"The Childfree Life- When Having It All Means Not Having Children"

Some people are happy not having kids, I don't see what the big deal is. Kids are a lot of work and not for everyone. Better they decide not to have them than be the mom who wrote that one article about how she wished she never had them.

Huh... I think everyone's idea of "having it all" is different. Some people have different priorities and goals in life and for some it doesn't include children. Kids are not for everyone and it doesn't mean that their lives are unfulfilled.I think it's a responsible choice and that there are far too many people having kids because they think they "should."

There was a time in life that I did not want children. I didn't plan to have them... ever. But things change and once I decided that I did want to have kids and I did have them, my life became about my kids. I love them to pieces and can't imagine not having them now. And who'da thunk... my job is a home daycare taking care of other people's kids too.

Now I have to go read the article...

I LOVE being a mom... I may not "have it all," but I have what I need to be happy... And I am GOOD with that.

I know plenty of people who have no kids. They are able to travel more, have more freedom in their lives, and definitely have more money... And they don't need kids to be happy. I am GOOD with that, too.

To each their own, I say.

People who don't want children should not have children and should not be subjected to social pressure to have children.

I adore my daughter. She wasn't planned, but I decided tio have her after discovering that I was pregnant.
After she was born, I did not ever want to have another.
Had I not had her, my life would have been just as complete, just different.

Sure there are points when your kids are young that you pine for the days when you slept in. When you feel like all you do is clean. Sure at that point in raising kids you look at your childless friends and think they are living the life.

Fast forward 20 years.

You are out to dinner with your adult children, one of them just graduated, you are so proud. Who do you think is feeling envy then? Who then is wondering wow, 20 years ago, that was as good as it gets?

Trust me, I have four, that stage of total dependence doesn't last long and the rewards are so worth it.

Oh, didn't read the article.

Well it's kind of hard to comment without reading the story but, sure, I can imagine another life, or another path I may have taken, and maybe I could have been just as happy. More so? Less? Who knows. That's impossible to say.
I can't imagine my life without my kids but that's simply because that's the only life I know. That was my choice, and desire. I don't expect other people to make the same choices I do, especially when it comes to something as important as having and raising another human being.
I chuckle when I read some of the responses from mothers of babies and young children, who are still at that point in parenthood where you are absolutely smitten, head over heels in love. Sleepless nights and pee on the floor are NOTHING compared to the stress and pain guiding your children through adolescence. It's like listening to newlyweds talk about the importance and wonder of marriage, and how fantastic it all is, even though it's hard sometimes.
Just wait.

I'm at the mothering age when if I do want to sleep in I can. In fact, this being the last day of a very action packed summer we've all been quite lazy this morning!

I think people that don't want kids should not have them. On the other hand as the older generation in our families shrink I am so glad we have the next generation coming up.

I can't help but think it would be sad and lonely to be approaching middle age and not have older kids to share life with. They don't stay kids forever and I'm looking forward to having adult realtionships with my girls just as much as I looked forward to having babies.

My husband and I chose to not have kids for a long time. We wanted to spend the first several years together, just us, so we could explore, travel, educate ourselves, build a foundation, and learn about each other. Then we decided to have kids, and we're due in October with our first. We couldn't be happier; the world has been our oyster for so long, now we're ready to share it with someone.

Most of our friends that are couples don't have kids, and it works great for them. I hate seeing people who have kids that complain about them all the time and call them mistakes, etc.

There's sacrifices to be made on both sides of the fence. It's all in what we make it.

It's a valid and responsible choice for many.

Media manipulation

To each his/her own.

Some want children, but can't.
What then?

I can't imagine life without my kids.
Sure life would be different if I did not have them.
But I do.
And they were wanted.
I feel blessed that I could have children.
My life, is full.
It is what you make of it.

I don't complain when I don't get sleep because of my kids.
I KNEW that was how it was/is with kids. Especially when they are young.
No biggie.
It is just a part of how it is when you have children.
I accept that, gladly.

