Do You Ask People Questions When You Meet Them?

I'm a talker. I ask questions *all* the time. It's the way I learn and connect and I like hearing people's stories. So I don't think it's rude, but I'm biased.

P.... Maybe she isnt comfortable asking questions or maybe she didnt feel like she needed to? I dunno, for me it depends on the person I am talking to.

LOL Rachel D... I am a big talker too ... I'll just start talking to people sometimes....except I do not always know when to shut up!

Yes I do.
Not grilling a person but I do engage in conversation quite easily and ask questions.

Some people just do not ask questions, some do.
Some just don't know how to carry on a conversation. Some do.
Some are just not chit-chatty people. Some are.
Some are just shy. Some aren't.
Some are not good at impulsive thoughts or questions or conversation. Some are.
Some don't have good people skills. Some do.
Some take awhile to warm up to people/conversation. Some don't.
Some don't talk much to anyone. Some do.
Some don't like telling personal things to someone they just met. Some don't mind.

At least the woman did chat a bit, to you.
Some women, won't chat to anyone. And they need to thaw out because they are so... not friendly.

But... some people just get very overwhelmed.... by super chatty people. And they don't like that. They feel ambushed. So many questions and all of a sudden and they feel put on the spot.
ie: I am chatty. My Husband is not. He gets overwhelmed sometimes, by my questions/conversations.

Heck yes, I am from the south..

"And who are your people?"

" How long did it take to get here? Did you drive one car and your husband the other? "

"Was this the first move for ya'll.." I would have talked her ear off.

Not to be nosy, but just to find out about her.. If she had not asked any questions I would have offered..

"Wow, you moved here from so far away.. I am a 3rd generation Austinite.."

"All of our families live her".. "Blessing and a curse".. blah, blah , blah..

I agree, some people are just more private and so they do not tend to ask a lot. Or they are a little shy..

I have met people that others thought were snobs.. I always ask them, well have you asked them any questions.. Probably they are just shy.

I think it's ok and here's why.
I am very friendly and USED to be self absorped.
People would ask me all these questions and I would forget to reciprocate
Just an oversight on my part.
I just wasn't thinking.
I finally did although it took me years.
My bad. Eek.
So I wouldn't automatically discount this person or jump to conclusions.
It sounds like you have a lot in common & your kids are friends so I say
give it time. Give it a chance.

You seem really cautious about not crossing any potentially 'offense' lines, I think it's totally fine!! I'm a huge talker... chances are, if I just met you, I'm going to ask you a bazillion questions and tell you my whole life's story... because that's who I am, that's who I've always been. I'm sure that's not the norm for some people, but I'm also really good at reading people and if they seem uncomfortable or uninterested, I know when to graciously bow out ;)

Well, if no one asked any questions that would be a mighty short conversation wouldn't it....
"hi"
"hi"

Kind of funny that you mention that she is pretty but not snobby and that you are fine looking. Weird
L.

I ask questions and therefore do not think doing so is rude. My daughter thinks it's somewhat rude. She teases me about having 20 questions.

I ask questions when the conversation falters as a way of getting it going again. If the conversation is going well, I just continue without the questions. There is plenty of time as the friendship progresses to learn more about someone without the initial questions.

From your description, it sounds like your conversation went well and you're at the start of a friendship.

I suggest you're over thinking this. You have a play date set up. You liked the woman. She participated in a conversation. Time will tell if what kind of a friendship this will be.

It's funny that you post this, because I was feeling very similar recently, although I was the one not asking the questions. I am very interested in the women I was speaking with and glad to hear their conversation and chirp in when I thought I had something to add.

I'm more introverted and would feel, when getting to know someone at the beginning, that asking a lot of questions may be considered to "pushy" or "nosey." And I was then wondering why I wasn't connecting with them the same way they seemed to connect with each other.

