Vasectomy

I think that if you are not absolutely sure about it, don't do it! You may regret it later, and chances of reversing a vasectomy and getting pregnant isn't that great.

Robyn,

Wait!!! If you have any feelings at all that you may want another, don't burn your bridge (so to say). A third child won't cost as much as the first. You already have the crib, high chair...hand me down clothes... You know how fast it all goes. Sure, you may have to put off your career another 2 years or so, but you have the rest of your life to work. Can you picture all your holidays and family get togethers with maybe one more little face? If so, or if maybe ... I would wait.

V.

When my son was about your children's age I decided that I wouldn't have anymore. No more diapers & bottles,etc. I would enjoy him and concentrate on my career. That worked out great for about 16 year.

When I turned 34, something clicked in my head. I realized my time to have another was limited by my increasing age. I chose to have one more. It was the best decision. I actually think I'm enjoying being a mother more this time around. Probably because I'm older.

My husband wants one of us to "get fixed" as he calls it. I still can't. I don't think I will have more children, but I would like that to be a choice. I don't want that choice taken from me by an operation.

It sounds like it's too soon for you guys. You guys still have lots of emotions to go through. Although they say those operations are reversable, they are not always successful.

There are so many birth control methods now. Perhaps you should talk to your doctor & try those for a while until you are real sure of what you want.

If you are having ANY second thoughts, DON'T DO IT! Instead I would recommend an IUD for you. They don't interfere with sex and can be left in for up to 10 years depending on which type you get. There is no daily maintenance and you won't even notice it's there after 2 to 3 months. The nice about about IUD's is that you can remove it at any time (at the doc's office) if you do decide in the future that you want more kids. If your husband gets "snipped" you will never have the opportunity to have a child again. If you're really not sure if you want another, don't so something that you may regret later. Vasectomies are for couples who know without a doubt that they are done having children.

It's very hard to un-do a vasectomy. Settle your feelings first, then go forward.

It's okay to pick not having another child. It's okay to have another child.

Until you decide, leave your husband fertile.

I know exactly how you feel. I just went thru the same thing a couple weeks ago. My husband and I knew we were done having babies. We have 2 children an eight year old girl and a four year old boy. First we decided that he would be the one to get fixed but he backed out. So I did it. I cried my eyes out the whole week prior to the surgery. I really didn't want to do it. Now that I have had the surgery, I am glad I did. If your husband is willing to do it for you, that is wonderful. The best part is a vasectomy on a man is very easy to reverse if in the future you decide you want more babies. So let him go for it and if years down the road you want more have it reversed.

I agree with Kristen, at first when your kids have just stopped being babies you miss it and it hurts to think your last is really it. Finally making that decision permenant is hard. I had my tubes tied because I had rough pregnancies and couldn't work during them so financially it was a good choice. 6 mos. later I decided it was a mistake and we spent several years saving up for the tubal reversal (at $7K!!). When we finally had enough and were ready to make the appt. it was 3 years later and I realized that I was really happy with my 2 kids and that they were way more than enough... and way more work in a different way than when they were as toddlers. They are 5 and 9 now and I spend 3 days a week at gymnastics, one at gardening club, one at leadership council, plus overnights, family nights, continuing ed classes (if you are going to be a teacher get ready for these;). Whew! What I'm saying is, if you have sound reasons why you don't want more, it is gonna ache a little as you adjust to the finallity of it but in the long run, you mostly recover, and come to realize that your choice was made for the right reasons, even if it was a hard one. And I remind myself, no matter how many (or few) children I have, I could never feel like they weren't enough?

Honestly, almost every mom I know goes through the same thing regardless if they are considering stopping at 1, 2, 3 kids... It's really hard to handle that "this is it". Regardless of how happy you are with what you have. We have 2 girls and are CONSTANTLY asked "when are you going for 3". When my youngest was 2 and 3 , I really was going back and forth even though my DH was ready to be done. Now the mine are 5 and 6, I know we will not go for 3 and I am okay with that. The new stages they are in are so great and I realized that treasure what you have and each moment because it does go by so quickly. Don't get me wrong there are still days that I see a baby or just think about having another and then I look around and am just thankful for what 2 great healthy girls I have. I just think everyone has their own situation and opinions and all that matter are yours and your husbands. And if you chose to stop now, the "maybe one more" will not go away for a long time (I've heard from other moms with older ones that the feeling will always come and go). So hang in there, it's very common and whatever you decide don't let others influence such an important decision or make you feel badly about yours.

Hi Robyn,

My husband had one done when our child was 4 months old she is now 14 months they say to wait a year but I have 3 now and that is already enough I believe in kids being in sports and not only is it pricey but a time consuming thing. And my husband said it wasn't bad at all he was a little swollen had it done on Friday and went back to work on Monday and he is a truck driver. Hope this helps. I didn't have any problem because I would love to have one but I know I can't afford another

My husband went in for his pre consult on a vasectomy a few months ago. I was the one who told him to go. The morning he went I told him I thought I wanted one more. He still went to the appointment and when the doctor asked him if I was 100% sure he couldn't lie. The doctor refused to do it.

