Urg! What Age Can You Leave Things Out?

In a year or two she probably won't be so hard on things.

My oldest used to do things like that, and what I learned in hindsight is not to sweat the small stuff. It didn't matter. She is still so very very little.

Honestly, my kid is 6 and I took all the baby proofing off (except the covers over the electrical sockets) when she was about 1 1/2. She never opened cabinets or got into things.

But every kid is different. She has chores and tells me she's not going to get any toys out anymore because it's easier to clean up after every time we do a big, deep cleaning.

I have been teaching parenting on and off for 20 yrs. A five yr old should not be breaking things ! In fact, in my house...ages 5 -8 was the easiest.

You told her she owes you 25.00. I am guessing that this is not true. To me, thi was an empty sentence...

You tell her: That is the Newton's cradle. The rule is you must ask an adult to get it. I'm sorry that you did not do that. Because you jumped on the chair yourself, I am not taking you to Kerry's house for the playdate right now. **Call the Mom and cancel it. She will most likely cry. ****I did this w/ one of my kids once. It worked like a gem. Really---it's just parenting and following through. If she broke the frame, you yelled at her, then, took her to Kerry's...This is doormat parenting and she won't be taking no for answer next time something happens.

If she messes things up and you tell her that she is in trouble... Does she get in trouble.??? If she doesn't have a consequence, it will escalate. Then, it will continue because she is probably looking for discipline. If you send her to her room and she cries...it's ok. Stand tall and if you are consistent --the behavior will get easier. Do not forget to spend some individual time w/ her each day eating together, reading a book or playing. If you are always "busy" then, she will indeed act out.

Would she do this to her teacher in the Kindergarten room? If you answer no to this, then, she needs this explained to her and enforced.

Sit her down, tell her: "I can see that you pulled down the bags. I am going to put the bags back up. If you choose to take them down then...consequence is...and STICK to it. If she has a hand-held game, take it away from her for 2 days !!! If she has a favorite show, ban it for 2 days. If she wrecks it about an hour or 2 or 3 before a playdate...Do NOT let her go. Give her a very simple explanation and walk away. Do not let her talk back to you.

Message me any time!

When my child was 9, I has a HUGE issue w/ her behavior because I slacked off for a few wks.... So, my husband and I told her the rule at the same time !!! She knew we meant business and it never happened again. Sometimes it got through to her when we acted as a team !!!!

Be very firm, but, loving ! She will respect you if you mean what u say.

Lock up what you do not want her to get into. Do it while she is at school. Keep out what she could use. Do not feel bad about it.

She sounds curious and bored and somewhat unattended.
Maybe you can give her a space or organizer of things that she can play with freely... For example, get her one of those rolly cart things with drawers in it and put her art supplies in there. Then talk to her about designated place, like the kitchen table or her desk where she can use those things. Then work with her on cleaning up her mess.

Umm, I think these behaviors sound more like a 2 year old than a 5 year old. By 5 they absolutely know rules and what they should and should not do. If my kids had acted like that when they were 5, there would have been punishments.

Your husband is insane - there is no reason that a 5 year old should act the way your child does and face no consequences. You two should be on the same page as well - maybe your child will listen better then?

At 5, they don't owe you money. I explain to my kids now if they break something they will buy it, but my kids understand money better than most kids...plus they respect the things that are in our home.

Sorry, but I don't think you need to baby proof, I think you need to lay down the law with your 5 year old and explain what things she can and cannot do, and what the consequences are if she does the negative behaviors. Make her repeat them to you so you are 100% sure she understands the consequences. And honestly, I would probably not put the advent calendar back out...that's a natural consequence for her.

Your husband's "logic" makes no sense. She's 5 not 2. She KNOWS what she can and cannot touch. Does she walk into a store and take whatever she wants, just because it's within her reach? Does she go up to her teachers desk at school and get on her computer, go through her purse, and use her supplies? Of course not, because she knows those things are off limits. Why does she not show the same discipline and respect at home? I can't believe your husband is okay with just letting her do whatever she wants!
Maybe it's just a matter of keeping a better eye on her, or maybe she is just feeling pent up and bored. I know my girls were always more difficult during the winter (shorter days, less time outside) and during school holidays. There's just too much time isolated at home and it's not natural or healthy for young kids to be bouncing off the walls.
Try to keep her busy with friends and outside activities, and do NOT let her destroy the house. If she can't be trusted with certain privileges then she loses those privileges until she shows you she's ready to be responsible. Remind your husband that you are trying to raise a kind, respectful human being after all.
Maybe you should go away for a few days and let him see what it's REALLY like.

I'm pretty sure that by 5.5 my house was completely UNbabyproofed.
She "owes you $25"?? I'm sure you're joking!
It's a process. Surely in another year or so you'll see improvement.
But a 5.5 year old still needs pretty constant supervision.
Engage her in a good activity, them walk away for 10-15 minutes.