I haven't read the article (and probably won't) but I respect someone's decision to not have children. My dad has 6 siblings and 2 are married, without children, by choice. Both couples probably would have made great parents but that's not what they wanted and that's great too. They are wonderful aunts and uncles, good to their parents and siblings, and are the people in our family who own vacation homes (which they open up to all of us), travel extensively, drive nice cars, and will retire comfortably. They have rich social lives and lots of friends. It's a nice life and works for them. I have a few friends and quite a few colleagues who are married without children - by choice - or are not married but don't plan on having children. In general, they are interesting, active, busy people who live well, travel, are doting aunts and uncles and do a lot of the care giving for aging parents.

Parenting isn't for everyone - I think it's great when those who aren't 100% sure they want kids - or are 100% they don't - have the courage to buck societal norms and family pressure and opt out of parenting. It's a tough choice to make and people are judgmental about it. I always knew that I would have kids, but it's not for everyone. Who am I to judge?

Having kids and raising them is not everyone's cup of tea.
Some figure this out before they have kids while others try it anyway and just mess things up for everyone every which way around.
If childless people are enjoying their lives - good for them!
I'm having the time of my life raising our son - I have no regrets.
Different people have different paths.
There's more than one way to happiness.
To each his own!

Time what... Does anybody read that anymore? Does anyone have a suscription to it? Does anyone care?

I'm so tired of media jerking us around. I'm sure it's a good article, the editors choose an inflammatory title. I might read it, if media had not wore out its welcome, long ago.

I don't think it's selfish to not have children I think it is a smart decision. I have known so many people that are bad parents and who are so unhappy since they had children.

To me it's so unfair to the children born to parents that really don't want them.

I read part of it, and I don't see the problem with the article. (At least, the part I read. I haven't had time to read the rest.) I see it as a different perspective, and talking about a different path. I didn't see it, as saying one way is better then the other or worth more.

I am a person who had no opinion on having a child. I would have been fine without one and fine with one. I don't wish to not have my son, but I wish I had more of the time I used to!! I WANTED and want my son. I know people who don't really have to desire and have some, because they feel that's the next step. I see how miserable they are. If I never had the strong pull, I would not have had a child. I don't have a pull for another, so I am done.

Both choices have pros and cons, like everything else in life.

I haven't read the story, but I'm not sure what the controversy is, to be frank. Some people just shouldn't be parents. If they know that and don't have kids, what is the controversy? There are many ways to live your life. Children doesn't automatically need to be included. Goodness knows that it would be better for society if bad parents were never parents in the first place.

People create controversy because they have nothing better to do I guess. All of society expects everyone to have children. When people only have one, everyone asks them if they're going to have another. Until it becomes obvious that they're not. Then people sometimes make them feel bad "doesn't your child get lonely" etc.
Then on the other side of the coin, if someone has "too many" children (3 or more) others tell them they're "crazy" "insane" or worse.

I have 3 kids, I love having them. I always knew I wanted kids. Even when I was young, I knew I wanted kids. Thats my choice. I certainly dont think it's for everyone! My aunt (now in her late 60s) never had kids and is LOVING being a great-aunt to my 3 kids. She is very close with us, she takes the older ones for sleepovers, out to lunch or dinner, to her town pool etc. It is a sweet relationship.

I see nothing wrong with people living purposely child-free lives. For me, I would not be happy. I am sure others can be.

I think every couple is different. I also hope that this type of article encourages childless couples to remain child free if they truly do not want children. I believe too many couples have children because they think that is what they are supposed to do. I also believe no one should bring a child into this world unless they are wanted by both parents and the parents can provide for the child emotionally and financially.

I have one son whom I love more than anything in this world, more than I ever thought possible. I was lucky in that I conceived him seconds after both my husband and I thought we would start trying.

Most of our friends our childless couples. Some by choice and some can't conceive and choose not to pursue fertility treatments.

My friends that are childless by choice are as happy as I am. I don't think having a child is for everyone. It's a sacrifice and a commitment and not every person is up for parenthood. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be my son's mother but I don't think it is for everyone. At worst, look at The Casey Anthony's or Baby Brianna's family. Slightly better than that is the child that is born and cared for but not truly wanted. Too many have children that are not wanted. Hats off to those that realize this and don't bring an unwanted child into the world. Every baby deserves to be born to parents that love and truly want to parent them. Just my two cents.

Soon after my second was born, my father told me his worst mistake in life was having kids.

Sometimes you just gotta make peace with the color grass you're standing on - or turn into a bitter old man whining about greener grass way back when.

