We Don't like Our Friends' Kids....

I wouldn't do this all the time, but maybe you can say, "Hey, let's get sitters and have a fun adults only night out. Wouldn't that be fun and so relaxing? Heaven knows I need a kid break this weekend."

After adult night out, say, "Wow, that was so nice, we should do it more often!"

I finally told my friend. It was so bad I didn't care if I lost the friendship. Her child is mean to mine and we were not having any more playdates.
She wanted to salvage the friendship so she asked if we could still have lunch when they are in school. That is what we do.

Maybe say next time they want to get together something like, "Gee, last time all our kids were together, they had so many issues! Maybe we can do adults only and give the kids a break from each other". Kind of feel them out to see what they say. If you do go out without the kids and it was a good time, then say "That was great, maybe we should leave the kids home all the time!". And hopefully they agree! Good luck!

Exactly what Momma L said. If you tell your friend, no matter how nicely, that you don't like her kids, you risk losing a friend. Or if she insists on a "family" get together, just plan it w/ other couples involved too. We do adult nights. We all need a break from our kids!

I have no difficulty deceiving my friends (several sets of them) and staying the heck away from their kids. Truly. It beats the heck out out of the stress from being around them.

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Keep deceiving... keep deceiving... you will end up with them being ex-friends if you tell them your feelings.

There are some people we really just want to go to movies with, have adult dinners and drinks with, and want to pay SO much attention to that we want a babysitter. And this could be THAT couple for you. Tell 'em that. Over and over...

Dawn

My mom and her best friend of 15 years parted ways because of this exact same reason. Her kids were mean to us, and a lot of times we came away with injuries. Small things, but enough to make mom be more leery around these kids.

The final straw came when they tricked my sister into eating a very small and very hot pepper by telling her it was a cherry tomato. My sister was in tears, and it took a long time for her mouth to stop burning.

That was the last time we saw any of them.

there will be times when you don't like other kids, be it a friend or relative's kids, or even your childrens' friends. We just suck it up and deal with it, because chances are, somewhere out there someone doesn't like your kids either. My children are wonderful kids by themselves, but together they fight like cats and dogs. You can do something with this couple without kids every once in a while, but I would also suggest practicing tolerance because in the future you will need that skill. I cannot tell from your post if their kids are mean to your kids or their kids are mean to each other (brother sister fighting). If they are mean to your kids than I would do adults only for a while, if it just the brother sister fighting that bothers you, then minimize the amount of time you visit each other and tolerate.

I wouldnt say anything unless they ask Why you dont want to get together with kids. just keep doing adult evenings and if they ask you can say Oh my kids get SO wound up around your kids! I just prefer having some adult only time.

I guess it comes down to how well you like these people. If they are really good friends, you're going to have to tolerate their kids. If you're suggesting inviting them to hang out at your house without their kids, but yours will be there, they will be confused and offended. You can suggest more adult only evenings out, but there will be times you will have to get the kids together. Maybe you can start implementing some rules if the get-togethers are at your house (no running wild, no bad words etc...etc...) If their kids don't listen, put them in time out. If this offends their parents, maybe they'll be the ones to suggest outings sans children. Good luck!

I remember talking to my girlfriend and telling her, "Our kids are NOT getting along right now. I love you, but I have a hard time making my kids come with me when your kid is so mean to him. We may just have have to hang out on our own for a bit." I am sure it hurt her feelings, but we remained "phone friends" for a couple of years and she and I went out a few times as mamas. Fast forward, our kids play great together now. We are best friends still and we made it over that awkward hump. I don't see an issue with saying, hey..our kids obviously don't like each other! let's go see a movie without them!
L.

i am a huge advocate of honesty and am often saddened and puzzled by how easily our society lies, teaches children to lie, and blithely rationalizes all of it.
but there are some things that just can't be put out there baldly.
no one will take it well if they're told that someone doesn't like their kids. no one. it's a friendship-breaker. only do that if you not only want to end the friendship, but are okay with causing real pain.
fortunately there are lots of ways of being kind AND honest, and you've got some really excellent suggestions here. say you suggest an adult-only hang out and they counter-suggest a get-together that involves kids. you can say something along the lines of 'our kids seem to be going through one of those phases where they don't mesh too well. shall we let it ride for a while until they sail through it? let's just have us a balls-out grown up party!'
there is still, of course, the possibility that they'll take offense. but you'll have been courteous and NOT deceptive, and if they're good friends you will weather this.
and you may be surprised to find that you DO like their kids as they get older. i've been delighted to discover that some friends' kids i thought were ugly heinous little ogres grew into interesting neat teenagers.
good luck!
:) khairete
S.

