Unreasonable?

Don't feel guilty - I'm sure she will understand - your wishes seem very normal to me. Grandparents just get really excited about the new arrivals.

I think you get to set the rules on when people come and go. The end of a pregnancy is hard and to ask for a few days of quite for you and your family is not unreasonable. See if you can come to a compromise. Yes they can come for the weekend, but they have to leave on X day. My in-laws drive 8 hours and will arrive on a Thursday night and leave Sunday morning. My step-mother-in-law will not stay for more than that. She will tell my girls it's because house guest are like fish and they start to smell after 3 days. And we have a room and bath-room that is for quest in a separate part of our house. I can't imagine having them in a small house. I really am thankful for her, because my actual mother-in-law thinks she should be able to come, stay for 3 weeks and take over the house and kids - makes me want to screem. But I will give your MIL brownie points for thinking a head and doing Christmas before baby and not trying to show up at your house while you have a brand new baby and doing Christmas then. But, make sure that you get hubby on board and have him talk to her. Good luck with the new baby and God Bless.

Not at all unreasonable. Talk to her yourself as awkward (or not) as it is and let her know how you feel.

I'm torn on this one because I see your point but on the other hand, I wouldn't want to cause any drama that close to the birth. I will tell you though, that she should understand. She might be a little hurt but she'll probably get over it. When my nephew and his wife had their first baby during Christmas last year, my sister and her husband skipped out on the family and went up to KC to be with them in the hospital and was planning on staying at their house and cooking them christmas dinner when they came home from the hospital. My nephew lovingly accepted them at the hospital that first day then asked them to go home. They were shocked and asked "why?". He told the new grandparents that he and his wife and baby just wanted to spend time alone and didn't want anyone at their house when they came home. I applauded them for being so honest and sticking to what made them comfortable instead of accommodating my sister and her husband. Bottom line, do what is best for you and what you can live with.

sylvia, i have a VERY similar situation with my mother in law. we had a really small apartment. my MIL at one point decided she would fly up from florida to be here. i wasn't thrilled but a plane trip is a lot bigger deal than a 2 hour drive, so i swallowed my protests. then it turned into, she would fly up as soon as my son was born. THEN it turned into, they'd buy us tickets to go see THEM as soon as he was born. the way it ended up, we flew down to florida when my son was 10 days old. HUGE MISTAKE. but i was young and naive and didn't stand up for myself. then when my son was 10 months old, they invited themselves up. i would not have asked them not to at that point, i would never want to keep them from their grandson. but i was frustrated at their presumption at staying in our tiny apartment, instead of a hotel. and my MIL, FIL and BIL are very LARGE people. and LOUD. and ARGUE. LOUDLY. A LOT. i was very uncomfortable with them sharing a living space with my son, who was only 10 months old and pretty timid. but they came. so i understand your frustration, trust me. my biggest mistake was NOT voicing my opinion. be the "B**ch" if you have to be. this is a time you're supposed to be selfish. not allowed to be. supposed to be. the best thing for you and your baby is your own peace of mind. it is ONLY a two hour drive. NOT that big of a deal, to make twice in a week or two. not for your grandbaby! for your own peace of mind, talk to her about it. tell her that you will let them know as soon as you go into labor, and if she wants she can come right up (if you're comfortable with that). but that you need this time with your husband to be calm and quiet with as few extra things going on as possible. say it with love and let her know that you aren't trying to shut her out. but this is an important time. your lives are about to change forever. don't let her railroad you. good luck and congrats!!

I don't think it's unreasonable. Monday would still allow her to avoid the Sunday traffic crush, but at this point, even a day alone with your husband is a day alone with your husband. And you need to be as comfortable as possible at this time. I don't know exactly how you should word it, but she should really understand that as a pregnant woman, you need to be comfortable. Your house is just too small to have people crowded into it and your comfort=healthy baby. Your husband's going to have to say something to them, if that'll make it easier.

