Trash Talking Mother in Law

I agree with the others...I would be discussing this with my husband...asking him what his response was to his mother when she started in on her laundry list of complaints. His loyalty should be to YOU...he should have stopped her before she even got a good start...and informed her that both of you work full time...that he is perfectly happy with the way the house looks...the youngster is perfectly healthy...and by the way he LOVES his dogs!!!
This is HIS issue to straighten out...you stay out of it...let him deal with his Mother and let him be the one to set a few ground rules for how she is to treat HIS WIFE!!!

I don't understand why your husband would even relay that conversation to you. Interesting.

:(

I don't blame you. This is a problem your husband has to work out. She wouldn't be welcome in my house. Your dogs are useless! Come on girl, they should at least be doing the washing up and putting the trash out! Rotten dogs lazing about all day, taking advantage...

I would just ignore it and keep being casual and polite around her. The real question is if your husband stood up to her and defended you?

That would offend me too! I can't stand two faced people. It sounds like she was great while with you, but behind your back (and to your hubby) she thought the complete opposite about you.

I don't do well when I can't confront people if I have a problem with them. I often think along the lines of "how will they have the opportunity to change if I don't tell them about the problem". Personally it drives me CRAZY if someone has something against me and they tell someone else and not me. How is someone else going to fix the problem? That's just gossip. They should tell me so I can have the option to make changes or not.

Your MIL did just that - gossiped about you to someone else. If it were me, I would very likely confront her. If she has so many issues, why not talk them out. And, I'm not suggesting confronting her in an angry way. Confront her when you feel calmed down enough to talk rationally about things. Listen to her concerns, share your concerns, etc. But the truth is, it's YOUR home. You have the right to take care of your kids, your house, your food, etc...the way YOU guys want to.

I think it's something you should give some thought to. If you don't confront her, will it fester in you? That's how I usually am. I can't stand having that negativity in me! Of course, if she's like my MIL, it won't matter, but at least you'll have tried. My MIL is an avoider and hates talking about anything at all. But, I don't know your situation well enough to suggest what you should do...maybe see what your hubby thinks. I wouldn't want her in my house either...not when that trust is gone and when you will forever now be thinking that while she might be acting nice, she's really thinking all these horrible thoughts about you. I wouldn't want to be around someone like that.

I hope something somehow works out.

I have similar issues and I always tell my self that my mother-in-law is mentally ill. It helps me deal with her on the rare occasion I see her and it helps me understand her better. I actually feel sorry for her. My mil is missing out on her wonderful son and these 3 beautiful grandchildren we have. You'd have to be mentally ill not to want to enjoy your grandchildren, you know?

Hang in there and just know that you are the better person...and promise yourself that you will not do this to any future dil or sil's. It's not worth it. I don't know if you are a religious person but it might help to say a little pray for her; sounds like she needs it.

BTW - You and your husband need to decide how to handle it together. My dh told his that things needed to change or we were not coming over to her house again. (She never visited us anyway) He took full responsibility and yet she blames me for it. When she calls I answer the phone politely. She speaks to me cordially and that is about it. I try to remind myself that she must have something good in her because her son is a wonderful husband and father. Try to focus on any little good thing you can. Show your children the right way to handle a situation...they are watching you!!!

Good luck and God bless.

Not that Troy's mom would ever speak of me like that but the first thing out of Troy's mouth would be we both work full time, it is the best we can do. I would not have received a grocery list of everything I am doing wrong because she would not have finished the thought.

So yeah, I would confront your husband. Find out why her rant wasn't over before it started. Your husband has two hands he should have accepted some blame for the condition of the house.

Well the point is:
Your HUSBAND, should... know his Mom by now.... and that she is a trash talking Mom.
DOES he know?

Then, HE should be backing you up.

Then, since your MIL is totally passive-aggressive and mean... you now know her true colors.
She backstabbed you and your family.

By talking trash about you, she is also talking trash about your Husband.

