Dealing with Preteens

I always told my daughter that it was the magic of believing. Now she is 14, but she will tell you that she believes in Santa Claus, etc...

When my daughter and then my son were old enough, I bought a book about the origin of Santa Claus that told of many real Santa's over the years including the Dutch toymaker who put toys in shoes the night of Christmas Eve and the real Saint Nicholas. It made sense to her because I also stress what commercialism is and how that transforms the true gift giving into something that is a reason to spend money rather then enjoy family.

Also, I consistently label every gift they receive, regardless of the giver, as from Santa. I explained to my daughter that gift giving is not a status symbol. It is not about who spent what and who gave what. Therefore, "Santa" makes the gifts anonymous and the family love is the focus of appreciation, not the price tag. I grew up in a family where holidays were a price war. Some relatives even left the price tag on a gift to 'prove' how much they spent and outdo other family members.

I have a 12 yr old that claims to still "believe". She hasn't really asked any questions. I think it's because we have always had the family motto..."If you don't believe, you don't receive". This was passed along from my husband's side. He and his older sister were still getting "visits" from Santa, Easter bunny, etc. in college. The holidays still mean so much for him.

Well, I don't know how to deal with a pre-teen (I only have an eight-month-old), but I know at 11 I overheard my Dad talking to a friend about assembling the bikes that Santa brought at Christmas, so that disillusioned me, but I still chose to pretend around Christmas time, just because it was more fun. When I was 14, my mom made me "Santa's Helper," and we went on "just the two of us" shopping trips to pick presents for the family. Perhaps you could briefly explain that Santa is a way to make gift giving more special and exciting, because you're doing it secretly, and involve her in some of the planning and purchasing.

I have a stepdaughter who is 7 years older than my daughter. When they were kids, when the older one figured out that we were Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc., we told her not to tell and then let her help us with filling stockings, Easter baskets, etc. And after she went to bed, we still put out a small surprise gift for her as well.

Wow this is stuff because at age 11, most of your daughters friends probably do not believe. When mine were that old I told them the truth. then I asked them not to tell their younger brother who was 5 years younger. We had lots of fun at that time playing Santa together for the youngest one in the family & in a way they learned WHY we kept the fun of Santa... It is so much more fun when there is someone in the house so little & sweet that still believes in the magic of it all...

Hi T.-

My daughter is 10 yrs old and she asks the same questions and I just ask her right back does she believe. She always says yes and then we go on. I do believe my child knows in a way that I am the Easter Bunny and Santa, but she wants to believe that they are real so she goes along. I also have a 7 yr old who doesn't ask yet. I think they know, but they want not only the gift they get by believing, but too it is fun to believe.

Good luck-
T. C.

I know a lot of people do the same thing you have done with telling your kids about the Easter Bunny, Santa, the tooth fairy, etc., and my parents did the same with me and my 4 sisters. My parents also taught me about Jesus and what is really real and important. We always watched the old Christmas, Charlie Brown, and other specials about different holidays. Although when I was a little girl and believed in Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy, there was always a part of me that knew none of them were really real. I knew it was my dad that put money under my pillow, and my mom that wrapped the presents and put them under the tree, and that the Easter bunny did not go hide the eggs. I don't remember ever asking, but I know that I knew they weren't really real. I was also taught about Jesus. I knew it was God who provided for me and my family. So, I guess it really depends on how much emphasis you put on the make-believe to make it real for your kids that will determine on how much it may hurt or disappoint them. I let my kids watch the same make-believe Christmas and Charlie Brown specials about Halloween and Easter that I watched, but I never taught my kids, now 14, 16, and 22, to believe in those things so they would never get their hearts broken or be disappointed to find out they weren't real. I have one son that is mildly autistic that takes everything literal and is soft-hearted, so I had to teach him that it wasn't real, but all my kids know Jesus is real, and they know what the holidays are really about. So my suggestion is, if you haven't already done so, replace what they believe in with something that is real so they won't be disappointed again. Take out a Bible and show them where Santa, the Easter Bunny, the reindeer, and the tooth fairy are, then you will realize how much your kids' hearts are resilient. There is none more innocent than Christ. If you don't know and want to know where to look in the Bible for all those make-believe characters that can become real for your kids, ask me, or any pastor should be able to tell you. I hope I have been of some help.

We have a lot of similarities. I am 45, married for 23 years to the most wonderful man on the planet, and I have an 11-year-old boy who still believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy. I also, however, have a 20-year-old daughter and a 17-year-old daughter, so I have had some experience and practice in transcending beyond the "magic". I have, too, held off as along as possible. He is in the fifth grade now, and the time has come. I plan to tell him this summer; the girls wanted me to "eek out" one more Christmas - last Christmas!:-) I told both of my girls at this very age, and I must admit it was easier because there was always a younger sibling to ask them to "help" with in keeping the magic alive; however, I plan to let him know that Santa, etc. was a wonderful and magical time in his life that we all enjoyed at one time. I plan to let him know that just as he is changing in all sorts of ways and that we are in a sense leaving this stage behind, the journey ahead of him is just as exciting. With the onset of puberty in our preteens rapidly approaching, I just can't avoid the subject anymore with him entering middle school next year! Learning about our bodies and growing up just doesn't seem to mix with Santa anymore! A side note: my girls were astonished when I told them about Santa, etc.; they NEVER even suspected! I would hear them argue "to the death" with their friends that tried to spoil it for them. They also never accused me of lying to them; they took it very, very well and were excited to keep the magic alive for the next sibling - which is what you have in your case; it should be a little easier this go-round! Good luck and congratulations for keeping and desiring your children's innocence - it is a blessing! W. L.

I don't know about the easter bunny. But Santa is real. He is St. Nick. If you do your research on the staints, St. Nick was a man who craved wooden toys for all the boys and girls around his town. He would leave them on their door steps at night for them. We has parents are just carrying on what he started. Call it Santa or whatever you want. That much I know is true.

I've got sort of the same problem, only my son is 11 and my daughter is 7. I have instilled in my children the importance of truthfulness, yet I'm not truthful when I lie to them about Santa Claus and Easter bunny. If you get any suggestions, please forward them on. Sounds like we're telling them the same exact thing.

Hello T.,
I understand you wanted to keep your daughter innocent as long as possible, unfortunately we live in a not so innocent world. The best way to keep her innocent is instilling truth into her. Lying to her about santa and easter bunny is teaching her to lye. Truth is the only way to stay innocent and free. To tell her if she don't believe don't receive may do more damage then good. Because she doesn't receive does not make a thing less true. Honesty teach her to be honest. Teach her truth so she will teach others truth. I hope I gave a little insight. Be blessed

J. K

T.,
I was trying to remember how my parents handled the whole Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy thing. I think when I was 10 and my sister was 8, we started questioning it. My parents never told us all of those weren't real, but they eventually did say something like, "Santa and the Easter Bunny represent the true meaning of the seasons, which are about giving and new life (because they were Christians they then tied it into the Christian meaning of those seasons)." They then said when we give you gifts, for those seasons, it's out of our love for you and your brother." They also began to give us our Easter gifts with less and less emphasis on the Easter bunny, and eventually started signing their names to those. But we always had gifts on Christmas morning without a note as to who it was from. We knew it was Mom and Dad, but it still kept the fun of Christmas morning alive.
Then when we would push for more, such as are YOU really Santa, they would just smile and say "That's for you to decide."

My sister and her husband don't really do the whole Santa Easter bunny thing because they wanted to avoid the questions, lying to the kids, etc. They just give the gifts and remind their kids that Santa and Easter Bunny represent the spirit of the Seasons, and it's really about Jesus and the gift of life he's given us.

Hope this helps!

Man I dread this day! My sis-in-law had to tell her daughter a couple of years ago. I am not sure what time of year she told her, but when she did, she got her the book The Polar Express and happened to find a Polar Express bell from the story. They both cried and were sad, but it made it kind of a special experience for her to have the bell. I think they are kind of hard to find now, but an idea like that might be kind of neat. Good luck!

