Toddler Not Sharing Toys with Baby

Each day have her help you. Have her pick 5 toys from the pile that the baby is allowed to play with.

It is developmentally on target for a three year old to have the attitude; "if I can see it, it is mine." That does not mean that you let that slide though. Your job is to give her the tools she needs to be a good person, not to make her happy right now. Children learn our values based on what we do, not what we say, so if you value her learning that sharing is a virtue, that we pass down our things when we are done with them, and that Mommy and Daddy will not go out an buy tons of stuff to make her happy because we use reasonable judgement about our purchases, then just lay down the law with her, and give the baby the toys. It is a nice controled enviornment for you to let her pitch a fit, and plan to follow through with your conistent dicipline plan early, so that she learns what she needs to learn and knows that you mean what you say from the very start.

You will not be able to make her happy all the time, and no child should be. Disapointment, envy, jealousy, frustration and anger are going to creep in, if not today, then latter...and today, she is only three, and at home with you where you can control how things go. Look at this as your homemade opportunity to put her on the right path, and let her be sad, or angry, because it is better that she deal with this emotion now, over baby toys that she does not really even want, than to deal with this emotion for the first time in Kindergarten in front of her whole class, or even later...

M.

Buy your toddler something special just for her. Explain (over and over again) that she's a big girl now and that she can have big girl toys, and that the baby toys are for the baby. Spend some extra time with your toddler -- not easy with all the other stuff going on in your life -- so that she doesn't feel left out.

And I agree, there's absolutely no need to buy new baby toys. This is an adjustment period for your whole family and your toddler is not wanting to share since it gets her attention.

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I always like putting emphasis on how much the older child can do because she's not a baby. Like she can walk and talk and the baby can't. Poor baby. And then you have her hop around and sing a song to show the baby what she can do. You could do the same with the toys. Poor baby can't play with this toy because babies can't do it right. And have her play with the toddler toy leaving the baby toys alone.

Remember that the baby toys don't belong to your daughter. They belong to you and you were very kind and let her play with them when she was a baby. Now that she's a big girl there's no need to share them with her. It's time to share your baby toys with the new baby.

I'm confused as to how your little one is playing much as this point. If she/he is holding a toy is your older one actively grabbing from the baby? If so--time out is in order. If the older one has access to all the baby toys--how is she not allowing you to give the baby a toy? You can tell her that if she wants to play with them than she needs to pick out something for the baby to use--done! If she/he balks, remove all the toys from the area for a specified amount of time and tell her that you will need to borrow one of her big girl toys for the baby. Most 3 year olds will understand the score at that point. It will get tons harder when your infant is mobile and even harder when he/she knows she wants to keep something. With 4 children all under the age of 3 in my daycare I have a simple rule--if you are not actively playing with something, it is up for grabs. If you want something someone else has at the time, you need to ask for a turn and the possessor of the toy needs to respond, "When I'm done or soon or later" something to be a problem solver. It takes tons of practice! Well worth it because the children know what is expected. Once the older ones understand the system, the younger ones are expected to follow this protocol as much as they can. If the 15 month old grabs a toy from an older one, the toy is removed and given back and she is redirected to another activity. Tantrum--tough--that's life! Children learn early if you teach them and are not afraid of their reaction. Of course they are going to protest and act crazy if they are thwarted--give in to it and you will regret it.. A 3 year old can learn this quickly but you have to be consistent.

Redirect. Keep a few toys your 3 year old likes put up, or have activities she likes in mind; then when shy tries to take the toys from baby gently tell her that baby is playing with the toy and offer another toy or activity. Yes, she will throw a tantrum. It's ok, eventually she'll learn. Also, baby is still very young, probably really not to the toy stage yet. Consider letting your daughter play with the toys for a while until baby gets older, reminding her that they are baby's toys, then when baby is ready for them your daughter can show baby how to play with them.
My kids are 18 months apart; most of the baby toys we gave dd my son was still very interested in and actively playing with. We got her some new ones, we got him some new ones, and we taught them to share the others. Did they fight? Yep. Did they live through it? Yep. It's good practice for mom, mine are 7 & 9 and still fighting over toys :)

A 1-month old isn't capable of playing with toys, so what's the issue?