My mom's best friend's daughter is 6 months younger than my son. I have never seen such warring. THey were worse than brother and sister.
Mom and her friend together decided that bringing the two of them together was just not fun for anyone and both started getting babysitters. I had two jobs, one retail, so usually I wasnt' available.
My son still remembers mom's friend's daughter and not fondly. The kids are 22.
If you are good friends with the parents, just talk to them. Be straightforward. She may be waiting to say something similar.

One of my best friends has monster children. Whenever we get together with them, which we've successfully whittled down to just a couple of times a year, my kids spend the time leading up to their arrival recounting all the "bad things" these kids have done: Remember when S hit Z in the head with a toy phone? Remember when R punched J in the face and laughed at him? Remember when S climbed on to his dad's pool table and broke the chandelier over it? Remember when R peed on the floor? And on and on and on.

I feel bad that this is all my kids focus on and try to get them to see that the past is the past, we don't dwell on things that happened before, they're older now so things will be better...and they never are! There's always a new round of transgressions for my kids to add to the memory list!

So...we keep the all-child events very, very minimal. I would never have the nerve to tell her that my kids view hers with fear and awe over their misdeeds and that she has no control over them, because I'm guessing that she knows it already and doesn't need a friend confirming her fears. My parents have been friends for more than 30 years with a couple whose daughter was in my sister's class. After a year or two the girls hated each other but our parents are all still friends, so these things can survive childhood if neutralized.

You never know, the other mom might feel the same way. I think it is kind of easy to say...we can be friends but our kids don't need to....I guess it depends on how important the friendship is to you. Keep it simple and just do couple things for now. Once they get older it may get better.

I had a friendship like that She had 3 boys & I had 1 girl & mine was ALWAYS the one who got hurt. She always had a rationalization for it, never disciplined them, and I even found myself yelling at my kid when she didn't do anything wrong. I eventually came to the conclusion that her kids were ill behaved because she was the same way, and her & DH weren't doing any parenting. She actually lost several friends because of how awful her kids were. No one ever never said anything to her because no one ever wants to hear about how terrible their kids are, because it's a poor reflection on them, and the truth usually hurts. Especially with someone like this friend I had, she NEVER thought she was in the wrong, and was pretty irrational. Ugh. I'm so glad I'm done with her & her horrible kids.

Short answer? There is no nice way to tell someone you don't like their kids. So, if you are going to say something, be prepared to lose the friendship. To me, my kid is more important than any friendship, especially a friendship in which I don't feel 100% at ease.

I would say what you wrote here that the kids don't bring out the best in each other and therefore it would be best to go without them. If they don't understand it's too bad but you have to think of your kids first.

Hi, Krista:

You need to learn how to confront her about your feelings.
This is a problem with many people in our culture of today, deception.
People need to be confronted when their or children's behavior affect us. (The Virginia Snake says: Don't tread on me, if you do, confrontation is a bite to restore justice.)

How to tell her how you feel.

First, ask her permission if she is open to here your concerns.

If she is: Tell her how you feel about what you experienced and what you need to make the relationship between you two better.

Expect some negative response. If there is any, respond with a thank you.
It is painful to realize that you are not perfect. Let the situation resolve itself and with time the relationship will be restored.

I have experienced this a number of times so it does work.
Good luck.
Thanks for asking.
Thanks for being honest.
We need more people like you.
All the Best.
D.

what a sticky situation. of course honesty is best but i think in some cases it is best left alone. when it comes to someones kids that is when its best left alone. good luck (: