Open Communication with Your Children and Honesty

I don't look at these things as lies. I look at them as lovely tradition that help make childhood even more exciting. to this day I remember how i found out that santa wasn't real. thanks to my brother who pointed out that the santa i just told what i wanted for christmas was really a store employee. It was a harsh way for me to find out. i was really sad that day, and maybe days to come. now, as an adult i look back fondly at all of the christmases i had thinking santa was real. i won't tell my kids anytime soon. i'll tell them when they ask me if santa is real. i hope that is not anytime soon and if someone decides to tell them beforehand i'll kick their behind :).

I hear ya!! If not for daycare my son would not know Santa/Easter/Tooth fairy existed.. but here's how I can help, I remember when i was little I got to imagine and believe in everything!!! I never felt lied to because when it came time to tell me the 'truth' my dad explained the history of Santa, etc. That he was a real person, etc a long time ago, and he did amazing things for people, every culture celebrates a little different, and while he doesn't actually 'fly with reindeer' that to this day it's his 'spirit that soars' and stays with us, blah blah blah it made total sense.. so Santa is not a real person anymore but what we believe now is in the 'spirit of santa' and that mom's and dad's all over the world help us reemember him.. I was 9, I took it all in very well.

I absolutely positively do not see Santa Claus, Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy as lies. But if some people tell me I am lying, like my neighbor, well then my husband and I firmly believe they are the best lies we will ever tell!

Santa Claus is based on a real person St. Nicholas of Myra who brought gifts to the poor. What a wonderful way to keep his generousity alive!

The Easter Bunny is a symbol of all that is new and of the rebirth that occurs every spring! This is a wonderful way to celebrate Jesus!

And the tooth fairy, well I do not know her origin, but it is a wonderful way to celebrate milestones in my children's lives!

I give my children symbols to believe in as I teach them about the real stuff too. Anticipating the Easter Bunny makes coping with "Jesus rose from the dead" a little bit more tolerable for a young child.

Happy Easter!

I agree with what has been said so far. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny etc are not lies, they are symbols of certain beliefs and ways of acting toward other people. If she asks, explain to your daughter that everyone has their own beliefs and symbols of their beliefs and there are "people" who represent those beliefs in every custom. Teach her a bit about the symbols and mystical characters that show up in other religions/customs. Later on when she gets older you can continue to talk to her in more depth about the stories behind each of the beliefs she held when she was little.

When I was small, my grandmother used to tell us about the traditions, symbols and stories (good and bad) behind each of the holidays (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc) that we celebrated. It's sad that many children now, they only understand the commercialism and superficial meanings around each of the holiday symbols. Don't give up sharing your "beliefs" in Santa, etc, but prepare your daughter to learn more about the story, behind the symbol.

If what you are doing is lying, then you shouldn't read her illogical fairy tale books, or nursery rhymes either?! That's all make-believe too! Your child's world of wonderous fantasy and imagination, will be over all too quickly, however, it will give her lovely happy memories when she grows into an adult...(as I know it did for me!)

the jewish cousins also don't get presents on christmas or go for an easter egg hunt...or do they? well, going on the assumption that they don't, telling the child that there's no santa claus, no easter bunny and then i guess you could just forget about the tooth fairy...they are not lies, they are like fairy tales that childrean believe in until they don't anymore. think about how you would've felt if you were told that those this weren't real...you would've been crushed, don't you think?!? she will learn the truth in due time, everyone does, and then it's not a shocker and sadness and tears, etc., just a sadness of having the childhood taken away. do you really need to take their childhood away now. so small and young and innocent for such a short time.
mom of 2 girls ages 14yrs and 9 yrs

Dont tell her the truth until she asks you, then dont lie. Tell her Santa and the Easter bunny are fairy tale creatures to bring kids joy. You can explain the origin of Santa, but I dont know where that huge rabbit came from. Kids start to question around 6 or 7, so enjoy the make believe while you have the time.
My daughter and step-son were both 7 one Christmas and came home from school asking about Santa. Some kid at school said there was no Santa. So I sat them down and explained the whole 'spirit of giving' thing and ST Nicholas. 2 days later they had their heads together writing something and I peeked over their shoulders and they were writing letters to Santa. I didnt say a word.

My friend went through this dilemma a few months ago. Her daughter who knows the truth. She over heard her Mom talking to her brother about the tooth fairy. When they were finished talking my friend's daughter asked my friend to come into her room. When she got there she asked her what God thought about her lying to her brother like that. My friend calmly said she didn't really know and she would get back to her on that one. We called our minister and asked her opinion. Our minister said to tell her that God understood that although we were lying to our kids, we were making their childhood special and that parent's are not perfect and God knows that too. This helped my friends daughter. I hope it can help you too.

