Ways to Gently Suggest Proper Spelling of Child's Name to Grandma

I would be joking about it. Say something like, "She's not cheese. lol! It's Colbie silly!" My daughter's name is Aubrey and my grandma thinks her name is Albray! lol!

Hi,
I think that you should just tell her...like you said I can not imagine my mother misspelling my kids names. It does not matter if you are close with her or not, this is wrong and she should be informed ASAP!!!

D.

Two thoughts: my husband is considerate, well-meaning, respectful and sincere. He also get many of his friends' names wrong, both spelling AND pronunciation, after knowing them for years, and being corrected repeatedly. I'm a bit challenged about names myself. There are two associated brain areas dedicated to remembering names accurately, and if they don't work together smoothly, names can come out wrong, if at all. So I hope you won't assume "disrespect" on that basis alone.

Second, she may simply have never noticed the spelling discrepancy. Some people are just not very visual or detail-oriented. Have you tried simply saying, "Hey, mom, have you ever noticed that Colbie's name is spelled with an 'ie'? We chose a more feminine and less cheesy spelling." She may be surprised, even embarrassed and apologetic.

It sounds like the other issues are conflated in your mind with this one, but they could be separate. BTW, I like your daughter's name.

I spell my nephews name wrong all the time. I still love him though.

So, either she is being vindictive and spelling it wrong on purpose, or she is just plain spelling it wrong because she isn't thinking or can't remember it.

My son's have different middle names and my fil always commented on how weird they were. One day I just said, I really don't care what you think, that's their names, and they haven't said anything since.

So, you could just honestly tell her, that her name is spelled with an -ie at the end, and say it's really important she remembers b/c you want your daughter to have confidence that her grandmother loves her enough to remember her name, or you just just ignore it.

I have a mom that does the silent treatment as well and acts like a victim where I had to beg for forgiveness too. But I'll tell you a secret, stop begging for forgiveness and having to answer for yourself. You're an adult now and don't need her parenting you. Life is so much better now that I have learned that. And sometimes, silent treatments are so nice, b/c I don't have to mess with the bs!

My MIL spelled my daughter's name wrong on handmade birthday cards for over three years!!! (It should be Brianna, but she spelled it Breanna). She's into embroidery so I was always terrified that she'd try to personalize something!!! I tried being very clear (perfect school teacher printing) on everything I could think of!
I finally got my SIL involved. I told her how I didn't know what to do! She called our MIL and happened to 'ask' her "How do you spell Brianna". MIL told her how she spells it and SIL said, "I don't think that's right- oh wait a minute- I have a card from her right here! It's BRIANNA!"
Never had an issue and I never had to confront my MIL about it! And SIL was just as innocent about the whole thing!!

Holy God.
If this is the biggest problem....

Listen, I got a beautiful Mother's Day card from my own mother in the mail.
It talked about how proud she was of me and how much joy I had brought to her life.

On the envelope...she spelled my name wrong. The name SHE had given me.
HELLO!
I called her and thanked her for the lovely card and never once brought it up. My mother isn't learning disabled, she didn't do it to be rude, but if my own mother can spell my name wrong on an envelope, s*** happens.
Was I offended, hell no.
Next time I catch her in a good mood I'll tease her about it though and she will get a good laugh. I can tease her about being ready for the "home'.

It's just me, but I don't know why this has to be so upsetting to you.
You named your child what you named her. And if your mom is truly teasing, well....I guess the cheese jokes will be out of the way.
It's not that I'm not on your side, I just don't think you need to take it so personally.

But, that's just my opinion and I mean no offense in any way.

I would just tell her point blank you find it offensive and you want her to stop.

I don't really have a suggestion about the mis-spelling of your daughter's name because that seems like the small issue here. The bigger issue seems to be your mother's attitude towards you and your family. She seems to always want to be in control and as a result can be quite disrespectful. I say this because my grandparents are the same way. If they don't get what they want they will use the silent treatment, guilt trips, lectures, whatever they can think of to make us all feel horrible. For a long time we all played into it with the hopes that if we just found the "right" way of dealing with them, they would be the loving people we all wanted them to be. Its taken years, but we have all realized this isn't possible. Now we just do what we can to treat them respectfully and include them in family events as much as possible. However, we don't spend hours trying to figure out how they will react to something or how we can make them happy. If they get bent out of shape for something small, we don't respond to their reactions. It does mean that we don't have the closest relationship, but then again we never did. It just means that I am not driving myself crazy trying to please them because it is a losing battle.

