There's No Such Thing as Santa Clause! or the Easter Bunny!

Tell them just because the twins and their mom don't believe in something-doesn't mean it isn't real. Glad I'm not them..Santa is ........definitely..... real!

WHY would someone do that? To a 5 year old? I have nothing nice to say. Nothing at all...
Mallory P said it exactly right. The *@&! knew what she was doing when she did it. And that you, their mother, wasn't there. Oh, I'm going to stop right there and log off this computer now...

ETA: There is a huge huge difference between a child talking to a child about what they do or do not believe (that is peer stuff, it's going to happen, that's life and diversity), and an ADULT knowing that the child believes in Santa (or "whatever") because that's what the FAMILY is choosing to do at the moment, *WHEN THE PARENTS AREN'T THERE*.
My children go see Santa, they like him and think he's the nice man who gives Candy Canes. My 5 year old also looks at the Christmas display we have of Santa photos through the years and says "they're not the same guys". We read different Christmas stories every year, some have Santa, we wave at him at the parade, we have fun with it, but we also downplay him quite a bit. For us, Christmas is about our own beliefs and traditions, but Santa is a character from books that we enjoy. It's not going to hurt my kids' feelings, and they're not going to think I lied to them though. Even on the gift tags....instead of "To __ from Santa", I sign a little heart or happy face instead of Santa's name. Santa himself is not remotely the point. The point is that an adult, a mom, took an opportunity to say something she knows is contrary to what you're doing, to your child, in your absence. It's not even a life and death thing, it's something pretty common and innocent. I'd be livid. Again, if a 5 or 8 year old (your childrens' peers) said it, I wouldn't be as annoyed.

I tell my kids that we like to pretend like Santa, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth, Etc. are real. I won't lie to my kids, but I've also been very clear that we don't tell others that they're wrong, we leave that to their parents. So far it's worked great. We still have fun, but I don't feel dishonest.

Wait... What? There no such thing as Santa?

Uh, yes there is. I have 20 years of presents to prove it.

Let me put it this way... I believe in Santa and I continue to get presents every year. My husband stopped believing in Santa when he was around 9 or 10 and he hasn't gotten a gift from Santa since he was around 9 or 10. Coincidence? I think not!

I would tell her how extremely rude it was of her to ruin your children's fun, and that you would never do something so horrible to her children and how hurt they and you are. Some people really just have no manners at all!

This sort of thing makes me WANT to round up the holier than thou "I tell MY kids the TRUTH" people's young kids and give them in depth sex lessons. And when you swivel like this....

Not that I ever would.

(Seriously. Never, ever, ever would.)

BUT it's the same durn thing. It is NOT my place as ANYONE outside of the parents.

_____

Fortunately, for me. I happen to still believe in Santa, AND we have lots of friends in various religions who don't celebrate christian holidays (although you might be surprised how many religions celebrate a 'Santa' holiday). So it was an early series of conversations with my son that people have different beliefs. People can CHOOSE to believe in what they wish to. Doesn't make it so.

Since when have belief and facts had anything to do with each other?
Tell your child "We believe in the Tooth Fairy (Santa, Easter Bunny) in this house. Other people can believe what they want but don't let it bother you.".

People believe in intangible concepts all the time and then waste a lot of time and energy debating which are real, which are not and who is more wrong.
Some religions are party poopers - they can believe what they want but I don't have to let them ruin my fun.
I can't stand holier than thou people.

Sometimes if I feel like jerking their chain I tell them I've joined The Religion of the Month Club - this month I'm a born again druid so I paint myself blue and dance naked by the light of the moon - next month I'll be a Greek pantheist and have a statue of Zeus in my garden.
The looks of horror on their faces are priceless.
Pray for me, Baby!
God save us from people with no imagination!

Oh good grief... what a sad thing, for that Mom to have ruined things for other kids, and had to spout off to them, about her beliefs and get on her soapbox about it... and it was not even in her own home. And your child is only 5.

If you were not home at this time, and the play date was at your house... then who was home? Your Husband???