With only 15 more days with my oldest home before he goes to 1st grade, I can honestly say that I can't imagine my life without kids. You bet that there are times I want to tear my hair our, that I cry my eyes out, and that I look a bit enviously at the few single and childless friends that I still have, but when it comes right down to it, i wouldn't change a thing about my life.

I know very few couples who are childless by choice, which is probably a function of moving within Catholic circles. Having kids is part and parcel of a Catholic marriage, whether biological or adopted children.

I know lots of people who delay having children, but almost none who have purposely not had children at all. I don't understand that desire, but I'm sure they also don't understand my love of having a large family.

It is something the two people must discuss prior to marriage. If one wants children and the other doesn't, it's a deal breaker. I had a great boyfriend at one time who told me point blank that he didn't want kids and if he did he would love to have them with me. I decided early on to seek a different person which I did and have two grown kids.

If I had had a child with the first I think it would have been sheer misery and a possible divorce.

There are times I can understand why some people don't want to have kids but then they are the type that are not willing to put off their lifestyle for a child which does take a lot of money to raise properly. So they have placed what they want and like over providing for a child or two moneywise. At least they didn't have them and resented them for what they could not do anymore. There are plenty of parents that feel that way as well.

It takes all kinds to make the world go round. Maybe later in life they will have had second thoughts about not having little people but then it will have been too late.

the other S.

There are some people who KNOW they shouldn't be parents. There are plenty of DINKS (dual income no kids) who are perfectly happy.

For me? I can't see my life without kids. Yes, there are times that my kids drive me absolutely INSANE! That's their job, isn't it?

When yours are older and tad bit more self-sufficient - you too will be able to sleep in.

It's only a couple of years of not sleeping in and dealing with pee on the floor. (Past the age of three there was no pee on the floor and I could sleep in.) I know child free couples who are happy. They travel lots, go out and have fun. I would not find that life fulfilling at all, but if they do then good for them.

there's something to be said for each side. The biggest upside I can think of for not having kids is the cost and stress of daycare. Even after they are too old for daycare, there's a worry during after school hours re what are they doing? Knowing that most kids get in trouble between 3:00 - 5:30 when parents are still working.

The downside is that there are no excited faces on xmas, no one to take care of you in your old age, but worst of all, no grandchildren!

I haven't seen/read the article but I have two children whom I love more than anything and I'd like to say that not in spite of, but because of them, I DO HAVE IT ALL!!!

I have two children that love me, I have a roof over my head, I have a husband that loves us and takes care of us, I have clothes on my back and food in my fridge! Maybe I don't have the newest car or the latest fashions or the fanciest phone, but I have what I NEED and I want for nothing! So, I believe.....

I DO HAVE IT ALL!!!

Additionally, I never envy anyone without children nor do I judge them. It's their choice not to have children as it was my choice to have children; no regrets!

Oh there were days when I wish we hadn't had kids. I don't care what anyone says, you have those moments. My mom told me once "this is why some animals eat their young"!! She was a wise woman!!!

I don't envy people who don't have kids. Mine are grown up and moved out. I have enjoyed all the stages of their lives with us and I'm so damn proud that they are productive members of society. AND I'm so happy they have their own space now!!!! Yay!!!

I truly believe that not everyone should have kids and no one should make a couple feel less because they decided to not have kids. Some people just shouldn't reproduce and kudos to them for realizing it.

The article is very poorly written. I read it today. It makes me wonder what has happened to journalism standards. It seems to be more about pop interest.

As for the debate, like anything else, there are all kinds of selfless and selfish childless and childful couples. The whole premise was dumb imo.

Rather than focusing on the pros of not having kids vs the pros of having kids, it seemed to focus on the selfish inconveniences of having kids vs the rewards.

I have not read the article, and although I could not imagine my life feeling complete without my kids I can understand the draw to a child free life. I guess the way I figure it is that I will get there again someday when my kids are all grown and I will have so many special memories as well with my kids.

I have a friend who has decided to remain child free, it is the right choice for her. We all have to make that choice for ourselves. Many of us do give up our freedom when we have kids, her choice not to have them cost her her husband. There is no right or wrong choice when it comes to kids, we each have to make the choice that we think will make us happiest in the end.

I would be interested to read this article if I stumble a crossed it.