A woman on this site suggested that I may be coming off as not interested or aloof or even stuck-up, which I am none of. This changed my perspective and I've forced myself out of my quiet comfort zone and have made the conscious effort to share more about myself and ask them about themselves. I can already see a shift in our still casual friendship.

I'd not assume she is being rude or uninterested or that she doesn't like you (I assumed these women didn't like me). It may take her a while to open up to you. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt until she begins doing things that tell you she is not interested in you (i.e. avoiding you or ignoring you etc).

I will admit, in person initially at least, I am a lousy conversationalist. I am actually intimidated by people with such an easy manner in social situations. I always had a bit of this in me, but way more so in the last 10+ years since I work at home with small children and my contact with "the outside world" is so limited. I talk about boo boos, scissors and glue sticks and sing the ABC's when I wash hands (anyones..I do it under my breath when out to eat or in public..I don;t even realize I do it anymore until strangers will look at me oddly!)... Dirty diapers, burping and whose turn it is, in MASS production style (6-8 children under age 4 for 55 hours a week). Unless those sorts of topics are discussed, I look and feel lost, unfortunately. I rarely know what questions I should be asking...and come up with good ones hours later! LOL

All of this just reinforces and perpetuates my feeling of social awkwardness...vicious cycle. UGH.

I feel some relief when someone else takes charge of the conversation!

I find this fascinating, especially because I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

I'm one of the shy ones and have recently had multiple people tell me I come off as snobby. I've been told that in the past as well so I've been working on trying to be more chatty and personable. I thought I was doing well, but apparently not.

In my experience, I tend to freeze up when meeting new people. My mind will literally go completely blank and even though I can sit there and rack my brain trying to think of a single question, I can't come up with anything. Even if it's someone I know a little bit and really like and think we'd be great friends, I sometimes can't come up with a single thing to talk about. If I know I'm going to see these people, I'll take time to come up with questions before I leave. It's insane and highly annoying. And lonely :(

I don't consider myself gorgeous, but I do think I'm pretty. (Took me years to have the self-esteem to admit to that.) I find it interesting that in our society just because someone is maybe considered good-looking, they are possibly considered snobby. (Not calling you out for saying that, our entire society thinks that way and I'm guilty of thinking that way sometimes, too.)

So to answer your question, no I don't think it's rude to ask questions. Actually, I am happy when someone will ask me questions because otherwise I'd be sitting there like a tool, all nervous and not knowing what to say. If someone asks me questions, I can answer and then turn it back on them with a "what about you?" Some of my best friends are talkers :)

Eh, maybe she just had something else on her mind that day, you know? We've all been there.

I frequently start conversations, even with strangers on line at the grocery store. Sometimes the stranger is chatty and reciprocal, sometimes not.

Either way, why think on it too much? You are who you are, so a friendship should form naturally-or not.

:)

I've had conversations where i think i'm being interogated, and then i've had situations where i can't think of anything to say so i'm happy to have them ask me a question. but i always like it if ithe pace of the convoseration is a back and forth easy sort of feel.

I didn't read all your responses but i'm wanted to add taht sometimes if i am keeping an eye on my kid I can't focus on talking too.

Give it another try, she maybe be moody and might need a second chance.

oh god I am the one person I think most avoid. I am a big question asker. My husband is of a culture and country where that is the FIRST thing they do upon meeting you. Even if its like on a bus. Its usually the correct and normal way to do things when meeting new people, how else are you going to know if they are a potential friend or person you want to get to know. Someone that is not forthcoming, or direct, or shy is not likely to do well in my circle. I dont like people that are too shy though I try to respect there unsocialness I just dont have time or energy to devote there special need of complete anonymity. I am polite and cordial to them but I dont do much with or around them if they dont answer questions or seem to be ignoring me.
@ Michelle I have the same problem... the shutting up one... sometimes my husband asks if I got Diarrhea of the mouth today... he fears I will talk my way out of friends but to be honest if someone doesnt like it they have the ability to tell me about it. If they dont then they have to suffer my talkitiveness.