What my son's 1st grade Teacher tells her kids, when kids ask if it is real or not, her response is "Well Santa comes to MY house..." and that is her answer.

I would be irked with that Mom too. How insensitive. Proper manners would have taught her that... her own personal beliefs, is her own and she does not have to, spout off about it to a FIVE year old, that isn't even her own child...and she could have kept her mouth shut.
A simple answer like "everyone and every culture is different..." would have been enough of an answer.

You don't know this woman well at all.
But your DH knows her Husband.
How well does your DH know him????
Now... your kids are sad.... and all because that woman just has a big mouth and ego and couldn't keep her mouth shut. Nor could she realize, that things like this, are up to the parents.

That woman pisses me off too, and just from reading this post.
What a rude egotistical selfish, woman.

I would NOT want to hang out with them, anymore.
Who knows what else.... that woman will tell your kids, whether or not you are present.

Just TELL her, that it was INAPPROPRIATE & disrespectful to tell your kids that.
TELL her.
She had NO place doing that.
I would not be friends with them anymore.
She is just so, obnoxious.

Let me tell you how upset I was when my DD came home and was told by a friend at school that there was some kind of magic guy called GOD... we are atheists and have always made sure our child attends secular institutions to protect her from the bible thumpers. We are so diligent in teaching her about science and evolution! And there comes some little twerp telling her a guy in the sky created the world... I had a mind to call the mother up and yell at her. (please read with sarcasm).

But seriously if you are going to raise your kids exposed to ANY kind of diversity, there is a chance that they will talk to each other about things that may be different to what you teach them. You can choose to isolate your children and only expose them to people that share your exact beliefs, or you can teach them to value diversity and different beliefs without compromising their own.

As for our situation (which is true, kids in preschool have been talking about god to DD and we are really atheists) we just explain that everyone gets to believe in different things: some people believe in God, some in Allah, some in Buddha and Hindus even have many different Gods... but we believe the that everything in the world can be explained through science.
The same is true for Santa Claus, the Easterbunny and the Tooth Fairy. My DD knows that there isn't really a workshop at the north Pole with a jolly old guy making toys year round... nonetheless we make ourselves believe it, because it is such a nice story and a great tradition...just like in our family we also choose to believe in unicorns and fairies...
You could choose to just tell your children that everyone believes different things and while their friends may have different beliefs, in YOUR house the tooth fairy and Santa Clause will come and the Easter Bunny will hide eggs in the spring.
Good luck.

Santa IS real. There's a story about the original santa claus and how he delivered toys to the kids in his village. But he wasn't santa either! You see, the story of Santa is the story of the Christmas spirit.

We give to others and celebrate our family. Who does that better than the story of Santa?

So I guess Mrs. so and so doesn't have much of a christmas spirit. Because every parent I know LOVES to remember back when they were a child and THEY believed in santa!

(and repeat for the easter bunny, tooth fairy, fourth of july patriot, St. Patrick's day leprechaun etc)

I hate it when parents say they tell their kids there is no such thing as ..... and then say they believe in telling their kids the truth. GGGRRRR

Then the kid answers the phone and the mom says, "Tell them I'm in the shower. or Tell them I'm not at home". Or the mom tells her friend "That dress really looks good on you" when it fact it makes her muffin tops look bigger.

They just selectively lie. All they are really doing is denying their kids the fantacyland of youth. That is just cruel.

I'd make it a point to listen to what she says and when she says something negative about someone behind their back, and then lies about it to their face I'd be really tempted to say, "But that's not what you told me the other day. You said, "she is so stuck up you don't see how she could possibly see the ground."

Like I said, GGGGRRR. that kind of stuff really bothers me.

BTW, I told my kids that I believed in Santa and as long as they believed in Santa, Santa would come and bring them presents.

Good luck to you and yours.

I love you Riley J!!! PLEASE do that to those people who say we are lying to our kids for letting them live their childhoods with Santa and the Easter Bunny!