My sister has no children by choice and seems happy enough, but honestly, she is missing out.
Dirty diapers, sloppy kisses, big hugs, messy houses, sticky tables, driver education, college applications, sleepless nights, a billion loads of laundry, and more -- I am so glad I got to experience it all. I can't imagine my life without my children and firmly believe we are better people because we are parents.

I think most people once they have children can't imagine not having them. But I think it's great if some people decide they don't want to and stick with it vs doing it just bc they feel like they have to. I think all our married friends have kids but that's just coincidence. But I don't think all kids are joy. My husband has 2 siblings that have been mostly misery for his parents. And it wasn't "parenting" for those who pat themselves on the backs for raising such great kids. Sometimes mental issues arise that are out of anyone's control. Even good kids with no mental issues can get addicted to drugs etc. So I don't think I'll feel comfortable that my kids are all joy until I'm on my deathbed and up until then all's been good. Otherwise, things can change and while I'd always love them, I believe the saying that a mother is only as happy as her least happy child. So a perpetually unhappy child has got to be tough... I did read the article btw.

I started reading through all the answers, and most of them seem to say "The article is wrong; I love my children more than anything."
I am with you, and understand where your question is coming from.
I love my children more than anything. They are the biggest gift, for someone who really struggled to have them.
But I loved being single, I loved being married and childless too.
I miss being able to go for a long bike ride after work and then go out for exotic dinner and drinks with friends.
I miss vacations where I eat at a different restaurant 3 meals a day and tour exotic locales.
I miss time with my husband. I miss time with my friends.
Would I ever trade my children for that old life? NEVER.
But it's hard for me to imagine any parent who does NOT sometimes miss the carefree, easy days of not having to care for anyone.

I have a hard time with this whole "childfree" thing. Probably because I have a family member who doesn't hesitate to tell us that she hates kids and doesn't know why anyone would have them. She also acts like they are a terrible burden to just be near them. Because of this, I equate "childfree" to child hater, and think it's just an immature, irresponsible person who doesn't want to grow up and learn how to tolerate other little humans. I was also called a "breeder" by this same couple when someone asked if we were having another one. I only have two. So, for me, I try to understand it and realize that not all couples who are childless are haters. I made the mistake of looking up certain websites where people discuss children as if they are monsters. It's hard to look at the "childfree" movement in the same way now. I just wonder how many of them will feel bad about the horrible things they have posted if and when they decide to have kids.

To each their own.
I have a few great aunts who never married. My grandmother was the oldest of 12 who lived. She and her three oldest sisters essentially raised the eight younger siblings, put them through college, etc. Of those four oldest sisters, only my grandmother married (maybe to leave home since she was 15). Her sisters all worked well into their 70s and one into her 80s. Two of them bought a house together and rarely allowed children of the family to visit. As a child, I thought them completely glamorous: slim ladies always dressed the nines and driving fine cars. They traveled regularly to casinos after finally retiring and always had dollar bills to tuck in our hands.
I think of them when I think of a "child-free life"
The downside seems to be that in their late 80s and early 90s, they are especially dependent on the good will of grandnieces and grandnephews to help them as they grew older. And we're all a bit overwhelmed with caring for our own children and aging parents. So, they are a second or third thought.

My happiness is not your happiness, that is all I have to say about that.

Parenting is definitely not for everyone! Especially some people who already have kids!
My step-sister does not have any kids and for the longest time my mom practically bad mouthed her over it! She had said as long as I've known her she had no desire to have children. She is one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet and is great w/ kids. She just doesn't want any of her own. And her husband felt the same way.
They are happy, that's all that matters.
I adore my kids, and cannot imagine my life w/ out them. But I also knew after #3 I had all I could handle. And some days are sooooo hard I can't wait for them grow up lol
Parenting is the hardest job anyone can ever have, And its just not for everyone!

I haven't read the other 40 comments, so sorry if mine is repetitive. I say "ok, fine for those who choose that." It doesn't hurt me any if someone else does not have kids. The only reason I can see it bothering someone is if they are jealous of what childless couples get to do or have.

Thanks for the heads-up; I will be interested to read the article.