I tell my children, "I sure hope Santa is real, because I believe in Santa. It is my belief in Santa that makes me want to do wonderful things for those I love during the holidays. It's the spirit of Santa that inspires me to buy gifts and do wonderful things for you. It would be awful to find out there is no Santa."

They know, but with a smile and a wink, we all play along.

We explained to our daughter as she got older that Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. are real in the spirit of the holiday. They are not a real person (or bunny!) who sneaks in to leave gifts in the middle of the night, but they are real in spirit and in heart when the holiday comes around.

Santa may not be real in the purest sense of the word, but he's a real dream and a real fantasy for millions of kids. It's FUN to "believe" in Santa and this explanation gives them a way to believe and still know the literal truth.

I think you should tell her the truth. If she has made it to 11, that is amazing. My daughter is 8 and already I can tell she is REALLY thinking about it. She asked me last week if I beleived in Easter Bunny and said "do you?" She said she did and I said "me too." Then she asked how old you are when Santa and the Easter Bunny stop coming to you. I told her I couldn't remember how old I was. (I guess avoidance is my way:)) I'm sure she'll be pushing harder to find out soon. If she comes out and asks and I can tell she really wants to know the truth, I'll tell her but make her promise not to tell her little sister.

This question always brings to mind what my mom-in-law told Lannie when he asked. She told him yes Santa was real because SC means Sprint of Christmas. What is the Sprint of Christmas all the love we show each other and the love God show us by sending his son to save us.

Mom, it sounds like it's time to come clean....i know it's hard to give that up, for you and for your kids...but if she's asking the specific question then it's time to give her an honest answer....sorry, tell her the heart that goes into santa and the easter bunny, etc....ask her to not say things in front of her brother....so he can enjoy as long as possible. My oldest was more than happy to help keep the secret for his little brother. It's all part of them growing up....it's a bummer but you can't keep them little. R.

Just went through all of that!! I sat my eleven year old down after a store clerk "spilled the beans" about Santa and explained who St. Nicholas was and how what he did for children was so special, but because he was a real man he couldn't live forever so he left it to parents to keep his magic and love going for centuries now!! And when she was a parent it would be her gift for her children to have a magical time in their lives. She got it. And I made her responsible for keeping the magic alive for her younger siblings and any other child who still believes. I also told her that the magic was love and unselfishness and why that was the joy of gift giving. Too bad I didn't include the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy in that....she discovered the Easter Bunny works in much the same way as Santa....she then proceeded to tell me she still believes in the tooth fairy because she still has on more tooth to lose.

B.

T.,I really agree with Donna you need to teah them the truth behind it. If they see how it is about Jesus and what he has done for us them they will enjoy there time alot better. My girls know the difference between the holiday and the real meaning and that is so nice because ther is no pretending there is something that just isn't there.

Hi T.! I read your question, and unlike a lot of questions on here, I could relate to yours!! Been there done that!! And I should add, doing that very thing now with my 4 year old Grandson! Kids are so knowlegeable these days it's just unreal!! I'm not going to tell you 'this is the way you should do things'; but I will tell you what I feel and what works for me. You take it however you can use it and best of luck. I am a very Spiritual person, and everyone who knows me knows this about me. My Grandson has a teenage Uncle who told him there was no Santa, Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy. So at Christmas this year, I found myself telling my Grandson the same thing I'd told my Son years ago. Santa Claus represents the Spirit of Christmas which is GIVING! Christmas Day is the day we celebrate Jesus' Birthday, so Santa Claus is here to make sure we remember to give at Christmas time so we can celebrate Jesus' Birthday by GIVING! Baby Jesus was born as a gift to the world, because when he grew up He walked all over the world telling people how to treat others, (you get the idea right?) Now, the thing about being a Santas in every mall and store and they look different? I just said that there were special people picked out to make sure kids don't forget to be good. The Easter Bunny is the spirit of Jesus going to Heaven, re-birth, renewal, the eggs represent the stone rolling away from the tomb(I called it a cave), and that He went to live in Heaven. Ok, now. I've no clue as to any religous preferences you may have, because I didn't read anything in your question, one way or the other. I hope I haven't offended any Beliefs you may have, but this is what I believe. Take all the comments, recommendations you get and use what pertains to your family. If you do it that way, you'll have your own unique way of dealing with the reality questions. I hope this has been helpful and wish you lots of luck!!

