We have a "sensitive" child. She often gets distressed when travelling in a car for long distances, when it's storming, etc. I feel like it's all in her head. But I want to validate her feelings and be aware that maybe she does have some "motion sickness" issues, as it does run in my husband's family.
How do you handle "sensitive" kids when there's drama when driving on long road trips, dealing with storms and being scared of the thunder, etc.
She gets so worked up - crying, getting headaches from her own fussing, "I can't settle down!!!".
I thought she'd outgrow this by now!
Read "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aron. Invaluable tool for parenting a highly sensitive child.
J.
Every kid is different - some are more sensitve than others - that's just how they're built. I've got 2 kids - one is supersensitive and the other isn't except to personal comments.
Responses to some things that are external - like thunder storms - can be relearned. For example when the thunder begins the two of you can sit by the window, her on your lap or at least with your arms around her to provide security - exclaim to her how beautiful it is. Explain that once there's a flash of light, then count "mississippi's" until you hear the thunder. She'll be waiting and expecting the thunder so it won't be a scary surprise. My senstive one was very scared of thunderstorms until we sat together through a few and I explained what was happening. We went to the library and looked up thunder storms in the children's section and saw photos and read about them. Now you can easily go online and do the same in the comfort of your own home.
As for other the long drive stuff - she may be one of those kids who gets motion sickness. Being one of those people I've learned that I can't try to read or paly games looking at stuff in my hands. The signals to the brain from my eyes, hands and inner ear don't match - one says we're moving, another doesn't, so my stomach begins to feel queezy. Trying playing car games to keep her eyes looking outside. The ABC game - where you try to find things outside that begin with diffferent letters - you can go thru the alphabet or you can randomly call out letters. The "I spy" game, 20 questions, etc.
Other stuff, like being slighted by a friend, or stomach aches, etc - some kids are going to allow themselves to get all worked up - they feel their emotions more intensely than most people. They can't help it. But you can help "talk her off the ledge" - when she feel slighted by a friend ask her to consider other scenarios - "you think she's mad at you - is it possible that she's just mad cuz her little brother took her toy so she's got a mad face but she's not mad at you?" There will be times when she did do something to make her friend mad at her - ask her if the situation was reversed what would make her feel better about the situation? When she's got a tummy ache ask her what would make it feel better? A hot water bottle? A banana? help her find a solutaion so she can "self soothe". For scrapes and "booboos" take her in your arms, say something like "My poor little dummy - trying to keep up with the big kids on the block...." kiss her little head - ask her if she put a dent in the ground where she fell - do things to take her mind off her calamity and be silly so she'll smile. She may not want to be cheered up - some kids like to wallow in their pain - so put a timer on and tell her - OK you have 5 minutes (or 10 if it's a big deal) to feel bad about this. When the timer dings/buzzes let's go for a walk or to the playground, color in the coloring book, make cupcakes, watch a special TV show - or whatever.
Having a sensitive kid isn't alway easy - especially if you don't have that kind of temperment. (Like me and my daughter - my feeling is "just suck it up and move on" - but she wants to wallow.) But if she does you have to acknowledge it while not allowing it to suck the life out of your family.
Senstive kids tend to be very caring about those outside the mainstream - special needs kids, the elderly, etc. They can empathize with them. Direct her talents in this way - she may end up beign a big blessing to people who will really appreciate her gifts. God made everyone differently to address the needs of all kinds of people.
Good luck with this!
My daughter is sensitive. Just last night she woke up twice during the night because "the light from the smoke detector is too bright for my eyes." She's not just making that up either, she has been bothered by smoke detectors since she was 1 yr old (she's now 3). Sometimes it seems like everything bothers her. It used to be the "noise from the stove," (which was actually the quiet hum of the refrigerator) but thank goodness she grew out of that one!
She doesn't have car sickness but I can see how that would be difficult, since you have to drive places. It almost sounds like she's having an anxiety attack ("I can't settle down") or she's working up to one. Its probably hard for her to verbalize what she feels in her body; motion sickness is just such an icky feeling all over. My advice is to continue to validate her feelings. SHe is who she is and you can't force her to not feel scared or sick. I must admit at times I have trouble following my own advice, especially regarding the whole smoke detector issue ;) but I try my best to remember that this is her personality, and being punitive or dismissive is not going to change it. In fact, I think that would only make her level of anxiety and sensitivity even worse.