I know I am writing about my grandparents and it can be much easier to separate oneself emotionally from grandparents then from parents. If I have overstepped a line and this advice is unwanted, I apologize. My parents, aunts, uncles and I have gone through a lot of years of frustration and we are finally getting to a place where we can deal with it in a healthy way. If our experiences can be at all helpful to someone else, it might make it all seem more worthwhile.

Good luck.

Hi there. I'm not sure why you're upset about this...does it really matter? My name is obviously spelled weird (it's pronounced Derica) and my grandparents spelled it wrong until the day they all passed away. My mom's mom in fact never spelled it the same way twice, lol! It never bothered me and I was the one whose name was being spelled wrong. My mom and I used to chuckle over it in a good humored, indulgent way. It's truly not a big deal. I'm sure she doesn't mean anything insulting by it.

People get used to spelling things a certain way and sometimes an alternate spelling doesn't register. For example, my last name is Klaus (maiden name, I haven't changed it) and all my life people have been spelling it "Claus" instead of "Klaus" because of Santa Claus. Even when I explicitly and slowly spell it for people with emphasis on the "K" and several repeats, when I go back to look at whatever paperwork it might have been on it is invariably spelled "Claus". In general, if something isn't in someone's face all of the time, then it usually gets forgotten in the day to day rush to remember everything else.

Anyways, maybe talk to her and let her know that you understand that it's hard to remember a spelling that you're not familiar with. Ask her if you can write it down somewhere prominent for her. Or, if you really don't feel you can talk to her about it maybe send her a framed collage for her wall with pics of your daughter surrounding her name in big letters. If that doesn't work, then you're just going to have to learn to ignore it.

My beloved Nephew has an unusual name and I messed it up the first time I sent a card.. My sister was very upset.. (pissed actually) I was so embarrassed..

He is now 14 and I still am nervous when I have to spell his name.. I actually go onto facebook to make sure it is spelled correctly..

Our daughter designed the ad for the football program last year for him and she was worried about the spelling.. We checked, double and triple checked it.. I like the idea of the tshirt or a mug that says, proud to be Colbie's Grandma.. or something like that..

My SIL always spelled our sons name wrong on everything. She did this because she is always "busy" and just glances at everything(basically doesn't pay attention). On his 3rd b-day invitation where I put his name I left her a little note saying...Just in case you want the correct spelling of his name. :) I think the smiley face softened my irritance and at his party she thanked me for letting her know and of course blamed it on her airheadedness. She never acted like she was mad(& I don't think she was), so I think your mom will be fine if you let her know the correct spelling.

My husbands family spells my Alison with two ll's and spells Chloe all different funny ways. I don't bother saying anything. It would just cause problems. (i think my husband has already tried)

Maybe you could just laugh it off and tell your daughter poor grandma can't spell your name...lol!

One thought, if she gets defensive when you point it out, is that Colbie is talking now, right? So your Mom should spell her name with an -ie, and you will help Colbie use the preferred nickname for Grandma, and it's all fair and square.

I don't know the right answer. My first instinct is to send her a mother's day card addressed to Mary (or whatever her name is) (but spelled Mairy). lol. Of course... that wouldn't work.. even though I would feel better for a few minutes after I wrote it out that way....

Honestly.. I disagree with a lot of these kind ladies. I DO find it disrespectful to your daughter that her grandmother doesn't care enough to make an effort to spell her name correctly. I would be very offended by it. Sounds like she is using it to get to you, and it's working. Maybe when your daughter is old enough to read, she will quit doing this.

It sounds like you have some distance between you however, (both literally and figuratively) and so I probably wouldn't say anything. It would become one of those things that I "let lie" until one day she reaps her rewards. Your daughter will know when she is older and will form her own opinion about it (if grandma doesn't change). If she isn't bothered at that point... then you don't have to feel bad. If she feels slighted by grandma... then grandma will be the one to bear the responsibility. There are an awful lot of good grandparents out there. And there are just as many that really are sad excuses. Kids will figure out that people are people, and some are caring, loving ones, and some are more self-centered and spiteful... It runs throughout humanity, and it doesn't pick and choose which families to fall into. We ALL have people in our lives somewhere along the way that could fit into that category. Sorry that you have to deal with this. It's just one of those "crosses" that we all have to bear.

Get her a tee shirt or sweat shirt that says "Colbie's Grandma"

I know you are ticked off, but you have to have known your Mom well enough to know that she couldn't, or wouldn't keep the secret. Does that kind of thing happen between you and your friends and family often that you could name your baby and someone would take use it first? I cannot imagine it myself. It all kind of seems petty and your Mom's friends sound just lovely, but instead of stooping to thier level, I think I would just swallow hard, and distance myself with a little grace and ignore them. You can't change them, but you can just live your life without playing the game.