Not at all unreasonable. You have a very full plate right now and hosting guests is not something you should be doing. The baby could come at anytime (i know mine didn't want to wait until they were supposed to..LOL) and you need to have everything ready for yourself and the baby. You also need to be able to relax and be comfortable... not to mention spend some last minute much needed time with your daughter (especially...because this is going to be a huge change for her when the baby is born) and husband. I think if you can calmly explain to your MIL she should be able to understand. And if not...still stnad firm and send her home when you want her to leave.
We live over 2 hours away from my inlaws and often make the trip (or they do) in one single day (with 3 kids)... they can do it too.
Good luck.

You are the boss...if it's too much, then it's too much! And, why would your MIL leave the morning you're having the baby? Could she come and take care of your daughter while you're in the hospital? That way you won't be home and she would feel useful?

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. The baby could come any time and you've got a lot on your plate. Why should she avoid a bit of trouble only to cause you a lot of trouble. I'd tell her you really need this time to get ready and aren't up to houseguests. Thank her for wanting to be there and tell her you look forward to seeing her on ( specify date). Hang in there

You are justified.

Usually I say you have to tolerate the inlaws, etc. But, when a woman is about to or has just delivered a child, she should get to decide EVERYTHING! If you want alone time with your family, you should have it. Your mother in law can have next Christmas :) :)

You made this baby, carried this baby and will push it out. If you want your house to be your own, it should be :)

Yes, you're being a little picky & you need to remember that grandparents are allies of your children. Also, that you will be a MIL someday & perhaps seen as an enemy, too. I know it's a tough time in a small house, but it's not for a short while. Pregnant women are pretty easily upset with things not going their way...hormones are all over the place! :)

Hi Sylvia! Congrats on being so close to welcoming your new little one! Don't feel like you're being unreasonable. I completely understand. I know how I was in my third trimester and I certainly didn't want to be playing hostess and picking up after houseguests. I say speak up to your hubby and have them tell them thanks but you all need some private family time before the new baby comes. Tell her it is because you need extra time with your daughter before she has to share your attention with a new baby. They should completely understand. By the way--my house is the exact same size, # of rooms and know how cramped that would be! Good luck!!

I think you are entitled to some peace and quiet - not feeling like you have to entertain. one advantage of being in your last trimester is that you are entitled to be more emotional than normal (and overwhelmed). Let them know nicely that you understand where they are coming from; how convenient it would be, but that you think it might be too much for you and that you want to lavish attention and mommy time on your daughter. They really should understand - they are just excited about the baby! I don't think you are unreasonable at all!

I know where you are coming from I just went through something like this when I had my son. The only difference is I had never met my MIL, she lives far away and doesn't come back very often, but this was her first grand baby.
Well I would explain the situation to her how you would like those last few days to be just between your husband and daughter. Maybe suggest you split the cost for a hotel for a few days. That way she will feel more comfortable as well. Make sure she is aware that visiting during the day would be fine, still have dinner with her. Pray about it all and it will work out hopefully my words were worth something to you.

It's not unreasonable. I told my mother (who had a 7 hour car trip) that we wanted the time to ourselves and she was welcome to visit, but she'd have to stay in a hotel. We didnt want any extra stress, and unfortunately she blamed it all on my husband, telling anyone who would listen that Brad didnt want her to stay with us, despite me telling her repeatedly that it was both of us. Oh well. Good luck!

I think it would be fine if you told MIL that you, your hubby and daughter were planning some special time together before baby gets here. She is a mother herself, she will understand and I am sure your husband can put it to her in a way that she feels she is being very helpful. : )

Get them a room in a nearby hotel.

Do you mean that she would be coming back for the delivery? I don't know. She probably thinks she is planning on helping. Maybe she doesn't see herself as unclean. If you really want to be alone, just play the tired and cranky card and remind her how small the house is. 2 hours certainly isn't far to drive.

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all! And...a two hour car drive is NOTHING. My parents live almost 2 hours away and just this weekend they came to our house on Saturday morning and left on Saturday night. There's no reason they can't come for Christmas, go home, and then come back:)

It is your house, you can pretty much say who stays or goes. Leave it totally up to your husband to say something to her, though.