I just try to remain calm, validate what she's feeling, and then give her an activity to focus on, like taking deep breaths or doing stretches. I've had more luck with the stretches than with deep breathing. I also encourage her to talk to her stuffed kitties about it.
If my kid repeatedly got car sick I would probably bring an infusion of homemade ginger tea with us just in case. You can just slice a few small pieces of ginger root into a mug, pour some boiling water in and let steep, sweeten with honey or sugar, maybe add some lemon juice, let it cool (I usually add an ice cube) and put it into the sippy cup. It's actually really good. My daughter drinks it when she's ill. I wonder if it would help with the nausea of car sickness? If you try it let me know what happens, now I'm curious.
Another thing you can try (although this would be a bit of a hassle) is to plan to make frequent stops along your route. If you have a long trip ahead of you map out kid friendly stops like rest areas, restaurants or parks. Also I've found that reading in the car really makes me sick. Perhaps you could keep her avoid giving her books in the car (if that's what you're currently doing, not sure). Have you tried a portable DVD player? I have a feeling it could either help tremendously or make things a whole lot worse, not sure! But worth trying!
Just one more thing. When I took a cruise a few years back some friends of mine recommended that I look at the ocean water if ever I felt seasick. THey claimed it was important for your eyes and brain to actually SEE the movement of the water so that the movement inside your body would make sense to your brain. It was counter-productive, they claimed, to look at the horizon or any other fixed object as this would only confuse the brain even more, making me feel more sick. Maybe you could play a game with your daughter where she has to look out the window for stop signs, red and green lights, certain letters on signs, different color houses or cars, etc. to get her to look at the road and the moving landscape.
As for the thunderstorms, if she gets scared you can just say, "yes, that was loud, wasnt' it? Was it too loud for your ears? Try covering them with your hands! Or try making a noise thats even louder than the thunder!" Validate first and then give a useful suggestion. THat's my formula. Which, by the way, does not always work, but I'm pretty sure she understands that my intentions are good, which is something :) Good luck!
In regards to the weather stress ... my nephew used to get bad diarehha/vomiting and other stress signals at the THOUGHT of inclimate weather and Texas DEFINES inclimate weather! So what my sister did to help him get over his issues you ask? She got him involved in a kids weather awareness group ... I think it was thru theweatherchannel.com; but now he has a normal reaction to inclimate weather because he understands what causes it. Sometimes that is all it takes! Car sickness other than use of dramamine I am not sure.
My little guy is always scared when there are thunderstorms. Sometimes distraction works. I let them watch a movie or we play something together. Other times I just let him cuddle um with us on the sofa which makes him feel more comfortable. Thunderstorms can be very scary.
Riding in the car I usually let them play DS or they read. If you think that it is mainly boredom that makes her fussy, having her distracted by the DS, a book or movie might help. But if she really gets car sick, playing, reading and watching may makes things even worse for her.
I dont know about the car, but as for the storms, I think its natural to get upset this time of year during thunderstorms (tornado season) especialy when living in the midwest. Have you guys been under a lot of tornado warnings? she might not be able to understand the difference between a spring thunderstorm and a severe one.
I get very car sick. I learned as a child that milk always made its way back up so, I never drink milk if I am going to go in the car. Also, if I think too hard I get sick (e.g. reading).
Sucking on a some hard candy helps and looking at the horizon (out the window) helps along with controlled breathing.
I have a son that does not like rain. I found that if he sleeps in his sisters room it helps. She is a heavy sleeper and does not mind if he gets in bed with her (she has a double bed) or just sleeps on the floor (I put a sleeping bag in her room if I think it is going to rain).
Hello there! My oldest daughter was terrified of storms when she was around 2 or 3. My husband did the cutest thing ever, and now that she is almost 21, she LOVES storms!
He would sit her little pink princess chair next to his recliner, open the back door and all of the mini blinds, and when they heard thunder, he lightly tickled parts of her body! For example, the first sound of thunder was her tummy, the second sound of thunder, her toes and feet, etc. He made kind of a game out of it. I think the next thunder storm, they "clapped" every time they heard thunder. When the storms were over, we always went outside and looked and talked about how pretty things would grow because of the rain.
As for the car sickness, my youngest one had similar feelings, and we would give her a lollypop to make traveling fun. We also played singing games as she got older, and "I see something........." games.
Hope that helps!
J.
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