If you like your daughter's name, that is all that matters.

M.

My son is 9 and my mother still spells his name with two LL's. He a one L Philip. I'm not nice anymore. I say Mom he is a one L Philip, among other things. Like Gee you taught 8th grade English for 30 years ya think maybe you could spell your grandsn's name.
I know, prolbably not the most politically correct way but I'm sick of making excuses for her to Philip.

@Margie - lol. I am a one L M. with a one L Philip.

My dad spelled my name wrong when he wrote me letters in college. I decided to let it go. It wasn't worth the hassle to me to raise an issue with him when the relationship was already not great.

It doesn't seem like the silent treatment is such a bad option if you want to let her know. Just be prepared for it and accept that this is how she is and don't let it bother you. I wouldn't bother to apologize if she does. You could try doing it with humor, like coming up with a word for each letter-
C-caring
O-outstanding
L-lively
B-beautiful
I-independent
E-exciting

Your daughter will have this problem with others, so you will have to teach her how to spell her name and correct others. She's young for this yet, and she of course doesn't care at this point. But you do, so I think it would be wise to just accept that 99% of people won't know how to spell her name properly. I understand this is your mother and so seems more insulting. It sounds like there are other issues with your mom, so I totally get that it is frustrating. I think I would choose to spell it correctly as often as possible and let it go without overtly correcting her.

it's grandma...i say let it go. my grandmother did the same with with one of my brothers. but her handwriting was so bad you could hardly tell. i don't think it's a battle worth fighting...

First of all I just want to say what a pretty name Colbie is!!! Very unique! And no, when I first heard it...I did NOT think of cheese!
I do think it is very disrespectful to spell her name incorrectly. Regardless if she likes the name or not, it's your choice, and thats the name you love, so she needs to respect that. I wish that grandma's would realize that yes they are still our parents but they raised us, and now it's our turn to be the parents. My MIL is like that, constantly putting her 2 sense in, and questioning decisions we make.
But maybe you can just tell her that it is very hurtful, and will be very hurtful to your daughter when she's older and realizes that grandma spells her name wrong!
Hang in there!!

My sister spells my son's name wrong all the time and it was our grandfather's name also. I chalk it up to being passive aggressive. I did like another mama suggested: told her we were teaching him how to spell his name correctly so please spell it like you spelled grandpa's name (and always did correctly). Then if it was spelled wrong I sent it back. Wow did I get flack for that. My whole large family had something to say, but I never looked back. She called my son on his 22 birthday and called him a completely different name. He just thought she was as nuts as she came across. It all evens out eventually.

My grandparents spelled my name wrong until they died. I was constantly correcting them. "E Grommom, Eeeeeeeeeeeee." They'd nod, or chuckle, or ask if I was sure, or dismiss me, or promise to do it right (even writing it correctly to "prove" they could)... but they always spelled it wrong. Always.

Now... years after their deaths... I look at old cards, letters, writing on the backs of photos and get all misty. Yeah... they could leave out the E. It was something special. Just between me and them. Even though I didn't know it yet/then.

My name is always spelled and pronounced wrong. And, I chose alternate spellings for my children's names and people always spell it wrong. I wouldn't take it personal...alternate spellings are difficult for people to remember. It's not just your MIL who is going to make this error so you might as well hunker down and get used to it. Seriously...this isn't worth a lot of energy and (what's more important) it's the first of many opportunities to teach your daughter to respond with grace when her name is spelled or pronounced wrong since you can assume most people are not doing it intentionally.

If your MIL is doing it intentionally...who cares? My mother in law didn't like my daughter's name and suggested we change it (AFTER it was official) to SUSAN! To this day, this is my favorite MIL story to tell. :)

Lol.. I totally understand. My daughters name is Mya and my grandma insists on calling her Mia.. so when my daughter doesnt answer, i say b/c she's Mya not Mia. But then again.. i dont see them that much so when i do visit it's no biggie.. she even got my daughter a pink plastic coffee cup.. with MIA on it..lmao sooo i guess it's not really worth the battle, but if you want to be original you have to consider the possibilites that the 'older school' folk may not get it.. considering there was no real special naming going on back in the day.. I mean I have a Juan, Mya, Diego and our 4th will be Leyla.. so that said i'm prepared that the girls names may get messed up..lol Good luck to ya :)

I feel your pain. I have been through several situations with my parents that are tough to deal with and the best advice that I can give is to ask yourself "what do you want to get out of it and how important is it to you?" Because sometimes, what is important to you is not to them and can cause an unexpected outcome. In this case, I would be very strong in my belief that this is important. Your daughter's name is something that is important and something that Grandma needs to get right. It's not only disrespectful to you but also to your daughter. It sounds like she loves your daughter and while you guys might not have the best relationship, she might make it important if you remind her that this is her granddaughter and that you feel she is being disrespectful to her.

