Tips on Raising Sisters

Don't compare them, don't push them to be the same or different, just let them be who they are. Regardless of how strong-willed the older one is, don't let her "boss" or overshadow.

Hello Mama,

Allow them to have their own personalities!! Often parents will dress their children alike and give them the same gifts, but not learn who their child is.

I am close to a family who has girls a year apart in age, when they were young, some tried the make them twins, but I encouraged everyone to let their personalities come out.

They are teenagers now, and they are different. I'm really proud that they have walked their won path and know who they are as people.

As for your question, the girls I'm close to are exactly how you describe. I didn't stop the strong willed child from being herself, but I did encourage the more mild child to speak her mind more and stand up for herself.

Never quiet a child's gifts, just encourage their weaknesses = )

Enjoy those future girls days out = )

R. Magby

Awe F....I am sad you didn't have any sisters. I have five! Yep...6 girls in my family and I am the youngest. Throughout different stages of my life I have been closer to one more than another but generally speaking, now that we are all in our 40's and 50's, we are sooooo close. I can't imagine my life without each one of them for different reasons.

We did all go to an all girl high school. It was expensive so my parents sacrificed pretty much everything to send us there but I received a wonderful education. Girls are pretty caddy and can be cruel at times but there was none of the boy stress or competition which I really didn't know about until college. By then I was so sure of myself, I ignored it.

My oldest sister is loud, bossy, abrupt, etc. I think a lot of oldest children are like this. She is super intelligent and demanding of herself and others. My second sister, is quiet, spiritual, super intelligent and super kind. She learned to stay quiet while my oldest sister was getting in trouble. And in truth, she was ignored a lot. That was the one big mistake my parents made, they ignored my second sister. I think it was because she was just so good. My parents had their hands full with the first one and the third one. My third sister was a sweet trouble maker, took risks, and was generally defiant. But was and is so nice and hates to see others make the same mistakes. She is sort of happy with mediocrity and does what she needs to do to get by and is then generally lazy. Basically works hard all day to come home and sit around all night and weekend. Maybe a bit of depression there but she was always like this. My fourth sister is definitely the prettiest one of us and was told just that all the time. She is a wonderful wife and mother and has the biggest heart of all my sisters but she needs to be told she looks great. She is so smart and has so many other wonderful things going for her...I wish my parents had stressed those things more. My fifth sister sort of had the middle child syndrome like my second sister. She was between the pretty one and me - the baby. We are five years apart and it didn't matter what I did, I was the baby. She is so nice, plays the piano beautifully and can sing. She is smart, too. We all had issues with acne but this sister especially. My parents somehow didn't notice the cysts on her face. The dentist, thank God, brought it to my mom's attention. By the time I came along my parents were older, tired and though still very strict, they just didn't push me very hard.

I am typing all of this, not to be long-winded:) but to say, we all had definite personalities and my parents missed some of it. They had a certain way of doing things and believed in a certain way of raising their children and that was that. I think girls need so much more than that. I now have 2 boys and a daughter in the middle. I push her to do more of the boy things because I know girly will creap up no matter what I do and because I want her to be strong in ways that I wasn't. My parents thought girls needed to be married to be happy...very old-fashioned, I know, and my father was from Lebanon so that added to the "you need a man" theory. My sisters pushed my parents to let me do the things they hadn't been allowed to do. I was supported by my sisters growing up even as they got married or went to college. We were so close. And that is one thing my parents did really well although, at the time I didn't understand it...

They never let friends or boys get in the way of any of our "family" plans, dinner or whatever. We were only allowed to go out one night on the weekends. The other night we had to stay home, together. We all fought like normal siblings but as we aged, we all knew who are best friends were. Now we have sort of spread out. One in Utah, 2 in North Carolina, I am in Maryland and 2 in Virginia. I still talk to the one in Utah pretty much everyday as well as my oldest sister; the others a couple of times a week.

Let your daughters be themselves but keep them together as they grow up. If the older one bosses the other one around, be there to help the second one. If the second one shows an interest in something, nurture it. Give her a voice, even if it is a quiet one. She may not feel comfortable saying it in front of others so have a safe place for her to speak. Let the first one be the leader but not to the detriment of the other sister. It is good for a woman to feel strong and like she is a leader and she seems right for the job. Let the second one lead a game every now and then or pick out what's for dinner or any other small thing to show her opinion counts.

