2Nd Son Crawling and Taking 2 1/2 Year Old's Toys

I taught my oldest child that she could NEVER take a toy from her little brother, she could only trade him for something different. This worked wonderful for us and also helped her learn to share and to negotiate.

I have the same issue with my 4 year old and 10 month old. Thre rule is if the toy is in the playroom, it is for anyone to play with, so if my older son wants the toy off limits because it is special to him then he has to keep it in his room. All that said blankets are special and tend to get left around the house and those are yours and no one else can have them no matter where they are. I imagine this will be a struggle for many, many years to come-the toys will only get bigger and more expensive.

I have a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old. I feel your pain! We have made certain things like special blankets off limits to the child it does not belong to. Pretty much anything that is not being played with is fair game to whichever child gets it first (except of course things that will hurt the baby or the bigger one may ruin like teethers). If one child is playing with something and the other one takes it away, we tell the toy taker no, it isn't nice and we have to share. We redirect them to something else. To help with the "mine" response, we tell our oldest that the toys are his and that he has to share them. Then we ask him to go get a different toy for his brother to play with. He almost always does. When the oldest stops playing with the toy and his brother is playing with it, we tell him it is brother's turn, you have to wait for your turn. If he throws a fit or continues to take it despite redirection, he gets put in bed until he feels like he can share again, but that doesn't happen very often as the baby doesn't play with one toy for very long. If it comes to bed, my oldest is usually tired and needs a nap and falls asleep rather quickly. Good luck! I've heard it gets better in a couple of years.

Just keep saying no no to the 8 mo old and give it back to the older child. Later teach no we do not grab and we say please if we want something the other one has if they do not want to give it up then they have to wait til the child is not playing with it. If they take it over and over it is time out 1 min for a 1 yr old. My 2 yr olds know that if they do that they then have to give it back and we hug for an appology.It takes patience. We do not always see what happens. I have a day care and the older ones usually tell me who is doing what. G. W

My son did and does that with my daughter. I explained to him that she is younger and doesn't understand yet, but he needed to distract her if she got one of his toys. So whenever she comes towards him he gets another toy and gives it to her and she is content most of the time. SOmetimes it takes two or three tries but she gets it.
Now I'm showing him that he needs to share because she is here to stay. WE're working on that.
HTH

While I agree that they do need to learn to share, I also thing that your 2.5 year old should be able to be separated from your youngest to play without fear of interruption. So, sometimes that means offering to let him go in his room, or in another safe place, as well as offering to put the baby in a play pen or something similar. I have 4 kids, as well as day care kids, so I have to be very aware of who might be fighting with who!! And for me, sometimes separation is the key. It just is not fair that the oldest has to give up his things just because the baby whines or cries about it. I do have the kids offer alternatives like the previous poster suggested also, so some good combination should work well!! Good luck and have fun ~A.~

This is a great time to start teaching about sharing and compromise. What I would do for my sons was tell the older one to find a toy that his brother CAN play with and offer it to his brother. I explained to him that sometimes he had to show his brother how to play with the toy, that sometimes he couldn't just hand it to him. Mind you, this doesn't always work (sometimes the younger one didn't want the alternative), but it's a start at learning that you can't just say "mine". My boys are now 6 & 3 and my older one does this automatically whenever his brother takes a toy he's not willing to give up.

Another related piece of advice with sharing. To help my boys learn to share I integrate it into our daily living. For example, if they want cookies I give one of the boys two cookies and tell him to give one to his brother. We do this with most everything (drinks, snacks, even some toys). It helps them to learn to share at times that they aren't in a "mine" moment, which carries over into other areas of play. Granted, we still have those times that they fight over something, but they also have the tools to work it out and it seems easier for them to share.

Remember that sort of behavior is SO normal, and any change will take time. GOOD LUCK!!