Hi T.
My opinion is to tell your daughter that the Easter Bunny and Santa are a tradition that families participate in making the holiday's exciting for them. "Yes, Dad and I leave the presents but as I said before If you don't believe you don't receive. Let's keep this fun for everyone and not tell brother."
She keeps asking you and she is coming to you for the truth.

T.,
My mom never told me that these fictional characters are not real. However as I grew older into the preteen years I knew they didn't exsist we just kept the spirit alive as I have with my children who are now almost grown. But it is fun to still leave little Easter gifts and to fill their stockings at Christmas. I still put gifts under the tree that on Christmas Eve as well. They say oh mom you don't have to do this but they still enjoy it. Enjoy you daughter she will be grown and gone soon enough. May God bless you both, M.

I just tell my daughter (now 14) that as long as you believe then it is so....I mean I believe in Santa, how else do I get gifts under the tree for me from Santa....I know she doesn't believe anymore but it was fun for a long time....you have to tell her let her brother believe as long as he can also....

T., I'm shocked that your 11 year old does still believe!! My son asked me point blank when he was 6 or 7, "are you and dad really Santa Clause?". I couldn't lie to him...told him the truth and then asked him to help us keep it a secret for his sister (3 at the time) so that she could enjoy the magic for as long as possible. Sister is now 6 and still believes, and brother enjoys being a "big kid" and helping us play it along... At 11, I'd bet your daughter is just pretending to believe...logically she has the skills to realize the impossibility of it. I think you should fess up and let her join you in making it fun for her brother... Good luck!!!

I agree with most on this topic that it is best for you to tell your 11yr old and also ask her to keep it a secret for her younger siblings. Ask her to remember what it has been like for her, waking up, seeing things from Santa, Easter Bunny, etc. Isn't it great? Doesn't she want that for her little bro? I will never forget the year my sister and I searched the house (we had 3 stories and lots of closets) to find our Christmas presents and we succeeded. It was so disappointing on Christmas day not to have any surprises! We never did that again. I was the youngest of 6 and probably around age 8 I realized that Santa and all the rest were indeed, my parents. I would have kept believing but my older siblings and kids at school opened my eyes. I think in a way, it is a sign of intelligence when the kids use logic to reason out the truth. It is nice for them to remain innocent, but at some point this innocence becomes a weakness. I got teased endlessly - again, I was the youngest - because I didn't know a lot of things the older kids knew and it gave me a bit of a low-self-esteem complex. I can imagine a child feeling empowerment and learning to show responsibility and respect by knowing the truth and not sharing it with other kids whose parents do not want them to know. I bet your daughter will feel good about herself if she can be included with the grown-ups and share the secret with you. BTW: my own stepdaughter claims to still believe (she is 12) but I think she is smarter than all of us and likes the fun and extra gifts that come with it all! We used to tell her that we put in special requests for Santa to come to our house early since my husband is German and Germans celebrate on Christmas eve so we used to get Santa presents on the 23rd and she would wake up on the 24th to find the Santa presents at our house...Then she would go to her moms and Santa would visit there on the 24th/25th morning! We don't tell her that anymore because we have since moved too far away for her to be at both places during Christmas so now we just tell Santa to bring all her stuff to where she's at. She does have a younger brother at her mom's house and this may be part of why she still believes and keeps the secret going. None of us are going to tell her the truth until she comes out and asks!

