do, and therefore get him involved and create the conversation. Who knows where it could lead from there?

You have a brand new baby, you're tired, you're hormonal, and it's hard! Give yourself a break. You are not boring. You just have a not so "entertaining" job right now when it comes to discussing. :) I would tell him how you feel, cause I bet he has no clue.

Good luck and you are not alone!

This might be a good time to volunteer for an election campaign.

some of the most boring people that I know have jobs so it really doesn't have to do with your employment status. I am willing to bet that the job you had before kids was not terribly interesting. WHat makes you interesting is having interests. Start with becoming interested in current events. Get a newspaper and read it every day. Online doesn't count-sorry. You only read what you want online. With an actual broadsheet you end up reading much more. Once you become a daily reader you will be blown away with how much you know and have to talk about. I sometimes have to hold back because I really CAN comment on just about any topic from reading my several papers a day. (TV news doesn't count either )

I don't know if this is interesting for you and your husband, but we are both newsaholics--local, international, business, politics, weather, sports--whatever. We discuss a lot of topics when we are together, but when he calls, it is like...."Hey honey, you're on your way home? Good. Yep, dinner's ready. Stir-fry. Nope, I didn't make it to the bank today-Andy vomited. Nothing interesting or important in the mail--mostly junk. Yep, kids are asleep........[crickets].......ok, so see you soon. Drive safely!" Then when we are home the conversation flows more freely because we turn on the news, and laugh at our favorite biased commentators on cable news; then switch to something else and talk about what we're watching....whatever. It works for us.

I read CNN.com daily--as well as some other news outlets. You could try that and talk about current events.

Hey!
You are probably so busy with the kids you can't do much else. Do you enjoy learning and reading? What about taking a community college class? Are there things you are interested in? I loved taking Astronomy for example. And you'll surely have a lot of cool facts to share... I don't suggest this so you can entertain your husband, but for you to feel good, meet some people, hang out at college at night. Lots of parents go back to school that way - lots of classes only meet one night a week. But don't do it if you don't love learning and staying up to do homework... :)
My husband is a stay-at-home dad right now but he just founded a new band and has been out performing a lot at night, so he has more to talk about than me, who goes to school and all of that.
I don't think you should "artificially" come up with stuff to talk to him about. Be honest about how you feel, but then take action.

Littlest child just 2 MONTHS old? Give yourself some time! I can relate completely to what you're saying, and I think it is pretty common too. Maybe the volunteer work is not giving you the stimulation you need, and perhaps you could put that time and energy toward finding part-time work. Maybe an exercise program would help you just feel better, even if it is not amazing dinner conversation. Although you never know - maybe hubby will want to join in and you can be work-out partners! Give yourself some time to adjust to being a mom of three and to find you new normal. You're doing a great job!

Do you enjoy reading the paper or watching the news on TV? Since your husband works a lot, he may not have a lot of time to catch up on current events. My husband is on the road a lot, and when he calls and sounds bored, I'll say, "Hey, did you hear about that Felix Baumgartner guy who jumped out of a balloon 23 miles above the earth? He broke the sound barrier!" Just sharing interesting things like that, pondering what it would be like to do something like that - it's kind of interesting, and not something my husband would otherwise contemplate as he's out there stuck in awful traffic.

My other thought is, men do actually like to hear about the funny things their children do. You might feel like you're saying the same things day after day, but your husband probably doesn't feel that way! I'll share with my husband the things the kids have been doing for homework, different projects they have, funny things they said or did. He loves to hear it. Sometimes, I'll put them on the phone so they can tell Daddy all about it themselves. Yesterday, my 7 year old read her science report about Bald Eagles to her Daddy over the phone, and he offered some suggestions to her. He felt like it allowed him to be involved with her school work, even though he wasn't at home. So, things like that, even though they may not be exotic or exciting, may be something he actually looks forward to!

Hang in there. You are doing great!

You're normal! You're just tired and stressed and overwhelmed not only with your daily chores but with the thought of him being away. It's wonderful that he lets you know how attractive and interesting you are, and that he calls you regularly to let you know he's thinking of you.

Your first mistake is in thinking he's not interested in the details of your day. Just because you do them every day doesn't mean that they are boring or less valuable. Maybe he wishes he could be part of it and would like MORE details! Tell him the silly things the kids did, or what they said. Take some photos with a camera or a cell phone, and email them to him - maybe he'd like to see the leaf collection or the stack of blocks or the craft project!

Your second mistake is in thinking the outside activities you engage in are somehow not valuable or interesting. Do you have any idea how many people wish they could do fundraisers for diabetes or cancer, or who wish they had a talent that was needed for volunteering at school?

I suspect that some of that old ppd may be lurking in the background. Even if it's not depression, you have hormones raging and I'm quite sure you aren't getting enough sleep. You say you aren't the "insecure type" but still, all these insecurities are bubbling up. So admit that they are there and try to confront them.

Can you peel off some time somehow to do something ADULT? Can you switch off with another mom for some child care, and go to an art museum or the science museum? Can you take your kids to a children's museum? A lot of times the library has free passes, and you'd be amazed what adults can learn in a museum geared to kids! There are always things you can learn at your level while they are learning at their level.