I never ask anything b/c I'm horribly shy & think they will find it intrusive. I'm really trying to work on my social skills & am now trying to ask general " get to know a person questions". I don't mind when people ask me things, I know they are just stirring up conversation or interested, so I'm trying to learn to do the same. I'm only shy in social situations though, I've never had a problem in work settings. Also, want to add, I have self esteem issues, so I think lots of times I don't feel important enough to conversate . I have alot of fears, I will be judged.

I am naturally very introverted. My way of dealing with it is to ask questions when meeting people since I find it hard to talk about myself. Maybe she's the opposite. Or the same, she just deals with it differently.

I ask a ton of questions, maybe too many~ That's how I get to know people, but even MORESO, that's how I keep the awkward silence behind us..
Whether I'm "really" interested or not in what their saying, I'm trying to be polite and at least act like I care :0)

I do ask questons. I try to keep the conversation flowing and most people I know love to talk about themselves, so asking questions is a sure fire way to get them talking.

I really don't ask questions when I am talking to someone I've just met. I am introverted so that's part of it but I also don't really like small talk so that's my way of trying to end the conversation by not asking questions, not always though sometimes I just don't know what to say!

I know sometimes I feel like I am being interviewed or interogated by people bombarding me with questions. Sometimes I feel almost attacked.
I have been guilty of doing this to one woman at the pool because I was interested in something we both had experienced and wanted to know her experience. So I am careful not to do this.

Many times I realize when I meet someone they are the ones asking me all the questions and me...not so much. For a long time I never thought anything of it and then realized that I was being kind of rude for not asking questions. I realized that might make me seem pretty into myself and not at all interested in getting to know them. Which is not the case at all...I just never even gave it a thought that I should be asking questions. Now I make a conscious effort to ask questions when I meet people.

Isn't that how you make friends?! I'd have no friends if I didn't talk to others & ask questions to get to know them.

I think it's ok to start a conversation with someone you don't know. Like you said you find out commonalities and perhaps develop friendships. I see nothing wrong with getting to know a person and asking the basics. As long as you weren't pushy or asking anything too personal what's the big deal. You will either click with the person or you won't.

I just think you have to read a person. I am not a big talker. Not even when you get to know me. My husband and I are both just really quiet people. We were both born that way. People would not consider me shy, but quiet. I would probably be one who didn't ask a question. People are different. Not everyone is a talker. Not everyone WANTS to ask questions right away. It has nothing to do with you, usually. I personally, do not like being bombarded with questions. (Not that you were doing that.) It's not that I think the person is rude for asking. I simply don't prefer to play 20 questions, the first time I meet someone. No, it's not rude. Maybe, she just isn't comfortable the first meeting.

You can't assume, that people don't like you...just because they don't ask questions. I don't ask questions, and I don't talk a whole lot. I can tell you, that I don't very often dislike people. (And, I wouldn't dislike them the first conversation!!) Oh, and don't let "pretty" have anything to do with it. It doesn't. You sound like a talker. She doesn't as much. Most likely, it's that simple.

I have a hard time thinking of questions to ask - it normally feels very forced. Some people just aren't naturals at small talk - a big part of which is asking questions and allowing the other person to share information about themselves. If people aren't naturals at making small talk, they very rarely try to practice or improve - some people will even say they don't like/don't understand the need/hate small talk.

Is it possible that she also wanted to pay some attention to what was going on in the meeting?

In a word, yes, I do ask questions because I am interested in people in general...I am always amazed when my grown children, for example, or my two adult grandchildren do not bother to ask things about people they meet...it is just natural to me to want to know where people are from, if they have siblings, where they went to school, if they know so and so, and so on. It would be a pretty boring world if all conversations were about the weather, or football, or some other innocuous subject.......

asking questions is how to get to know people. I don't think I've ever gotten into a conversation with someone I didn't know without asking questions.
You never know who people are if you don't ask questions. Now you don't want to ask too many, but get the basic facts from them.