I am a Mother of 4 ages 16,11,6,4 and it gets harder and harder to deal with the peer pressure of other children. My 16 year old believed until she was 12 and I handled things pretty much the same way that you have but I told my 11 year old this year. She's just a more intuitive child and she just had sooooo many questions and so many turmoils with her classmates making fun of her so I finally told her and just explained that it is a part of childhood and keeping innocence in our children and she promised to not tell her younger siblings. I'm sure with the younger ones, I'll be telling them sooner and sooner but like you I believe in a child being a child as long as possible. I can't believe that parents tell their children at such young ages but unfortunately, they do and once that is done, it spreads to other children their age like wildfire. Just trust you instincts and you'll know when the time is right and rest assured, the oldest can know and not affect the younger one. Good luck.

This was a really hard one for me, too. My daughter is 12 now but about 2 years ago she asked me the same thing and the first time I lied to her and said of course there is a Santa Clause. The second time she said all the kids at school said there wasn't and she looked at me and said "Please, mom, tell me the truth." So I did, feeling like lying to her again would be unfair. I also told her that she can believe whatever she wants to believe. She was totally shocked & upset, but let's face it, they have to grow up sometime and I really think that me not wanting to tell her at first was for ME, not her, because I got such pleasure out of pretending there is a Santa Claus. It's a part of life, it's hard, but there will come a time when you're going to have to tell them. Hope this helps and good luck to you.

dear T. i know it's hard to be honest with peteen's some times cause you don't want them to grow up so quick.but you'd be surprised how well they understand things. and let her help hide eggs or wrap gift's for younger'ones.this is a tuff age group (their too old for kid stuff and too young for teen stuff) my middle son alway's used to complain about that.hope thing's work out for you

I can tell you how we handle the "Santa thing". There are some great books about the life of Saint Nicholas. Christian book distributers carries it near Christmas. It talks about what he did for kids, and how parents like to remember him by "pretending" to be him. It explains how he was an example of Jesus by giving without wanting anything in return.

After discussing it with them, I ask them if they like to surprise people by giving them presents or doing things for them. They usually say they do. I then explain that parents like to do the same thing, so we pretend to be Santa. Then I explain that now that they're "in on the secret" they get to play Santa for someone the next Christmas. Because they get to be Santa too, they want to keep the secret with us.

We don't do the Easter Bunny, but you could do something similar. Hope it helps.

I think that if they're old enough to ask, then they're old enough to know the truth. Maybe you could enlist her help in playing Easter Bunny, tooth fairy, santa claus, etc for her little brother. Ask her to help you keep it all secret from him. That might make her feel pretty special... like you trust her with grown up stuff. That way, she can still take part in the fun, but you also don't have to lie to her about it all.

My oldest told me when he was 11 that he knew Santa wasn't real. I talked to him about how neat it was when he did believe so now he is our helper. He gets to help fill all the other stockings (except his), he acted like he was surprised by the easter basket, he gets the others excited about the tooth fairy. I was really worried because our other son just turned ten and our daughter is 5, I didnt want it to be ruined for them. He has really enjoyed playing along. I even "planted" for him to ask santa for mechanical pencils in his stocking because I knew that was a small item I was putting in there. Santa was speechless by the request :)

Tell both of your children that Jesus was born on Christmas day and was resurected on Easter. Christmas, Easter and all holidays should be truthful. God Bless You.

well my mom always told me that if i didn't believe then i didn't get nothing and i just lied and said i did.... even though i didn't beleive christmas and easter were still fun b/c my lil brother still didn't know and i knew something he didn't... why don't you allow your daughter to aid you in making sure her brother does believe... tell her the story of st. nick and how he was a real man and he died... parents now keep the joy alive by reliving this magic he bestowed upon us year after year for their children and someday she will have the job as well...

Santa is real as long as you believe in him. The real Easter bunny is retired and the tooth fairy only brings the Mom and Dad the money, after his misfortune in 1972. He can't fly right anymore. GOD is VERY Real, you can't make it without him...many have tried. Angels are real, again, they come when you need them most. Ghosts are really just spirits there to help us see something we may otherwise miss. Father time is fictional...but we see the results daily. Aliens are real, they're just too fast for us to see...just ask the US Border Patrol. Anyone else is probably fictional, but is you ask about them, particularly, I'll see what I can find out for you.

