My husband got really drunk the other night and we all told him to stop drinking but he continued. The whole night was one disaster after another, from him flirting at a neighbors house with the dude's sister, which he denied up and done but he had to be told what was he doing with a wife and kid at home. Then we where hanging out at another neighbors house and my daughter was asleep in the house and my husband jumps up pissed at something and no one knew what, he stormed off hitting his car on his way into the house slamming everything in his way and we could hear him from across the street slamming things around and the only thing I could think about was my daughter inside and I starting running toward the house and when I got the house the door was locked. All I could think about was my daughter inside and when he angry he doesn't think because he has thrown me around. All I could do was call the cops. My husband is in the Navy so he was taken to the boat. The next day he wants to tell me how sorry he was and all I could him is that he needs help and was not allowed back home until he was enrolled in AA, in counseling and in anger management. He somewhat argreed but he wants to say that he not an alcoholic. I mean he doesn;'t exactly crave liquer but if its there he drinks and then he doesn't know when to stop. I don't know what to do about my situation. He made me scared for my daughter and I worried and Don't know what to do. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who gave me advise and i just wanted to tell everyone that i have finally separated from him. he threatened my daughter at our last fight so i asked him to leave adn i never want him back. i feel so realieved, like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders but now there is a new one in it's place. my fear is now will i be able to support my daughter adn my self.
Next time he drinks try video taping him after he's drunk or once he starts misbehaving. Record you and friends telling him he's had too much, record how much he's drinking and then he can not deny his actions. My brother was just as bad. He doesn't know how to stop drinking once he starts and thinks get crazy. He's sober now. Good luck!
Dear T.,
This is so serious that I don't dare tell you anything to do, EXCEPT you absolutely must go for legal help yourself. Does the Navy have an office that guides families? You must keep on this until you feel safe for yourself and your baby.
Do not let any of the 'sorry' and excuses even influence you. I know, your husband is a love, but your daughter's life and future is right now and she cannot protect herself. You are the one that has to be strong, not mean, but strong.
Do not worry about damaging his reputation or doing anything that will harm him, he can take care of himself - or someone else can take care of him - you need to take care of yourself for your daughter's sake. You don't want her to be one of those runaway - throwaway kids when she is a teen. Keep her safe and keep yourself sane.
You can get help, just reach out until you get it.
Sincerely, C. N.
Your post reminds me of my husband. He doesn't crave alcohol, but when he gets a little of it, he doesn't stop then things can get a little scary. The best thing for your husband right now is counseling for both the alcohol and anger management. There could be something else bothering your husband that he just doesn't realize himself. when my hubby came back fro Iraq he would get angry for no apparent reason, he went to counseling. You might want to consider getting counseling for yourself. Someone to help you learn how to deal with the situation when hubby gets agitated, a professional to help you think through how healthy (or unhealthy the situation is for you, more importantly your daughter) especially if this is an ongoing situation. I know from experience that not everybody is comfortable going through the military for counseling, Catholic Charities of Hawaii is a really good organization that offers counseling at very reasonable rates and for those or aren't Catholic, they do know how to keep religion out of the counseling sessions. A win-lose situation, with hubby in the military he can be ordered to go to counseling, not only for AA and anger management, but for the marriage and parenting as well. You should consider talking to your friends and neighbors, asking them not to offer any drinks to you or your husband. Luckily for me my husband agreed that if he does feel like drinking I get the pick the drink (mainly for alcohol content) and we agree to a set amount in a certain time frame. No more than 2 cans in any 60 min time frame. Good luck.
You did the right thing!! Stick to your guns. Your responsability is to keep you baby and you safe. Whatever label he does or doesn't want to stick to this, he has a problem. Please make sure he is seeing someone about this. We are not a military family, but I know the navy has tons of resources that you can contact for him as well as for yourself. Get some family/friends to support you at this time. Be very proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and your daughter. I'm very proud of you. Best of luck, be strong.
P.
I think your requests are not unreasonable. He may not be ready to call himself an alcoholic, but I think AA and Anger Management and everything else is a very good idea. Also, don't keep any alcohol in the house and, maybe, stay away from get togethers that are going to have alcohol. If your friends are up to it, maybe they can work with you to not have alcohol at their events as well, especially if they are also your neighbors. It wouldn't hurt to ask, especially if it's only for a short period of time. Some people will just say no, but others will realize that it would be a help to their friend and a sacrifice they can make to do so. Also, I'm sure he's gotten a chewing from his superiors and he's feeling very, very remorseful. Make sure that he makes good on going to where you would like for him to go, even if it is for a short amount of time BEFORE you let him come back home. Make sure you call and make the appointments for him (if you can) and drive him to the first few appointments yourself.
Take care,
M. M.
My dad was an alcoholic. It scared me so much when i was younger. My mom didn't really think he was an alcoholic because he didn't crave it either, he just got really out of hand when he did drink... well now i know that IS alcoholism. I would stick to what you are doing. Don't let him drink any alcohol AT ALL because one always turns into another. My dad drove with my sister and I when he was drunk and almost drove us off a bridge. There is no denying that he loves us, but alcohol is a very dangerous drug. More serious that i most people think. This is a serious situation. You might think i'm making this out to be a bigger deal than it is but i'm really not. Please, Please get help. Talk to someone you can even go to a meeting for some information... or maybe talk to his chief or a superior of his to tell them your problem. I know they have help at Fleet and Family Services. You should take advantage of it. And do it now before it gets worse. He might not like it now, but once he gets help he'll thank you for it. I really hope everything works out and you get the help you need.
Really sorry you are going through this. Being in the military know that if he won't get help for himself contacting his supervisor of getting the name of your base commander will ensure that they take care of it. They have Navy drug and alcohol safety awareness courses as well as many other things. If he does't do this they most likely will take away his clearance. I would offer to take classes as well, such as Alanon. Remember, since he has a drinking problem...so do you. And you need to not drink as well. Worry about getting better and not how to skirt around the issue until it arises again. Good luck to you both!
Hello, It is hard to have an alcoholic partner my sister was in that situation alcohol will ruend your marriage, it does for her he doesn't even care about the children so unless he get some help I think it over because your married life won't be as nice and easy living with the drunken partner. You guys need to sit and talk about getting some help from the outside or your marriage won't last.
Mc