As a side note, I would point out that your name isn't exactly a common name and that like her, you chose to give your daughter a unique name. Maybe this will appeal to her senses too?

Something to think about anyway. Good luck.
N.

Ps. My children both have unique names, Gamble Kevin and Random Jolie. I completely understand the desire to give them unique names and the craziness that comes with it. Fortunately, it's been hard for people to make fun of my son's name but my daughter hasn't been so lucky. Silly us. We should have thought about that more but we just really liked the name. I hate when people aren't nice and graceful. Hope this helps.

You've received a lot of great ideas for what to do. Follow what you think will fit. I'm mainly writing so that we, as a community NEVER offend someone because of their choice of names for thier child. If you don't like it you can say something like "Oh, that's an interesting name, I don't think I've heard it before" In a PLEASANT tone. Family can be the worst because they think they are not bound by common decency. Then there's always that wacky aquaintance or stranger who says something. Anyway, let's not be that wacky stranger, or inconsiderate relative and remember our manners! P.S. I know I'm preaching to the choir :-) I think the comments about Velveeta got to me, that's just mean (bullying) and I would call them on that! What horrible role modeling for the children in their lives!

This sounds exactly like my mom. We don't have the best relationship either and she misspelled my daughter's name for months after she was born. One day she wrote me an email asking a question about my daughter and I wrote her back and at the end said by the way this is the way to spell Sallie's name she would appreciate it if you spelled it correctly from now on. And since then she has always spelled it correctly and neither one of us has brought it up in conversation. I don't think my mom realized that she was doing it. Be blunt and tell her she is spelling it wrong and that it hurts your feelings because it makes it seem like she doesn't care. Hopefully she will understand. And I love Colbie!

when she is around read an alphabet book with your child or sing abcs and then afterward say "and how do we spell "colbie" ? C-O-L-B-I-E and you can teach both grandma and your daughter how to spell her name

I don't have any advice - but I had to write because your mother sounds JUST LIKE my MIL!

If you successfully communicate this to your mother without having to deal with the "antics", I would love for you to repost!

No advice on how to tell her gently but just that you should definitely correct her. My name is B. and as a child, my feelings were constantly hurt when my grandmother sent me cards and letters spelling it Brandy. I felt like I wasn't even important enough for her to know how to spell my name. As a child, it was a big deal to me.

My MIL and mom both spell my baby girls names wrong! One is almost 20 months and the other is 7! It IS SO ANNOYING! Everytime I correct them they tell me they hate the spellings (more my MIL then my mom who just is not a great speller lol) my MIL kinda holds a grudge against my daughters names and I dont get it... I was going to name my oldest Miriah and at the last minute changed it bc when I saw her knew there is no way she was a Miriah and named her what me and my hubby had originally chosen (my MIL was the one who want Miriah...) My mom perfered the new name but its spelt diffrent then traditional. Neither daughter has a original spelling and my MIL has tried to correct me saying I cant even spell my daughters names right! Its a never ending battle! I get over it though bc she has enough going on and I try to just understand one day she will come around and if not then with as outspoken as I am (and know my girls will be) they will correct her and then maybe she will understand! I have tried almost everything including spelling it for her and putting it on the fridge! At christmas it was a disaster bc everyone tried to correct her and she refused to listen so all the gifts were with their nicknames or misspelled names... I try just to let it go... Plus this weekend her friend asked me my girls names when we were down and I told her and how they were spelt and m MIL acted as if it were the first time she heard it and she made it clear she wasnt very happy... however the friend thought it was the cutest names and the best spelling she had seen someone use :) Sometimes you just have to let it go and hope one day she gets it right :) I love my MIL and mom so please dont take it I dont :)

I can't even get my family to remember that I kept my own name when I got married let alone spell it right. Don't even get me started on that!

Pick an entire week and whenever you email, write, or talk find a way to slip in something like "There's no Y in Colbie". Or "Gosh mom! How is Colbie ever going to learn to spell if her own gramma can't spell her name right?"

Or get her a charming custom mouse pad, picture frame, coffee mug, key chain, etc. Have them all imprinted with something like "Colbie loves Gramma."