I have to say I am a fan of large families. I came from a family of 6 and wejust had our last, number 6. Although our family is a hers mine and ours situation, unlike my own family growing up, I have to say there are advantages to having three or more. Once you are out numbered you have to have a routine and not give in to every little whim of your child's. THey learn to plan ahead and ask for a specific dinner, etc. It builds really good skills. On the other hand we have five of our 6 in private school (the youngest is six weeks and therefore not in school yet) and the tuition is daunting, but we just put our priorities in order and our children are at the top of the list so we make it work. I just got my tubes tied so that I could go to law school and finish my education, and because my last two children have been almost tem pounds and that was really hard on my body. I don't want to be pregnant again but it is sad to think that having another one isn't an option. But vasectomies are easier to reverse than tubal ligations so I guess my advice is do what you feel is best. BTW - I know of several of our friends that had another one after the vasectomy (it takes awhile to get rid of all that stored perm. So can always let fate decide for you and tryup until and afterwards and see what happens. Good Luck!

Hi I know what you mean. I kind of had a hard time to, but then came to the realization that I can only handle 3 kids. I think that if you are meant to have another one it will happen somehow. Just let him get snipped, and if its meant to be you will get pregnant again. It has happened to many people that I heard of. Also think of what you can give them when they get older, class rings, pictures, etc. It be really hard to do that if you have more, to give all the kids those things. Thats just the way I look at it though. :)

After my second child was born, I was very sure I was done. I had two healthy beautiful girls and the second one turned out to be a handful which made having a third an unfavorable choice. Although my pregnancies were fine, I had a lot of fears during them and counted the days until they were over. I nagged my husband to get a vasectomy for two years and told him that if I ever accidentally got pregnant, I would keep the child so he better be prepared for it. So, of course, I got pregnant one month and was pretty freaked out. We took out a home equity loan (we live on one income and money is tight) to add onto our small house to make room for another baby. Well, I ended up having a miscarriage and was very relieved. My husband got the vasectomy pretty soon after that. Now it's been 4 years since all this happened. Even though I was so sure I never wanted more children and still feel that way, something has shifted for me in the last year. I am drawn to babies and want to hold them. I am having dreams about having another child. It's crazy. I don't really want to have another baby consciously, but it's like this unseen urge to have another baby is coming up and I can't seem to stop it. I wonder if I'm just mourning that fact that my kids (now 7 and 10) are just getting older and are defintely not babies anymore. Or maybe I'm feeling scared of turning 39 next year and think a baby might make me feel younger? I guess I don't have any advice-everyone has to make their own decision based on their situation. I will tell you that I do think about it a lot and part of me obviously still wants another baby but unless some divine miracle causes me to get pregnant, it's not going to happen. By the way, the vasectomy vastly improved our sex life so that is one very positive thing that has come out of this! Good luck to you in whatever you decide. If you do have another baby, I'm sure it will be wonderful but if not, then be happy for being blessed with the two that you got (as I'm sure you already do!)

Dear Robyn,
I recommend not to do it. You never know what can happen. If you do it, you would never again be able to have another BABY with your husband. Life changes and you will always prefer to have a chance. I know that being a Mom is not easy and is a lot of work, but IS THE BEST WORK IN LIFE!!! Kids are THE BEST!!!! You won't regret it!!!
GOOD LUCK!!!

We are so...feminine aren't we? But you have to admit, we are special creatures. A vasectomy does not in any sense of the word mean that you can not (or will not) have kids again. My cousin and her husband had baby #5 eight months after his vasectomy. "One of those rare things" according to the doctor. Her sister tried for 4 years to have a baby, no vasectomy, no birth control, nothing, but they couldn't get pregnant, so they adopted...3 in total now!

You are obviously an amazing, caring, loving woman. I honour that in you. You feel deeply, you care endlessly and you love tirelessly. You are amazing. (That is probably what makes you an outstanding teacher as well)

There are no mistakes in this universe. Never have been, never will be. Make a decision about what you want, not what you think you should want, not what your husband wants, but what you want. (I can share with you a 15 minute exercise that I do that is very powerful when I need to make an important decision.) When I was considering baby number 3 I sat down and went through the process of making the decison. Know what I came up with? Maybe I wanted 3 because of the love in my heart (and I was a teacher, too I retired at 36 and am now living the life of my dreams with my kids and husband), but having 2 children is just perfect, there are always 4 seats at a table, trips are always won for "a family of 4", cars seat 4 comfortably, when I go for a walk, alone with the kids, I have only two hands to hold, when they are in sports or dance or school, one parent can go per kid to ensure everyones needs get met, I have two arms to hug two children at once and everyone fits, that is what I thought about.
If you would like to chat about anything, or if you would like me to walk you throught the decision making exercise that I do, please contact me.
B.
www.HeyYouGetReal.com

I know how you feel. As I get older (almost 38), there is a litte voice to have 1 more so my little 13 month old will grow up with a playmate. We haven't been using any birth control for a few months now. So far, I'm not pregnant and sometimes I get a little sad about it, even though in the back of my mind I know it would be easier to just spoil him. My other kids are 15 and 17 and are best friends, so having that experience makes me feel like he should have the same experience. However, we can't guarantee the new little siblings would get along either. I think the fact of the matter is when you can't have something, when it's not an option anymore, or it's just so "final" it makes you want it more. Even if he goes through with the procedure, it's making your decision permanent. Sure, you can always reverse a vasectomy, but that is very costly and unlikely to be covered by your insurance. Two IS a good number, no one gets "left out." I think even numbers with kids are always good, even when they're playing with friends. If you're husband is skeptical at all (or you are) about another baby, once you have the procedure done, you might notice a huge increase in sexual desire and feeling uninhibited. Once the pressure of getting pregnant, or not, is taken off the table, some couples enjoy each other more. Have you talked to your doctor about placing an IUD for you, so you can still change your mind. It's either that or just accept the entire situation, know there is going to be a grieving process, and move on. I always remind myself how lucky I am to have the 3 I have now. I had 2 miscarriages, so I really do feel fortunate.