You and Husband need to talk about this and how to, in the future, handle her.
She is not going to change.
She is not going away.
She is the way she is.
She is really toxic.
I would HOPE your Husband knows this too.

And if not, tell him all the Moms on here, know it.

By damaging you... your MIL is ALSO damaging your marriage... and her own Son.
Know that.

AND YOUR MIL... is really not good for your kids.
I would WONDER... if she is trash talking you too... to your own kids.
I wouldn't put it past her.
Based on her really mean streak.
ALL against, you.

Be stronger than she is.
Don't let her see you sweat.

.

I am so sorry. What a crappy situation! And here you thought everything had gone smoothly when your MIL was there! How cowardly of her, to have to complain about you to your husband. I'm a "let's get this situation fixed" kind of gal. I would CALMLY talk to her about it - preferably in person. Tell her everything you are feeling. I think you'll feel better.

Well, she wouldn't be allowed in my house after that! And I wouldn't be speaking to her, or really having any kind of relationship with her at all unless she offered me a sincere apology.
And you know what else, if it were my own parents criticizing my husband I'd be just as harsh with them, too.
Props to your husband for backing you up and it sounds like you have the green light to shut her out - so do it.

I can relate. I went through this with my in-laws while prego with my first. It hit me so bad I felt like a bad person until I realized these were the only people that felt this way towards me so I shouldn't allow them to make me feel bad. Remember, you make a decision how you feel just like they do. In my case my MIL was the primary one that felt I was treating her unkindly. That stemmed from me hosting her vs. allowing her to clean and cook in my home. I grew up hosting and didn't feel right asking. She saw it as an attack on her. This is one example of many that after time and talks we worked through it and now have a good relationship. To get past the phase you're in now, I made notes of what I needed to confront/discuss with them and then scheduled time that included my husband. After the call (we lived 4 hrs away from each other) and taking it slow we each understood why each felt how they did. Some of it made sense while others were ridiculous, but again people have a right to feel the way they want whether it makes sense to everyone or not. Note... if you ignore it will not pass. You will feel uncomfortable until it gets worked through and it will hinder family events, etc. Good luck.

My MIL is a crazy B too. Unfortunately, I've learned that my husband has to deal with these situations especially since she told him her "issues" rather than telling you. It's a shame that he shared this wonderful info with you instead of dealing with it himself because now all you can do is stew. If she's anything like my MIL, I can NEVER do everything right. Even when I prepare for her visits she still finds the one thing I didn't do that she obviously is mother/housekeeper of the year. As far as dealing with her, because my MIL only visits 2x per year, I just am as superficial as she is, I stay very basic with her, don't have deep conversations, and if she mentions the situation to you (which she probably won't) that will be your chance to "clear the air." She would have to know that you're not happy with her just because your relationship or interactions have changed, hopefully she's not oblivious like mine is and not pick up on that change. Shame on her and I hope for your sake your husband is defending you on this one.

something like this happened to me or still does im sure i just don't hear about it. i just try to see their veiw point and let it go. i think in this type of situation your husband should have a talk with his parents explaining that ya'll understand that they have feelings and opinions on the way you two live but that he is happy with his life and that they just don't know the full extent of it because they aren't living it. hopefully they can understand that and let it go.
my mil thinks my house isnt clean enough and that i dont cook enough for her son. well like you she's probably right. but i know that i don't care and i do what is necesary and enough not more. so because i can understand that i could do more or should, if you want to say that, i allow her to come over every so often to clean my house. it's a win, win i think. she enjoys it and my house gets clean! if she doesnt care enough to come help out then she can just keep her thoughts to herself.
but i know i have friends and family where i think things should be done differently. i dont go and tell them as it's not my business and this is probably where mil went wrong but i do tell other close friends. so i can't be upset that she thinks these things only that she went to my husband and actually downed me. maybe if it had been a question to him like son, are you happy with T.? and leave it at that. he waould have said yes and thats all she needs to be concerned with.