My kids and I actually had this conversation last night while I was cutting up veggies for our salad. Last year, my then 8 year old daughter, had two kids tell her Santa was not real. Both in front of me. I told them both that was fine for them to believe what they do, and they are by no means wrong, but we DO believe in our house and we are not wrong either. I tel them (and my kids) that everyone has different things they believe in. I DO believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny and they are real (though they drain my bank account!).

This topic makes me pretty mad because it seems to be more of the non-believers pushing their agenda on the believers...everyone should just keep to themselves about it.

Sorry but you do not be polite to somebody that has done this to your children. This is a cardinal sin and should be treated as such. Call her up tomorrow and read her out. What she did is completely unforgiveable and I would never ever assoicate with her or her children again. Let your DH be her DHs friend and THAT IS IT!!!!

I want to add that she absolutely knew what she was doing and did it anyway. What the hell else are your kids going to learn from this woman and her 'agenda'??

I would simply tell your children, santa only goes to kids houses who believe in him, and if they don't believe in him their mom and dad have to buy their presents, then tell them, but you're special because santa gets yours just for YOU.... then if they tell the twins that at some later date then her kids might give her a hard time wondering why santa doesn't bring them something special!!! good luck hope this helps...

I would be a hot mess! And, we'd never have a playdate with this family again. I don't even know I'd give this mom the courtesy of telling her why. She was rude and mean. If you tell her the exact reason, then she'll just feel justified in her actions and turn it around on you and the problem. Why bother?

As far as the kids? They are watching you, hubs, and the nanny's response to their questions to see if you are telling them the truth. Smile, reassure them and explain that not everyone in the world believes the same things, which is wonderful. Your family believes in Santa, E. Bunny, and the T. Fairy. Ask them if they have evidence to support these beliefs. Let THEM come up with all the reasons why they know they exist. That should be all that it takes.

If they see you complaining about this woman, then they will think that maybe she was on to something.... ya know?

Best of luck, Mama.

I just want to tell you that not all of us who don't teach our kids these things are hell bent on telling everyone else's kids that it's a myth (we did do the Tooth Fairy, and in our house the Night Fairies come on Winter Solstice). What she did was just mean. Every year we have a sit down with our younger kids to make sure they don't "let on" that there's no Santa or Easter Bunny to their friends.
Some people just want to ruin the fun for everyone. I'm sorry you have such a selfish friend.

Well, I dont believe in telling my kids that there is a such thing as Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy etc. because when they find out I dont want them to feel hurt when they find out I lied to them. But a nice thing to say is that I tell my kids these things, so can you explain to your kids and go from there!

How about just explaining to your daughter that there are other families out there with other beliefs? They don't celebrate certain holidays or believe certain things that you do and that's okay.
I don't think I would say a thing to the lady. She has the right to talk about her beliefs just like you do.
L.

I'd politely tell the mom that while their beliefs are to not believe there are many others in this world that do. And before this that included your children. I would then say something about how polite it would be if she did not allow her kids to spoil it for others.

I would then probably tell the truth to my kids. I think there is no point of trying to cover it up at this point. I know a lady whose daughter found things out about Santa and Easter Bunny and she made up these elaborate lies to cover...that is a little ridiculous to me. However, my girls who are about to be 7 and 5 very much still believe and I don't mind keeping it that way.

What a shame!

There's nothing you can do about it with people like her, A.. She is one of these people who push their religion on everyone else. It's one thing to do it to adults. It's quite another to do it to children.

Go to the library and check out "The Polar Express". Read the book to your children. Tell them that this mother and her kids NEVER heard the bell, and that's a big rotten shame.

I would not have another playdate with this family ever again. Not to punish them, but because if they would talk about THIS, there is no telling what ELSE they might tell your children.

I wouldn't trust them anymore because of this.

So sorry, A..
Dawn

I'm not as concerned with the lady as I am with your children. Actually, the worst thing that has happened is that they became acquainted with a family that lives in a different way because of their religious beliefs.

You can sit down - with your older child, anyhow; you'll have to decide about the younger one - and talk about the whole list of characters that it's great fun to "believe in" at certain times of the year. You might say that Mr. Claus and Mr. Bunny are, sort of, games that it's great fun for children and even grownups to play, because you get to keep wonderful secrets and surprise other people with nice things - but not all people play those games.