There's "trust the kid" and there's "explain to them why they can't touch things". There are times when I bring DD to the carpet, so to speak. I would ask her why she took the numbers off. I would tell her I worked very hard to make them and now they are ruined. I would ask her if she had any suggestions for making amends (bearing in mind that you get to decide, ultimately). I can trust my 5 yr old with our advent tree thing. But lately she's been very curious about computers. She "accidentally" posted something on FB when I went to the bathroom (seriously, all of a 1.5 minutes, if that) and I laid it out to her that she is never ever ever to touch computers without permission or she'd lose her toys. And I'm not talking some toy in a forgotten bin. I'm talking, I'll take the bear she sleeps with because the computer is that important to me (I work off it).

If she has no concept of $25, then lay it out for her. How can you show her what $25 is? Can you take something of value to her til she's made up for her behavior? And don't just clean it up for her. Clean it up with her, or make her do it. She can clean up glitter. Might make her think twice if she struggled with all the little bits and pieces.

If she is into things like crafting, then give her an appropriate bin and an appropriate space to craft in. My DD can use Elmer's all she wants - in the kitchen. You might also direct her to a craft with instructions every couple of days - get some cheap kits for her to build and experiment with so she'll leave your stuff alone. My DD is making most of her gifts.

ETA: I agree to find her currency. My SD used to shrug off broken things, hers or others. But if you then said, "No sleepover/no friend time/no school dance" you got her attention. My SS was more motivated by money. So he got fined. Or he lost a video game. DD seems to react best when we tell her x or y toy will go away. Your DD needs to be reminded what she can do, what she can't do and what the consequences are. My DD acted up last NYE and stayed home. She really remembers that.

The consequence for the advent bags -- having brother open them while she watches -- is too little, too late. Immediate consequence when you discovered the opened bags should have been used and is really what you need from now on -- something that means something to her: If she gets a half-hour a day of TV time, she instantly loses that time for the day, or for several days in a row. Or if she has some other "currency," something she loves loves loves, you take it away, WHEN the problem occurs and not afterward: Say she loves to get to play a certain game on the computer each day or week. You let her know in advance that the consequence for opening things she should not/breaking things is losing that game for however long you think she will really "feel" -- one time, for two weeks, for three, whatever. When she does action X, you calmly turn to her and say, "What did you do that was wrong?" She must explain. "What do you need to say now?" Sorry. "What do you need to DO now?" Clean up. "And what will you lose because you know the consequence for doing X?" I will lose my game for today and the rest of the week.

You need to sit down with her now, not when she has just done something and you are angry and upset. Talk to her when things are calm between you. Explain that her age is enough that she should not plunder things without permission, and then -- this is key-- explain what you mean. She may not really realize that she should not open this drawer or that box; some kids figure if they are not explicitly told "this is off limits" it means the thing is OK to explore. She may see that the glitter is out on the table so that, to her, means it's available to her.
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She needs to know more clearly what not to do; for instance, did you actually say to her, knowing her plundering ways, "See these bags I just made? Do not open them. They are not for you to open until I tell you." Then the key--advance warning: "IF you open any of them before we do it together on the correct day, the consequence will be (whatever you have picked). I will indeed take away (thing/activity) if you open any of these bags. Do you understand?" Yes, mommy. "OK, please repeat back to me what I just said so that I know you really heard me." Have her do just that. She may not follow up and may get into things but this time there will be no way she can say "But I didn't know!" And you can say, "We were both very clear about what would happen if you did X."

And please find her lots to do with her hands. Someone else posted that she seems bored. Be sure she is so busy that she doesn't have time to start to wander around thinking, "Hmm, what's in there?...."

Regarding the $25, I get the point, but that means nothing to her at her age. If she were my kid's age (12) that would really hurt and be a deterrent later to another incident, but unless your daughter at 5.5 gets an allowance or otherwise makes or has real money and understands how much $25 is (a lot), this is not very meaningful. She might have $25 from some gift cash, but forking that over to you won't hurt her like it would an older kid. You could have her do some chore every week and "pay" her then have her put the money into a jar with a photo of the broken item on it, maybe. But still she's not going to connect it all up very well for very long. I'd have had her instead lose something for a very long time, like no computer games for a month or something more real to a kid her age.

I think Kristen and a few other moms gave you some excellent ideas regarding reasonable consequences.

You must explain why she did something which was wrong, and she must also have a reasonable consequence *each and every time*. And this does include helping her clean up and no, she may not play with that item for the day or the next day. If you use it without asking, it goes away for longer.

You can put the advent bags away, just get out one each day. It is hard for kids to have something out when they know there's a treat/present inside, but not what it is.

Keep insisting that she stays out of your things. If my son gets into my stuff, there is a clear, stern conversation and a loss of privileges. Even at five, he knew not to touch my computer, not to get into my purse, not to get into the cupboards, etc. Now, even when he gets into the art drawer without asking (and we call them the 'asking drawer' or 'the asking art drawer'... I include 'asking' in my location title) I make him put the item away and he may not have that item for the rest of the day or even two or three. If it's a repeat problem, I've been known to take it away for a week.

