Venting a Pet Peeve

Someone might have a bigger fish, but someone else might have a prettier fish and someone else might have gotten a better deal on their fish. I guess it depends on what you value. A community is made up of different personalities, values and perspectives.

Yes, I call it the "Can you top this" game. Some people always have to do that type of thing...sometimes it's a bit of a self esteem issue....they feel better about themselves if they embellish everything.
I just let them ramble on...with an occasional "oh wow" or whatever. Then I get away as soon as I can.
It's kind of a form of bragging...nobody likes a braggart!

I have a similar peeve, but I guess it's called My Fish is Sicker Than Your Fish. It really bothers me if someone asks how my dd is doing (knowing she has chronic diseases and disorders), and I tell them quite honestly that she's having a rough day, and they say something like "well at least she's not dying. My cousin knows a family whose child has terminal cancer" or "that sounds like that time when I had that horrible disease and I didn't know if I would survive it and let me tell you, it was really tough for me." It would have been nice if they had said "I'm sorry she's having a rough day." Or "Is there anything I can do for you?" or "are you ok?".

Sit by me! We were out to dinner with friends last weekend and the entirety of the dinner was viewing their photos of their glamorous, 5 star vacation in Switzerland and Austria. They asked if we had traveled recently and we told them about our family road trip to a family resort where we got to zipline.

People are excited about whatever they do...I don't think it is a personal one upmanship so much as trying to connect through a shared feeling: We were just as excited about our family trip as they were Switzerland.

I know a person who does this. The thing is, I know he's not trying to one-up anyone. The reality is that he's trying to fit in.

Once I realized that, not only did it become easier to let it roll off my back, it also opened my eyes to this in other people. I actually think it happens frequently. Now when someone does this, I'm more likely to think that maybe that person is just trying to relate, instead of jumping right to the conclusion that he/she is being arrogant.

(Sure, there is the occasional really arrogant person, but I think that the former is more common.)

I have a friend who has to be the busiest, most craziest mom. When you ask her how she is, she has to list out everything she's done that day. You just asked how are ya?

She has to top everyone. It's like some weird competition. So I don't engage. What's the point. So I will say "So it sucks to be you is what you're saying".

It's just her thing. I find it better if you just don't go there. That way it's non-irritating.

** read through other moms responses. I wanted to add - your friend/person might not mean anything personal by out-storying you. It may be (as some have mentioned) how she/he relates. Or expresses themselves. In my example, I once did say to my friend "Then when do you do all this? You could cut out half of what you do." thinking I was helpful. She looked totally confused. She said Oh no, I love it.

I don't really get it - but we all have odd quirks I suppose.

I find the answers interesting. Low self esteem? One upping? I would think those are more projection than true analysis of someone who is probably trying to find common ground. Probably not an easy thing communicating with some.

You say you were summarily dismissed. Did they wave their hand in a grand motion? Tell you that is enough from you. Some other dismissive gesture? Or did they perhaps not spend enough time ohhing and ahhing over your story before going on to theirs? You took this as dismissive because you wanted compliments, appreciation?

I have never seen someone else telling a similar story as dismissive or a way to put down my story. I suppose because I don't tell stories to be impressive. I tell stories to share cool things I experienced with people I care about. If they had better experiences they want to share with me then I get to hear about it, that is a good thing!! I will never see the whole world, I will never experience everything, I will never do it all. At least through my friends I will know more!

So perhaps you should look inward.

I figure that I sometimes make social mistakes and if someone else is 'stealing my thunder', as it were-- I mean, do I need that thunder? Yeah, sure, there are some whose intention is to be the showstopper and others who are just sharing. Meh. Not a big deal. If someone is a regular Big Brag (to quote an old Dr Suess story-- and that's how my husband and I refer to it), then I generally recognize that's part of their personality and talk to others. That's about them-- I don't have to hold onto it.

One other thing: you don't *have* to waltz with them. Your dance card can be full or maybe your legs are tired and you just say "hmmm...".... you may be assigning more import to your own response than necessary.

i share your pique.
i also decline to engage more than absolutely necessary with people who do this.
i had to walk away from a former acquaintance whom i ran into the in the grocery store a couple of weeks ago. our connection was that she used to board my horse, so i mentioned that the old girl is still alive and kicking, and got 10 minutes without a pause for breath about what all her horses were doing, all the ribbons her kids has won, and most especially about how old her pony was before he died and how amazed everyone was at her amazing care of him.
when your only role in the conversation is to be a Giant Ear (unless there are special circumstances like bereavement), don't let your time get sucked into that black hole.
conversation is supposed to be interactive.
khairete
S.

I know what you're talking about.
Even the Dilbert comic strip has a Topper character - no matter what the conversation is about - his is bigger, faster, more difficult, harder to believe - and wanders in to the 'tall tales' category at the drop of a hat.
You start to avoid them after awhile because anything you say becomes a trigger.
"What a nice day!"
can be topped with
"This is nothing! I saw a double rainbow last week that was way better than today s weather!.".
Blowhards are insecure people.
They need 'to top' or compete with everyone - it validates them.
You can Google 'how to shut a blowhard down' and you'll get some good ideas about how to handle them.

Sometimes the person may be trying to one up you, but another possibility is that they simply have a similar story and they want to share it with you as a way of showing that they understand because they too went through something similar. I think more often then not they are just trying to have a conversation with you about the two similar experiences and to contribute to that conversation. I guess you would rather people just keep quiet and let you have the spot light to yourself?

I agree with Marie. I think it's the intent behind the comment.

I've read this question three times and I'm still not sure what you're getting at.
It sounds like you're referring to braggarts?
If so that's easy enough, just don't hang around with people who like to boast. I have enough drama in my life without adding this kind of nonsense. And I have no desire to compete when it comes to relationships.

low self esteem, comparison, stating a similar situation to show sympathy?

Yes, I hate this too. I have a family member who does this all the time. You can be talking about anything...a trip, an experience, a sickness, anything. She has to top you. She is the worst if you are around other people that she doesn't know well...she loves a new audience. She will actually jump in and cut me (or whoever) off to talk over me to tell about her own story. I usually say nothing and am polite but think to myself that she is annoying. The last time she came to visit we took my dog on a walk together and randomly started chatting with another lady walking her dog. It happened...I was speaking and she cut me off to tell this lady a better story about her glorious self/life. I decided this is too much so I said you interrupted me and twice tried to finish what I was saying. She just talked over me. Later when it was just the two of us I called her out on the behavior and she said that I was the one being rude for interrupting her!!! She just does not get it. Zero awareness of others. What motivates her: she is very narcissistic, insecure and self centered. She also talks too much and dominates most conversations. She can't keep friends for very long bc people realize at some point that she is a pain in the a**.

Sounds like, deep down, this person has low self esteem or they wouldn't need to boost themselves up artificially like this.

Yes, completely annoying! My guess is narcissism is what motivates this. Its smart of you to vent instead of letting it build up inside!