Hi! I need some advice from all of you mom's out there, please! My 2 year old daughter is a wonderful, intelligent, and loving child (I'm partial of course). And she gets along well with others. Lately she has had a few incidences with other children that I was not sure how to deal. A mom friend of mine has 2 children 4 yr and 1 yr old. Her 4 yr old is very touchy and controlling of other children (to the point that the other children resort to hitting her). The mom tries to discipline her child, but in the end says that it's of no use because her child is "headstrong" and "will continue the behavior no matter what punishment is given". The little girl gets into my daughter's personal space to the point that she physically holds her, places her hands in her face, legs on her body, and does all of these things to "annoy on purpose" (according to her mom). I have had to take a stand and defend my daughter against her by reprimanding the 4yr old and telling her to "use loving hands" or "please keep your hands to yourself" and "remember that she is only 2 and you are 4 so we have to be careful with her". But, all of my words seem to fall on deaf ears. Naturally, my daughter resorts to defending herself the only way she can which means she will hit. Should I just avoid having playdates with this child until she grows out of this stage? I really like the mom, but feel very uncomfortable having her daughter around mine.
Thanks for all of your help!
i'd keep you daughter away from her. obviously the other mom isn't going to discipline her or make her stop and to avoid a potentially nasty situation i'd just not do playdates with them.
I would avoid play dates with her. This little girl and her mom have to realize that this sort of behavior is not right and it will be an issue until they resolve it. Perhaps the natural consequence of people avoiding her because of this issue is what it will take to get her to stop touching others in such a rough way.
Otherwise, if the mom is really willing to redirect her child each time she does it, then you could use the play dates as teachable moments to help this little girl learn personal space boundaries so your daughter doesn't have to resort to hitting to defend herself. Really observe the kids playing together and encourage them to use words to communicate their needs and feelings. Good luck!
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I would step in before your daughter is at the point of hitting, but sometimes that's hard to foresee when you are also visiting and chatting with another mom. So just remain very attentive and the other mom will get the hint.
Often times, I have to tell my boys it's time to separate, you go over and play there with your cars, you go sit at a table and read, and you come and sit by me and play with your doll. This girl clearly needs boundaries set... and most importantly enforced.
If that still doesn't work, then I would slow down on the play dates. If the mom asks, just let her know you are giving your daughter a break.
The other mom really does not sound like an effective disciplinarian - I don't care how strong-willed your kid is (and mine wrote the book on being strong-willed!), there is always something you can do discipline-wise to teach them what behavior is appropriate and what is not. If they won't listen, play date is over - she should be the one leaving with her child if the girl won't do as she is told. I would avoid playdates if I were you for now, maybe give it a few months, then try again and see if there is any improvement.
Perhaps you and the mom can do coffee or lunch without the kids for now.
