I agree with Marda that I suspect co-dependence isn't the problem. Based on what you have described, you might need to deal with the inevitable issues from growing up in a crazy-making household. I will share a bit of my experience and you can evaluate whether any of it 'fits' for you. I grew up with a mother who binge-drank and needed tranquillizers to sleep; she also was/is mentally unstable, and really, she used the chemicals to cope with her anxiety. I learned various ways of coping with life in that environment, and while they got me through to adulthood, I was miserable, constantly afraid. For me, I needed Al-Anon and particularly groups which focused on the effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent--even when I was no longer living with active drinking or a problem partner, those effects were with me. Al-Anon groups didn't fix everything, however they and the 12-Step program have been my go-to set of tools for dealing with so many things in life (along with therapy at points along the way), unlearning the habits I developed. I've been involved with the program since 1988, and it is still helpful when I forget or revert to older, less-effective ways of dealing with things.
Like you, I don't drink alcohol much at all--maybe a liqueur once every couple years. I have never acquired the taste, and with the family history, there's no reason to push it. Do I feel a twinge of anxiety when my husband drinks a beer a couple times a week or wine at a party? I did at the start of our relationship, but not now. It is so clear to me that he is nothing like my mother and I don't fear that things will go that way. My intuition is that your reaction to the fight and the underlying anxiety you describe might be a sign that it is time to deal with the effects of your childhood. There are many options--group or individual therapy, reading relevant books (Adult children of Alcoholics might hit the spot for you), Al-Anon, whatever works. It seems like you're at the point where you have become aware of the issues, which means you are ready to deal and find a different way of living. It's a good journey.
Wishing you luck, and feel free to send me a private message if you want.