Do You and Your Husband Still Have Good Conversations?

Next time you plan a date night, try these :)
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honestly I think comfortable silence is underated. If neither of you having anything to say just sit and enjoy each others company.

Yes, but it's like everything else in a marriage, it takes effort.

Sure there are days when he comes home and asks me about my day and I say, SSDD. Same s**t, different day! But we both make an effort to find something, anything to chat about.
When my husband had a 45 minute, one way, commute, I asked how his drive was? What did you think of the news? Weather? Did you see the beautiful fall leaves? The dogs (because the kids are now in school) made me crazy today because. . . I will ask about his day. I may not understand everything he's telling me, but I listen and I ask questions. I also have gotten involved in school and a local organization so I have those things to draw on.
And it may sound silly to sit and talk about the weather, but it's a start! It's an effort!

My husband and I just celebrated our 23rd anniversary and have been together 25 years. We can just sit together at home or out to eat and always find something to talk about. But it took a little work several years ago.

And I agree with Sarah about just enjoying each other too. We call it spending 'quality time'. OK, he's sitting in a chair reading, I'm laying on the couch reading, but we are in the same room, together.

As a SAHM I can find my husband and I getting into that. We talk about kids, bills, chores and money...oh...and his job. So we talk about our responsibilities.

One thing I have done that helps is reading the news. I know it's silly, but I get on yahoo everyday and read what's going on in the world. I read all kinds of articles from sports (which he loves), celebrities, politics, economy, the latest headlines. Then when we are talking and he is telling me what he did that day, I do the same thing and then add in what I read. It has sparked some really interesting conversations. The great thing about growing old together is that you DO grow. Both my husband and I have had changes in our lives about how we view certain things and what we would do now, as opposed to what we would have done 12 years ago. We find that out when we talk.

My husband and i can wax philosophical!........religious, abstract, political.etc... but we actually prefer to discuss our future and our kids.

Yes, we do. When we had our first child we had been married for four years, and I had several close friends that were much older than me. They were at different stages in their lives than I was, and a couple of them were talking about how, now that their children were going away to college, they had nothing left to talk to their husbands about. They had been happily married for so long, but when the kids left home, they had nothing left in common with their husbands. It made me so sad, and frightened me, too.

My husband and I have made a concerted effort through the years to talk about topics other than just our children. I'm an English teacher, and my husband loves to read, too. He reads everything that I teach, so we often talk about literature. We also both keep up with current events, politics, and religion. Often we read books that relate to current events, and that will spark conversations for weeks. We both listen to talk radio; we listen to different stations though, so we tell each other about the topics on each station.

I do agree that there is something nice about comfortable silence now and then, though. We've been happily married for 17.5 years, and we haven't run out of conversation yet. Our children are still home, but I think we'll be fine when they leave. :)

First of all, to answer your initial question....Yes, we still have some good conversations, but only when our daughter is either asleep or at preschool! It's impossible to talk to each other when she's around. :) We got caught up in a 'disconnect' just like you and your hubby seem to be. Life is so busy & stressful for most of us, but you need to schedule regular 'date nights' with your husband. (Yes, I know that can be difficult!) You two need to get out alone (or send the kids to Grandma's & stay home alone) on a regular basis. My husband & I have a fave date activity - We love to go to one of the nearby vineyard tasting rooms. We'll buy a cheese & fruit platter and a wine flight, and before long we are chatting away. Sometimes they have an acoustic musician there, too. It's a great setting for just relaxing & conversing. We also love the local coffeehouse, but anywhere that you two can go to relax, chat & just be with each other is great....the park, local pub, ice cream shop, etc. If you are lucky enough to get the house to yourselves, you can cook (together is fun) a nice meal, set a romantic table (with candles, of course), put on some romantic music (we like Frank, Dino or Andrea Bocelli)....
Do you both have any shared interests? If so, try to talk about those. My husband & I both enjoy sports, so that makes for some great conversation sometimes. We also attend sporting events together when we can; this is always a fun thing to do (if you enjoy sports). Good luck! If you discover something that works great for you, please let the rest of us know! :)

Yes, we've been through this as well. The worst was right after I became a stay at home mom. Our baby was so tiny so she and I weren't really leaving the house to do much, I didn't have any other SAHM friends then and I would watch a lot of daytime TV...anyway, I remember a time when all my sentences began with..."today on Montel..." LOL! Even at the time I felt seriously pathetic, but it was all I had and I wanted to be part of conversations! ;)

Like someone else said, even if you start with the weather, it will get you talking. You can talk about the news or your friends and if you must, buy a fancy bottle of wine and talk about that! ;)

Create new topics of discussion for you both. Sign up for a cooking class, join an outdoor hiking group, pack a picnic and go do something touristy in your area. Do something out of the ordinary to create new experiences you can both share. It will give you something else to talk about.