Now that you know that she is wanting to look at things, let her know the procedure. *Ask first*. She needs a closer eye kept on her, and it's okay to keep her close. "Oh, well, I need you to stay close with me right now... "and stick with it. She should not be given more independence than she can currently manage. It's okay to do what was suggested-- give her the acceptable art supplies, let her know *where* it is acceptable to use them, and go from there. And always, always, a real consequence... I don't think most kids at this age truly have a clue as to what $25 is. You need a consequence which *directly* affects her. It NEEDS to be a problem for her, otherwise it's an empty threat, nothing more. Don't be afraid to be the 'mean mom'... it's not mean to teach them that they do not run the show. It only tells them that the world has boundaries, that you just can't get into other people's things, esp. not without asking. The world revolves around this rule. You are doing her favor, teaching her now that even curiosity is NOT an excuse or reason for getting into things which aren't hers.

My Mom says that some common sense tends to show up around 7 yrs old, give or take.
It varies per child.
Some never take things apart.
Some ALWAYS take things apart no matter how old they get.
I knew a kid in high school that borrowed a teachers pen to take a test and he ended up dismantling it by the end of the period.
Consider yourself warned - you now know she has a curiosity that is hard for her to suppress.
So act accordingly and do NOT leave things about that will tempt her and put easily breakable things away.
It might be better in a few years but for now things will be more harmonious if you acknowledge her tendencies and work to manage them.
I was about 7 when I and my sister were tossing a bean bag around insie the house (we knew better but didn't stop to think).
Sure enough we knocked over a lamp and smashed it.
We were grounded.
The next lamps Mom bought were metal.
They were sturdy enough to take a knocking over and not break.
She's redecorated since then and gave them to me after I moved away and I love them!
Our son hasn't managed to break them and they've held up very well.

your hubby is unhelpful. yes, if you could keep life out of the reach of kids it would be less messy, but it's hardly practical.
at 5 your daughter should not need for everything to be babyproofed.
i like the $25 'fine' but it probably doesn't mean as much to her as it would to a 15 year old. you have to find currency that will have an immediate impact on her psyche. ditto the advent bags- i agree with having her watch while her brother gets to open them, but this, like the $25, is in the future. the future feels very different to a 5 year old than it does to us.
the advent calendar would have garnered a sharp reprimand, helping me put them to rights, and a quiet evening on her own in her room.
the picture frame would have had a similar result. since it occurred in the morning, whatever fun activity was planned for the day would be cancelled, and she would be put to work cleaning off the cans in the pantry or something (something useful that would be unlikely to result in another disaster.)
i'm sure you had her help clean up the glitter. UGH!
she's certainly in a difficult phase.
but at 5 she's plenty old enough to understand 'off limits'. i'm wondering what's behind this spurt of obnoxious behavior. is she just plain bored? boredom is good for kids- it sparks creativity- but hers might need a bit more channeling, suggestions, boundaries, and immediate consequences.
khairete
S.

You swat her hiney and say NO and mean it. You have to get her to understand when you say no it's the way it is and nothing is going to change that.

Now a swat is not hard, it's a swat not a spanking. It's a way to get immediate results and it lets her know you are at the end, you are done, she is not going any further.

We've turned a corner at 8 with my son. I can remember telling him to repeatedly 'stop picking at everything'. He is just so curious and puts his hands on everything and anything and doesn't think through the cause and effect until it's too late. I just had to put things up out of his reach and be patient. He's so much better about asking now and handling things appropriately. Each kid is different though, so I didn't think it was too much of a problem. I guess with something important you can either put it out of reach or really make it clear that she shouldn't be touching it. It's hard to do that for every little thing though.

I understand what you mean by her owing you $25. We do that with our kids too. If they break something, then they either fix it, or they pay for it. Ignore the moms that are saying this is ridiculous or whatever.

As far as everything else, she's 5 1/2. She knows better. You need to sit her down and explain the rules and the consequences for her actions. She needs to learn to keep her hands off of things that aren't hers. She's old enough to know better.

I know I'm coming late to this, and I haven't read all the responses, but here's a thought:

Assuming her cognitive development is on schedule for her age, then she likely knows she's not supposed to be getting in to all this stuff. And it doesn't sound like she's going around willfully destroying things out of anger or a desire to be in conflict. What this sounds like is a problem with impulse control. And if so, you need to work with her on her impulse skills.

So, in addition to a mild, immediate punishment (say, no dessert that day), I recommend brainstorming with her about things she can do INSTEAD, when she really wants to do something she's not supposed to do. Say, she really wants to start taking something apart, making something else, etc. -- maybe, instead, she can grab some crayons and a piece of paper and draw a picture of what she wants to do. Have her replace the existing impulse with something more constructive. Give her a couple of options for "insteads" and have her choose one or two -- so she feels ownership over the solution.

Connected with all this is the possibility that she may have a form of ADD that's specifically associated with impulsivity. But I recommend investigating that as a last resort, and trying natural treatments (eliminating refined sugar, food dyes, and electronic entertainment from her life) before resorting to medication.

Be happy for her! It will server her well as she grows up! I have an 8 year old that never got into things an almost 6 year old that is into everything a 4 year old who doesn't get into much and even 18 month old that doesn't get into much. The 5 year old is smart, spirited, and creative. I am sure that her mischief is there for a reason. I know it is a huge pain but my advise is embrace every part of her personality as much as possible!!