We too are Christians and I was torn abot the Santa issue. For Easter we simply told our oldest that we celebrate Easter as Chriss death and resurrection. When she asked why there is an Easter bunny I said they are cute. It was just enough. For Santa though our 2nd child is 2yo and I let her think what she wants. I sign all the gifts from mom and Dad, sister even the dog but not from santa. We teach her that Christmas is Jesus's birthday, sing Happy Birthday to Jesus, do cake, ice cream and blow out candles. She likes this even better! For the oldest she wa taught the same thing and when she asked about Santa we told her about the "Original" Santa. He was a kind man who saw children that needed help food. I looked up the story and told her the truth of where Santa began. She will come to the realization that Santa and the Easter Bunny are false but when she does tell her they are just fun parts of that holiday but make sure she already knows the true meaning of both. Children do understand pretend but without Jesus's birth, death and resurection it is all for nothing anyway. Make sure she understands that. A.

My brother is also born-again Christian and his children do not believe in Santa or Easter bunny. Even though we grew up believing in them and we are not scarred, nor do I think my parents Lied to me... It is part of the fun and magic of being a kid. Let your daughter enjoy it and believe in Santa and the Easter bunny. You are not "lying to her", you are helping create a magical childhood in a world of chaos.
enjoy it!!!

Maybe: tell your children you believe --- in the spirit of the event. And that there are many helpers (like moms).

I've heard it described that Santa is a myth -- a that we contrast with Jesus, a TRUE story. Stories can be true or pretend (Jesus real, Cinderella pretend). Myths are stories that help us learn how to live -- like Santa Claus caring for EVERY child and being generous. Truth is more foundational -- what we shape our lives with.

How wonderful for you to be thinking through things and not just going with the flow. And to be always building that trust. You are sowing good seeds!

Peace,
Wendolyn

Having a childhood fantasy is not the same as lying. It's like having an imaginary friend. We teach our kids not to lie, but we also tell them that when someone says, "Do you like my new dress?" and it's hideous, that you don't tell them it's ugly.
Having Jewish relatives or acquaintances doesn't make it any different. I grew up Jewish and I knew that these things were simply not a part of our religion. I would worry less about your daughter believing in Santa and the Easter bunny, and simply be honest in explaining that Jewish people do not celebrate Christmas and Easter, that they do not recognize Christ as their savior as the Christian religions do and that they have their own traditions and spiritual convictions. This has nothing to do with lying, whether the cousins are Jewish or not, these made up characters are part of Christmas and Easter for many families. They're not any more or less made up because of people of a different faith than yours not celebrating the same holidays. This is the time to point out that the gifts under the tree and the candy in the basket isn't what the holiday is all about and that each religion has their own meaningful traditions.

Hi S., Sounds like you have answered yourself. Santa and the Easter Bunny have nothing to do with Christianity but everything to do with the seasons and yes, being a child. What you call telling the truth may only start trouble if she tells her friends. As you said yourself we all figure it out some day and it is fun to believe for a while. Follow your heart. Grandma Mary

S.,
You aren't lying about the Easter Bunny or Santa, they are real. Okay so stop thinking I am a nut case, I mean it in the sense that YOU are the Easter Bunny and Santa and when she gets older and figures it out then you can tell her that you are them, but for now let her enjoy her childhood. I did that with my kids and to this day my 10 year old still believes. Also at 26 years old Christmas and Santa (aka Mr. & Mrs. Claus) are still an enjoyment to my daughter and her brothers and you know what, me too.
Hugs,
T.

I agree with most of the other posts. There is nothing wrong with fostering a creative imagination in your children. My mom alway told us that Santa comes to those who believe, so my sister's and I have always left cookies for santa and we are all in our 30s :) Good luck!

Just a thought. On Christmas we open our gift from each other, from Santa and the last one is from Baby Jesus. I tell my kids that because it's baby Jesus' birthday - he wants us to share love by giving gifts. We also have a cake and sign happy Birthday to Baby Jesus. It helps keep Jesus as part of Christmas too. good luck and enjoy.. they really do grow quickly!

I don't think it's lying really. Using imagination and making life a little whimsical isn't going to harm your child. I know my parents made life magical for me: we built fairy houses, celebrated festivals and I believed in the Easter bunny until I grew up and realized it was my parents. I say let her imagination soar - in a world where everything can be so harsh, having a little magic isn't a bad thing.