Also, consider inviting another couple out with you. It could break up the boring and give you some new stories to hear and some old ones to share.

Updated

Create new topics of discussion for you both. Sign up for a cooking class, join an outdoor hiking group, pack a picnic and go do something touristy in your area. Do something out of the ordinary to create new experiences you can both share. It will give you something else to talk about.

Also, consider inviting another couple out with you. It could break up the boring and give you some new stories to hear and some old ones to share.

We talk about current events, politics, religion. Although he is a lot more opinionated than I am about some things but we both stay informed. Another thing we like to do is trade books that we like. I don't always love what he is reading and I know he won't love some of the things I read but occasionally we find books that appeal to both of us and we love to read and discuss our books.

Yes we do. It's difficult to have a good conversation with the kids around and trying to interupt us at every word but we make it work. Our children needed to learn that the universe doesn't revolve around them. Now, when dad gets home he takes a fews minutes to see the kids, hugs, kisses, how was your day. Then we (he and I) take a few minutes of uninterupted time to talk to the each other and the kids can sit and listen or find something else to do but they are not to interupt us under any circumstances (unless the house is on fire). This gives us time to see how each other are doing and gives the kids a chance to observe how a marriage should work. Sometimes there is nothing to talk about because our days can be rather boring, but we find things to talk about and it's not always about the kids, it might be about an MSN headline that I saw that day or about who I saw at the grocery store and how they're doing.
Just put forth some effort and you'll be amazed at the world of new things you two can discuss together.
Oh and when we go out on dates as others have said, we do enjoy some silence. It's nice to eat a meal without having to cut up someone elses food first or to go to the bathroom as our food is arriving to the table or to ask for the kids not to interupt us because I couldn't hear what daddy just said or to even ask them to "keep it down." As the song goes "Silence is golden..."

Yes, but it takes effort. You don't think your husband is interested in the day to day goings on? Trust me -- he is. I am sure he wants to know what he's missing at home.
As the kids get older and start school, you'll have plenty of stories to tell!! ;-)
My Mr. and I have been married for 22 years. I tell him everything about my day and I've got one in college and one in high school. I'm at home. Sometimes the most exciting part of my day is getting the laundry done and the kitchen floor washed. I tell him all about it.
That said, we have a lot of laughs -- and that's really what it's all about -- laughing together, enjoying each other, and spending time.
YMMV
LBC

We talk about our future plans/dreams/goals, what we did today at work or school, what is coming up with our foster kids, our frustrations of the day, movies we want to see, what new recipe we want to try, my hubby also likes to share what new app he found for his phone or what level he made it to on a video game, and also what he heard on his favorite talk radio show. Some of the stuff he shares with me is stuff that I don't have a lot of interest in but I listen and have learned some interesting stuff. I also think that by giving him my full attention when he talks about his interests shows him that I respect him and then he also is willing to listen to my girlie interests. We also tease and joke a lot so we hare a lot of laughs throughout the day.

Now that my kids are grown YES!! When they were little not so much lol!! I also was a SAHM so there were days when I wouldn't even speak when he came home lol!! Seriously marriages go through it's peaks and valleys that's why it is so difficult to keep it going. I find that a lot of our conversations come from watching the news (Sometimes depressing) reading newspapers, I now run my own business so we have a lot to talk about there. Sometimes just sitting quietly doesn't mean you are disconnected, you are just enjoying the peace and quiet and are enjoying each other. One mistake I made when my kids were small was not making sure we set aside time for each other. I think having a date night is huge and I wish I would have done that for both of us. Babysitting was always an issue for me, because I didn't trust anyone but family, I know crazy!! Try to do that even if it is 2 times a month, go to dinner, movie, shopping. You will see the conversation will come back. Good luck!!