I know one couple that decided they did not want to have children and I really respected them for making a conscious choice about it, being clear about their choice with the relatives (especially their parents who were really pushing for a grandchild) and going on with their lives in the way they knew they were happiest -- as a couple. And this was well over 20 years ago, at a time when there was a lot less navel-gazing and pondering of parenting issues than there is today when the Internet and forums (yes, like this one) and other media were constantly exploring no-kids, many-kids, attachment, free-range, and a million other aspects of parenting. This couple just knew what was right for them. They were not militant about it -- they didn't wave a figurative banner and challenge all comers to doubt them like some parents I know who can get very defensive about their choices. They just knew what was right, actually TALKED to each other about it and made a choice, rather than just "letting it happen" by default over time.

I love my child but find myself at times feeling beset by those saying that an only child is an aberration and we must, must have more. I don't want to have to defend our choices or what makes us happy. Neither should those who go without children have to defend themselves.

I feel the opposite. I don't feel you can "have it all" without having children. I know I would not have been happy without having my own children.

I haven't read the article, but I think having a family is definitely a choice that isn't right for everyone. As parents, it's so easy to say that life didn't have much of a purpose until the little ones appeared (and it's true!) but that doesn't mean that everyone needs to procreate to feel fulfilled. My hubby's aunt and uncle never had children, they dote on their great nephews when they visit but get to travel the world in a way I doubt we will ever be able to. Everyone is different, and I think the child centric world tends to encourage the attitude that without children, life isn't complete. "Having it all" doesn't necessarily mean experiencing every little thing there is to experience. It means having all you want to feel satisfied and fulfilled. If kids aren't part of that equation, than that is just fine!

I haven't read the article. I don't envy those who get to sleep in and who don't have to contend with pee on the floor. I went through those phases, and now I am not. My kids are older. It isn't ALWAYS going to be like that. That is the point. Kids grow up.

When your kids are grown and gone, will you still be envious of those who can sleep in and not have pee on the floor? I doubt it. You'll be looking forward to really appreciating getting to do things for yourself and your spouse and others. Perhaps anticipating grandkids. Reminiscing on special days of memories from days past and watching as your kids spread their wings and fly, and start traditions of their own.

Those who chose not to have children because they didn't want to give up their "me" time will have nothing BUT "me time." And it can get really stale after about 20 years.

Haven't read it.
Haven't heard anything about it.

At the end of the day, having kids is a CHOICE.
And not having kids is a CHOICE.

I'm content with my choice.
Ours neighbors can't conceive. He's not interested in adopting.
I feel for them. But in a LOT of ways, I know they have no concept of how a child would change their lives. Maybe none of us does until we have them.

For *me* not having a child would not be "having it all."
There's a lot more to life than sleeping in, after all.

I would argue that you can't "have it all" unless you've experienced being a parent.

There is a huge, long list of experiences that come with being a parent that childless couples can never have or understand.

I'd say that those of us who have kids are the one who have it all. My kids will be adults by the time I turn 42. I have plenty of time to be without kids and all the fun that comes along with being childless. I'm so happy and blessed to have right now with them.

No, I didn't read the article. Just based upon the title, I think they've missed the mark.

Haven't read the article but my first thought is - children aren't for the faint of heart. Really, they're not for everyone. A quick trip to the mall or Walmart always drives home the point to me that there are more than a few people who really shouldn't have had children. I think if you feel in your heart that you really don't want to have any, you shouldn't. Doesn't bother me in the least except maybe I feel a little sad for them that they'll never experience the joy a child can bring into your life.

I haven't seen the article. If people choose to be childfree, I think that's fantastic. It's what they want. They can live the life they envision and don't compromise their own desires at all. Many people are not cut out for raising kids - they don't have the patience, the energy or the desire to do it. So I think it's better that those people choose not to rather than having kids they don't 100% want. I don't see why it would be controversial if it was a choice.

Obviously, it is harder for people who have problems conceiving. I can see how the article would be upsetting for a couple (or individual) who really wants, but cannot have, children.

Ever since I was a child, my life's dream was to have kids. If I never had them, I would feel very unfulfilled.

I'm not going to read the article, I don't need to. My reasoning...I don't feel that the "Childfree Life" is one that would make me feel as if I am "having it all."

Maybe that is the good life for some people - not for me.