You can tell your girls about the *real* St. Nicholas, what a kind and gracious man he was. You can tell your girls about the fairies in the classic stories, how some were wicked and others were incredibly helpful, and let them know that, at THEIR house, the tooth fairy will come around as long as she is invited! And you WILL celebrate birthdays.

When my children were old enough to learn the truth about Mr. Claus, they were given the privilege of helping to be Santa for other family members (and some non-members) by buying or making little gifts for them and keeping big secrets. They enjoyed E. Bunny even when they knew who was really bringing the candy, and they made some Easter baskets for other people. They NEVER turned down a penny of any tooth money! Imagine that.

It's a step in a different direction. You didn't plan on doing that right now, but you don't have to be bummed about it. Use your love and your creativity and keep making family traditions. And... ask your girls to let their friends believe in Mr. Claus and Mr. Bunny until their parents decide otherwise.

I just remembered something. When my children were very little, when it came to Hallowe'en, we were pretty selective about what aspects to have fun with. We had a family party with everyone wearing homemade costumes, and provided enough candy to make them hyper, so they figured it was a good deal. HOWEVER, when the lady next door learned that our little ones weren't going to the store to buy witch hats and collect candy from fifty neighbors, she was appalled! I think she thought we were un-American or something. She sent her costumed boys over with (more) candy for our children, to make up for their parents' unaccountable behavior. Not that the kids needed it. I actually thought it was kind of sweet of her.

In July my husband took our kids the the grocery store. When the came home they were all excited..."MOM WE MET SANTA! THE REAL ONE!" (they know that Santa has helpers at Christmas time who we take pictures with)...

Fast forward to last week...my seven year old says "Mom are you sure Santa is real?"...I said "I believe in him...do you?"...

She says "Yes...I met him!"

I asked her "why would you ask?"

Her: "Oh nothing just something someone said!"...

Until she tells me her own theory on Santa I will continue with the story (heck I still get presents from Santa) :)

So if you reacted as if it was the truth...they are have no option than to think he's not real.

But if you take a stand and ask them what they believe...they'll make a choice!

ETA: Just because my husband and I are not old, gray hair bearded man...doesn't mean Santa doesn't exist in us! For me I am Santa...I am real! It wasn't until I had kids that I truly understood that!

Wow, I would be livid. I'm Jewish and I have told my kids that there is no Santa Clause, but I specifically tell them not to share that at school, and they never have (they are now 8 and 9). With regard to the tooth fairy, when my 9 year old asks now if that is us, I do not want to lie, but I do not want to give it up, so when they ask if it is real, we say things like: do you believe, then I go with what they say, or we say things like, they are in your dreams. Basically we are really creative with it.

With the other mom, I would calmly tell her that since these areas are huge fantasy areas for kids, and they make them happy, there is no reason she and her family need to share those ideas with other children of other faiths. You can say " I understand you have made the choice to follow a religion that rejects the beliefs of these celebrations, but please be considerate to all the other parents who use these celebrations to bond with their children." I would also probably say "I would think you would not enjoy other children telling your kids how sad it is that they do not get to enjoy all the toys and presents, and happy celebrations that they get coming from Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy and birthday parties". Lastly I would say, "everyone needs to respect others feelings and not intentionally try to rain on their parade."

Good luck

I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to resist telling my daugther "well, I disagree with so-and-so and so-and-so's mommy. Santa doesn't come to see them, but that doesn't mean he doesn't exist." They rudely pushed their beliefs on your child, so you don't have to be polite in accepting that. My neighbor is Jehovah's Witness, and I only know that because she declined an invitation to my Christmas Party. She was very polite in telling me that she was unable to accept it because they do not celebrate Christmas in that way. I am respectful of her religion in not inviting her family to those types of events or bday parties, and she is respectful of my beliefs by not trying to sway my daughter or me. I can't imagine her ever doing what your acquaintance did your kids and you, but I'd be livid if that happened.

