Toddler Sharing Issues

First of all, your son is not old enough to understand sharing. You can try and force him, but you will only upset him and he is not going to 'get it' until he is about 3 (and even then it will be tough for him to share his own toys). I used to be a co-facilitator for a parenting program, and the one thing that my co-worker used to tell parents about sharing is this: "Imagine that a friend of yours asks to borrow your new car. You love this car and feel it is the best, most precious thing you have ever owned. How would you feel about 'sharing' your new car? This is how a small child feels about sharing his toys, but unlike us, he doesn't have the developed emotions and language skills to deal with it." At 21 and 7 months, the best thing you can do is only have out toys that you have duplicates of, so that if your son grabs a toy away from Kenny, you have another one like it to give to him. The 7 month old isn't going to care as long as he has the toy of his choice--it doesn't matter which one it is. As far as 'sharing' you, I'm thinking that Kenny probably still naps a couple of times a day, morning and night. Gavin probably only naps once in the early afternoon, correct? You'll need to schedule 'lap time' for each of them during the other one's nap. Also, if you need to hold the baby while Gavin is around, try and make sure he is distracted with something he finds really enjoyable--whether it is play-dough, or watercolors, or his favorite video, or whatever. This is not an easy assignment you've taken on--good luck! :-)

Your son is old enough to understand a little more than you think (something I am not wanting to accept about my son...he is my baby). When he takes a toy from the baby take it back and give it to the baby. Say to your son the baby is playing with it and when he is done you can play with it. Offer a different toy. If he throws a fit then try and ignore him until he calms down.

I have started using the toy time out. When my son throws a toy or isn't playing nice I will take the toy and say the toy goes into 30 second time out. We do not throw our toys. Usually by 30 seconds he is on to the next toy.

Jealousy is normal. Reassure your son that you love him and just keep talking to him. I only have one right now so I can't really give any advice.

Welcome to being a mom of two. Your issues are exactly what happened to us when we had our second son. Jealousy, sharing, etc.

On the sharing issue, I had a realization. I was pondering at what age we learn to share when I realized that we don't. Think about adults. We don't really share in the way we expect kids to. I don't just walk into your house and start grabbing all of your things, try on your clothes, etc. Instead, we learn to respect each other's space and not really share much. So, I would first be understanding that we are asking a lot of our children. However, since he has to share, I would let him pick out a certain amount of things that he doesn't want to share, put those away on your nanny days and tell him the other things are for sharing. Or maybe, the things in his room he doesn't have to share and the things in the communal areas are for sharing and playing together. Just a thought.

As far as jealousy, just be patient and really loving with him. It will get better. Try to hold both when you can, and when you can't, he'll have to learn turns. Seek hugs and snuggling from Gavin when you aren't holding Kenny so he feels he is still wanted. It will get better with time.

Good luck!

time out for one min per year of age. for not sharing. if he tries to get in your lap while holding the baby tell him no. also get him involved with "helping". let him get a cover for the baby or bring something for the baby, this should be encouraged not forced. when he does help out with the baby tell him what a good job he has done. at that age you cant really explain this is a baby and needs special care. but i bet he will get the positive and negative reinforcements.

He won't understand it or like it, but you have to insist on it. If he takes the toy away, tell him no and make him give it back. If he does it again, slap his hand and give it back. If timeouts is what you use, then use that too. Stealing is not an option and must be punished.

Climbing into your lap? Allow it sometimes. Hold both of them. Make sure to hold your son when the baby is content or sleeping. Make it a point to hold your son so that there is no reason to not trust you when you say it's not his turn. Make sure he gets his turn. When it is not his turn, then insist that he doesn't climb on. When he throws his fit, punish him. Give him something to do. You can also do things with him while holding the baby. Direct him when building with blocks, or coloring. Looking on and helping him verbally will show him attention even with you holding the baby. Eventually, his jealousy will decrease (though it may never go away).

I think at this age they really don't understand sharing. Everything is theirs. I would just let him see you sharing and talk to him about it. He is now sharing his mommy too, so I am sure that has something to do with it. Good luck.

Sharing is a really hard concept, but taking turns with a toy may work, especially if you give your son the choice of what he wants to play with first. Using a timer might also help - when it rings, it's time to change toys (or laps) so the other child can have a turn.