My kids are my world, as most parents would say. I'm lucky in that my kids really like the same things I do (travel, history, reading, swimming, photography, cooking, sports, foreign cuisine, etc).We can do almost everything with our kids that we would do without them...but it's awesome to see their excitement and joy at seeing new things.

I do not miss the toddler age and all of the messes that come with it. I am not overly looking forward to the teen years either. However, with that being said, I honestly cherish each and every day with my kids and love them more than anything in the world.

Had I made the choice to not be a mom, I would have been content with that - I imagine. Though I knew from a young age I wanted to be a mom.

OMG! Time is really into parenting controversy lately. I think this article is basically a retaliation against pushy people, who insist the only reason to marry is to have children. I just read the beginning of the article, which is free. You have to subscribe to read the rest so I don't know how the rest is. So far the beginning hits the nails on the head. Basically deciding to have a child or not is a personal decision that should be respected. I believe this too. I can remember reading a book 1 1/2 yrs. after I got married called, "Childless by Choice." I read that book with my whole conviction. Why? Because I never wanted to have children and my DH felt the same before and after we got married....Until 1 1/2 yrs. of marriage went by and he succombed to peer/relative pressure. He changed his mind! Yes, I read that book and tried my best to convince him otherwise...until I got to the end of the book. :/ The author went all through the book with conviction of being childless until the end. She changed her mind and had a baby! She said "It's ok to change your mind" and "It's ok not to change your mind." I can remember my MIL saying that my DH's childless by choice coworker is probably lying and can't have children. I can remember all sorts of things that people said to me that felt hateful/hurtful. Even MIL's friend questioned me on my choice to be childless. They tried to make it look like I was crazy, so I went to a psychologist to prove I wasn't. It didn't matter, that I wasted $80 on the psychologist to prove I wasn't sick. All that mattered was that MIL has another grandson to carry on the family doctor heritage. Why can't her other grandson carry on the family tradition? MIL said,"Because he's too stupid like his dad." Long story short...Yep, I had a son....secretly wished he would be a girl just to "get even" with MIL, but no such luck. Do I love my son? Yes without a doubt in my mind and I'd lay down my life for him. I just wish that people wouldn't be so pushing about having a child when you get married. They really shouldn't even ask if you are planning to, becaus then that leads to hurt feelings. They should just let the couple make their own decision, so there's no pressure and the couple can be happy with knowing it is their own decision. I feel everyone's different, so it shouldn't matter if you are a childless couple or not. ........Ok.....So.....MIL got the smart grandson she's always wanted, but......He's not going to be a doctor. :)....and I've got to admit......I've got the best son in the entire world!!!!

I am am mom. I have it all. The good, bad and ugly. Yep, sleeping in once in a while would be nice, but the smiles and memories I have with my kiddos overrides that.

It depends on the persons priorities. Unfortunately I have way too many friends that can not have kids for one reason or another (cancer, CP..etc). I am so very blessed. I have two blessings, and while things have not always been easy, it has been wonderful.

I have not read the article, but personally I do not see how being childless could mean having it all, unless that is your choice you made on your own-not cancer or other issues.

I don't think having it all means not having children at all because if u supposedly have it all who do u have it all for yourself? What happens when u get old or when u die what happens to all that u have. What kind of life is this what did this person do to better the world by being part of it? Have they cared for another besides themselves? If pleasure is a means to an end then what is the point really. The greatest generation did not live purely for themselves they lived to bring joy to the family unit, a living breathing unit that lives on when we're gone. Today's young people just think about what will make me happy they don't want to be part of organized religion because they feel they can get there good feelings elsewhere. A pleasure seeking society can
Never be a truly happy one because someone elses happiness is always bring sacrificed for the sake of their happiness. Family is a sacrifice worth making and has been made for generations to bring us here now without it there is none and can be no future.

I have no idea about this article, but the first time I knew about "childfree" people was when I met an old friend after many years; he told me that when he got married, his wife and himself decided not to have kids. I didn't know what to think and I didn't want to judge them, but I felt terribly sad and sorry for them. I just thought: "they will regret it" or...well, may be they are made for that.....much more sad then."
Because I love my children, I like children, I cannot imagine a life without them. I just cannot. I look at my kids, and I feel so grateful, so content; honestly, I could not think of my life without these little treasures, I cannot imagine how lonely my life and my husband's would be without them.