Further, a 3-year-old is not cognitively mature enough to share. If you want to fight that battle, it will be severely uphill.

Sounds like a non-issue right now, but when the time comes that your baby shows interest in your 3-year-old's toys, they will enjoy playing together, most of the time. My kids did. Especially when I played with them.

Oh, this brings back memories! "Wait a minute - these are MY toys!" "Yes, and now you get to show them to your new baby. You loved them when you were tiny. Why don't you play with this this one and make sure it's working properly. Then maybe you can show Baby what it does."

A one-month-old isn't really that big on playing with toys anyway, but it'll be a great way for your older one to interact with her sibling right now. She'll start seeing the baby smile at her, and she might have some different ideas about her old toys. When this happens, you might think about getting her a new big-girl toy.

Your one month old isn't capable of playing with toys. It's basically a lump that's absorbing all the information around them. I would get out the infant toys and let your 3 year old get bored with them. By the time your infant is interested, it won't be a big deal. I like Mary's idea about your 3 year old playing with them and "teaching" the infant how they work.

I'm laughing out loud, because this was my facebook post this morning:
"Ainslie is crawling! And she's ALL ABOUT Mason's toys. This does not make Mason happy. This does, however, make ME quite happy. Perhaps the best revenge I could exact on the toddler was to produce a mini him. Brilliant!"

My kids are 7mos and almost 3yrs.
It's normal for them to have a renewed interest. The 3yr old will move on again, quickly. In the meantime, you can encourage her to teach the baby how to play with them.
And don't worry. A new toy for her will cure the old interest quickly! I've become a huge fan of the dollar bins at Target for little trinkets to divert attention when emotions ramp up. Works like a charm!

Your children are almost the exact age as mine. My first is 3 years and my youngest 2 months. We were having trouble with our 3 year old sharing. As the others posted, don't worry too much right now. A one month old isn't going to be playing with toys for a couple more months.

But here is how we're handling the situation.
Last week our oldest had been playing with some of the baby's toys (a rattle, stuffed animal, and a play pad set) and she didn't want to give me a rattle so I could play with the baby. I calmly told my daughter that families share. She huffed at me and proclaimed that she wasn't going to share her toys with the baby. I answered by telling her that the rattle was the baby's toy and if she wanted her baby sister to share toys, SHE would have to share toys. After about a minute of discussing this, our daughter decided it was in her best interest to share. She loves playing with the baby's toys, and didn't want to loose them. Before we knew it she was bringing over some of her favorite toys for the baby to play with! Children understand sharing as long as you put it unto a text they can relate with.

don't get them all out at once. get out 3, tell her she can pick 2 for the baby to play with and she can hang onto 1. then the next day she can switch them out if she likes. if she sees that baby playing with *her* toys doesn't mean she can never play with them again it might help.
it is good for her to learn to share, but remember this is not an easy thing for most littles, especially while they're adjusting to a new baby. be patient with her and let her participate in the process.
khairete
S.

My daughter had just turned 2 when our second baby was born. When I was getting close to my due date I put all the baby stuff out for my 2 year old to play with and explore so that it would be old news by the time the baby arrived. Now my girls are almost 3 and 1 and we have had to establish some rules for sharing. Our basic rule of thumb is that whoever was playing with it first gets to keep playing with it until they are done and then the other one can have it. If baby has it first, the older one has to wait till baby is done and vice versa. It was a pretty easy concept for our 2 year old and now sharing is not a problem.

Normal for the 3 yr old sibling not to share,but i'm curous to what toys you have for the 1 month old baby who can't push buttons,vroom a vehicle around the house,maybe hold a small rattle for a few seconds.
Let the 3 yr old play with them let him show baby what they are what they do what sounds they make the baby will look grimmice & later coo that the 3 yr old is taking apart in sharing the toys.