What's Your Take-friend Question

If this woman and her friendship mean as much to you as you say they do then you need to reach out to her. Give her a chance to explain why she hasn't called. Don't assume. Be the bigger person.

For whatever reason, the dynamic in your friendship has changed. Perhaps she feels shut out of her step-son's adult life now that he's married (heck, that happens with bio sons LOL) and she is re-thinking not having had her own children.

Perhaps she is going through a rough menopause.

Perhaps she is having problems in her marriage.

Perhaps nothing is wrong and she is just not as interested in the friendship as she once was.

It's really hard to say - if it were me I would not pursue her but I would leave the door open. At an opportune moment (birthday, holiday) I would drop her note and say "I was just thinking of you and wanted to say hi! Call me if you want to get together soon!). Otherwise I would let it go.

Good luck.

You say that she has seen you through tough times, been there to advise you, etc. You don't say what you think she has gotten from the relationship. Perhaps she felt it was one-sided? Or maybe the fact that she has her own grandchild now is drawing her more into her own family. You can either let it go, or you can ask her outright if you've done something to offend her. Otherwise, chalk it up to growth and maybe send her a note saying how much she meant to you over the years and you'll always be grateful to her. At least part on good terms.

First of all, dont be mad about her not answering your vmail, as sometimes they just dont get delivered or someone else intercepts it, that happens to me on my phone....
It does sound like she feels like your schedule is different now that you have a child, and maybe she does feel like she's imposing on you. She also became a grandma and probably has some different priorities than she had before.
I think if you guys have had a really close relationship you need to just get together for lunch or something and actually tell her how you feel and hopefully she will tell you how she feels too.
I know my childless friends are much easier to hang out with than my friends that have children.
Face the grizzley and communicate with her, it's the only way to figure it out. Guessing and assuming will only make you crazy :)

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Hard to tell for sure, but, if she was in the middle of planning a trip out of town when you called, she may not have had time to get into the situation with you right then and maybe it has skipped her mind all this time. As for it being strange that she has gone this long without calling, I think time flies way too fast and we get busy and one thing after another comes up and all of a sudden its a month later. Id call again, and let her know youve been busy, and swamped with kid stuff too, and miss her, and need to get together soon to catch up. Maybe she tried calling you and didnt get thru, and you missed a message, or whatever. I can visit my neighbors everyday of the week for 2 weeks and have the best time playing with the kids and chatting with the M., and then get busy or sick or they arent home and 2 weeks go by without seeing them. We always end up saying "Oh my gosh whats been going on where have you been, thought you moved, thought you died,lol", and have a great time back together. And maybe she feels like me and is worried she was butting in to your life too much and felt she should back off a bit. Sometimes I worry Im making a pest of myself. Im 20 years older than my neighbor so I see that as a possibility. Call her.

Try not to think the worst right away. I say, try reaching out again. if no answer, lv a vm asking her to give you a call and that if there's something going on, she can always confide in you. If at that, she still doesn't respond, I'd say, let it go. Although it may hurt for a while, you'll be ok. I was in a situation like that. I eventually just give up. Like you, I've never been one to beg for friends. But, if she ever needed anything, I would be there for her. That's just the way I am.

Life happens and people get busy. Just ask her whats up it's probably nothing friendship related and you are upset for nothing. Maybe she has something going on in her life and she is not in the mood to talk to anyone.

It might have slipped her mind, since she was leaving for a trip, right?

Would it be so bad to call her again?

I think if you have a solid friendship with this woman then you owe it to the friendship to make sure nothing is upsetting her. Asking once isn't chasing her. I don't know if I'd give it much more than that though if she's really just not bothering. Good luck. Been there...done that.... Same type thing too. I was in my mid 20's and my best friend was in her mid 50's. We clicked so well though. Our friendship ran it's course though & that was it. I hope that's not the case for you. Best wishes.

well maybe she has something going on in her life that is taking up a lot of her thinking time. Yes she should have called, but you know how it gets sometimes when you get busy and forget. Yes I agree she hasn't called for a month, but maybe you should just put your feelings aside and call her. Tell her you haven't talked for a while, and wondered what was on her mind and how she is doing. Then you can talk to her about what you wanted to before. It will make you feel better, and you never know, maybe she needs someone to talk to. Tell her you miss talking to her regularly, then maybe you'll find out the reason why.

You will never know unless you call and talk to her. Could be she is going through something of her own. Call and tell her how you feel or shoot her an email.

I also suggest ringing her. Perhaps, you could start the conversation by letting her know you miss her and how much you appreciate her wisdom and the friendship that you share. You could also let her know that, to you, it seems you have been making most of the calls/texts/e-mails and you feel rejected/dismissed.

It's possible that if you give her a call, you will find she had a personal reason for not calling. Maybe she is having a hard time. Maybe she was simply not thinking and was wrapped up in her own life. Maybe she is miffed too. You won't know until you ask, and, from your description, this doesn't sound like a superficial acquaintance or empty relationship. You really care about her, so it's (IMO) worth seeing what's up.

I rely heavily on my girlfriends. They rely on me, as well. Sometimes, it's necessary for me to "carry" our friendship, when they are not able to do 50%. Other times, they do more, when I'm only able to do less. One of my closest friends had a distant period. Instead of reaching out to her, I took it personally and became distant too. It was silly, because I really missed her and felt hurt. Finally, I took the initiative to check in, let her know that I missed her and that I was feeling hurt. Turns out, she wasn't pulling away. She was having a rough time and was crazy busy. During that time, she needed me to nurse the relationship more. It really helped her when I did so.

More recently, she was calling me more often than I was. It was really helpful for me.

Let her know you (deeply) care about her and ask if she's upset about something, or has a reason for drifting (if that's even what's going on, for her). It takes two to tango, and, in my mind, friendships are usually worth going the extra mile.

You definately need to call her. I am wondering if mayber her stepson and daughter-in-law (or another couple or friend she may have with small children) didn't tell her that they were swamped with their little one, and that they needed more space, and she is projecting that onto you, too?