Sorry this is so long! But I hope it helps.

I have two sisters and 3 daughters. I don't think you can control the relationship they're going to have. The most important thing to remember is that sisters can love each other fiercly one second and be ripping each other's hair out the next. That's NORMAL!! lol

CONGRATULATIONS!

There really is no script. I was raised with 2 sisters all under 3 when our youngest was born. Now I am raising my own two. I love having and raising sisters.

My parenting advice, be conscious of the "easy" one and make sure they too get their share of affection and attention.

When our youngest was born, I always referred to her as "your" baby when talking to our eldest.

Expose them to the same opportunities regardless of their abilities.

I don't think that a girl has to go to an all-girls school for success.

I think some of it is personality and some of it is encouraging each child just like you would if you had a son. My stepdaughter can be loud and run dinner conversations, so from an early age we had to teach her to wait her turn or her brother would just give up and not talk. It's hard enough to get a teen boy to talk to you, so those dinner talks were important. We also encouraged her to try new things, even if they weren't traditionally "girlie". Like playing the trombone. Similarly, I'm not going to dissuade my youngest from liking power tools (or the child equivalent) because she really wants to "fix" things like daddy.

Speaking of which, their father is huge in their development as strong women. Not that you aren't a role model, but he will teach them how to be treated by the men in their lives. A friend (widower with 2 girls) started doing dad and daughter "dates", something my husband also likes to do. It's quality time where they learn how to eat at a restaurant, and their father pulls out their chair, etc.

My sister always leaned more artistic and musical and I leaned more toward theatre and writing. Something my mom did that I try to do, too, is to encourage them to support each other. I may not want to listen to squeaky middle school band music, either, but if SD sits through SS's football game, he can go to her concert. I think it gives them an appreciation for each other's efforts.

Hi. My name is B. and I'm a sister.

Hee Hee.

I am the strong-willed one, for what it's worth. I'm also the older sister (we have 3 older brothers, though).

I think the best thing that you can do is to nurture each ones individuality. Don't make them do the same activity ("Yay - we both get (have) to do ballet"). And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't make them share a room. Or if you HAVE to, let them each decorate the way they want even if you split the freakin room in half and it doesn't match (wow, flashbacks..... I may need therapy now that I went down that road lol).

Ask what each one wants to do and then celebrate that. The other daughter will learn to appreciate the differences and not feel forced to be equal, the same or as good as her sister, which will breed competition and rivalry instead of loving support.

I also think it's important to reinforce with siblings in general, is that they are here to help each other. So that should be the expectation for each of them.

But it's also really really really important to let each have their own life and own friends. I am 2 years older than my sister and she used to have to tag along with me to playdates, friends houses etc. I could only do something if she came along.

I would also say to strike the words "You can't...... cuz the baby needs....." from your vocabulary. ie 'you can't listen to music cuz the baby needs to sleep" or "you can't play with mommy now, the baby needs to breastfeed" or umpteen million other directives. Instead just say "please listen to music later, right now please color" or "I can't wait to play with you. let's get a clock and when it says xxx we will play barbies just you and me. right now please look through this book" etc etc. This will limit the resentment right from the beginning which should hopefully start the relationship off right.

Good luck.

I'm an older sister - 2.5 age difference and sadly, didn't have a good relationship with mine. Still don't, really - love her, but we wouldn't hang out.

Just treat them like individuals. Don't try to make things "equal" because you can't. Equal opportunities, yes, but equal treatment is impossible - their ages, personalities, etc. will be different.

Congrats :)