Sometimes when my husband and I don't have anything from that day to talk about, we like to reminisce about some of the things that happened early in our relationship. We like taking trips down memory lane. :) It can be a nice vacation from the stress of the present, too!

Yes we do. We feel communication is key to the success of the marriage (will be 23 yrs on New Years Eve this year!).

Do the topics sometimes get boring, yes yes and yes.

We also run our company together so we talk a lot of business because we are the 2 who make sure all t's are crossed and i's are dotted just right.

We also converse a lot with our daughter and on topics regarding her because we are looking at colleges, etc.

We both love sports and watch football, basketball, baseball both professional and college teams so we talk a lot of those.

It is not "stories" you necessarily need to talk about. Everyday things. I try to make sure I have huby pumped up when he heads out of town (this morning) so that his trip will be more successful, Kindof like a cheerleader... keeping him motivated helps the family.

Everyone goes through a boring rut at times, you just have to dig out of it creatively.

Bless you, this is just another stage of marriage. Good for you for going our to dinner. Sometimes children and work so overwhelm our lives, that silence is a good thing. So at this stage, we used our conversations to "catch up" with news of extended family, what was happening in the world, what one of us was reading or what we'd dream of doing if we had the time and money (that's a fun topic). As the children get older and make friends, you'll find you have new opportunities to talk about their activities and sports, friends and their parents. Perhaps one of you will be able to join a church or community/civic group, and that will bring you new topics. Hang in there!

Yes. My husband and I have been married 10 yrs now and we still enjoy good conversation (that is when our little ones don't interrupt :). We went out to dinner couple weeks ago (our first date this year--YEAH!) and we talked about the future, our past (those trips to Europe pre-kids still make both of us smile), and of course the recent antics of our 3 little kids. We are very similar in our beliefs and ideal so it's not hard to find meaningful things to talk about in the realms of religion, faith, and politics.
As a SAHM, I have to work at staying interesting. I keep up on current events with a quick glance at FOX news online every day, keep a couple magazine subscriptions about past hobbies in which I used to have time to invest (Bon Appetit, Cooking Pleasures, and Health), and try to keep up on new thoughts on nutrition and fitness (a major interest of my Crossfit loving husband). I also try to ask my husband about his work ever so often which lets him know I appreciate him and his support of our family.
Maybe these ideas will help move you in the direction of maintaining your marriage through good communication.

I don't have any suggestions for you, but I want you to know that you are not alone. It doesn't bother me too much right now--probably because we don't go to dinner by ourselves and sit across the table from each other with nothing to say!

Hmmmm, we need to go on a date.

If the four year old is around NO. He likes to interrupt and tells us to "be quiet" because we're being "tooooooo noisey." In other words, we're drowning out what he's saying or he's watching tv and can't hear the tv. (He's such a little diva sometimes.)

Once I drop him off at school we get caught up but after 25 years you'd think I know EVERYTHING about him and know all his stories but he surprises me everyday.

I never knew he NEVER bought a Batman comic until yesterday. Our son has discovered Batman and he went into to "comic dungeon" to look to see if he had some and there wasn't a single one out of TWO four drawer file cabinets. Needless to say he proptly went out and found five Batman comics "for our son."

We still talk but it is a lot harder to find time for a real conversation with 2 kids 5 and under. He writes fiction and I read a lot so we have lots to talk about.

Yes we do...
We just went out last night on a date and had a blast. We do this often.

Try reading some articles on line or catching up on current events and discussing those. Talk about your future plans or about the month's activities. Talk about your relationship..what you could do a little better and what he could work on. Ask him specifics about work. In your case he is quite stressed so hold off those questions but validate him regarding work. Thank him for working sooo hard. Be understanding that you know he is stressed. Think ahead of time what you want to chat about or ask him.

We try to make sure every night we are talking and laughing. Maybe you need some daily reconnecting so that when you are out on a date it doesn't seem so quiet and foreign to be along and talking. My husband and I got in a phase when we were playing Boggle every night for awhile. It was so fun...we laughed so much and have a lot of good inside jokes from it. We need to start that back up again. We have a game that is called "Rate your Mate." It has a bazillion questions to ask your spouse and see if they answer it the way you think they would. We trade asking each other questions...it gets us chatting and laughing. You could make up your own questions.

Good luck and best wishes at having some good conversations ASAP!!