Date night! Pick out a movie that requires some discussion. If you can't go out, find something on TV or Netflix that you and hubby can put on after the kids go to bed. While he is away, maybe you can find something that you both can watch in your separate locations and then discuss. Read a book - I know I know, who has time? But let the laundry go, don't make the beds, have cereal for supper one night - and find some WOMAN time (not just MOM time). Join an online book group.

Get an in depth news magazine like Newsweek or Time, and read up on a pressing issue - you'd be surprised at what's out there facing all of us that needs good analysis. You have a brain but you just feel like you haven't been using it. And I'll be you have a lot more to say but don't trust that it will be of interest to others. But that's not true. Like anything else, conversation takes practice.

Take advantage of the time he is away to relax some of your at-home standards just for a little "vacation" and take care of yourself! I know you will miss him, but in some ways you will have more time to focus on yourself, so you can put the time to good use!

Shoot, I am a big girl and I am SEXY!! LOL...it's all in how you perceive yourself. Treat yourself to a nice night out, or a spa day. Go do something for you and you'll snap back into the person you are :).

Your days are filled with the kids. I LOVE hearing about my kids days, even if they baked and went to doctor's appointments. So just because you think it's boring it may not be. And you just had a baby, give yourself a break...you deserve it!

I am addicted to the news, so that is how I used to spend my days.. with the news going.

I also always was reading a book. It might have taken me months.. but I just had to read.

Someone gave me an Entertainment weekly subscription and a Texas Monthly subscription.. I read those while on the potty and right before bed. Or if we were in the car and my husband was driving, I was reading the magazines.

I also had neighbors and we would get together many friday or saturday evenings on the driveway while the kids played.. Have a little drink, maybe order pizza.. Good Times.

Of course I think we all go through phases of this. I especially did last year when it was some of the busiest times for me in a long time. I was the "teacher" for my 2 kids who were virtual school online from home. I ate, slept and lived school. And I was mentally exhausted running herd on them. :/

BUT, I am more in tune mentally with my husband right now than I was then, now that they are back in Brick and mortar and I have more time to myself. Why? Because I can read more. I can follow what is going on in the world a bit more. Yeah... politics. That's a big one right now, but I also read some other "intellectual" blogs and things that are not specifically political and it makes for better more thoughtful conversations than "I went grocery shopping so I can cook dinner."
I also started running (suffering an irritated nerve so I CAN'T run right now), and my progress with that gave me something to dive into. Not just the running/training itself, but READING about how and why and stretches and different aspects that, even though he has been running for YEARS, he never took the time to do any reading about it.

I would suggest that, even though you are out and about volunteering, that it is not so different mentally than what you encounter at home. Still centered on children, or the right now hands on of what you are doing (fundraising stuff). If you can branch out in a different direction intellectually, you might find a new subject to discuss with him.
My husband enjoys theological discussions. So I read Cranach: the blog of Veith. They discuss a LOT of stuff there, lately more dominated by politics than anything else, but discuss it from a theological point of view, rather than conservative/liberal politics. It's definitely food for thought. And good seed for intellectual conversations with my husband. He'll discuss that stuff more readily than a conversation about his paystub and the deductions that are on it and getting ready for taxes, or whatever, even though those things might be more directly important to our lives in the short term.

I also find that when I am with my lady friends, the conversation often ends up being a giant vent session about husbands and everybody starts complaining about how bad their husbands are in this way or that. Hardly an uplifting discussion, usually... and certainly not what your husband wants to hear you have been discussing, and wondering what you said about him. Maybe try to direct some conversations off into a different direction that isn't about the husbands, or the kids and school. Talk about sports. Pick one. Take one up! Subscribe to a magazine about it. :)

I was going to say, I work FT and don't feel that differently. And my job could lead me to have all sorts of interesting things to discuss bc it involves keeping up with world events but to be honest, I don't have the energy or spare brain cells since I became a mother and have to keep all my kids' schedules and needs filled. There's only so much capacity I tell my husband. I would tell your husband btw. I'm sure he'll laugh. (with you). I will say that finding a good show to watch with my husband was good bonding when we didin't have much time. And can you turn on the TV to news at all during the day? Or radio? I figure I'll be more interesting again when the kids are older and I don't feel so drained half the time. My sister's husband is brilliant and travels the world for work. I asked her once how she "keeps up" with him. She said he tells her about world events, she tells him about People magazine. It's a nice balance and theyre very happy together... So your husband may not expect you to be so enthralling anymore. LIke someone else said, is he? :)

When I became a SAHM I started subscribing to the daily newspaper, so I was always able to discuss current events.

Start reading. If nothing else take the two younger ones to the library once a week and start checking out books a couple for the kids and a couple for you. Read what you like mysteries, romance, thriller ect and one or two books on travel, politics, biographies, -- something to talk about. I know I found it interesting that Lucille Ball was investigated by the Senate Committee for Unamerican Activites, the communist witch hunts of the late '40's and '50's. As were Humphrey Bogart and many others. It just gives you more to talk about. When you read travel books you can talk about the beautiful places you want to see.
Just ideas.