My mom's standard response to Santa, et all, being real was always "do you think he's real?" And she'd ask about the things that one would consider "proof" of his existance... receiving presents, teeth being gone, cookies and milk left eaten, etc... to guide us back to belief or to help us reach our own conclusion. Once we started reaching the "not real" conclusion, she'd have a discussion with us about how the spirit of Santa lives in our hearts. So, to me, I realized that my parents were Santa rather than saying that he was not real. As an adult, Santa still brings me a stocking. Santa now brings my mom a pretty awesome stocking too because, as it turns out, the spirit of Santa lives in my heart, too.

well I don't think it was good for her to tell your kids all of that. We also tell our kids the truth about santa and easter bunny and stuff like that. Trust me, they still have SO much fun on Christmas with out us lying to them about santa. It's up to her how she parent's her kids, but it wasn't ok for her to do that to your kids.
Also since your kids are 5 and 8 years old, they are most likely going to hear it from classmates at school pretty soon, but that still doesn't excuse what she did.

Boy this has me peaved! How about "You're an IDIOT". Because she is! How dare she share her belief that she KNOWS is not yours with your children and crushes their belief. That is not even sharing a wonderful side to ones religious belief. That is just thoughtless and seriously the most inconsiderate, ridiculous and stupid thing I have heard in ages.

It's amazing the level of respect we share with religion and then there is a display like this. I love my religion and love that people have faith that they share with their families and something that gives them peace. This is not a form of sharing a belief, this is an inconsiderate fool IMO!

Sorry to go off but honestly I would be ON FIRE with this person

Good luck to you :)

My kids have been asking me for a couple of years if Santa, tooth fairy etc.. is real. One of my daughter's friends are Jewish so they don't celebrate Christmas and some other boy in her class pretended to be sleeping on the couch and caught his parents putting presents under the tree. I have always responded with, "well, what do YOU believe." and my kids always said they still believed there was a Santa. Then we would talk about how other people have different beliefs and that's ok. Recently my daughter asked me seriously if Santa was real and I told her. She wasn't disappointed, she was ready to know and she feels special because she knows and my son doesn't. But we still talk about the Christmas spirit and the magic of all the winter holidays.

If I were you, I would google something like... "the truth about santa" and see what pops up. This is not a new problem that we as parents have dealt with trying to explain to our kids, the truth, while still keeping the magic of Christmas alive.

Here's an exerpt of a letter one Mom wrote to her daughter when her daughter wrote "Is Santa real??? Tell me the TRUTH!"

Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch.
It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.
Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy.
With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.
So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too.

As for the mother that felt the need to ruin it for you... I really don't know what I would say to her. She's probably someone who feels like you are lying to your kids and she's so much better for telling everyone the truth whether it's about her religion of not. What an inconsiderate nit wit. Maybe you could say something like, "I'm so disappointed that you told my kids that Santa, Easter Bunny, etc... aren't real. It was very upsetting to them and I wish you had been more considerate about how we choose to parent our kids."

what a meanie. but it happens to all kids sometime, and it's always an unpleasant shock. it's the price we pay if we choose to tell our kids things that aren't strictly true (i was one of them too!)
of course you can't yell at her. what good will that do? do you think it will change her mind?
as for your kids, it's time to have a simple, age-appropriate discussion about social fantasies. you can't put the genie back in the bottle.
khairete
S.

Wait, they had a play date at your house, but you weren't home, and you don't know this woman well at all?
Not that it REALLY matters, but it's kind of confusing. I mean how did you hear the conversation if you weren't there?
You can always say, WE believe in Santa and that's why he comes to our house, he only visits children who believe in him.
If the mom blew your cover, that WAS extremely rude of her, but since you weren't there, how do you know what actually happened? If it's based on what your kids said that could be full of errors and misunderstandings so don't automatically freak out. At least get this woman's side of the story first.