I'm the mom of two very adorable very strong willed little girls. One is almost 4 and the other just turned 18 months. They're 2.5 years apart. I don't think raising sisters is all that much different (at this age) than raising a sister and a brother. There's no guarantee that if you had a boy he wouldn't be mild mannered. There's no guarantee that your second daughter is going to be strong willed. You get what you get, so to speak!
Things might be rough for a bit for your oldest after the baby is born. There is definitely a period of adjustment. My oldest adored her baby sister from day one, but there were quite a few jealousy issues. She was used to having all of Mommy and Daddy's time and suddenly there was this little person that took up a lot of it. We really tried to include her in everything. If I was nursing the baby, I would read to my oldest or we'd watch PBS cartoons together. She helped get me things for her little sister and would lay on the floor and play with her. My husband would take our oldest out to McD's for lunch for a "Daddy and daughter date" at least once every couple of weeks. When the baby got a little older, he would take her for a few hours so I could spend some one on one time with our oldest.
Now that my girls are older, their bond is indescribable. They love each other so much. It brings tears to my eyes to see them snuggled up together or playing. Yes, they fight, but the love is what rules the day. Our oldest will even climb into the crib with her sissy in the middle of the night. Melts my heart to see them so close.
Now, ask me in 10 years when I have a tween and a teenager and I might be singing a different tune :)
Congratulations on your second little girl! They truly are a treasure :D

Im the middle child and both siblings are sisters! all three of us are different in pretty much everything but our eye color and height! Your baby will not develop a personality one way or the other because of her older sis. Everyone is an individual. I am very close with my younger sis 4 years apart, not so much with my older one(3 1/2 yrs apart) I don't think you can make them be close though. I am quiet and hated getting in trouble when I was younger and my younger sister is loud and was the mouthiest thing you can imagine(my poor mom) So me being older didn't make her like me so you will just have to see what baby girl #2 is like and remember your 2.5 year old is just that a 2year old who may not be as strong willed as you think. She may turn into a mild mannered little angel! Good Luck and God bless you with all the drama your going to have in the future...

My biggest tip for you is to not worry about it one bit! I have 2 sisters (we're 25, 28 and 35) and we are best friends now but we sure all had different personalities growing up!
I have 2 girls and they love each other so much. They're 3 and 10 and of course they fight, but when they are building clubhouses together and snuggling on the couch together, it melts my heart. Your girls will probably have way different personalities and that's perfect. If we were all the same, the world would not be as fun! Congrats on the new baby girl!

To raise strong girls-they should attend an all girls school. They will not be discriminated against for playing sports, holding leadership positions, and when they ace an algebra test that 66% of the boys would have gotten a C on-they won't be complimented for their pretty handwriting-they'll be held in esteem for their intelligence.

You don't know how it's going to go-my tiny, strong willed, verbal daughter (who sang "God Bless America") at 15 months took violin and ballet and then later played softball. She has been described by a former college roommate as the "nicest girl I have ever known". She is strong and intelligent and a wonderful mother. My little girl whom I carried for the first year of her life-is independent, hard- working and tough as nails-growing up with three brothers helped. Both are fair-especially the younger daughter-who will give you a vantage point on an issue that you never would have thought possible.Expose the girls to lots of things-art, music, sports, dance, etc-you will see where their interests are-forget trying to steer, channel or pigeonhole them-it won't work-you are dealing with nature. Remember sweet and demure isn't a sign of weakness-quite the contrary.

I am the oldest of 4 girls (all a year or less apart) we have all been extremely close and there was one thing my mom constantly told us as we were growing up and that was to be kind to each other because friends/boyfriends/whatever will come and go but at the end of the day it will be your sisters that will always be there.

Another thing that always upset me when I was young since I was the oldest was that my parents would let my younger sisters do things that I didn't get to do when I was their age. Like they would let them do things when I was old enough to do them even though they were much younger.

I don't think you really need to do anything other than remind them that they are each others biggest fans! : )

My second daughter was born when my first daughter was 15 months old. If you could believe it, the older one was already extremely strong willed, very verbal and quite the handful! My girls are exactly as you described, the older one calling all the shots and (thank g-d, bc you're right, one is MORE than enough) the second one is much more mild mannered. However, it amazing to see how she holds her own with her older sister! She does not let herself be pushed her around and in her own quiet, sweet way, makes sure to get exactly what she wants. My girls are now 3 and 20 months and there's another on the way (yup, a girl!). I myself didn't have a sister until I was 17 so I too don't have first hand experience raising sisters but I LOVE watching my girls together and I can only hope I'm raising them to always be close!
I hope you're enjoying your girls as much as I am.

what most people call strong willed and stubborn in a girl, they praise in a boy, calling him a leader, not a follower,chew on that mentally for a few seconds. the last thing a parent should do is go looking for faults in their children ,based on seriously undated gender stereotypes .
K. h.