However, I am sure she would love to see her new grandbaby. Wouldn't you if you were in her shoes? I think I would be offended if my son or daughter in law asked me to leave when I wanted to be there for the birth of my grandchild.

But like I said, it is your house. Good Luck and congratulations!

Good Morning Sylvia, No hon, I don't think your being unreasonable at all. Especially if they are leaving on the day or your induction. Whoaaaaa Nelly!
Since it is your MIL have hubby speak to her for you, explain that there are things to do as a family to prepare for your babies arrivalon Tuesday. It would be good to leave on Sunday, leave early to avoid traffic. Have this conversation BEFORE they arrive. They might decide to wait until a few weeks after your precious bundle arrives or Stay in a Motel.

God Bless you with a easy delivery, what a Christmas gift.
K. Nana of 5

I completely understand where you are coming from. My MIL came to visit us the week around my due date. So, she was here on my due date. She was watching me like a hawk and every other word out of her mouth was "Anything yet?" "Baby yet???" "Contractions yet???" It drove me INSANE!

Speak up, but be nice about it. If you're not comfortable talking to her, talk to your husband and have him say something. You're right, this time is your family time, time for you to relax and get ready for baby. Spend it how you want to spend it.

Good luck to you! I hope you have a fast and easy delivery and healthy baby!

I'd say an early Xmas right before you have a baby is too much trouble. Just tell them you can't deal with it -- the crowd, the mess, the cooking, the cleaning, etc..
But if that is already set in stone and they are coming anyway, I don't know how you can ask them to leave and then turn around and come back for the baby. Ultimately, I would nix the Xmas party and just have them visit a few days after the baby arrives.

I may be totally brash with this but if you don't want her there, TELL HER! This is YOUR time with YOUR family and YOU are the one who is giving birth, not her. If she really wants to help, you know that AFTER the baby comes is better. Just tell her that you know she wants to be there before but it'll help you more if she visits after, and besides, she'll miss that holiday travel over the Christmas weekend.
I recently gave birth to our second daughter and had a great experience except my interactions with my mom. If I had to do it again, I would NOT allow her to come until after the baby was born.
You ARE allowed to write your own design for what you want. DO it without any reservation or guilt.
Congrats on your new little one!
Many wishes for a joyful holiday season and heart-warming time for you and your family as your new little one arrives!
J.

You are completely justified. It's a hectic time with a lot of last-minute things to do. Surely your in-laws would understand. But have your husband tell her. MIL's are easily offended it seems. Best of luck to you.

Learn now how to deal with being kind and yet firm in what you can handle. There will be many other situations down the road where you will need to do this with family members, etc. and you can't feel mean or rude all the time and yet need to learn how to not offend and be kind. I know it's not easy and you can't blame your spouse, you need to agree and stick together on it and he should understand and explain it to his family too. Then you can back each other up and you won't feel like the mean one all the time. They should understand and 2 hrs. is not that far. Three are times for family and times for ALL the family. You know when that is.

Oh my Lord, I so see where you are coming from and completely see your point of view. I wouldn't even think someone would feel comfortable to be asking such a thing during those times, not saying they are not wonderful just maybe not thinking of you all and your big event first! There would be no way I would have company of any sort, not even my sister aka best friend at that time. I just hate to hear you are in this position to feel you are being the unreasonable one. I also think it would be kind of your hubby to help express your feelings to his parents rather than you. Plus I just can't imagine the caos if you did suddenly go into labor and you have to be dealing with more questions and concerns from all these other people. I know I am rambling but just so feel for you!
Really, they should completely understand!!!

Hi, Sylvia--

It's not unreasonable, it's simply what you want. So find the words that say what you want that feel the best--and then you'll have no problem saying them, and your MIL will understand.

Many blessings to you as you bring your new little one into the world!

T.

She's leaving the day the new baby is to be born?? Either way, I don't think it's unreasonable AT ALL to not want company right before you have a baby. Your husband needs to step in (and quickly since their trip is rapidly approaching!) and maybe ask them to visit AFTER the holidays. Good luck!