Hi T., I do not believe there is a time limit or a set age for shedding light on our fairytales. However at that age everyone but the parents has told her they are not real.
I would tell her, "They are as real as you want them to be." Tell her to keep her dreams alive and always wish on a star. I wouldn't tell her at this point they are real or they are not. Give her opportunity to dream, to have hope and to use her own mind.

Cheers

I am 36 years old, work outside the home, I have 2 daughters, ages 16 and 13, and have been happily married to my high school sweetheart for almost 19 years now. I have told my girls the same thing my mom told me from the time I started asking questions -- The day you stop believing in Santa is the day he stops bringing presents! So let me tell ya, they still believe in the spirit of Santa Claus - and always will because I still believe to this day!! Hope this helps! Have a wonderful and blessed day!

Well, I am just happy to hear that you 11 year old still believes or is just now asking. My grandchildren who are 6, 4 & 3 already know that it was their Papa that was dressed up as Santa on Christmas and wanted to know if he was going to dress up as the Easter Bunny. I think the point of the figures that represent the holidays is more a spiritual representation that an actual physical being. Believing in the magic and the possibilities that holidays are supposed to bring is so much more important that if the big guy is real or not. It not supposed to be about the presents or easter baskets, but there you go, what is a parent supposed to do? Although the kids know it was Papa all dressed, we can still convince them that bad behavior will prevent presents or the hopes of any egg hunt. Perhaps, it is time to include your daughter in the planning stages to maintain the mystery for her brother. Don't get freaked to badly with the Preteen stages. Looks like you are doing great.

I did this last year. My oldest girl just turned 12 and I have 2 younger girls, 5 and 6 years old. It was time for my oldest to know because she could handle it. Her friends were teasing her for still believing. I told her only specifically about Santa, but the rest kind of fell into place. I said that although there is no "flesh and blood" Santa Clause, there is a spirit. And I keep him alive by keeping that secret because Santa Clause is the "magic" of Christmas. I reminded her of all the wonderful Christmas morning she's had and asked for her help in making sure her sisters were able to have that same experience. When Christmas came around this year, it was a little heartbreaking for my oldest, knowing that there wouldn't be a sleigh on the roof, but she really got into the story this year and helping me teach the younger ones about Santa. In part, she got to become Santa and I think that really helped. The pre-teen thing is still gonna make me grey too soon, but this part was really no sweat, because I'm fortunate that no matter how insane my oldest gets, she still likes to help people out and surprise people with good deeds. I'd say just tell her, and trust her, and let her know you're trusting her. She'll make you proud just like always, just like mine did.

I had a similar problem with my 12 year old daughter last year. A girl in school cam up to her and told her that santa wasn't real and that he was your parents..I have a very smart child, and very strong willed, but this almost broke her!! When she came home and told me we sat down and had a long talk about it. I have a 15 year old daughter, and it was hard to tell her to, she was around the same age as her sister when I told her.

I am a christian, so we disscussed why we have christmas.She understood about the birth of Christ. So I told her that is the reason we have Christmas, and yes santa is a part of christmas. I went on to say that Christmas is a magical time, that i loved her but her dad and i was santa. She said she figured that it was true because reindeer can't fly, and other things...The point is she wasn't mad at us, and we still have Wonderful christmas mornings!!!! But most of all I told her to NEVER EVER tell anyone because that was not up to her to tell. By the way, last christmas was her first one with knowing about "santa", and she had a ball!!! I think to her being a "santa" is just as much fun as getting gifts from "santa".