My daughter (4 years) does that to my son (11 months). I tell her that if he is playing with a toy of hers that she is not playing with then that is OK. But if he comes up and grabs the toy that she is playing with, instead of getting mad, go get another toy that will interest him and "trade". It works like a charm. Also my pediatrician suggested that my daughter makes her room hers by putting toys from the playroom that is too small or "hers" in her room and shurt the door. So we have done that and a lot of fussing have stoppped. Luckily for us this has not happened with my 6 year. My daughter has doted on her baby brother while my oldest son has not, so naturally, the baby wants his sister. Good luck!

Hi L.,

This is very familiar to me, I went through it last year with my two boys (still am in some ways). It's a gradual progression of learning for them and me, here is what we did: It was very important to us that our boys show love, kindness respect toward each other, if a toy was taken, then we explained (repeatedly) that the baby didn't know any better, that the older one would have to learn to share his toys. We taught him to play with another one or give him a different toy to get the other one back, but not to rip it out of the baby's hands or yell at the baby...we explained that that was unacceptable behavior. Now sharing is important, however I also have each of them time with their own special toy(s) that they do not have to share and is just theirs. While the younger one was still to young to understand "not taking toys away"...what I did was make a "special place" for the older one to play with his special toy where the baby couldn't get to him. This worked out well while the baby was preoccupied with other toys or stimuli. Now that my younger one is almost 2, I'm now teaching him that he cannot take toys from older brother's hand and make him give it back and redirect his attention elsewhere. Hope this helped some, God bless you.

I had 4 kids in 3 years (twins in the middle).
It all comes down to teaching them to share. It's not easy to do. They all want what the other kid has. They even want something just to make sure nobody else can have it.
It's all part of the fun of being a mom. Choose your battles and enjoy your kids!!

I have a 3 year old and an 8 month old. If my 3 year old wants something the baby has then he needs to trade her something. He needs to give her another toy in exchange for the toy he wants. The baby doesn't really care what she has at this point so it doesn't matter to her what she's got as long as she has something.

We had a rule in our house- any toy left out on the floor was fair game for the baby to play with. If it was a special toy or unsafe for the baby, my older one had to keep it up on the kitchen table or in her bedroom. My oldest didn't like being apart from us to play in her room, so we put a baby gate in the openning to the hall. She would be just on the other side with toys and could spread out on the floor, but was safe from baby invasion and could still talk to us and see us. I agree with teaching your kids to share, but the older one needs to feel like they still have their own stuff and space. My girls are 6 and 3 now and it is still an issue sometimes.

There's no way your 2 1/2 year old is going to share his toys. Just be thankful there's no screaming & fighting yet. He's just being a typical 2 year old. You can talk to him about sharing & give him opportunities, but don't be too disheartened if he doesn't take to it. Eventually he'll learn the positive aspects of sharing.

Each of my children have certain toys that are their "own." Like the infant has teethers that I ask the older children not to play with because they're for her mouth specifically. One of my children is obsessed with the Wiggles and doesnt want anyone to ever touch the little guys. So those are his to keep private in his room. One is obsessed with Fancy Nancy books and doesnt want anyone else using them in case they get ruined. One is really into her journal and doesnt want anyone touching that, so it stays in her room and no one is allowed to touch it.
I think that's fair. Everyone should have some measure of privacy. So your son should expect that some things could just be his. But he can't hoard everything. That's not the way families work. I would just explain that to him. Families love each other. Families share. Families play together. We're a family so we love each other and share with one another and play together. The end.
He's only two. He's doing good at it. Two year olds are just like that. Just keep teaching him to share by repeating your "families share" mantra and he'll get it one day. One day. =)

It is hard being the older sibling and having to share with the younger just seems so cruel(smile). I would ask your older son if there are any toys that the younger one can play with. Help him as I am sure he will want to resist. Set up a box with those toys and only allow the younger sibling to have access to those. Your older son needs to feel that he is the older one and his wants and needs are just as important and his boundaries will be abided by. This will make things easier as they get older.