I have a Kieran and a Dylan and few can pronounce the first and most people misspell the second. *sigh*

My MIL has known me and my sister for 20y. She still spells my sister's name with a 'y' instead of an 'ie'. Just tell her that then name doesn't have a 'y' in it, just like the name she picked for you doesn' have a 'y' in it.

Another thing you could do - when she sends stuff with her name misspelled, don't give it to your baby girl. Then when she asks, say we'll it wasn't addressed to her, so she didn't get it. My hubby did this to my Mom right after we were married and she spelled our last name wrong.

M.

I agree with Jen C. You need to be clear that it is offensive and you want it to stop. If you get the silent treatment for that, I think that's crazy. I wouldn't apologize about it either.

Dont know if I have any words of wisdom but I frequently have this problem with my kids. They have an apostrophe after the first letter and people tend to capitalize the second letter (when it's not) and I've had to remind teachers and family for almost 17 years. I've sent awards, pictures, etc back to the schools for reprinting. We also have problems with our last name because it's hyphenated and people thinks it's ok to leave off one of the names. You'd think they'd get it by now. I've been pleasant to not very nice at all because it gets very frustrating. Sorry I havent been very helpful but I sympathize.

I feel your pain on this one! My great-grandfathers name was Colbe James and we had that name picked out for a boy (love it for a girl too!). Notice....not spelled like the cheese either...lol! We had a LOT of opinions on it as well, but we ended up having a girl (and naming her Finleigh- which we also had lots of opinions on! haha!). Turned out to be a good thing....since two weeks later her younger cousin JACK was born!!! Can you imagine? The only two grandbabies named Colbe & Jack!!!

I agree with the other suggestions...just let her know that it bothers you. You can also tell her that you'll be teaching Colbie how to spell it soon and you don't want her to be confused on how to spell her own name!!! Good Luck!

Ok, I didn't read any of the other replies, so this may have been mentioned...

Maybe you could take a picture of your dd and have it framed in a customized frame with her name prominently displayed in it. Perhaps if she has a daily visual reminder she will spell it correctly.

My in laws just recently learned how to spell my name, Katie. Until now they'd always written Katty (they're not from the US.)

I can't see anyone else's responses, but I have to say I love the name and how it's spelled. I can understand why you aren't happy with her misspelling it, but to her defense, I've never seen it spelled Colbie, but instead Colby. I would suggest either way, remind your mom that it's not spelled with a y, but an ie and if she can please take note of it, as you are sure it will hurt your daughter's feelings (when she grows up) that her grandmother doesn't even know how to spell her name.

Stay strong and please let us know how it goes.

Good luck.

;

I am so sorry that people call your daugher "Velveeta". That is so disrespectful! I love the name Colbie! It reminds me of Colbie Callait, the singer.

I can understand why you are upset. As judging from the post there are several people who have had people continually mix up names in complete innocence.
You mom, however, seems to be doing this in a passive agressive way to get under your skin and "protest" your name choice.
I agree with Amanda T! Tell her! Also, tell the "Velveeta" crowd to CAN IT.

I wish my mother had followed some advice! :) She never did, and my grandmother's have always spelled my name wrong, and used a nickname I've never had. Good stuff. I'm 31, my name is S.. It's a pretty common name, I think. Both of my grandmother's spell my name with f. Steffy or Steffie. I've never gone by Steph or Stephie (or Steffy or Steffie and seriously, once I think one of my grandmother's wrote Stuffie). Oh well. They're old, and honestly, it doesn't bother me. I just know it's their quirks. They know my name, they love me, they just don't spell it right. I guess I learned that it really isn't a personal thing. Good luck, and if she continues to get it wrong, just blame it on her being old. :)

Oh, and my mother (even though I've been married for several years) still occasionally sends me mail to my maiden name, even though I took my husband's name, and she knows that for sure. Just old habits die hard, I guess. For me personally, not worth the battle. (Though I also am very direct, and joke about it right to her.)

you could just tell her. I would tell my mom, even if it meant she wouldnt talk to me for a month (which it probably would). Also, to this day my grandma still spells my sister's name differently every Christmas, and I'm not sure she realizes it.

I have been married 15 1/2 years and my mother still doesn't spell my married name correctly. It irritates me somewhat but in the end its her problem. I have come to realize I don't have a mother with whom I would ever be friends. I try to be respectful and limit my contact. My 12yo daughter gets her and my younger brother's selfishness and realizes its not personal. Thank goodness for small things. As your daughter grows, make sure she knows its nothing she's done to cause this behavior. Some people are just mean (and often couch it in either poor humor or ornery-ness).