I just experienced the same thing with my son. He just turned 11 and he asked me if Santa was real at Christmas time. I told him that Mom and Dad are Santa. I also explained to him that it was a PRIVILEGE and a RIGHT of PASSAGE for him to have this info. This way he felt he was special and more grown up than his siblings. I made it a point to tell him that he got to experience the mystery and wonder of Santa for 11 yrs. and that it would be unfair for him to take that away from his brother and sister, so he would be in ALOT of trouble if he told them. I guess my point is that if your son asks you point blank, you should tell him. Otherwise, he will think you are lying later on when he finds out and he will be mad at you.

This method seemed to work for me. I hope it helps.

We were very lucky that our daughter (now almost 13 - agh!!!) lost her last tooth about a year ago. (She's the oldest of 4 kids, so we were worried about the innocence thing, too) She was also starting to get suspicious of the Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny/Santa. So, we took the opportunity to respond (usually the tooth fairy leaves our kids a note with their money). This time, we left her a note. We told her that the time had come for her to know that we are the Tooth Fiary and Santa. We wanted her to know and understand that both were very real, just maybe not what she thought they were. We explained that we celebrated these traditions because it was fun, promoted childhood dreaming and thinking and gave her and us so many precious memories of these young years. We asked for her help in preserving this innocence for her sisters/brother in the years to come. She cried and I cried and she felt so grown-up and honored that we had taken the time to trust her with this "secret". She is very much a part of the Tooth Fairy/Santa/Easter Bunny details for her siblings now and loves it. As a side note, we are Christians and in the letter we also took great pains to explain to her that the many things she has learned about Jesus over the years were all true. That He is real and that she can trust that the Bible is not just telling her stories, but saving her soul. We begged her always to enjoy the fun moments that God has given us in this world, but to never take her eyes off the prize (Jesus Christ). We also told her she could always trust that we love her and that God loves her even more (no matter what her feelings or the world told her, that those two things would always be true). We also later explained all about St. Nicholas, his great faith and works, and how the tradition of Santa was started.

All in all, it was a very good thing for her. They grow up, whether we want them to or not, so we felt it was best to use this time to guide her and help her understand these things while still enjoying the fun.

And we do still have the rule that if you don't believe, you don't receive. For the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Santa ARE real and they love their children tremendously! Good luck.

First, I would consider it a blessing that in this day and age that your daughter is only beginning to question the existence of Santa, EAster bunny etc. My oldest is 9 and is in the halfway stage of not believing. he now knows the tooth fairy is not real because he caught me putting the quarters under his 6 year old brothers pilow. He thinks it is a hoot and helps me to remember without speaking out of turn to take care of those teeth. With Easter having just passed he noticed that the baskets the bunny brought our children had the same candy as those I had prepared for my godchildren. He is a straight A student and looks for those minute details. I think that this will be his last year believing. But I firmly believe that once the wonderment of it is over for him, I will be able to have him be Santa's little helper. I think he would enjoy creating the illusion for the three younger siblings. maybe the same would help for your daughter. Encourage her to become a little "elf" and maybe she will still look forward to the holidays. I believe it's a matter of replacing one joy with another. Hope this helps.

Ask your daughter if she believes in her heart, that it's ok to believe when all of her friends are saying that it isn't real. Teach her to be strong and loyal to herself. There will be plenty of time to tell her that it is make-believe.

I have an 11 year old son and this Christmas he told me that he just knew Santa Claus was really me but in still asked Santa for a gift this year. I debated on debunking the Santa myth and just not bying the present but in the end "Santa" brought him his requested gift. He and I both know that he understands that Santa is not real - but we are now keeping the myth alive for each other - it is part of the holiday tradition.

In reality the is a St. Nicklaus which is said to be where the Santa Claus myth started. We have talked about this story which ties into the religious meaning of the holiday for us. http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=38
If you talk to your daughter and tell her there is no Santa you can keep the meaning of Santa alive through the true tales of St. Nicklaus.

Happy Holiday !!!

My oldest just tuned 11 recently, and after we saw The Polar Express I old him that once you stopped believing there was no magic. He figured it is more fun to rite a letter an onder what he'll be getting than goig shopping to pick up his presents...
You may also speak to her "from woman to woman=)" and get her involved in the whole Santa project for the youngest sake...