ugh! I really hate this. It's fun to play this game and the kids enjoy it. I honestly have no idea how old my two oldest were when they figured it out. But I have a feeling they were pretty old. At what ever point it was for my oldest, she kept quiet and played for the sake of her brother who is 3.5 years younger - and besides it was fun. At whatever point my son figured it out, he kept quiet and played for the sake of his sister who is 7 years younger - why not? it's fun! My youngest is now 10, and I'm sure she must question, if not outright know, but she doesn't let on. As the older proclaim to still believe in Santa, and it's so much fun. My dad played Santa until I was married and had kids. We all "believed" because he was having so much fun :) And now we continue that tradition. He fills our stockings and leaves presents.
A family moved in across the street about 3 or four years ago and they're so much more philosophical and practical. They have one the same age as my youngest, with two a couple of years older, and one a few years younger. The youngest comes over and proclaims and argues the point that there is no Santa. She knows. Her parents told her. It's just the parents. There is no Santa. My daughter of course argues the point and wants to get me involved. I, of course, want to rip the kids head off! And, I asked the mom politely to explain to their child that it wasn't a good idea to spout these things off and crush other kids Santa fun. The mom was understanding, but it didn't help.
But, this is what I've always told my kids. "Santa comes to the homes of those who believe. When you stop believing, Santa stops coming." Which is really the truth. As long as you think there's a Santa, you think Santa delivers the gifts. As soon as you figure it out, you know parents deliver the gifts. I think my kids believed in Santa as long as they could, and they pretended, because it's more fun to think Santa delivers the presents! And, now my two oldest often help with the Santa fun. Shopping, wrapping, stuffing stockings, etc. Last year Santa brought a puppy for my youngest. The two oldest were in on the fun and helped pick up the puppy, keep it hidden, wrap a big box, tie a big bow, etc. They LOVED it. Life is just more fun when you add a little imagination and fantasy to things.
I'd have a little talk to the mom and tell her that while you respect her views, she should respect yours. And that for her to tell YOUR kids all of these crossed the line. And perhaps she should be more considerate with other children. Good luck.

I have a feeling my 7 year old is about to figure it out. When we were at a character meal at Disney she told me "mom I know they really are people just dressed up." It is a little sad when that happens. I would simply explain to my kids that those who do not believe do not get gifts from santa. So if their friends do not believe (for whatever reason they do not believe) that is why they do not receive gifts from santa. Also once grown up and you really know you have a responsibility to help BE santa for someone else. Whether it is for the younger kids in your family or extended family or friends, neighbors or strangers you provide gifts for (often without them knowing). In my family if you don't believe or "believe" then you don't get gifts. People can still be the magic of santa but in other ways.
As for the woman who spilled the beans I would let her know that you don't appreciate her explaining her beliefs to your children especially without you present. It is an individual parent's responsibility to choose how to raise and present beliefs to their child's and not someone else's.

I never believed in Santa or the Easter bunny either. I was getting ready to stand up for the kid, because my mother never told me not to tell other kids the truth. So in K, I told some kids, "My mom says there is no such things as Santa and not to let any one lie to me."

I didn't know that it was wrong. The other kids mom was out of line if you ask me.

I don't really think you should be "incensed"... different strokes for different strokes. Are your kids not in school or around other kids? They were bound to hear this sort of thing sooner or later. You can't shelter then forever.

DD has mentioned this same situation to me & I tell her that it's sad that they don't believe, and because they don't believe, they don't get visited by them.

WOW!!!!!
I would be knocking on that woman's door and have a talk with her. I don't care what her beliefs are she has no right to push them on you or your children. She needs to understand that freedom of religion means just that FREEDOM OF RELIGION. She has no right to trample on your children's beliefs, especially when you are not home.
I would also contact the paster at her church and explain (CALMLY) to him/her what happened and ask that person to remind parishioners that they have the right to discuss their beliefs as long as they do not trample on other people's rights.

As far as the kids go you could explain about Jews and tell them that religion does not celebrate Christmas or Easter, or believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny. But in your household you do celebrate these holidays and have your own beliefs.

Your hubby needs to have a talk with his co-worker and explain that the families can no longer do things together and why. If the men want to get together for their own thing that's fine but that you and the children will no longer spend time with his wife and children. His wife needs to learn filters.